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I'm constantly hearing about people's punishment and being in trouble for this or that. I RARELY if ever hear about someone being praised for something. Is that not common? I would think that when an EE has a good day and all rules have been followed, receiving praise on every single one of those days would make them want to continue.

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I've never really thought about that. Being a spanking site, I guess that's what people talk about, punishment and spanking.

Praise is very important. I know that I am praised when I do well. I love hearing "good girl." I haven't received as much of it lately as I'd like, but that's my fault. I've been falling short of both of our expectations. When I am doing well or I hit a goal he always points it out and lets me know that he is proud of me.

To me that's an important part of a good mentoring relationship...or for that matter any relationship. If you never hear anything positive about what you are accomplishing, why would you want to continue? A true Mentor needs to be able to guide, help you towards your goals, praise you along the way and hold you accountable when needed.

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Like Shygurl, I receive praise too when I've done well. I, too, think it's very important. I'm currently in a lot of trouble, however, so I will once again have to earn praise, which I know I will. Good topic, P!

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I always make sure praise is there, I think its as important as the punishment. Positive reinforcement is something I always give. My hope is that with the positive input one will learn self esteem and self pride.

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P,

Believe it or not, praise is also an important part of my spanking sessions. During the spanking, I explain how my spankee deserves the punishment because she is a smart, capable, good woman who knows better, that I wouldn't waste my time if I didn't believe she was a good person who just needed some correction and direction. Later in the spanking and afterwards I commend her for being a good girl and accepting her punishment so well. I provide lots of reassurance while rubbing her bottom with lotion and then hugging her that she's a good and I'm sure she'll do better in the future and that I am available to encourage and support her.

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Two points here: First, we try at work to give our clients a 4:1 ratio of "good to bad" feedback. That is very difficult, and in reality, probably isn't happening routinely, but I have found that I have taken a more "optimistic" perspective - at least at work. Whether that transfers to the remainder of my life remains to be seen. Second, when I am behaving positively, I get spankings as a reward! :) They are bestest of the best.

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Good point, Poison. Praise and positive reinforcement are immensely important, and should be frequent and consistent, in my opinion.

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I have to agree with Shy. I guess we do talk mostly about spankings and other punishments but praise is very important to our growth also. I love hearing god job Little Girl or I knew you could do it or the best I am very impressed Little Girl (got that one today!!). That is a good topic for chat P!

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I just watched a TED talk regarding teaching methods. This specific teacher gave a test of 20 questions, and on one students paper she wrote +2! and a smiley face. The student was confused as asked why she would put a smiley face on a test he obviously failed. Her response"

"Because you DID get 2 right, and knowing that you will understand and learn and perform better on the next test"

She always focused on the positive; he didnt get 18 wrong, but he did get 2 correct. And she said it was amazing how teaching this way had such positive effects on her students.

I know some people need discipline/punishment spankings to feel cleansed and to be held accountable and find benefit in mentoring. But others develop confidence when they are praised for the little achievement they mastered. But there are others, who feel that discipline and punishment is acknowledgement that they are failures, and perfection is only acceptable.

I have been in the animal foster program for over 30 years; the special needs, the abused, neglected never respond to the the harsh voice or raised hand, but they do to positive reinforcement and learning to trust again. I think the desire to please is far greater than the fear of what happens with failure. As I mentioned; I understand the need and desire of those who genuinely seek guidance to achieve a goal or eliminate a negative behavior, but its not a one size fits all type situation. Sometimes, punishment only enhances the very behavior it is attempting to eradicate.

Spanking is a fetish. So I am confused as to how something you desire on some level can be viewed as a consequence. There are many other ways to punish, no computer time, diet restrictions, phone calls. I'm just very confused about this aspect.

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Hi woobie.

My disciplinarian is long distance, and I don't get physical punishments. Occasionally I get directed self spankings from another friend of mine, to relax me, but I'm not sure whether physical punishment over the internet would work.

I've gotten lines and writing assignments before and they work for me. My current disciplinarian hasn't punished me yet, but it made me feel kind of loved when my first one made me write a report on why I had to go.to bed on time. I was OK with.the idea of self spanking as punishment when I started out, but now I'm a lil more leery about it. It kind of makes me feel doubtful to have someone insist on some form.of physical pain or humiliation or something when there are other consequences that work well for me. But that's just me.

