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annie83

What do you wish you had known back then that you know now?

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I am still very much a beginner to this spanking business, but I feel like I have already learned a few things... and also already made some pretty big mistakes. 

If you could go back and give advice to your former self as you started out on your 'spanking journey' (for want of a better description), what would you say? What helpful things have you learned? Please share, and hopefully we can bring together some sage advice and wisdom from which other newbies can benefit - or all of us, for that matter, since I firmly believe that you never stop learning, whether you are a beginner or a veteran.

All that being said, we are, of course, all different, and what is true for one of us might very well not be for others; while is good to listen to others' advice, I think that we have a responsibility to consider it carefully, reflect, and make our own decisions based on our own contexts.

I will start! I wish the former me had been braver about talking to others. The fear that there was something wrong with me for wanting what I want made me very shy about sharing those feelings - and in my vanilla life I do feel that they are taboo. But places like this site provide supportive and helpful communities, and I should have engaged sooner. It would have made me feel less isolated and might have prevented me from making some other mistakes early on because I would have been better informed, and had sources of advice, and people with whom I could sanity-check! 

Somewhat conversely, I have also been reminded that online communication has its pitfalls. People are not always who they seem, online, and being naive about that, or blinded to it, or too trusting, can lead to getting hurt. Trust is earned. Also, former me forgot that it's wise not to jump into anything too quickly, and it's helpful to try and work out what you want and what you are looking for (at least vaguely), and be honest with yourself about that, before you go and seek it.

Finally, former me: you *will* make mistakes, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. They are learning opportunities in themselves, and have their uses. 

Over to you, spankers, spankees, switches, and others: what do you wish you had known sooner?

Thanks, All :)

Annie

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I think I may wind up echoing the both of you.  It is critical to be cautious.  Unfortunately, there are those that lose their humanity behind the safety of a screen.  Also, it is most important to feel that your needs or wants are valid.  It is ok to want what you want, need what you need, feel what you feel.  Because someone else might not understand doesn't make it any less real.

The piece that I would like to add is that it is ok to explore.  Do not feel "pigeon holed" into any role or preference.  Our needs can change with time, experience and the knowledge gained from both.  Give yourself permission to decide what it right for you.

Do I wish there were things I knew then?  Yes.  Would it have saved me some fear, rejection, heartache?  Yes.

But my journey made me who I am and I am at peace with that.  Not a bad trade.

~red~ 

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Guest Warwick

Well thinking about another area of my life where I've had major emotional upsets of late I would tell myself maybe 10 years ago or so to be very skeptical of trusting too many people online. I lost contact with some kind and decent people in my life and now one of them is no longer around. I cut myself off from a good friend and want to make amends where I can. 

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Well said Annie.  There are only two things I really regret.  One is not investigating spanking when I was younger...many years of enjoyment lost. Two.....going to war and learning to kill....I really regret this one, all the spankings/whippings in the world will never atone for this. I did get my first spanking and whipping when I was 19....in Saigon at Mama Sans but I was too drunk to remember much about it....just some scars I look at and puzzle over when and where did I get those? Friends who were there always remind me of it but am unsure whether or not I believe them. Still think they came from chopper crash.

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I think in general terms it's too easy to end up with 'fair weather' friends online, never mind those who live through you online although online communities such as this and other more niche ones online such as the age regressed communities certainly have helped me in placing where my need for spanking is, where it is routed.

One certainty echoes the whole notion of trust being an earned thing having learned the hard way that there are some who seem to lack the most basic of regular boundary respect, sharing things it wasn't for them to do or thinking they could hook up as a spanker in a single mouse click with a whole lot of fake Master X B$ and so I've learned to just block on sight anyone like that.

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It would honestly be a great idea, but sorry you would have done the same going down the path there is no going forward or backward in life you choose do and if it works out great and if not you learn for next time.

midnight

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