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Online Disciplinarian - What are your thoughts?


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On 10/7/2017 at 1:14 AM, manneeds said:

Annie83 there is and or would be no reason to share 0ucs phone calls if the person insists on online only and nothing more and no reason for trust to be built either since again it's online ONLY ! and nothing more since the fake person has no plans ever to meet or ever talk to that person and with that they are as follows fakes scammers liers cheaters and time waisters 

That is a very sad way to look at things. I was online only for over a year. We certainly weren't fake. It helped me tremendously to where I made great gains. We could not do phone for a very long time and pics were never requested. She knew if I was doing as I was expected based on my behavior. Trust and honesty are very important no matter what the relationship is. I had to be willing to own up to what I did and share that with her and trust that she would offer the correction I needed. You can not generalize everyone working online as fake.

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Sadly the world we live in there is no trust you take chance on weather do it or not do it. No not everyone is phony but there are many. use your plain common sense and that small feeling inside you to judge is this person real or not real and trust me many times if you do not go with that feeling you will find out the hard way i should have listened to my gut.

everything is trial and error but never give up that are some really great people here and they will be more than happy to help you out.

midnight

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13 hours ago, GentleDisciplinarian said:

But I'm also leery of anyone who insists that spanking require total nudity. 

Thank you a million times for saying this.

13 hours ago, GentleDisciplinarian said:

What he fails to acknowledge is how online/phone only interactions can help build trust in a very safe zone so the more introverted or cautious can still get their spanking/mentoring needs filled without any sort of danger. 

and this.

And thank you for many others who have stood up for the likes of me.

 

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Hm. I know this may seem a controversial position, but I am of the mind that, having grown up with kinks that are not generally accepted in society, and that have made socializing and meeting people who share my needs challenging, I am going to take people wherever they are for whomever they claim to be.

If a person's experience is that online play has not been meaningful for them, I would accept that at face value and suggest they probably don't want to do that. If their experience is that online is either what they must do because they have no alternative, or because they are new to this and it is a stepping stone, or because it works for them or because they prefer it, then I would accept that at face value too and urge them to continue.

I think sometimes those of us whose central kink is spanking may be a little bit more - well, if not conservative, at least traditional. In the larger world of kink and in the larger world in general, people are challenging the idea that everything is a good/bad, right/wrong, male/female, Dom/sub binary. The same goes for where and how we meet and communicate. It's not an either/or proposition.

Some people have bad experiences with people online who seem not to be who they say they are, or who are dodgy once you get to know them. That sucks. You know what else sucks? People who meet someone and turn out to be completely different from the way they presented themselves online. In short, the world is often a highly unsatisfying place to live, Do your best not to let it get you down, and determine that you are going to keep a positive attitude as you continue to look for what you really want. Because ultimately, that's the only thing that WILL get you what you want.

 

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I am curious what people think. So for some people, it is not conducive to see someone in person. Be it family stuff, room mates, mental/emotional issues, or just other reasons. So I am curious what folks think of Online instruction for discipline? Has anyone done it? I prefer to do it that way do to my personal and professional life. But I know it's not for everyone. So what say you, folks?

No i am not a mentor but if i was these would be my requirements, yes on line mentoring can honestly work but you must for real seriously do what your told to do or there's no point in going any further.

1. you will lose your privacy, you will either have a cam or a camera to date and time stamp photos.

If a cam there are no doubts i can see that you are doing what your told to do.

If a camera  there are no doubts i can see by the date and time stamp on the photos that you are doing what your told to do.

IF YOU SAY what about chats and messages, my answer is very simple "there is no proof" that you did it you could be telling me you did it well all i have is your word sorry i would always have doubts.

midnight

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I have mentored and disciplined ee F on line for years and learnt a few things.

Building trust with those who are real and want help in their life:

There are so many fake ee and e'a on every site. It takes time to build true trust. My method, not saying its the only way!!! is to chat and share about myself as I expect the ee to share as well. We will chat online or exchange emails for a reasonable time. Generally not more than 10 exchanges.... Then if the person lives in the States or Canada I require a phone call to make sure one who claims to be a F is one! . I am not looking for phone numbers. These days its very easy to talk without sharing one's number. You would be really amazed how many fakes quit after I insist on a phone call. I have ee's I spank who are willing to talk on the phone to potential ee. All that to help the one who is seeking help. I discourage those contacts by email or chat as I am sure some fakes find a way to have two accounts on two computers side by side! 

