Sadie

Just a couple reminders! I love that we have been getting applications for people wanting their inners to join our community! Please keep in mind that the email we use for the site is a secondary email address for those who use it. As such, that account does not get checked as often as one would an email used for traditional purposes. For this reason, please PM me on the site if you choose to send in an application so that I or Sadeskid know that we need to check the email address! Someone from here sent in an application and it wasn't until I was messaged by another someone on here about an application that I saw that the first person sent an application, along with a follow-up email asking if the site was still active. Please remember that we are all adults with busy lives! Personally I have made no bones about the fact that I have several health issues along with other things outlined in my About Me that limit my engagement with this community. Add to that that I am now working two jobs and in a lot of pain due to my medical issues. I get notification emails when I get a PM on here. If you do not PM me to let me know that you have sent an application for the forum then we are not responsible for how long it takes us to get back to you Thanks for understanding!

Wooden dowels that can be found in the craft aisle at Wal-Mart. Read the packaging and make sure you're getting the right/safest ones. A "certain someone" accidentally picked up a pack of square ones. And another "certain someone" informed me that they're also sold in metal and plastic. They do break over time, from wear and tear. I have never had one break during a spanking, though I imagine if it went long enough and/or it was used hard enough that could happen. (With the wooden, round ones, that is. I can only speak to those.)

Welcome back Zhev! Missed you! Also, I realize that with any thread the intent on starting it might be separate from someone's intent when they reply BUT I did want to make it clear that the phrases and words that I shared are endearing to me and make me smile when said (the first time it's tried, at least). Some of them could also be an indication of nerves and anxiety that may need to be addressed and the person reassured before 'getting serious'. This isn't a judgment but an observation that I feel comfortable making based on my experiences and communications with others. Not every avoidance is merely the avoidance of punishment. In short, I don't think it's a good practice to assume that everoyone who needs spanking is a spanko. The original purpose of this thread was to share the positive and somewhat lighthearted side of ER/ee relationships as opposed to being a vent session or an invitation for people to say 'this is what annoys me about my ee and I don't put up with it'. Personally, if I disagree with a thread I make the choice not to contribute but I realize not everyone has that perspective

For me, it is 100% nonsexual. I am a huge nurturer and very protective by nature. I also happen to believe in spanking and it's effectiveness. There is a difference in believing in spanking and having a spanking fetish, ie liking it. There are certain behaviors that I won't put up with but there are others that I can be persuaded to be lenient with. If I really and truly wanted to and set out to spank someone, I wouldn't give my ee any nonphysical punishments or any grace or wiggle room at all -- my entire goal would be to "punish" her. But anyone who has spoken to me and spent time with me knows that I don't approach things with that goal in mind. In fact, in the case of at least one person, I was asked to continue with a punishment after I said it was done because I had compassion for the person and it genuinely hurt my heart to hear their reactions. (Think of the old adage 'it hurts me more than it hurts you'.)

In every conversation, there are probably words and phrases that alert us that something isn't as it should be or arouse our suspicion. Words and phrases like... "what had happened was..." "pretty much..." "technically..." "right around..." So, what are some "cutesy" or "playful" or "sassy" words and phrases that you or your EE say to try to avoid explaining something?

Hi Hannah! That is absolutely not a weird thing to want or ask for! I am also in this for nonsexual reasons. Check out my About Me and message me if you'd like!

It is true that a lot of people wouldn't go into detail the way that you have, here. For that reason, don't let anyone's questioning your integrity bother you too much. It pays to be cautious in this type of situation (speaking both for being skeptical of the post and meeting people in real life). I can be wordy like you, and while I haven't had people question my integrity for that reason (though I have for others) I have had issues with people who approach me returning as much information as I give them to me. More often than not, despite my long and detailed About Me and semi-long Marketplace advertisement that is linked there, I am approached by people with a one-line message, even if they are asking me to consider mentoring them. In those cases, I do give them the benefit of the doubt and go see if they have an About Me that will tell me anything. More often than not there isn't one. The way I see it, if it's like pulling teeth to get someone to tell me things about themselves privately the same way I have been open publicly, that is the red flag. To the same token, when it comes specifically to spanking many are private about the details of one so when someone is so open with it it can mean that the person, the experience, or both aren't legit. Unfortunately, once you have been 'burned' a couple times by fakes you become overly skeptical. As an ER I am forever being approached by people asking how I spank as the opener. No 'hi, how are you' or anything like that. Just straight to it. Often it's people who are geographically nowhere near me so it's irrelevant. Many people are annoyed by my response that it depends on the person and then it turns into 'well, what about me?'. Spanking is not (and should not) be a cookie-cutter experience. Therefore my answer is that it depends on the person and their particular needs. I don't play the 'what if' game with ees. I simply state that the information is on a need-to-know basis and since we aren't talking about working together, you don't need to know All of that is to maybe explain some of the responses here and that I can see both sides of the coin, not to condemn your post and also not to condemn anyone's take on it. I'm Switzerland. Now that I've made that clear, I'll address your questions with permission from my active ee, and references to my MIA ee. I will also specify that I am speaking only about the ones I met on here. ER's - What are the main reasons you discipline your EE? What do you think of your relationship? Do you like using a safe word through your discipline sessions? What do you look for in an EE/love most about your EE? How do you determine the time and intensity of the punishments? What's your favorite and least favorite implement? The main reason I punished MIA was due to overindulgence issues. It happened once in the two months that we were checking in daily. We were becoming very close. Even though the punishment took place over Skype as a directed self-spanking, there was no safe word. I did it in such a way where I would check in after every set of spanks. With my active ee, we've had a handful of issues but they haven't been anything as serious as overindulgence. They've been because of everyday wrongdoings. Also no safe word for the same reasons there was no safe word with MIA. What I loved most about MIA was that he was very driven and goal-oriented. He often checked in with me before the appointed time and we genuinely enjoyed each other's company. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that he wanted to achieve the goals we agreed upon. With my second ee, we spend a lot of time chatting and we get along as friends as well as have a solid dynamic when it comes to being ER and ee. There have been some 'growing pains' but that's to be expected. What really got my attention with this person is when she said that she really just needed someone to expect something of her. We work in a way that is very complimentary to my mentoring style which can be difficult to find in a community such as this one. With all of my ees, the length of the punishment and intensity is largely determined by not only the offense but also the reaction, so there is literally no way for me to explain other than saying that each person is different. Generally, I start with the idea that the minimum will be equivalent to the age of the ee in question and most of the time that works out (as in they can take the amount without any issues). This is a hyper-realistic approach that I know to be taken by many in the vanilla world who spank because of the books Shepherding a Child's Heart (I forget the author) and Lisa Whelchel's Creative Correction. It seems to serve to reassure the ee (especially if they are brand new to spanking altogether or even just brand new to adult spanking) because there is a predictability to it, which proves that the ER is trustworthy (they do what they say they'll do/keep their word) and isn't an overwhelming introduction. From there the spanking can continue or there can be the promise of a higher (and less predictable) number for future infractions. Also, every person's tolerance and every person's skin is different so I don't like the cookie-cutter approach. I believe a good ER is going to tailor the experience to the specific ee and from the look of it, it seems like that's what happened in your case. Good luck as the two of you go forward!

