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DunBenSpanked

What's an "Adequate" Spanking?

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Interesting question, Ben. For me, it depends on the situation. Fun spankings can vary a lot in terms of getting that sense of satisfaction. On the other cheek, if I'm being held accountable for somthing then my sense of adequate might differ from the 'ers. For the latter, it feels adequate once I know I don't want to do whatever it was I did ever again. This seems to go along with a sense of acceptance of the spanking and continuing to feel that way for the following week. If I'm not sorry the next day, then I definitely did not have an adequate session.

Um, this should in no way constitute a complaint or admission of having inadequate sessions. MB, the seesions with my 'er have all been dandy. Yes'm. Nothing to question here.

Em

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I am probably answering at my own peril, but ...

I can literally count on one hand the number of times I've been spanked, so I am relatively inexperienced. I consider a spanking "adequate" when I am left feeling more centered, cared for, and "attended to" or "handled" (all of which are difficult to quantify). It's almost like a euphoria -- a relaxing of the mind, a restoration of order from the chaos, and a relief from what can sometimes feel like mental storm. There was one time in particular when that feeling lasted for several days, which was really wonderful.

If the spanking feels rushed, if I don't get adequate aftercare/soothing afterward to ground me, if I am unable to ask for what I need, or (worst of all) if I am able to avoid a spanking that I really need, then I can be left feeling frustrated and sort of down on myself, which is very unpleasant. When that has happened, it has almost always been because I find it so difficult to express my needs. My spanker can be the most accepting and intuitive person in the world -- but it's still just plain mortifying for me to talk about it.

Figuring out what I need and then communicating those needs has been a process. I'm not quite there yet.

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gosh, I don't know what an "adequate" spanking is and I hope I never encounter one.

an adequate spanking sounds like something that would maybe barely fit your definition of a spanking.

one that is just enough for you to say "oh. that was a spanking."

in other words, if you have to ask yourself if the spanking was adequate for you, it wasn't

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I came here to say what Gator said :P I prefer more-than-adequate.

To me, as a non-punishment-type, a more-than-adequate spanking is one where I feel floaty and happy and giddy for a few days and then want to be spanked again ASAP.

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To me, adequate means

If it's an erotic spanking, I'm turned on

If it's a therapeutic spanking, I feel some relief from whatever emotion I'm trying to purge

If it's a punishment spanking (my first is imminent), my goal is to survive it without getting overwhelmed and losing my shit.

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So I looked up the meaning of adequate and found this:

Acceptable, passable, reasonable, satisfactory, tolerable, fair, decent, quite good, pretty good, moderate, unexceptional, unremarkable, undistinguished, ordinary, average, not bad, all right, middling;

informal,OK, so-so, 'comme ci, comme ça', fair-to-middling, nothing to write home about.

What's up DBS? Miss Bam losing her "touch"?

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I wouldn't know as I am not in the habit of giving adequate spankings. I give the type of spanking that is wanted/needed to the best of my ability.

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Boy, no one wanted to answer that question as intended.

At the risk of improperly speaking for him, I think Ben was asking what your goals are when getting spanked and how you know when they've been met or exceeded.

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Boy, no one wanted to answer that question as intended.

At the risk of improperly speaking for him, I think Ben was asking what your goals are when getting spanked and how you know when they've been met or exceeded.

Thank you. That's how I interpreted his question, too. I'm not sure what was so confusing that people had to break out the dictionary, lol!

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Deterred hopefully for a long time from what caused the spanking to be administered is to me the desired end result of anyone giving me a spanking.

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I'm with Kitten on this one!

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On 10/9/2016 at 11:48 AM, romantic_submissive said:

It's a state of feeling chastised, deeply sorry and immensely grateful and respectful all at the same time.

Absolutely!

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It will very much very from one person to the next I find. I know some who feel they have been thoroughly punished from a over the knee hand spanking while for others it would barely affect them and they consider the strap or wooden spoon 'adequate' for their punishment. Its completely down to personal experiences and mindset.

 

 

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On 10/5/2016 at 6:39 PM, sunshine19830 said:

For me, a sore rear, and real remorse are good signs.

And

"It's a state of feeling chastised, deeply sorry and immensely grateful and respectful all at the same time." -romantic_submissive

Pretty much sums it up, for any spanking that is just adequate all the way up to perfect!

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For me for  relaxation, it is a spanking that hurts, and leaves my mind clear of anything else. Of course real life can intercede soon after, but if I feel some soreness when I sit later, it's a reminder of how i felt earlier. It also leaves me starting off calmed and relaxed which is ways a good thing.

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Depends a great deal on the reason for the spanking. As one who gets more positive spankings than punitive ones, a more-than-adequate spanking is one that leaves me with a sore butt for a few days too a week, that makes me feel happier about myself for having gotten a spanking.

For a punitive one, a more than adequate one is one where the spanking makes me remember what I did to earn the spanking in the first place so I can reset and start anew.

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For me, it's when I reach that cathartic "release," the point where my pent-up desire for a spanking has been met. It feels like a floodgate opens and all my stresses and worries are just gone. It's euphoric. I've never heard anyone else describe this feeling, so I'm wondering if it's odd?

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Chawsee, you are not at all odd. A spanking is cathartic, in a way I can't describe, and I don't know why. It just is, in a way that nothing else I have experience with is. So if that's odd, who wants to be 'normal'?

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For me there are four ways of looking at it.

If I am giving a spanking for the purpose of eliciting a psychological state, then it’s all about when that person comes to that state. Might be the ritual and four swats has them in a state of full release and contrition. Or it might take a real hiding. But if this my goal, then going beyond that is really not necessary. Possibly even abusive.

The other way is like baking a chicken— is it done? I could make the metrics the color or the rump or the psychophysical state. Not as much a sense of release or contrition like above, but tears, sobbing, or a certain individual “tell”. Might be when fussing stops. Or yelling quiets down. The spankee is resolved to their situation.

The other is more judicial. If one has an agreement that the spankee gets a certain number of swats— then that’s that. Like in school. Might be a joke. Might be pretty rough. The limit there is not injuring a person.

And the last is— the safe word says one is done.

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An adequate spanking = problem cured. 

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Chawsee, nothing weird about your reaction.  
 

A lot of us have described the state of release and even spiritual rapture  after a spanking. 

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My first mentor spoke to me a week after my first adult caning and a several months after our trusted relationship had begun. 

As a result of that conversation, I'd describe it as  caning that pushes you beyond what you thought reasonable....but when driving home, you think you could have coped with a bit more! 

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