I respect those who are concerned about a bare butt showing on the internet. I live in the USA but discipline a lady in France.. We talk for a while then when its time for her self spanking under my orders for her discipline I allow her to move off camera. I can hear the swats so know she is obeying me.  When she returns on cam its easy most times to notice the swats were real by the way she sits carefully on the chair and the way she looks. 

I know trust takes time to build but having disciplined some this way for some years experience helps to know who is truly serious about accountability and spanking discipline  and willing to face the "music"

Davyd 

 

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  • 1 year later...

From what I learned here on this site when searching for a mentor myself was that all of the specifics of how a relationship between a mentor/mentee was pretty much case by case, am I wrong? 

With that in mind and this topic I am a believer that online mentoring can work. I agree ? % trust & communication have a huge part to do with it. The biggest part is wanting to changed, correction wanting the help to change - Well for me anyway! I can only speak for myself!  I was not specifically looking for online mentor by any means.  It just happened to play out that way. Now for me I just happen to be one of those  honest people. ( I kid you not I will tell on myself, Open mouth insert both feet). 

Now we’ve occasionally video chatted but I don’t care for that just cos I don’t lol. And I have never been asked nor do I video self spank. He will usually “tell me off “ his words . Most times that is enough I won’t lie but words are powerful and they can stay with me a long time, he’s too good at this! He gets in my head! Spanking isn’t the only form of discipline he uses. It depends on what the issue is I’ve gotten lines before and he always manages to come up with a sentence that is two lines long. Handwritten clearly no typos then photo and email over he checks. I’ve also gotten the ever dreaded written assignment ugh. Now I also won’t 1/2 ass anything if I do it I take pride in it.

Then there’s self spanking- I honestly try not to get spanked (self) but it’s happened now yes. He will simply tell me how am to do it how many and the intensity with specifics like no rubbing. Then he tells me to go and come back when I’m done. I have had to provide photos before I won’t lie. But I’m talking I can count on 1 hand in over a year . Not to mention there are other ways a person acts when they have just gotten spanked which gives themselves away.

 Yes I know the liars cheaters and such do exist and it was said we don’t live in a perfect world but if you ignore the bs going on around you and focus on what your trying to accomplish you won’t even see anything. Not to mention for me I was up front and direct this was non sexual I was not looking for that cos I’m married. 

Understand It is not easy the times you want the physical contact matter of fact you need it. Knowing that just a hug might fix it. But we’ve discussed it and all in all we still agree it works. So I guess in our case the mentor/mentee needs are being met. Cos it is not easy being in the US and UK but seeing each other in person wAsnt possible. Onky thjng was he was the first one that I felt truly understood me as chaotic as I may be! And it works for us we don’t care what anyone ekes thinks. 

So ultimately, things come down to the two people involved and how much they are willing to put in to making things work. 

Now ask me if it was worth it and i say yes I’d do it again drama and all ? cos I’ve seen growth in me 

hope that helps 

 

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I’m in the you can mentor online but not discipline, even as I know people who swear by it. I know ones who are spanking themselves on instruction but say they aren’t self spanking. That’s nonsense.  

If people are looking for photo or video proof, run the other way.  Either you’re feeding someone’s kicks or ending up on the  Internet.  

I’ve mentored online, but I’m these cases I will end up meeting in person for the actual spanking.  Heading out Wednesday for exactly that with a young lady I’ve been mentoring for quite a while.  

I get that for some folks this is a thing and, hey, whatever floats your boat, but personally I don’t see it.   Have known a couple in here that say what a severe spanking their online disciplinarian gave them. Sorry. It doesn’t work that way.  Someone told you to do it and you did it. They didn’t spank you. You did. 

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6 hours ago, dmirk said:

I’m in the you can mentor online but not discipline, even as I know people who swear by it. I know ones who are spanking themselves on instruction but say they aren’t self spanking. That’s nonsense.  

If people are looking for photo or video proof, run the other way.  Either you’re feeding someone’s kicks or ending up on the  Internet.  

I’ve mentored online, but I’m these cases I will end up meeting in person for the actual spanking.  Heading out Wednesday for exactly that with a young lady I’ve been mentoring for quite a while.  

I get that for some folks this is a thing and, hey, whatever floats your boat, but personally I don’t see it.   Have known a couple in here that say what a severe spanking their online disciplinarian gave them. Sorry. It doesn’t work that way.  Someone told you to do it and you did it. They didn’t spank you. You did. 

