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About zolika

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  • Birthday 03/17/1983

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  1. I’m sorry that your partner refused and ridiculed your desire. That’s very sad. I wonder if he did not understand or could not fulfill your wishes. Many can not do it, they just can’t bring themselves to do what is needed due to their inhibitions. The fact that they are well meaning does not help. Even l, who was interested in spanking from the get go could not deliver the consistent discipline my partner needed in the beginning. It took a lot of patience and coaching from her so we got on the same page and her needs were fulfilled. My personal experience is that the crazy need subsi
  2. Hello Krista, That is not straightforward to answer. However, mentoring, someone caring about how you do has shown to be a big motivator (a study about stopping smoking comes to mind, but there are countless studies showing this), so it’s reasonable to assume that for some, there are added effects for being spanked. It can help in a variety of ways 1. It can be truly unpleasant and add some extra motivation to avoid the situation. I however believe that the effects of this are limited. 2. It can help you own your mistakes. Accepting that you had control over what happened
  3. The irony is not lost on me. She says this is not describing our situation, so I defer to her in this and save some time.
  4. Hi Kellie, Thank you for the detailed reply! I think the most useful was to rethink the basic assumptions. Like if spanking helps our relationship. Sure, it's going much better than when she was not spanked (or not consistently enough), she feels safer more cherished and I feel less overwhelmed by taking care of her. However when looking into it, is it really the spanking that is working or something else? I'm currently experimenting with moving emphasis from spanking to scolding and consistent guidance, by decreasing the severity of spankings for discipline. Though what you su
  5. Hi, We were looking for even more specialized forums. There seems to have been some forum going on the Taken in Hand but the last post has been a few years ago. Same for many other websites. Any suggestions where we can ask questions relating to TIH relationship?
  6. Hi Everyone, I was wondering if anyone noticed any negative effects to regularly being spanked. My fiancee and me have a sort of taken in hand relationship. She has rules and she gets punished if she breaks them. Mainly spanked. One of her rules is to be respectful. Punching (light) or pinching is not tolerated as part of this, but despite getting spanked many times for it she has trouble holding back. She was worried that spanking teaches a negative example here. On the other hand it is a great help in our relationship. Another explanation is that I'm simply the person clo
  7. Hi Toria! I don't think it depends on your personality. (do you want to change?) Not that I'm so experienced, but I think it's best to just talk it over with your partner if you are interested. Make your own rules. If you both think being grumpy is fine, then it's fine. You can also just try it for a fixed time (a month or so) and see if it's something you want. You don't have to give up all control at once. Think about what you feel comfortable with. Although I think it can't work if you change the rules in the middle, but that's just me. (I mean it's ok to change whenever, but not whe
  8. If there is nobody to see them it's ok, but for people living with others, going to the gym or swimming regularly this can be quite a problem.
  9. Well, I think I won't say anything that was not said before, but anyway. To ask such things was wrong of him, because 1. he hurt you 2. there was no need Nothing wrong about what you did, even sending the normal photos is ok, but be carefull that you are not identifiable unless you want to be. No one needs to know where you live exactly for online mentoring. I belive asking to show your bottom as evidence or for determining the actual severity of the punishment is acceptable, but only if you and your husband agree. On the other hand, if you feel pressured into doing so, it's better not
  10. While I don't have the exact experience you mention I do have experience with being betrayed and lied to by mentees, and mentees seeking help from others while in a mentoring relationship with me. Sadly I also have experience with a woman choosing another. It happens sometimes. It's unwise to blame the other. I understand it can be frustrating, but we undertake a job to solve problems for others while we know that there are problems we can't solve and so there is a chance of faliure. It's understandable to try to avoid faiure. On the other hand while I don't mind if a sub seeks answers fro
  11. Sorry, but I can't just join the queue on this matter. There are some things I can wholeheartedly agree on, like "We need to model the type of honest, accountable and balanced life that we expect of our subs." However this does not mean a sub can only have one top. (just asking, do you also think a top should have only one sub? Even a child has two parents, grand parents, elder siblings, teachers ... Not "meddling" in other peoples mentoring seems also wrong. Subs are not property, but free, thinking individuals, responsible for their actions, who can decide for themselves. If asked for
  12. Actually a lot of spankos came up with the idea, and experimented with it. I recommend you check earlier posts. It's not as dangerous as cpgiver suggests, but it's generally a good idea to exercise caution. Do an allergy test for example. As I remember the reports, the stuff stings like hell no matter if you apply it before or after, and it's a bad idea to try and wash it off, so if you want to experiment, try with a small amount first! Also if you search the net, you can find some info from people who tried it already and if you use the same products the possibility of something going w
  13. Hi! I'm twi... interested. Anyway, It's nice to have you here. I'll be moving to Toronto in October, at least that's the plan. I like to give and get, so I think there is a few things we could talk about. I'd like to know more about you, and your spanking preference. I'll probably mail you later, but you could also PM-me. Right now I can't write too much because I'm working. (I probably edserve a spanking for even being here, but well...) Zoli
  14. Hi! I think your experience comes mainly from the fact that you are actually a spankee. When you admitted this to yourself and others, it was easier to find the right people. So you have to be honest to make it easier for yourself. Granted some people regard switches as some kind of lesser variation of spanker or spankee. This means that these people will not accept you completely and probably not right for you if you are really a switch. Many times people learn this kind of attitude because they lack the experience and can't form their own opinion. I wish people would stop forcing down
  15. Thanks for the encouragement! I'll try to incorporate the alternative punishments. It would be manageable if only monthly meetings were needed, but somehow it seems like she is provoking me to take action. Just reflecting on DarkSteven's thoughts but maybe what she needs most is the intimacy. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but I have this feeling that she is testing me. "If I do this will you give up on me? Will you punish me really hard? Will you let me get away with it?" Maybe she feels if she does something really stupid I'll come immediately, even if I come to spank her. Maybe I sh
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