I want to clarify that I am NOT asking for money. I can provide anyone willing to help with my power company's phone number and the account number. The same with my cable/internet provider. If anyone is willing to send groceries, that can be done through Wal-Mart.com and Amazon.com. I imagine gift cards to other grocery stores can be given through email so that at no time do we ever have knowledge of each other's banking information.

It's also quite hard because even if you do trust your partner, you can never be 100% sure the other party is trustworthy. So even if the SO has one mindset, and even if the person who is in a spanking situation (whether it be a one time thing or a relationship) with them has agreed to those terms, there is no way it to be 100% sure that the other party is going to keep their end of the deal. Sadly, many people take limits to mean that once a relationship is in place those limits can be pushed slightly because a trust has been built...and here I am talking about an assumtion being made by one of the parties being carried out versus a conversation being had before anything happens. A conversation before any limits are pushed is ideal but that isn't how it always happens.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

@AfterGeometry Gotcha. Yeah, that's a difficult one. And maybe I think of it differently because I am an ER but I see nothing wrong with discussing things with many different people. Not all of the people you talk with will work out. And talking doesn't even have to mean that a spanking ever happens before a party realizes that the other party isn't a good fit. Personally, I was warned that I would get slammed by a lot of messages since I am a female ER and apparently that's a rare commodity here. If I hadn't responded in a timely manner to each of those messages that would have been rude and dismissive. But also, what do you mean by 'committed relationship'? Are you wanting to romantically engage with the person? That's much different than not. Likening this to my own mentor style (but trying to be vague out of respect for the board rule) -- a parent can have more than one child but still care for all of them. A child only has one set of parents.

I don't care how other people are treated. I have a right to be treated with respect, game or not. How other people are treated is beside the point. Add to that that it was a medication issue and yes, it struck a nerve. I have made no secret about my situation and I don't and will never appreciate it being used in the manner that it was, "part of the back and forth" and "heckling" or not. Integrity is important to me, and the way it came across was that I lacked integrity. That's never going to be funny to me.

The first question I have in return is, what do you mean by 'other interests'? I don't want to assume you only mean having other spanking partners -- what you mean by that term could color responses. I think you are right that there is some level of normalcy of being jealous in relationships. But there is also something to be said about trust. If you and your partner establish boundaries with other people then those should be respected and you should be able to trust each other that they will be respected. We need to recognize that we don't live in a world where the only person of the opposite sex our partner will come into contact with will be us. On that level, you have to be able to trust your partner to conduct themselves appropriately around those people even when you are not around. And, my belief is that if you can't do that then that's a sign you shouldn't be in a relationship with the person to begin with. I do tend to think that men are a little more prone to jealousy than women but I also think that it depends on what type of interactions are taking place. For example, spanking is one thing and sexual spanking another. It's interesting because I had this conversation with someone recently. For me, spanking is separate from sex. Like, 100% separate. I realize it's not for a lot of people and that's why discussions like this are so important. This topic has come up with several if not all of my EEs across time. (I was actually discussing that with one of my EEs the other day and realized that as a general rule I had only been recognizing my EEs that were on SN as opposed to all of them, but that's another topic altogether.) Basically, the consensus has been that if the EE wants a romantic partner who spanks them (or gets spanked) as a part of that relationship, cool. But having that doesn't mean they can no longer have me as a mentor. Punishment spanking and sexual spanking are separate things to me. With one person we explicitly stated that their genitals are for their spouse and their butt is for me. In terms of Switches it can get a little tricky. In theory (because I don't identify as a switch but that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion ), I wouldn't want to switch with one person. I would want to always see one person the same way so that it's less of a head-trip and signals don't get confused. So, like, with one person I would always be in authority and with another person I would never be authority. I'll use the example of the person above. They spank their spouse but their spouse does not spank them, I do. In terms of me and my spouse, he is understanding of Ageplay and the concept that there is actually an adult on the other side of the computer (so in real life spanking situations the body is an adult). Outside of that, though, he struggles to understand that adult spanking can be non-sexual.