[Being a boy]

Word-Weaver, I agree about DD. I thought I wanted it, but now I don't know, it would have to be stipulations. I know of someone getting a spanking because she didn't have dinner ready for him. See, those are the things I can do without. I don't want to feel like I'm a slave or am punished for every little thing.

I know I sometimes forget to pay bills, and in a way I know I need to be punished for it, but there is no one there to do it, so I sorta feel empty and guilty. I don't want anyone directing my life either, or topping every little thing. But some big things, I'd like that sternness to come out in a man for.

I think it can be hard to find that right combination in a relationship.

[Mentor/Mentee relationship]

We have a few rules. One, I must be spanked twice a month. We are working on building my ability to take a "real" punishment spanking as he calls it. Right now I get about 20 minutes of hand spanking - 2minutes on, 1 off. The another 10-15 with either a strap or double leather strap. 2 on 1 off. The a couple two minute rounds with another implement like a ruler or small paddle. Then he bends me over a folding chair and I get several whacks with the big paddle - usually leaves some nice bruises. Once I get to a full punishment - I'll get 15 with the big paddle!

I do not have to regularly report in, I keep a list which we review upon my arrival. Spankings are bare bottom, but my top always stays on. There is never any sexual contact whatsoever. I do let him hold me in his arms after my regular otk before the big paddle! We don't know much about eachother personally but we have a great disciplinary relationship. Only issue is he live about 40 minutes away - wish he was closer, I'd be much happier if spanked at least twice a week...

This actually sounds really nice...I think. Or maybe ouch. and 40 minutes away is pretty good I would say. Some people travel an hour or more. At 40 minutes too bad you can't see him more than twice a month. Can I ask how long you knew or talked to him before your first session?

[Being a boy]

There's nothing wrong with that. I'm in my 30's and I can play my PS3 for hours and I love The Sims 2. For me it's relaxing. I think knowing that you have this part of you and you can attend to it is better than you being unable to be an adult when you need to be. If you want to play with Lego's after work, so be it. I know even as adults we do things we should know better of. I can't tell you how many times I have missed a payment date for my bills, just wasted money. That is something I know I should know better about but I just let fall through the cracks.

If you need to be 'reeled in' every so often, well, sometimes we do need it, despite being adults. If possible, maybe there is someone you might need to talk too if your childhood was bad and you can't get past some things.

Well, good luck.

[Trouble with procrastination?]

I know I have this problem. I'm the queen of "I'll do it later" and having no self control. I know this is probably not the right choice but sometimes I get things I want to do out of my system before I have to do what I need to do. Like I love video games, and when I'm thinking about that next level or boss fight I can't wait to get too I can't concentrate on something serious.

I'll just play my game then do what I should be doing and I can do it. I know that's backwards but I just don't have the will power to force myself sometimes. I guess a mentor could help me do it the other way but until then....lol

[college classes]

How are you doing miss brat? you haven't been back since the 22nd. You sound a lot like me in terms of focus and procrastination. You are on a good road, you are back in school and working toward something better. THAT is your motivation. It's not like you're thinking about school, you're there already. Concentrate on your school work and the days that are passing to get you closer to your goal.

I understand the need for that discipline. I need it too. There are lots of times i think 'I need a spanking for that' I have been doing stupid things like being late for work lately. I just don't leave the house on time. I look at the clock, dawdle and then I'm rushing. I can usually sneak in unnoticed, but that's not the point. You'd think facing my manager/or being fired would be something, but nope! At any rate I'm just saying I see how that can help you, but until spanking is in your life you will have to force yourself to focus.

Believe me, I know it's hard.

[The Chat Room]

This is all interesting to read. I don't go into chat enough to have noticed this, but I remember when I used to chat a lot, sometimes all night years ago, all this sounds familiar. I stopped chatting because when I went into a chat room with people who "knew" each other, they talked about personal things and insider stuff that I could not comment on and it was boring and somewhat rude, but I felt like it was hard to jump in.

I never felt like that here, but I see it has happened. live chat is better way to get to know people here as you get responses faster and you're basically having a conversation and you reveal some parts of yourself. It's why i drop in every now and then, I'd like to meet others. It would be nice if all 15 people in the room chatted instead of just 2, but that may never happen.

