Power and Control

[Chawsee 1560]

On 9/22/2020 at 11:42 AM, Christy said:

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I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

This is fantastic, Christy. Thank you for bumping it back into posts, as needed. It's one of the best treaties ever written here and should be read by everyone, spankers and spankees alike.

[Christy 548]

Just bumping for safety purposes.

[HerrBlacktooth 42]

After my decades in the BDSM and spanking scenes I would have to say that there is always seemingly this one direction of advice ... Submissive be careful, submissive you are in control and so forth. Well, I concur entirely with the sentiment. The submissive of any and all genders,  be they new or experienced must be careful of whom they interact with, where they interact and how they interact.

However this is the same message that dominant parties should also heed .... Whilst people of any persuasion all hope to have smooth, happy interactions with well balanced people; that is not always the case.

The internet has enabled a slew of people who would never have been a part of the BDSM or spanking scenes pre 1995 ... Then it was entirely real life. Now we have these forums, sites etc, which are awash with people who have no experience of BDSM or spanking but also it appears damned little experience of life in general.

Many, many people like to give the false impression they are far more experienced, worldly wise and indeed 'wild' than in fact they are. They also like to omit their marital status and many other points which would be of interest.

Therefore, be you of any gender. Be you dominant, submissive, switch or undecided .... Do be very careful of what you do. The submissive does not want to be abused, whilst the dominant does not want to put themselves in a position where their own legal safety can be put into jeopardy.  Try not to let the excitement of the situation, remove any common sense that one might possess. It is also worth remembering that in fact; Sense is not common.,

 

 

[SpudStateSpanky 251]

On 1/25/2014 at 12:58 PM, Christy said:

Wanted say Thank you to a sweet friend, DunBenSpanked for all his help on this. Hugs dear friend.

I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

Really well said!

[justbecause 16]

On 4/7/2020 at 12:20 PM, Christy said:

I’m posting this as a response to being contacted in private by different ee’s who tell horror stories of being abused and taken advantage of by the people spanking them.

Because this is serious and appears to be happening more and more, I’d like to address the issues of Power and Control, as it relates to the relationship between ee's and ‘Er’s, before, during and after a session.

As an ‘ee, you must keep in mind that while you may have a need and craving to relinquish control to someone, ultimately you must accept the responsibility to say “No” or “Stop” (or whatever safe word had been agreed upon) should the circumstances demand it. Whatever happens in a session, only does so with your permission and those of us who spank, only do so with YOUR permission, and therefore a session should end immediately if that permission is withdrawn.

Any session that continues after permission is withdrawn, is no longer a session - it is an assault, and you should treat it accordingly. That means doing everything you would do if you were personally attacked on the street. Run, escape, call or scream for help, etc.

I would like to suggest to any ‘ee, especially those who are new to this, that you invest time and effort into building relationships with some of the more experienced people on this forum before proceeding. There is a very potent exchange of power that takes place during a session, and it should not be underestimated. The intimacy and the act of submission are like gun powder, and the spanking can be a spark that ignites a situation you were not planning on, or prepared for - but might later regret. I would be very happy to discuss this in private with anyone who needs to.

The most important thing to always keep in mind, is that the Power is ALWAYS ultimately yours; to grant permission, or to withdraw it.

Christy, I just tried to message you, but it says you can't receive messages. I just wanted to respond to this but would rather it not be public.

[Christy 548]

On 2/13/2021 at 9:28 AM, justbecause said:

Christy, I just tried to message you, but it says you can't receive messages. I just wanted to respond to this but would rather it not be public.

Thank you for letting me know. I have made room now.