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Casually Outing Yourself


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I have a dear friend, a lady at work that I've grown very close to. We are both married to wonderful spouses, so our relationship is purely friendship and the occasional emotional support. 

I was dealing with some issues related to my PTSD (getting therapy at the time), and I couldn't get beyond feeling that, because I survived the event (many people were killed) I somehow had "gotten away scot-free". I talked at length with her, and tried to get a handle on my feelings. 

Eventually I turned to her and said, "I dunno ... maybe I just need a good bare bottom spanking to get beyond all this!"

She was quiet for a few seconds, and then said something I never expected: "Perhaps you're right. Maybe taking the pain you think you missed would help you deal with your feelings. Would you like me to spank you?"

Oh my loving God!  My head was spinning, and I had a lump in my throat. All I could do was nod at her. "Well, there's no time like the present. Come over to my right side."

She unfastened my belt and slid my pants down to my knees. Then before I knew it my underpants were down with them. I felt her hand pushing me over, and across her lap I went. 

She wasted no time in getting to the purpose of the drill, and soon enough my buns were afire. I don't know how much experience she had with being an "er", but she performed her duty with an expertise I certainly appreciated. 

Every now and then she'll notice that I'm a bit out of sorts and withdrawn. It is at that time that she'll take me by the hand, look me in the eye and ask, "Do I need to take you over my knee again, mister?"

I will admit that there have been nights when I've taken her up on the offer. 

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In my life, I'm kind of already out. To anyone willing to pay attention, that is. Sometimes I'll say something as if it were a joke or witty comment. Just because something is said in a funny manner, that doesn't make it untrue. 

Other times I'll just straight up say something about it as if it's just a matter of course. For example- "If a girlfriend of mine acted like that she'd know I'd just take her home and spank her." By treating it like any other thing I would say, like "Oh, these blueberries look fresh," people don't usually say anything. Once or twice I've gotten "Really?" To which I say "Absolutely." But I won't dwell or expound, just like any other passing topic of conversation. I mean, once you've declared the blueberries to look fresh, what more needs to be said?

People will generally take their cues from you during a conversation. If you act guilty about something as you say it, or embarrassed then people will pick up on it. But if you just plainly mention something, they won't think twice. Or they may chuckle and smile nervously, but a look at them with a serious face will usually stop that. 

Besides, there are WAY WAY more "freaks" out there than many realize. And spanking is pretty tame and common as a fetish. So that's why many won't care- they know already. I understand you may not want to shout it from the roof, but make "jokes," use it as a metaphorical example and/or matter of factly drop a line in every now and again. Make people reluctant to judge you by exuding confidence. But do it at your pace. And trust me, it's like a little rush every time you do.

 

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I'm sure a couple of the women I work with know. One lady in particular has a similar although not identical story to mine and we're in similar places when it comes to an adult interest in spanking. If I wasn't senior to her and we didn't work together I would directly ask her to put me over her knee because I just know she would. 

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On 8/3/2017 at 6:07 PM, Spanknutt said:

 Eventually, I became comfortable talking about it

I can imagine it more 'acceptable' to come out as an 'er than an 'ee.  Maybe that's because I'm an 'ee and I can't ever imagine coming out.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have never revealed my interest in spanking and, in particular being spanked, to anyone, except in my introductory post here in 2014, and, even though I was using a pseudonym, even that was scary. It would cause serious issues between me and my wife so I absolutely do not want her or any of my friends or associates to know. So, I have never had anyone I could actually speak with and explore the subject. I did receive a message here in January 2016 from a young woman whose personal situation paralleled mine, except that she had been able to find someone she was able to develop a trustful relationship with to be her spanker, offering me the opportunity to get to know her leading up to her becoming my spanker. Unfortunately I did not find that message until August 2017. I did respond, but by that time, I guess it was too late. I never heard back from her. A short time after that I received a message from a young man who lived in a city near where I live indicating he would like to communicate with me. I responded but he jumped right into trying to set up a session for the two of us, which made me very uncomfortable as I knew nothing about him nor did he know anything about me. I raised my concerns with him and never heard from him again, which suited me just fine. Maybe someday the right person will come along. In the meantime, it remains my secret.   

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   Along the same lines I remember two younger (20's) young ladies coming into the store I worked at and it was winter and snowing and extremely cold. These were regular customers and one wasn't wearing a coat. I looked at her and shook my head and in a "daddy" tone of voice said. "WHERE IS YOUR COAT YOUNG LADY!" Her reaction was priceless! Her face turned blood red and both her hands go to her butt like she's protecting it and answers .. "I'm sorry! I left it at work...…. please don't be mad." It was a couple weeks before she would even come back in store but her friend told me how embarrassed she was that she pretty much let me know she got spanked. I told her that it wasn't a big deal but who ever was spanking her sure was lucky. She smiles and blushes a little and says "yes I am."