[A safe call.]

back in april i went to meet a spanker that i had met in feb on the inet....he was sweet, caring, fun and a strict disciplinarian...he and i had discussed my self-esteem issues, school, my life goals and infractions. i went to see him in another state...spent the whole weekend with him. i knew spanking was inevitable and i was very receptive and compliant...as a newbie...i was spanked to the point of tears and not extremely severe bcuz he didnt want to scare me off. it was an amazing weekend and i left for home a changed person....its what happened after i got home that was the hard part....its like i was never there to him..he has never called or emailed me again...i feel used and betrayed and made a total fool of...i was so into the whole idea and thought that i had found something amazing in this lifestyle and then bam it was gone...i was just another ass to spank and im kicking myself for it.

my point is....the whole thing about taking off for the weekend without anyone knowing where i was...was very irresponsible and reckless...i should be spanked severly for doing it. u just cant trust everyone fully. i couldve been harmed and it scares me...be safe, dawnmarie

Wow, well I'm glad that nothing severe happened. Sadly you were just another "ass to spank" but in the long run that's better than any other alternative. I feel like I understand what you mean because I would have thought the same thing, that I had finally found what I was looking for. Flying out to meet with him all weekend...wow, that's a big deal. Glad to see you're okay (even tho not emotionally) It is a lesson learned, but do not beat yourself up over it, there is nothing to do about it now.

[the lure of spanking...]

For me, it is the idea of consequences. I believe most people want consequences. They feel that they are cared for if people take the time to correct certain behaviors. When spanking is used correctly, the spankee actually apprieciates it. The spankee also feels they are loved and cared for. The spanker, in my case anyway, only uses it because I believe that physical pain is a good deterent to bad behavior.

I would like it for consequences as well. I have a bad attention span and can sometimes have a horrible memory that has cost me in several circumstances. I would sit there and think "If I had something to associate with for forgetting this I wouldn't do it again" I honestly think it would help, but haven't done it yet. I'm a little scared, but do think I need it. Also, I do like the idea of being dominated, I like being told what to do, it's a turn on-- but not in a rude, abusive way, lol.

[Ever had your Spanking interests "outed"]

Well, my sister and i both have an interest in spanking but I'm too private and shy to discuss it with her. I just prefer not too. We live in the same apartment building and I ordered some spanking videos and it ended up being from the same place she ordered something from. When my stuff never came I called customer service and they said it was shipped---TO HER INSTEAD by accident. I was really upset, she never said anything, but clearly she got the package and would not come and say "oh, i think this is yours" I have to admit, i was really upset and disturbed. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it really, really bothered me for her to see I ordered that stuff, I just want it kept private.

[The Secret Society of Discipline...]

It's certainly true that depending on the "higher up" you are professionally it can certainly hurt you, or as was pointed out, even if you were on the PTA, or volunteer at the local nursing home, you might be seen as nasty or kinky. I think if people heard you liked being spanked they'd automatically think sexual and might be embarrassed to even know that about you. That's something personal and for most, seen as a "bedroom preference" and most people don't want everyone and their mother to know what they like doing in their bed except the person they are in bed with.

It's personal and there's really nothing more than that. You don't meet someone and say "Hi, I'm Jane. What lovely weather. Oh and you know I love to be spanked for discipline."

i really, truly think that most outsiders would not understand. SOME, sure, it is possible, especially if you carefully explained and told them what you get out of it. It is something serious and a true need and desire--also something inherent and that's just the way it is. Spanking is usually seen as a fetish and kink and not as something you NEED. To say, I need it to be held accountable and to feel a certain way in my life is head scratching to others. I'm sure a lot of people would not understand why, as an adult, you'd WANT to be spanked, when children would do anything not to get one. To WANT such a childish discipline is confusing and disgusting to some.

As a shy person, I'd be just as embarrassed describing a healthy sexual escapade with someone as much as I would disclosing or explaining my spanking needs. I don't know why, I guess because of the way I am I people would just be so wide eyed to know. I can be a prude surely, but then I have other needs and urges and they conflict with my personality, lol, people in my life would be so shocked.

I think I'd tell anyone who I thought would take it seriously. Like if I told them and they asked me why I felt I needed it or what I liked about it, instead of looking appalled or shocked or turned off. I just don't want people to know that about me if I can help it.

[How public is your spanking lifestyle]

I agree with Ponygirl, but you all are leap years ahead of me as people knowing. The thing is is that years ago my sister told me she went to a spanking part and I just said okay and we never discussed it again. I think it kinda freaked me out that we're BOTH into this world, but she was the spanker and I'm not sure what she got out of it and I didn't ask. I just am way too personal with it and it's something I'm still coming to grips with as far as my own needs from it. I'm learning a lot about it and am really just realizing and discovering the world of DD and spanking as therapy and receiving willing punishment spankings.

I am not at the point I want to share with her why I need/want/crave this kind of punishment, I just don't want to discuss it with her---anyone else, yes, but not her and I'd rather just keep it private from all friends and family. Maybe one day I will, but it's not going to be soon. It's partly because of the reasons I want a spanking are different than her being in the lifestyle, idk.

