DaChief

Thanks for all the hard work.

This is a touchy topic due to SESTA/FOSTA legislation. The only suggestion I can make is to look towards the spanking model community. Some of them do pay for play sessions on the side, but not all.

Welcome to the site. I'll try to contribute what I can. 1) The spanking desire never dissipates. A while back someone posted something on another site, but I've forgotten who and can't quote the person directly. What they said was, "Interest in sex wanes over time, but spanking is forever." This sums up spankos very nicely. Frankly, if you did connect with someone, you'd likely go into "newbie frenzy" and wouldn't be able to get enough for a while, as opposed to making it wane. 2) I'm in a similar situation, except my kid is grown. I've done four spanking sessions so far this year. I still think about it almost daily, and the fact that I work with a woman who gives off incredible amounts of spanko vibe tends to help keep it in my thoughts. Of course, I never suppressed this urge, so for me a few sessions a year is enough. Or so I tell myself. If it weren't for the kid and my 86-year-old mother, I'd probably be doing four sessions a month, not a year. And I've been doing this for over 30 years. This is a long-winded way of saying that one session a month won't stop this from permeating your thoughts. It would normalize it for you, over time at least, but it wouldn't stop it. Short-term it would probably only intensify, and then wane over time. Once it starts to wane, and becomes "normalized," you'd then be able to balance it out in conjunction with the rest of your life. More on this in my next answer. 3) For me there isn't "urge" anymore, but that's relative to the fact that I have been doing this my whole adult life. The desire is always there, sure. That never goes away. But the desire is always there to get out with my camera and do some photography too. Bad weather or other commitments sometimes makes me curb that desire to get some photography in and given that I've had a lot of real-life experience with spanking, I can likewise curb the desire for spanking play. This is because I've normalized the kink within the greater context of my life, which in turn makes it easier to balance off in relation to everything else. That takes time, though. 4) This is a tough one. In all honesty, Millennials and Gen-Z are going to be the litmus test for this. A small number of Gen-Xers made a semi-open relationship arrangement with a spanking partner and a vanilla spouse work, and I know of one, and only one, Boomer couple who pulled this off, but for every success story there were probably hundreds of failures. The two generations coming up behind mine are more open-minded, as a rule, where this sort of thing is concerned. If your wife is giving you the green light for platonic spanking play outside of the marriage, then I would encourage you to explore that, but you'll also need to open a separate discussion about how to navigate the minefield of an open relationship. There is going to be risk involved with this, and success is not guaranteed. The biggest problem in these situations is that non-spankos struggle with the concept of us doing this platonically. That theme frequently came up in the failed attempts of which I am aware, at least. Addressing this aspect might be the best starting point but be aware it will likely need regular reinforcement. Can't help with your last question, as I can't relate to a desire to receive. I believe others here can speak to it though. I hope this helps. You may find some answers overwhelming, and that's okay. Keep asking questions. We have a good crew here and tapping into our knowledge is free of charge. 🙂

Scammers and fake profiles are part of doing business on these sites. No way around it, you just need to build in personal filters. By C/L do you mean Craigslist? They discontinued personals about 6 years ago. I know people are trying to get around it, but dude, if you posted to Craigslist, you're inviting scammers. Please disregard if C/L meant something else.

Welcome to the site. We're a fun group, just watch out for DaChief. That guy has more loose screws than an AMC Gremlin. Please take a few moments to review the Safety & Advice section, if you haven't already done so.

If you're being introduced as a "tutor," then frankly a gift card to Starbucks or Amazon is perfectly fine. and won't raise any red flags.

I really only use the forums. I rarely initiate DMs, but do respond to them.

I'm not comfortable setting rules which wouldn't reasonably apply to me. There are shades of grey though. Speeding for example. My car typically doesn't go less than 40 mph, and I struggle to keep it under 70 on the highway. I haven't gotten a ticket in ages, but the grey area thing is that it's one thing to be travelling at 53 in 40 zone at 11pm on a Sunday night and another to go 60 in a school zone at an hour when schools are letting the kids out. One I'd let slide, the other, not so much. As a side note, I think all spanko tops work the "do as I say, not as I do," line into our banter at one point or another. But a playful rejoinder and a cutting remark are two different things, and every EE should know which side of the fence an ER is on in that type of situation. A lot more I can say, but I'd like to hear the opinions of others before going too deep on this.

First let me say that you can trust me, I'm not like the others. I say that because you need to walk away from anyone who says that to you and don't look back. The next thing to watch for is anyone who looks down and to the left when you ask them questions. Dead giveaway they're lying. If a person makes you uncomfortable, and they respond to you concerns by saying something like "stop being dramatic," or "you're crazy," or if they try to negate your concerns by spinning the conversation back to their feelings, well, that's gaslighting. Stay away. Avoid anyone who wants you to meet right now. Bad mojo there. They're impulsive and impulsive people aren't likely to respect your boundaries. If you own a dog, try to meet with people in places like a park where the dog can be exposed to that person, and keep a careful eye on how your dog reacts. Dogs. Know. Things. And dogs never lie. I can tell you a lot of creepy stories about how dogs alerted me to dangerous people over the years. I don't know how they know, but dogs know. Most important, listen to your inner voice, and don't make excuses for people, no matter how nice they seem. If something doesn't add up, call the person on it. If it was a miscommunication, it'll be cleared up quickly. If it's something else, your inner voice will alert you. This is an extension of the old expression, "Truth doesn't mind answering questions, but lies resent being challenged." I'm sure there's more which others will add. It's a quarter of 2 in the morning where I am though, and bad thunderstorms had me up half the night last night, so if I seem too hard case with this reply, please grade it on that curve. Tired as I am, I wouldn't have been able to sleep if I didn't offer something.

My late partner and I were playing one afternoon, and I guess we made more noise than we thought. While we were on a break, I went to make coffee while she used the bathroom. There was a knock on the door, and two cops were standing there. They were, uh, checking up on us because the neighbors were concerned there might be a "problem." I let them in, told them she and I were "just playing around," but that she'd be out of the bathroom shortly and they could speak to her. She never heard the knock on the door, so when she came into the kitchen, she had no idea the cops were there. She was wearing an open robe and carrying a riding crop. She had a big grin on her face and said something along the lines of "Honey, I want you to..." then she saw the cops, her face went livid, she dropped the crop and ran out of the room. The older cop told the younger one to wait with me, and he'd speak to her. I was pretty relaxed, kept asking the younger cop if he wanted coffee or anything, but he looked like he wanted to shoot me. After about 10 minutes, the older cop comes back, points at me and in a gruff voice says, "Keep the volume on your TV down when you're watching those action movies!" Then he turns to the younger cop and says, "Come on, Jim, nothing for us to do here." I'm pretty sure the older cop had seen people in the 30's (our age at the time) get freaky and he knew the difference between that and DV. Anyway, she and I laughed about it eventually, but not right after they'd left. 🤣

Welcome to the site. Please take some time to read the Safety & Advice section, if you haven't already.

I had an ex who was anal erotic. Plugs and other items were used not just with spanking, but with everything sexual. She couldn't climax without anal insertion of some type.

I was once at a garage sale with 2 other spankos. They had one, and only one, ping pong paddle available. Yep. I bought it. That was 50 cents well spent. 🤣