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Do you need to be in a relationship to be spanked?

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Is this a personal question? As in do I personally need to be a relationship to be spanked? Or a general question, does spanking always have to be in the context of a relationship?

For me, the answer to both is no,

At a spanking party, you are often not in a relationship with everyone who spanks you, or that you spank. I don't go to too many spanking parties, but when I have I have let strangers spank me. My first spanker was not "in a relationship" with me; other than a spankee/ spanker relationship.

I am in a relationship with the person who spanks me now and I actually prefer it that way.

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No...I have a play partner in which we enjoy spankings. However there is no relationship between us beyond play partner. She made it very clear to me when we began our play partner sessions that there is and would be no sexual activity and no relationship.

So, from firsthand experience I can tell you NO.

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No, not required. A relationship paddling is very nice, but paddlings and strappings can and do easily occur outside of relationships. Many of us are very glad for that, or we might never get paddled and strapped!

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It's only a matter of preference. There is usually a certain amount of accountable short term or long term bonding

which can be independent from a personal relationship. All understanding should be mutual while on the same page.

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  • 1 month later...

i wonder about this... can someone who cherishes us enough to do the deed, not end up in some sort of relationship with us. i guess it could be as non committall as exchanging funds/gifts/whatever for the spanking, but you're still going over their knee/horse/whatever and they get to beat us, oh yes.

mmm, right so... when you found someone who treats you the way you want, how do you not attach to them? do they not haunt your dreams afterwards? and what about trust, does trust live in the mutual assured destruction poised by these transactions going badly?

maybe we are all different, and every sub and domme decides what works for them... passion really pushes on us, leads us sometimes into places and things that we might end up regretting.

Play hard, but play safe.

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For me...I had no idea people did spanking outside of the child parent relationship, and the school...both of those not so much anymore I know. I am learning all this now for the first time since recently coming to this forum. I am not saying it is wrong at all. For me, I cannot imagine seeking someone out to spank me. I get more than my fair share from my Husband, believe me. But, I am now learning people seek spanking pout for many reasons. I guess it is amazing you can find people willing to help you or others with this "need" to be spanked...and even though I cannot imagine such for me, it does make sense and is a good thing that some can help others in this very special way with a relationship beyond. Wow...I think it would be hard for me personally, however, I think...for me and not necessarily the way it should be for anybody else...but for me...I need to know the person spanking my butt love me....lol.

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At this point in time I can say that I would definitely prefer to be spanked by someone I have a relationship with. I like the idea of spanking as discipline, and I feel that discipline is most effective when it's offered by someone you know. If you know the person well, you have the accompanying shame of them seeing you in that position and of not having lived up to his expectations of you.

If it's a complete stranger - yeah, it would be embarrassing, and the spanking would hurt just as much, but I don't think it would be quite the same.

On the other hand, my need for a spanking sometimes gets pretty overwhelming - if someone I didn't really know offered to give me a real disciplinary spanking, yeah I would almost certainly take him up on it (with the caveat that I would have to meet with the person first to make sure he's not a complete sleazeball.)

Incidentally, I recently read about a man in the UK who has turned the top level of his home into an imitation schoolhouse. He now offers adults the chance to visit and "re-create" a day as a schoolboy or schoolgirl - complete with uniforms, lessons & examinations, and trips to the headmaster's office for slipperings/strappings/canings/etc. Suffice it to say, next time I'm in the UK I will almost certainly be taking a day out of my vacation to pay a visit there.

(So no, a relationship isn't essential.)

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A few people have said it quite well. Yes, you should have a solid relationship with your spanker/spankee, but no, it does not have to be a romantic one. Plenty of people on here do not have a romantic relationship with their spanker. For me personally, I never considered doing it outside of a romantic relationship. From the time I began seeking this out, I was goal-oriented to find a man that I loved... and also spanked. That's not everyone's preference.

You do you :) Don't worry about what others do. If you want a relationship, go for it and don't let the nay-sayers convince you to settle for something else. If you have no interest in a relationship, there are plenty of play partners or mentors out there to help. Find one that works for you. Good luck!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Rosie, nice post. One thing, though, i just don't think plenty of play partners are "out there"...

i just can't seem to find any!!! Either way, relationship or not, would help. Would be nice to develop a relationship/friendship/acquaintanceship with spanking involved (the more spanking the better!).

Plenty of partners? i'm missing something important!!

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Depends on how you define "relationship". I'm not looking for romantic involvement in a spanking partner but I do want to enjoy her company. I have to feel we're a little simpatico in outlook and philosophy beyond spanking. In other words, I have to know and like the lady attached to the bottom I'm paddling.

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Interesting question....I think my answer has changed from what it would have been years ago...

The short answer is "yes", according to my definition of "relationship"; that being someone who cares about me, and honestly enjoys spanking for its own sake. Although there was a time in my life when I would have craved the spanking experience any way I could find it, I have changed. For me, the idea of being spanked by someone who spanks just to provide the experience, or someone who does not or cannot admit that they enjoy smacking a bottom- is too hollow and shallow.

I instinctively distrust people who claim to get nothing from the act of spanking other than the satisfaction of "helping" someone else.

Just my view


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I instinctively distrust people who claim to get nothing from the act of spanking other than the satisfaction of "helping" someone else.

Just my view


While depending on a " help incentive " to resolve one or more issues is very much a reality, a conflict will arise when it becomes evident that the individual is only " pretending " to have the need just to satisfy their desire. Much like a Big Budget Movie that goes " nowhere "

When a change in behavior becomes the priority, then the accountable consequence becomes beneficial.

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