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There is lots to be said for positive reinforcement. I'll give out 'atta-girls' (or atta-boys') if the 'ee has done something that they're proud of.

And gifts aren't out of the question either if someone has met a long-term goal. Flowers and chocolates (presuming we're not working on weight issues) aren't that uncommon.

I still maintain that the spanking accounts for only 2% of the time I spend with an 'ee -- it's mostly providing mental and emotional support, encouragement and different ways to think outside of the box.

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My mentor definitely gives waaaay more praise than punishment. He regularly points out things I'm doing well. It definitely makes me want to keep doing those things. :)

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As strict as my husband can be, he is also very generous with praise and positive encouragement. There is not a day that goes by that he does not in some way give me warm confirmation when I do something well or improve. He must be blind because compliments me for something abut my appearance or behavior. He has truly influenced me as much with his warmth and assurance as he has with his belt and spankings. He lifts me up when I struggle to do so. And always...always...he manages to assure me of his love and care for me, even after the harshest of spankings. I could not live the way we do without this balance. I could not benefit from his discipline without his praise when earned or...sometimes...not earned but just given.

Nicole

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So I am confused as to how something you desire on some level can be viewed as a consequence.

While I desire structure in my life and need some sort of consequence to get back on track when I fall off, I definitely do not desire punishment spankings.

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I realize due to it being a spanking site that we hear a lot about punishments and probably always will but even talking to friend's privately, rarely does anyone talk about the praise they have received. It's good to know that many people see it as being an important aspect.

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Guest Wolfgal

I feel weird when I get praised, I am used to only being noticed when things go wrong so being noticed for things going right (me acting right) is something new. I like it and it is def good for getting me to do the right thing but I always feel sort if uncomfortable at the same time. *sighs* hope this makes sense.

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Totally makes sense Wolfgal. I went through the same thing when I started being around people who focused on praise and ignored the irritating things I might do. You will eventually lose that uneasiness and gain confidence in yourself.

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Guest Wolfgal

Thanks Bloomingflower, makes me feel more confident knowing that is a temporary thing. :)

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It is. :). But temporary is a relative term. Lol. Be patient with yourself. It took me years, but then again, I had a lot of mind control to undo.

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On 9/10/2014 at 11:42 AM, Poison's said:

I'm constantly hearing about people's punishment and being in trouble for this or that. I RARELY if ever hear about someone being praised for something. Is that not common? I would think that when an EE has a good day and all rules have been followed, receiving praise on every single one of those days would make them want to continue.

We should be hearing a LOT more about praise. Punishment without praise can have detrimental affects on a spankee's emotional welfare, damaging their psyche in ways that aren't outwardly visible and that they themselves don't even understand. If your spankee and/or mentee deals with low feelings of self-worth, that's a wake-up call. Anyone whom I've mentored will attest that I praise far more than I punish. This is what helps build up a person to see the good in themselves and to strive to do more that is praise-worthy. They can't grow strong on a weak foundation.

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On 9/13/2014 at 10:23 PM, Guest Wolfgal said:

I feel weird when I get praised, I am used to only being noticed when things go wrong so being noticed for things going right (me acting right) is something new. I like it and it is def good for getting me to do the right thing but I always feel sort if uncomfortable at the same time. *sighs* hope this makes sense.

I know this is an old comment but I totally understand. I am uncomfortable with praise. I'm a little different though. It's not that others point out the bad in my life, it's that I know it's there. I've gotten better about responding appropriately but it still makes me feel uneasy. I know all the things I'm doing wrong, the things I try to hide. It feels false when I accept praise for something because I know how screwed up I really am.

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Also, it's not that I don't like to be appreciated on the rare occasion when I've done something right. I crave approval yet at the same time, feel awkward about being praised. I'm just weird.

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My wife is my biggest fan, the paise I get every day, (except for when I have been naughty), and it is everything to me, but this is a spanking site. If you read the name of the site you get the main reason this site exists. 

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I am a very strong believer & engage in positive support. I always encourage & praise when any accomplishment or effort has been demonstrated. But I also equally activate Negative Reinforcement [corporal discipline] without fail & without delay.  😁

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