Power and Control

[Christy]

I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

[Christy]

Bumpty Bump Bump

[Christy]

I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

[Christy]

Bump

[Christy]

I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

[Curious60]

Great post, I have dealt with these issues elsewhere under coercion and consent so I won't bore you with a repeat. Bur even if a spanker is not utterly altruistic in their decision to spank they have absolute responsibility to see that it is accepted consented and agreed by the spankee, and that ultimately THEY are getting what they need.

Spankers its not about you.

C60.

[janementor]

yes christy mutual respect is paramount to the therapeutic benefit

[Christy]

Been awhile since I bumped this. Reposting to do so.

I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

[monkeypuzzler15]

It would be nice to take all the recommended precautions before my meeting. However, due to the fact that I've waited over two decades, and the obscenely unbalanced ratio of men looking to be spanked to women who will spank them. I'm inclined to take a few risks on this one. Prior to this the only viable way to get what i seek seemed to sacrifice my house payment (or close to it). Being a man i don't feel as at risk as a woman spankee. I have thought that once i am naked and vulnerable something unfortunate could happen to me. I also an feeling that i must endure what she gives if i want this to repeat in the future.

[DunBenSpanked]

It would be nice to take all the recommended precautions before my meeting. However, due to the fact that I've waited over two decades, and the obscenely unbalanced ratio of men looking to be spanked to women who will spank them. I'm inclined to take a few risks on this one. Prior to this the only viable way to get what i seek seemed to sacrifice my house payment (or close to it). Being a man i don't feel as at risk as a woman spankee. I have thought that once i am naked and vulnerable something unfortunate could happen to me. I also an feeling that i must endure what she gives if i want this to repeat in the future.

Hmmm ...let's see if a few "what if's" can encourage you to take some basic precautions (by the way - I waited over 5 decades)

What if:

- there is a video camera hidden somewhere, and at some point in the future there's a request for financial support in exchange to not posting it to social media?

- in your grateful enthusiasm, you agree to "no safe word", and then have a physical event? Back spasm, heart issue, hyperventilation, etc

- the spirit of submission, you agree to be restrained....and then suddenly a boyfriend appears with a decidedly different agenda for your butt on his mind?

If you are thinking that because you are man, you do not have risks - you are playing a fools hand.

The reality is that you have NO IDEA what will happen in your brain when this experience begins, so the abilities of the person acting as your guide is hugely important. If you think that just because you're a guy, you will always have the upper hand and the ability to say "no" - you're wrong.

My intention is not to scare you - it is simply to encourage you to do some basic research, get a few referrals (should be a piece of cake to hear from grateful male spankees) and set up a safe call (or two)

If all that offends whoever is agreeing to spank you - walk away.

seriously

[monkeypuzzler15]

Scenario one wouldn't bother me much as I'm not the shy type. I've even considered adding if we could video this first session as a keepsake for myself. Her and I have discussed scenario two at great lengths. She has had a spankee hyperventilate and it scared her. Wet have established words for slowing down, increasing and stopping. However she says even if I don't use any safe word, odd she detects signs of my going into "subspace" she will stop the session regardless of what i want. Scenario three had cross my mind and concerned me enough that i brought it up on our first telephone conversation. I know I'll have an issue staying in position. I asked her what her remedy would be because i have a great about being restrained and some guy jumping out of the closet dressed as Batman, yelling "TO THE BARRAGE" and then stealing my butt cherry. There are plenty of things they could put me in harms way. I have already taken a few precautions to ensure my safety. When i was just out of high school, I went to an apartment with a stripper. She went into a room to change and four men came out and beat and robbed me. I will also be meeting someone who she has been spanking for years. One other thing that concerns me is the fact she is using implements used on someone else. Do you know of a way to reduce the risk of pathogens? The implements are all wooden.

[monkeypuzzler15]

I hope you can figure out the auto corrected words. I need to proofread before i post.

[DunBenSpanked]

Here's my "bottom" line:

I would not let anyone spank me that I had any concerns about.

Nerves are one thing, "concerns" are another........I would suggest you mitigate the former by doing what it takes to eliminate the latter

[monkeypuzzler15]

Her and I have communicated a good deal these past few days. I'm confident that I'm making the right decision now. This forum has really been helpful this past week. And you really made me stop, think and go forward with a bit of insight. Katekk pm'd me yesterday and spoke highly of you. I'm thankful of this conversation with you.

[Christy]

Bump

[Christy]

I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

[Christy]

Bump

[Christy]

I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

[Christy]

Bump

[FirmSpankerMD]

Very informative and helpful posts!! One can hope someone new will read and listen

[Christy]

FirmSpanker I agree. That is why I continue to post this. That hopefully one new person or one who is in a questionable situation might see this and is helped..

[obafgkm]

Just a suggestion for not only this, but other threads as well: Instead of constantly "bumping" threads, why not the mods or users recommend which should be "Pinned." This eliminates people consistently moving what they perceive as important, as everyone has their own idea of what should be on "top" and not forgotten. There are numerous topics, mostly which revolve around safety, "getting into the spanking world," limits, setting expectations, and the like which potentially offer great guidance to less experienced folks.

[DunBenSpanked]

Give the positive responses this post has consistently received, it would certainly qualify as "pinnable"....

I say "keep bumping" until such time as it happens!

[shygurl]

I agree, this has been a great post and should be pinned.

[Christy]

Thank you Shygurl, DunBenSpanked and obafgkm. I would like to see this pinned also. Until then I will keep posting this.