I agree with you on the last part of what you say which is why I tend to say I still have never been spanked. I was never spanked as a child and although I've been instructed to self spank and I have done as instructed to and I mean to the T. I still understand completely when people tell me that it's completely different then someone else dishing it out. So I answer completely honestly and say I haven't. But the meeting in person isn't always an option for everyone. I wouldn't ever go to the extent to say severe but I will say effective. However I'm still learning when it comes to spanking but I can say I don't exactly enjoy it. And I do try for it not to happen, but I also push the limits too! Before finding this mentor I did try to find s local mentor first as I wasn't trying to eliminate a r/l spanking. But I too ran into issues in that department. Most didn't know how to work with me, and would only provoke me more. I'm not the most simple person to work with but I know myself and what makes me tick and what won't work. I'm honest I know how to communicate. I'm not playing games and some felt I was just a challenge to be conquered in a sense. See I have my own brain I was not looking for someone to think for me or tell me what to do. But at the same time I'm the type of person that needs logic to things I can't and won't accept cos I told you so, sorry. 

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  • 1 month later...

I started this topic as a way to get to know peoples thoughts on the matter,  not to irritate or rub people the wrong way.  At the end of the day we all have our own thoughts and opinions on things ands I think as long as it works for you and the person yoy have consented with and isn't hurting anyone else (pun intended) than more power to everyone.  :)

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1 hour ago, OregonWolf said:

I started this topic as a way to get to know peoples thoughts on the matter,  not to irritate or rub people the wrong way.  At the end of the day we all have our own thoughts and opinions on things ands I think as long as it works for you and the person yoy have consented with and isn't hurting anyone else (pun intended) than more power to everyone.  :)

Always been a very controversial subject for some.  You're either for it or against it.  Doesn't seem to be much middle ground so to speak.  I however agree with everything you just said! 

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 3/10/2019 at 5:09 AM, Poison's said:

Always been a very controversial subject for some.  You're either for it or against it.  Doesn't seem to be much middle ground so to speak.  I however agree with everything you just said! 

Well said. I have helped some ee's online the other side of the world-Australia-as well as Europe and Canada...It works for some in the USA, others not at all. Just glad to help those who find it works for them... For sure will never be as realistic/helpful as otk, or bending over in front of an e. 

Davyd 

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32 minutes ago, Davyd said:

Well said. I have helped some ee's online the other side of the world-Australia-as well as Europe and Canada...It works for some in the USA, others not at all. Just glad to help those who find it works for them... For sure will never be as realistic/helpful as otk, or bending over in front of an e. 

Davyd 

Agreed, but it beats not doing anything.  

I’ve come around. I thought it was nuts, then a woman, who I may not see for months asked me to.  It worked.  

Couldn’t do it myself.  I’d let myself off to easy.  

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Coming from an Ageplay POV where you can meet people from all over the world and become family with them (inner-wise) it's either text-only or a directed self-spanking with the use of video or pictures. I have met and spanked in person a handful of Bigs (the physical person of the inner) but it isn't always a possibility. And there are some who need the physical sting to feel more connected if not as a punishment for something (sometimes there are real life rules involved, tailored to be realistic for the Big verses entirely age-appropriate to the inner). Distance-spanking does rely heavily on honesty and integrity. Sometime guilt takes awhile to set in. But as in all situations, if the person is sincere in their need for spanking (and actual, true parenting, in an inner-context) and truly respects their ER (or AP parent/Dom(me), etc) and their rules, that's the only way any of this will work, really. 

I'm someone who is emotionally affected by text but not everyone is. (Like, legitimately sometimes my inners have taken over my emotions and I have physically reacted ie crying, sweaty palms, etc or in the case of my Inner Adults, paced the floor, made hand gestures even without the camera on, etc) And while it may not be an ideal situation sometimes it's the only thing you have to work with. As well, I'd say if an ER and EE are long distance and can only see one another every so often, directed self-spanking can be a valuable supplement (and there are ways to intensify a directed spanking). 

What's more, I am a very genuine person. I don't lie. I may put the truth in kind and gentle words but I do not lie. So someone questioning my integrity is a difficult thing for me to accept. And that's where, again, generalizations can be dangerous. Are all people going to be honest about directed spankings? No. But that doesn't mean that there aren't people who would. 

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  • 1 month later...

Being an online Er is a lot of work.  Been there, done that.  Countless hours chatting, talking, etc.   Much trust and emotional connection comes into it.  Usually the ee is still finding their place in this lifestyle , and after all the work involved it ends regardless.   I would not do it again, but to each their own.  wasting years of my life, just isn’t what i’m looking for at this point.  

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