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Open Marriage


Ashbash

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Hi! It's been a little while since my last post. My husband and I have had a lot of back and forth and he recently decided to try things my way. Needless to say, it didn't work. It actually didn't work for either of us because it just felt like some dynamic was missing with him spanking me.

After a lot of talks and realizing that we love and truat each other, we decided to open our marriage a little. We obviously have some rules...the main one being dont ask, dont tell as long as the other is being safe. Another one being no vaginal sex since we don't want any accedental babies.

I guess I just wanted some opinions from people who this has worked for or maybe not worked for. :)

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this seems like a bit of a leap? you went from wanting your husband to spank you, to having an open marriage? I would hope you could find someone to tend to your spanking needs without it interfering with your marriage. in any case, good luck with it Ash! :)

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LOL gator...yea, it's a leap. I tend to jump quickly. My husband was totally onboard with the idea and we have alot of rules regarding it. If it gets messy, we will stop. Knowing our relationship, I think it will work well. I guess we will just have to see how it goes.

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I can't get on board with the concept of open marriage for 2 reasons. 1. It wouldn't feel right to me personally. 2. It has ended up badly for many of the people I know who have tried it. Having said that, I know a number of people who go outside of their marriages for spanking/discipline with the consent of their partners and that seems to have worked out ok in most cases.

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I've been trying to figure out a way to reply to this without being rude about it so to speak. Even went back and read your posts that were still available.

Your husband does not come across as hard wired spanker so to speak. Some here believe if you're not "born that way" that you can never be that way. I'm one that entirely disagrees!!

You've been a member of this site for a year. I'm not sure how long prior to that you were trying to make a spanking relationship work. BUT, to be honest, I don't think you gave it nearly enough time especially to decide to open your marriage.

I know some that having an open marriage works just fine for them. They also gave the dynamic that they were hoping for years before they gave up! Being a spanker when the thought of it never entered your mind isn't an easy thing for anyone to do. People do not understand it and it takes a LONG time to understand it.

I know from personal experience. I went back and forth with my man for five years trying to have the relationship that I wanted. Even found out along the way that I wanted something deeper than I had originally thought. He did the same things I've read in your posts that your husband did/does. He'd make threats and never follow through. I'd be a brat and act out to try to force things along. Yeah guess what? MY WAY was not working!! It had to be on his terms so to speak.

I know others that have opened their marriage and in the end, the marriage was destroyed. It's a very risky thing to do without fully thinking it through! And once again, in my opinion, you haven't given things a good amount of time.

Good luck in your adventure!

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I am married to a total vanilla who knows about my spanking interests. I can't say that she approves of it or even understands it, just that she knows about it. She also knows that I chat a lot and that I have met some of my online friends. She is certainly smart enough to add it up. It has become a don't ask, don't tell situation with us. It is more and more occasional as the years pass, but still happens when connections are made. I suppose i'd have to admit that I rationalize it as ok since it is spanking only. We all know there is a level of intimacy with spanking, so it may be a weak rationalization. We also know how strong the interest/pull can be. So it happens. And as long as it is very discrete, it hasn't impacted the rest of the relationship.

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I appreciate the feedback and yes, I have only been a member of the site for a year, but my husband and I have been trying to make this work for 9 years. This isn't something that just happened overnight.

There is more than just the spanking...that is just the portion I choose to talk about here.

Again, I definitly appreciate the insight. That is why I post. :)

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Hello, I just had to put in my own two cents. My wife/sub and I have had an open marriage for 15years (17 together). We both have lived the BDSM lifestyle for most of our adult lives. When we decided to get together we were both going on our 3rd marriage and we both knew what we wanted and we both agreed to have an open marriage. Most of our play was as a couple but once in a while it was 1 on 1. Now my wife because of health reasons doesn't play anymore. For the most part I stopped also but (On her suggestion) I started seeing other women for discipline. There is no sex mandatory but sometimes if wanted sex for some is a good knowledge that if the rules they have are followed a good girl spanking afterward is their treat. As I say mostly there is no sex but I do try to just see lifestylers, and it is common practice for the spankee to thank her spanker. It doesn't work for everybody but we are both very happy. I am a Disciplinarian not a Mentor.

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I appreciate the feedback and yes, I have only been a member of the site for a year, but my husband and I have been trying to make this work for 9 years. This isn't something that just happened overnight.

There is more than just the spanking...that is just the portion I choose to talk about here.

Again, I definitly appreciate the insight. That is why I post. :)

From the time you actually started the discipline portion to the time that you stopped (seemed like August?) isn't a very long time. It can take a couple years to balance things out. I'm also from Michigan and dating a non-spanko (whom has been trying to figure out the DD consent). It takes awhile. Again, only you know what's best in your relationship-- and this could be very helpful (to separate the two) and I wish you the best of luck (and keep us updated!!)

I tried to send you a PM but it says you can't accept anymore PM's ! If you'd like to chat.. please PM me anytime.

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My apologies if you've been at this longer than I originally thought. There was a post just a few months ago that said you didn't think he knew the difference between a punishment spanking and a sexual spanking. From that, I assumed you hadn't been at things very long.

It took me nearly 5 years to get to where I'm at. It's a long, wanna pull your hair out daily, journey but it's well worth it in the end!!

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We have an open marriage to a degree in that we are open to spanking/play with others. We are totally open about it, nothing hidden or unsaid - and then we both have 'veto' power.


We have a great spanking dynamic in our own relationship... but we both have other wants/desires that can't be reached. Autumn, for example, thrives with a F/f spanking dynamic. Being open to a spanking dynamic with a friend allows for that desire to be met. There are many such examples... including the fact that the MF/f and M/ff spanking dynamic works for both of us (in a hard-wired way).


While say this though, while this approach has worked for us for many years now... we have indeed seen couples stumble and even fail when attempting the same thing. It doesn't work for everyone.
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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm not married, but my girlfriend and I have been living together over 6 years. She is vanilla when it comes to spanking, but has tried some in the past. She has went with me to sessions and even participated. My spanker is female, nothing sexual at all between us. So I would say we are in an open relationship. My girlfriend is my safe call, but I never have to use it.

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