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Things you got away with...


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My thing was I definitely always argued back with my parents. I would not go down without a fight if I felt attacked or like they were wrong. Most of the time, it was really just personality conflict. I lived with my mom and stepdad. My personality is a lot like my dad, and my mom and dad's personalities just clash...hence the divorce. But those arguments definitely crossed the line often, and the very concept of having respect for my parents definitely went out the window in the heat of the moment. Honestly, I barely had respect for them in general. I respected every other adult and authority figure, but I didn't respect them. And I didn't even try to hide that disrespect.

Most times, we would all just walk away and then pretend like it never happened. After a couple of the worst ones, I was grounded for a weekend at most. But I never even went out, so that wasn't a punishment. Staying home was what I was going to do anyways. So even in the rare time I was "punished", I still really got away with it.

Do I think I deserved to be actually disciplined when I disrespected them verbally? Yes, absolutely. Of course it would have ticked me off in the moment, but I needed to respect them as my parents. Their authority meant nothing to me, and I wish that they had enforced their authority more. I think it would have saved us years of intense arguments and kept what arguments we had from escalating to such a bad point. I think we would have had a healthier relationship. Fortunately, we're in a good place now. But I definitely deserved more discipline than I received.

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  • 3 weeks later...

During the therapy sessions I had recently the lady I was working with helped me to imagine what might have happened if at age 10 my Dad had punished me with a spanking for my bad behaviour as opposed to a lecture from my Mum. I'm not going to go into details as it's personal but it was very emotional for me and it helped lift my guilt over my actions that day.

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I would say that if someone still feels guilt for something they did wrong many years ago, then they should find a way to relieve that guilt -- and being spanked could be one way to do it. We don't want to hang onto such things. So confess to your disciplinarian and bend over!

tony

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What I wanted as a child more than anything was a structure of some sort. When I had my spanking in front of the class when I was six it was when I was having a silly dispute with a girl in my class. When the teacher put me across her knee that dispute came to an end. I liked the adult being in charge again. With my parents I tended to be treated as an adult as a kid and was made to consider how my actions affected people rather than being punished for them. It tended to work but at the same time for years it left me with pent up guilt. My parents were just trying a different approach from what was common in those days but sometimes I would have preferred the old fashioned method. In recent years when I've been chatting with them although they've never mentioned if they seriously considered spanking me growing up I get the impression they might have done things differently in retrospect. That said there where definitely things I didn't do as a kid because I was fearful of a spanking from my parents. 

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Ukspanko, your experience is so close to mine its amazing. I especially like your description of your therapy session. It took me many years of thinking about dredged-up, long-forgotten memories to sort out for myself why I think I need punishment, so congratulations for using a therapist to achieve that result quicker.

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I got away with so much as a kid! I was generally a good kid, but I was stubborn and spoiled and my mom had no stomach for discipline of any kind. My dad was unpredictable and at times abusive. As an adult I have struggled with lots of guilt for those things and I have always wished that I would have had someone to hold Me accountable to the things that happened. 
 

I found an amazing “mom” here a few months back that I instantly connected with. When I talked to her about these things I asked her If she had ever spanked anyone for things that had happened in the past. She had me write out a list of things I felt I should have gotten spanked for and send it to her. Now when I go and see her we work through them one at a time. I’m not in to the “little” scene, but we do kind of a re-enactment of what happened and she treats me like she would have had I been her child at that time. She lectures and then spanks me however she feels Would have been appropriate. It has been extremely cathartic and has helped me release guilt that I have held on to for over 20 years. I know that I have been punished as I should have been by a loving and safe parent. And of course there are lots of hugs and cuddles when it’s all over.

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