I can kinda tell from friends who would be comfortable and who wouldn't and would be into it. I have some friends who can't even talk about porn without blushing or giving me draw dropping looks, so I wouldn't confess this to them and if they're covering then so be it because I'm not pushing the info on them to find out.

[My February Funk]

I pretty much just joined so unfortunately I wish I could have been one of the forum friends who helped you, but it seems like you're on the road to recovery. Sounds like something detrimental happened that set you back 1,000 paces. When you have opened yourself fully and been hurt so bad you can't help but shut down so tight that nothing can ever get in again. But all it takes is time. The more you get to know someone the looser your walls will become, you can't expect to bare your soul to someone after a few chats. It's also great that you have a love in your life.

It takes a lot to trust but it can happen and it's the best thing in the world. Happy for you!

[How many were paddled in school?]

I was once for not having my homework--in front of the class, but what traumatized me was I DID do it, but my folder was on my bed and fell behind my bed and I didn't know it, so I didn't have it in class. Yes, I know I should have been more careful and checked for it, but because I actually DID do my homework I didn't see it as a deserving punishment and it bothered me for YEARS. I was so resentful. Actually, I'm still resentful.

Also, a couple of teachers hit our hands with rulers for acting bad, but again, there were a few kids being bad and the teacher punished the whole class. I think that may be why I had some conflicting feelings about punishment and just about getting punished in general. Even though there were times I deserved a few, I know it would have been REALLY hard to get an actual OTK spanking, especially by a parent. At that time I think it really would have scarred me.

[Things that surprised me about being spanked]

im surprised at how much i identify with all of you. Cant believe im sort of normal! I want 2 b spanked so badly! I cant stop reading through these forums! X

lol, me too. Before discipline tho I'm just so curious as to what the pain feels like, and I know that's crazy but it's something I think about all the time.

[Adult spanking and the REAL world.]

There is certainly a time and a place, I agree with that, plus you usually know who you can say certain things around without getting a raised eyebrow. I have a friend who I can tell gets uncomfortable with any talk of sex/porn/adult topics, so I know I would never reveal too much about myself or what I like around her. The bottom line for me is that this is personal and I would never just talk about it willy nilly. Yes, if someone was acting bratty and you announce "She needs a spanking!" especially if you're talking about an adult you'd for sure get some looks and people will know where your mind is, but the way we see a spanking is different than the way a non-spanko would see it, and for me that would be revealing too much personal information about myself. It's not about hiding it, it's about knowing I don't need to share everything about myself and explain it away. I don't know about anyone else but I would never let something like that slip out anyway.

[why spanking works...]

I'm always fascinated by these responses. On another forum I go too it's mostly teens and it was interested to see some people so young accept their punishment and know they deserve it. No they don't like it when it's happening, but they deal with it, know it corrected their behavior and know too try and do better next time.

As a child and adolescent I was TERRIFIED of getting a spanking TERRIFIED AND MORTIFIED. I normally did nothing bad. There were a few things I did to deserve a few, but never got one, I even hit my ma back one one day, lol, she hit me back but it ended there. Looking back I realize that maybe if I had gotten some it would have worked to my advantage. I never thought about how it makes you feel loved until I became an adult and started reading spanking stories and saw so much of that in them and I saw what they meant. When I would hear people say "Wow, your dad must really love you to give you such a spanking so you learn" I think I would have been the opposite and I do wonder if it would have worked for me. I think I would have been a bit resentful toward my mom (who raised me) and saw her as the meanest person ever. I'm not sure how much "after care" she would have given to make me feel so loved, I think she would have said it but I don't think it would have been the way I wanted it to be, the hugs and kisses that I read in the stories.

I can definitely see how even the harshest spanking could be accepted when you feel such tenderness afterward and know that all is forgiven and that it was done out of love. For the longest time I never saw how you can equate spanking with being loved. I know I would think 'why would you do this to me? why would you embarrass me like this when you know I don't like it if you love me?" That is what I know I would think, but I have learned now.

I think spanking works best when it is really earned and deserved because it makes you change your behavior, everything doesn't deserve a spanking. I kinda think it would be hard to explain to a non-spanko why or how it works, especially for adults. An adult spanking another adult in a non-sexual way would be too hard for people on the outside to understand I think. Maybe not all the time, but it would take some convincing and explaining.

As an adult I think I can take one better than I could then, but unfortunately I don't have the parental spankings to compare. And it would be so much different bending over a parents lap than a disciplinarians lap, I wish I could know what the difference is like.

[Happiness is...]

A long, loving hug that goes on and on with the occasional tender whispered words.

Watching movies/TV shows on a rainy, dank day.

Being submissive towards my man (when I have one!)

