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On 9/22/2020 at 5:29 PM, F/m_Spanking_only said:

I’m not a good person, therefore praise is something I do not ever deserve 

That's not true at all, and you know it. This is just your sadness talking. 

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On 9/18/2020 at 8:58 AM, gingerlee said:

I am uncomfortable with praise. I'm a little different though. It's not that others point out the bad in my life, it's that I know it's there. I've gotten better about responding appropriately but it still makes me feel uneasy. I know all the things I'm doing wrong, the things I try to hide. It feels false when I accept praise for something because I know how screwed up I really am.

Also, it's not that I don't like to be appreciated on the rare occasion when I've done something right. I crave approval yet at the same time, feel awkward about being praised. I'm just weird.

Even people who are making a lot of mistakes in their lives are doing some things right, and it's appropriate to accept a little praise for the areas in which you are trying, even if it's just a quiet acknowledgment to yourself. A constant barrage of negative reinforcement affects one's self--esteem in harmful ways. I also think it's important that praise be specific, genuine, and earned. Anything that comes across as phony feels repulsive to many of us. 

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9 hours ago, Chawsee said:

A constant barrage of negative reinforcement affects one's self--esteem in harmful ways. I also think it's important that praise be specific, genuine, and earned. Anything that comes across as phony feels repulsive to many of us. 

I agree. False praise actually results in further deteriorating my self-esteem. I believe anything unearned by hard work is not exactly beneficial psychologically.  Just the other day a close family member was praising me for something and while I had a happy face about it on the outside, deep down, I knew I didn't deserve that. I knew that the praise is coming from a point of view where the other person doesn't know the entire story and the thoughts inside my head. It only results in negative impacts on my overall thought process and nothing positive is yielded as the result of such praises.  

Also, it matters a lot from whom the praise is coming from. I highly value it when it's coming from someone who knows me as a person, someone who knows my flaws and accepts me anyway (No such person in my life yet, so this is imaginative). Then there is the other case when some distant family member praises me for something without even knowing the process and the effort I put behind it.

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3 hours ago, boy_otk said:

I agree. False praise actually results in further deteriorating my self-esteem. I believe anything unearned by hard work is not exactly beneficial psychologically.  Just the other day a close family member was praising me for something and while I had a happy face about it on the outside, deep down, I knew I didn't deserve that. I knew that the praise is coming from a point of view where the other person doesn't know the entire story and the thoughts inside my head. It only results in negative impacts on my overall thought process and nothing positive is yielded as the result of such praises.  

Also, it matters a lot from whom the praise is coming from. I highly value it when it's coming from someone who knows me as a person, someone who knows my flaws and accepts me anyway (No such person in my life yet, so this is imaginative). Then there is the other case when some distant family member praises me for something without even knowing the process and the effort I put behind it.

What you're saying, boy_otk, has much merit. False praise isn't beneficial to anyone. It's a form of dishonesty. While I appreciate genuine compliments, when someone butters me up with flattery, I can sense the insincere vibe instantly, and I detest it.

There's a fine line to balancing sincere praise. Many parents today praise endlessly a child who has done nothing to deserve it. This doesn't really grow confident children, as these parents tend to believe it will. What it creates is a self-centered individual who expects to be catered to, without ever learning the joy of honest achievement. 

Most people, though, do deserve praise in some area of their life, and it's been my observation that very few receive this adequately. When someone acknowledges them with praise that is specific, genuine, and earned, it does more for their healthy self-esteem and growth than negative reinforcement will ever achieve. 

You, my sweet friend, are someone who's already hard on himself. Sometimes, when we're like this, we mentally resist even deserved praise, believing we're unworthy of it. I'm not referring to your story above-- that's different-- just sharing a general observation. And you most certainly deserve someone in your life who accepts you, flaws and all, because trust me, whether she's a spanking partner, a mentor, or a mate, she too has flaws. 😉

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I get praised a lot. Writing that that makes me feel really grateful!  Hearing “good boy” really reinforces my desire to please and makes me feel proud.  My praise to spanking ratio is around 100/1.

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On 10/9/2020 at 7:38 AM, pavium said:

I get praised a lot. Writing that that makes me feel really grateful!  Hearing “good boy” really reinforces my desire to please and makes me feel proud.  My praise to spanking ratio is around 100/1.

Your wife deserves accolades!! As much as we all crave spankings-- and they have their place! --I can't help but be convinced that an EE is going to shine far more when his/her positive attributes and accomplishments are appreciated, than if the relationship is a mere focus on punishment and control. 

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