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  • 1 month later...

I've outed myself a few times, but only in situations where I felt it was really safe.  About half the time it's gone well, with me making new friends and getting better help from therapists.  The other half of the time . . . awk. ward.  

My sister and brother-in-law (whom I live with) don't actually know that much about my relationship with my S.O., but they was going to notice that I call him "Sir" and that if someone pays attention, it's pretty clear he's in charge of me.   So instead of having them just randomly notice this stuff, I told them.  My sister took it pretty well.  My BiL freaked the **** out.  (At least he did it when he was alone with my sister and not in front of me.)  BiL wants nothing to do with Sir, doesn't want to see us together, etc.  So . . . yeah.

I decided that I'd just let the rest of the family discover the lay of the land on their own, after they've met Sir and made up their minds about what kind of a person he is, entirely apart from the fact that he and I have a power-exchange relationship.  

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  • 1 month later...

I read this site for several weeks before deciding to join and express my feelings and need to be spanked. I few initial posts, lead to more, and so on. Now I feel comfortable expressing my thoughts, feelings, questions, etc. Part of it honestly is the relative anonymity of this type of forum. I've thought about finding a therapist I could talk to, but I'm unsure how to do that. I don't wan to start a therapy relationship and some weeks in find out they are not spanko friendly. I've thought about finding someone and just coming out a saying something on the first visit. This is how I am, and is one of the things I want to talk about, and see how they react.

 

I still struggle with expressing this need to my SO, I'm not sure how she would react. But honestly if I am ever going to get a real spanking and see of it helps me in areal setting, as self spanking does; she is the best  and probably only option I have. I've read this carefully, but i'd appreciate hearing the expereinces of others who have expressed this part of themselves to vanilla SO's. How did you broach it, how did the subsequent conversation go? How open were you on the first talk or were many conversations involved?

Appreciate any insights.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Funny thing I am VERY out as transgender but not at all out as a spanko. However, I have outted myself in a very casual way on FB, but I''m sure it's so casual no one even believes it. For example, comment on someone who posts re: children's spanking. "Nope, I believe that it should be between consented adults and I like it". Another example, I'm a moderator on FB and might tell someone, "your a bad boy and you need to be put in the corner and then spanked". In fact there's a guy who posts pictures of paddles sometimes. I have no idea if he is really a spanko.

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On 10/2/2018 at 11:30 AM, selfsp12 said:

I still struggle with expressing this need to my SO, I'm not sure how she would react. But honestly if I am ever going to get a real spanking and see of it helps me in areal setting, as self spanking does; she is the best  and probably only option I have. I've read this carefully, but i'd appreciate hearing the expereinces of others who have expressed this part of themselves to vanilla SO's. How did you broach it, how did the subsequent conversation go? How open were you on the first talk or were many conversations involved?

This is a difficult one to answer in a short reply. There were many conversations, many reactions, and some experimentation. It's still an ongoing process for us. I can't tell you that it was or is easy or that she will ever embrace this fetish of mine, but I'm still glad I told her. I refuse to be ashamed of who I am or to hide this part of me. At least she knows the real me even if she may not always like it.

She loves me and I love her. We all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies. Part of loving one another is to accept them.

Maybe we can chat sometime if you want to know more.

 

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  • 7 months later...

I've never outed myself. I've thought about it though. I don't think I ever will directly let someone in on my other half unless I trust them with my whole entire being. But I have thought about writing a book and changing up certain words, phrases, and worlds. That way, maybe it'll get read by other spankos and vanilla's galore. Then there will be some who have some guesses on the origin of the story 😉😁 and then others who are clueless but "love the story"😋. It'll be great 😂👌🏿

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Ive found the best way to tell vanilla people about it is to just use more socially accepted  words like kinky or dominant/submissive.  You dont have to share details about what exactly it is that you like. Ive found that if someone gets the idea that I have a spanking fetish they start to get freaked out. But if they think I am kinky and sometimes like to spank women, they can accept that.

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I get hints from people - relatives, friends, acquaintances - but no way I am going to disclose.  Even if I think they are into it themselves, I won't go there.  The folks on this forum that live the lifestyle and associate with other like-minded people, that is one thing.  But the general public - forget it.  Keep it to yourself.  Stay in the closet.  Society is not ready for this yet.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've told every person I've dated since I was 18 but only the "kinky" aspect of it. That's 4 people, including my husband.  