[Social Phobia]

I really am uncomfortable in social situations for many reasons. I feel seriously inadaquate to others. I also fear what others think of me, and worry that I may offend someone somehow. When in a situation where I don't know people I will be the one who sits silently and observes. I have no issues talking with people in a forum like this where no one really knows me. I still have a desire though to meet people I have met here and made friends with. I guess I am confused and pretty messed up when it comes to social situations.

Aspen

Well, nice to see I'm not alone, lol, I always joke to my friends I'm not a good "mingle-er"and I actually envy others who can do it. I was at a conference recently, I went alone, and after it was over, everyone just got up and suddenly formed groups or started to talk to someone else and I remember trying to do that, but I just couldn't easily find someone to glide up too and start talking, I just left but I was disappointed as I wanted to talk to someone.

Still, for the most part I can do pretty okay in social situations--if I feel like I'm not being judged. I know asking personal questions is just a 'getting to know you' thing, but if I feel like those questions are being made to pre-judge me then I get defensive and angry and shy and just clam up. I will open up a lot if I don't feel like I have a spotlight on me and must answer all these interview questions right off the bat. And If I don't feel like I'm fitting in, I run. I know I should give it more time, but I will do it with the quickness and even on forums or chat rooms. I remember a chat room I loved going in, but a handful of people really knew each other and they always seemed to have some 'inside situation/discussion' going on, I never felt like I could fit in or include anything, but I found one person I liked and it was the only reason I kept going back.

I can open up more one on one, but not so much in a group,but it always depends on the situation.

[Who I am?]

Hi Toocheeky

I am still very new too this. I will see where times lead me. If I ever have enough courage to face a mentor.

I feel the same way linterscolpet, i don't know if I will have the courage for a mentor either, tho on the one hand I like the idea of having something like that readily available, someone who you can just go to and get what you need, even once. I'm treading now and just trying to develop relationships and see where they lead.

[Spanking poll]

No

[Hi from the midwest]

Thanks APMagnolia, I appreciate it. I know if or when I do this it would be unnerving for me as well, and with me being so emotional I don't know how'd I'd get through it. Right now I'm trying to decided what would work better: having no real serious connection to the spanker or wanting to develop a real relationship over time or even getting a boyfriend and have him do it. I know the best way is to just do it, but I'm not ready! lol, but glad I'm here.

[Theraputic Spanking--What a release!]

Thanks for sharing Wendi. I'm curious, do you feel like you can live with just having this one? Do you feel that you just needed one really good one to help you get it all out and you can walk away happy? I know that for a lot spankings are like potato chips, you can't have just one. But for some reason I think if I got one really good one that it would help me release and deal with some things and I wonder if that is possible. You sound like this was such an awakening and that it really helped you, I'm glad and glad you got to cry unashamed, crying in general is cathartic anyway, so glad you got to do it coupled with the spanking. So happy for you!

[Hi from the midwest]

Just wanted to say hello from Chicago. I am very new to this, and am definitely just lurking and listening right now. I'm just trying to get more comfortable talking about it. It's funny that I find myself doing this because I have never been spanked EVER and have a very low pain tolerance, but I have read so many spanking stories and I always relate when the writer describes the character as being refreshed or being able to think clearly and free of guilt afterward. I especially enjoy the tenderness between spanker and spankee afterward too. I always think 'that's what I need, but how do I get it?" I sorely wish I was in a relationship, the emotional connection along with the discipline is what I really want too. I can tell you I'm terrified of getting an actual spanking, but it doesn't stop me from wanting one, hahah. Anyway, *waving hello to everyone*

[Spanking and Obesity]

This topic was very interesting and drew me out of lurkdom to comment. I am overweight and the one thing I would be resentful over is anyone, especially an "er" (as I see "spankers" are called) assuming I want/need to be spanked in order to motivate me to go to the gym. Now, if you saw me you would say CLEARLY she NEEDS to be in a gym, but that is the last reason I have to want to be spanked. I can't focus worth anything and tend to just tune out what I don't want to hear/do, plus I also have guilt issues, and that is why I have this need, I guess more on that in another thread...

I am EXTREMELY new to all this, but I guess I just wanted to add my two cents and say that an obese "ee" is not always looking to control self-esteem issues and it shouldn't be that if one did see an overweight "ee" that obviously she has self-esteem issues and is looking for someone to spank her if she skip out on that morning jog. Unfortunately I don't have experience meeting any spankos or going to meet and greets, or whatever, but from my experience online this has never been a topic and any pictures I have ever seen everyone was in shape, lol.

I know the reasons I have, and yes, I could go with more exercise, but I would get nothing out of the discipline if that is all I focused on and I just don't like those assumptions.

Anyway, I'm learning a lot here and love the discussions, love finding a place where people are adult in their comments, questions and answers, now I have a bit of an outlet! *okay, back to lurking*