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I am about to get hell from 1/2 the community that knows me...but you guys are the only ones I know to ask advice from. Long story short...

My husband and I started the open marriage about 5 months ago. About a month into it he called it off. I stopped...for a minute. Then I had a really rough day and called up an old friend. That is when I got that spanking that I posted about previously. The one with the bruises. I told my husband about it and he asked for a divorce. At first I was devistated. Begged him for another chance. Told him I could be better. Now, he is telling me he is willing to work on things. He wants to try and rebuild our marriage. Only problem is...he has admitted to me that he will never be able to spank me or play that role ever again because it will just remind him of what I did. That unfortunatly is something I need...I dont even need it for the sexual stuff. I can do without the sexual part....but there is an emotional part that i am always going to need. I have been that way since 9 years old. Do I just save us from future suffering and tell him I cant do this without that? I know it seems crazy to base a relationship decision on one thing that seems so minimal but eventually that is going to cause issues. Big issues for me. Please dont judge...just try to understand and give unbiased advice

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       You have to way the good with the bad. Only you know what the marriage means to you, your emotional health and personal stability. Only U can know the importance spanking means to you in achieving your stability, intimacy and emotional needs.

         Your relationship seemed to be looking; (outside of itself, then no just you two again, then oh no oops!, then OK But!) I'm wondering if this relationship has always been in flux or living with the white elephant of spanking in the relationship? No one wanting to speak for fear of loss rejection. etc. This could be a sign of lack of communication or words to express confusing ideas and emotions. A good relationship should attempt to find the words, and have the patience and empathy for understanding. Hopefully in time to gain the wisdom to make the best decision for you.

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This is a decision which only you can make. But for suggestions, I think you should have a broader -mind before taking any decision. Think deep in both ways. Try to find which way goes better in the longer run. But still, you are in a very hypothetical situation. I hope you come up with good idea.

Good Luck.

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If you haven't made it crystal clear to him that's how you feel, then that would be a necessary first step.  If he says he wants to try to rebuild the marriage, it means he wants to do it.  Maybe he is open to reconsideration if he knows it will be a deal-breaker.  The problem for him, if it is a need for you, is that you might try to find it elsewhere over time.  As in all relationships, honest communication is critical.

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Speaking from some real personal experience in this area.  Find a good marriage counselor and give working it out a chance.

My wife told me never again but after working on it and working through our REAL issues with some help and learning how to communicate we have found ways to make it work and are better for it.

If he is willing to work on it then give it a chance and be patient.  It took us almost two years and it was worth every day.

Good luck and prayers.

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