I also sort of hinted at it to my mother which might sound strange but she was extremely abusive and gave me a lot of trauma to contend with. I don't know if a few wires got crossed or if I'm just hard wired this way but I firmly believe that spanking should only occur between two consenting adults. 5

I have also told two friends.  7 Not my best friend because if I were to tell her I would want to tell her the whole truth.  I also have a friend who is a massage therapist and thought for sure some bruises would have been healed in time but he knows too now. 8 I could hear his eyebrows raising. He only asked that it was consensual and joked about it later at a party  

I think most people really don't care as long as it's in the context of a sexual fetish or foreplay.  The only person who I am truly "out" to is my husband.  

As an EE I find it to be much more embarrassing to come out. I suppose that's the reason only my husband knows. But since I am now the ER?  I would almost love to share with anyone willing to listen! I don't feel any of that embarrassment at all. Can the neighbors here?  Well shut the windows but I really don't care!  I don't feel any embarrassment and wouldn't mind in the least if people knew that I've started spanking my husband.  

I would never do that to him though.  Letting even our closest friends know will be his call to make. (Although while he does joke about things that are actually true most people don't realize this) 

I'm no longer embarrassed or feel shame regarding spankings because they are no longer mine, they are his. Joining this site helped a lot as I was bursting at the seams to tell someone, anyone, even just a bunch of anonymous individuals who understand. 

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I've told several people, including face to face. I pretty much have no shame, so I told some people to see how they would react. 

I would say that 30% of the people I told thought that my husband was mean to me and didn't understand the concept at all. 

65% couldn't accept or understand that it's not sexual at all and that has nothing to do with fetishes or being turned on or whatever. 

And maybe 5% understood the whole thing.

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I have told maybe six (vanilla) people over the past ten years or so. They are people I know well and who I trust not to judge me. They were all interested, to varying degrees, and all totally fine with it, I think they appreciated me trusting with a deeply-held secret like that. I don't know if this is a reflection of me or what, but ALL of them are female friends!

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I tried to explain my needs to couple of my closet family members, however it didn't go very well and they called me a sinner and condemned me to hell. A year after I was married I finally opened up to my husband about my needs, he understood however he has a hard time meeting my needs and it was starting to cause problems in our marriage, so I told him it was okay if he could not meet these needs that I would try and find away to push past them... Or find a safe and completely none sexual way to have these needs met. We move a lot do to his line of work so I haven't been able to find someone to help me, also it's hard to talk about my needs normally I push everything down in side sometimes the stress of it all can become a bit to much, it's hard to find that emotional outlet. 

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Usually I have to know someone really well before I'm comfortable sharing my spanking interests, simply because most people don't understand.  But once I do know a person well enough to bring such subjects up in casual conversation, I'm pretty much OK with it and have found that it leads to some interesting discussions.  Over the years I have had a couple of people casually mention something that indicated they were interested or involved in spanking so it works both ways.  Maybe there is some sort of unspoken feeling that comes across to let us know that the other person would be receptive to talking about spanking. 

There was one woman I worked with years ago, who became a fairly good friend and we would sometimes sit together during breaks or go to lunch together.  It was not the least bit romantic as both of us were married.  One day she mentioned something that she had done that totally upset her husband, and he had given her a really strong lecture about coming home in time to let the dog out because he always got home several hours after she did. Well, the dog made a terrible mess but at least it was in the basement, but she had to spend quite a bit of time cleaning it up to her satisfaction. I commented that maybe he should have put her over his knee for a good old fashioned bare bottom spanking. She looked at me and said she wished he would have and she totally deserved it, but she knew he never would because they had previously had some discussion about it and he made it clear he wasn't ever going there with her. I said that was really unfortunate if she truly wanted to be spanked and if she was willing to let me I could help her with that and it would remain non sexual.  Then she explained she had an arrangement with an older woman who was her manager at a previous job to spank her whenever she needed one, which continued from the time she'd graduated from high school into her early 30's but that woman had moved away.  It had been a year or more since she'd last been spanked and she was looking for a new spanker, but didn't know who to approach. She said that many times she'd wanted to ask me to spank her but was afraid I'd turn her down or that it would affect our friendship. After some further discussion, I gave her that spanking later that afternoon and as a result I became her spanker for several years. It goes to show you never know because I wouldn't have guessed that about her, she was a total tomboy and came across as being a dominant person when in fact she needed to be submissive to someone and actually wanted someone to take charge of her punishments. 

The very first person I spanked was a girl I met at college, a strictly platonic friendship.  She was one who totally craved spankings and wanted to be given them on a regular basis. She admitted to me that part of the appeal spanking had for her was that she would go to the office where she worked after every spanking and tell the other people who worked there that she had been naughty and had therefore been given a spanking. For whatever reasons, she needed as many people as possible to know the full details of that aspect of her life. She also needed to have multiple people available and willing to spank her and never wanted to go more than a few days without one. She was by far the most open about her spanking fetish than anyone else I have ever known. 

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