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Maddy

First spanking & aftercare question

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Yesterday, I had my first “real” spanking, aside from a few errant swats from old boyfriends. A few weeks ago I decided I finally was ready to receive a disciplinary/punishment spanking (what’s the difference again?), after desiring one for my whole life. My spanking was from a (significantly) older man who has mentored a few other young women who are exploring spanking, and he made me feel incredibly comfortable and safe right from our introductory meeting through now. I don’t have anyone to process these day-after feelings with so I wanted to post here, to process it and solicit some advice. 

He only used his hand, as I requested, but it hurt more than I ever thought it would, even from the first smack. Everyone says that but it’s so true - it really hurts to get spanked, not sexy and stingy like you think it will be. I didn’t cry but I’ve read enough posts on message boards to know that crying when your spanker is a near-stranger is rare. Sitting on a warm bottom has given me a nice reminder all day of the spanking. 

I think my only complaint/weird feeling about the experience is I wish he had insisted on aftercare or I wish I knew how to request it. We hugged for a minute when we decided the spanking was done, but he didn’t move to make any other physical connection. I didn’t really know how to initiate or ask for him to go back to embracing me, or rub my bruising bottom, or something...

I assume he was just trying to be respectful and not make unwanted physical contact after the spanking had formally ended. If that’s the case, what’s a normal way to ask for some aftercare next time?

Thank you for reading :) I would love to hear any and all replies or stories of your first time/experiences with an older or less familiar-to-you spanker.

 

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I believe the gentleman went about it the right way as it was your first time.

You felt safe and comfortable with him.

Aftercare is very important and I think that next time he will give you more. He did not want to step out of line at your first spanking. Hugging, and soothing a spanked bottom after is always good, and lotion can be applied to the sore bottom.

Next time before you are spanked just ask him for some aftercare when he has finished.

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I find it much easier to communicate via text or email early on in a spanker-spankee relationship. So before your next session, it can definitely help to send him a message explaining basically what you said here. Proper aftercare is definitely important, and the length of it and how it's done really depends on the individuals, but it's good to get the conversation started early.

What I have also noticed personally is that the more comfortable I get with my spanker, the more I actually need proper aftercare, especially emotionally. Cause that's when I really let go during a session and become a crying mess after it ;)

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Thanks, @Peek-a-boo , that’s really good advice :) there were definitely things I thought I would say in person that I couldn’t bring myself to say in the moment. 

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I agree with Peek-a-boo's advice. Just tell him what you need, even if it via text or email. Never be afraid to do so. I'm sure he will accommodate. :)

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Aftercare is extremely important for me. On the few occasions when aftercare was neglected, I was left feeling insecure and unsettled. But when I do have sufficient aftercare, I feel very safe, relaxed, and closer to my spanker. I have even been known to fall asleep. I would say to just ask and negotiate what would work well for both parties. Good communication can make a world of difference between getting what you want and need vs. possibly getting something that doesn’t work for you. 

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I think aftercare is important but so is before care. I like getting acquainted with a bottom  prior to a spanking. Rubbing and talking before is just as important as after. 

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Does this gentleman only provide discipline spankings? And yes, they are supposed to hurt. And if you feel like crying, let it out. 

 

If you plan on getting together with this guy, I agree with the others, text him or call him. Did he know this was your first spanking? He should be following up with you to see how you're doing.

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A good lesson here is to communicate wants, needs, and expectations in advance.  It is a little awkward after you have spanked or been spanked by someone for the first time and solid communication can help mitigate this. I usually wrap a blanket around the EE and comfort her while she comes back down.  I try to stay engaged in some way for the next day or so because some EE's experience an emotional let-down or a feeling of abandonment if the ER just disappears afterward.  If someone gives me that gift, it's the least I can do in return.

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