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jennyjen last won the day on October 10

jennyjen had the most liked content!

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    Discipline Dynamic
  • Spanker/ spankee preference?
    Male Spanker
  • Sexual Orientation
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    It's Complicated
  • D/s Dynamic(s)

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  1. Oh truer words have never been spoken. The problem is, when left “unsupervised”, I go well beyond backsliding by swearing. is swearing a bad habit? Certainly. Is it one I could curtail on my own? I’m certain it is. However, I’ve come to learn enough about me to know I’m a brat (for lack of a better word) by nature and what I can get away with, I will. I’ve also come to learn enough about myself to know that while I am incredible at supervising/handling others, leaving me unsupervised for too long is never good for me.
  2. Hi 😊 I wouldn’t say you don’t belong. Sure, maybe you aren’t into spanking in quite the way your SO is doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of a community that may be able to help you better understand her need or offe support and advice. I can’t offer any resources really, other than myself. If you have questions or want to talk, I’ll gladly do my best to help and will certainly listen. I understand how this can be scary for you. Yes, a discipline relationship can be an intimate one but that does not mean it will be sexual or even ever lead to that. It’s intimate because you’re sharing the “worst” of yourself with someone in the hopes of helping to correct it. I’ve found that while a vanilla SO may be willing to try to be that person, it isn’t always the most desirable for either the vanilla or the spanko. I suspect your SO wants to keep that part separate, not to hide it from you, but because what she needs from a disciplinarian may be more than you could comfortably deliver. Plus, accountability to a person, particularly someone you’re in a relationship with, can tread a fine line into resentment. It’s easier to be accountable to someone whose life is separate from yours because those feelings of “unfairness” or “imbalance” don’t as easily come into play. I think the biggest question you need to ask yourself is: do you trust her? Ultimately everything else falls into place from that answer.
  3. This. 100% this. I don’t want a disciplinary spanking at all, but have learned it is absolutely something I need (it also feels incredibly impossible to find!!) I thrive on clear rules and boundaries with equally clear consequences. I’ll test those boundaries at first, but will eventually learn to avoid the consequences, particularly when I’ve “met my match”. As much as I’m in control of every other facet of my life (ie other people in my life), I tend to spiral out of control when I don’t have someone I am accountable to simply because I can. a discipline spanking is not something I should ever want…not if it’s being administered properly.
  4. I’ve said before that I have a terrible habit of swearing…enough to put a sailor at a truck stop to shame. What’s worse is being south side Chicago Irish makes me slightly proud of this ability at times. My past ER was very efficient at helping to curb that habit, but now that i no longer have that accountability, I’ve slipped back into my old ways. This is certainly an item on my “list” of things needing correction
  5. Mouth soaping, in a word, sucks. I hate it (not nearly as much as the corner, but I digress) and it was an incredible deterrent for me when used. I tend to swear a lot and I also have a tendency to fight a spanking or argue and show disrespect. Very little can make me be as cooperative as the combination of spanking, corner time, and mouth soaping. It’s kind of hard to feel like a badass standing in a corner with an incredibly sore bottom and a mouth full of soap.
  6. It’s evident that these thoughts are weighing heavily on your mind and I’m sorry there is no definitive answer. Each person is different, as is each relationship, as is each spanking dynamic but if I can try to offer a little solace or ease of worry… yes, I absolutely believe a person can have an intimate, non-sexual spanking relationship that would not interfere with having an SO. I have a specific need for discipline, structure, and accountability. In my life I’m technically the alpha female and, well, people don’t tell me no. 😂 I laugh but it’s true and I get my way a lot. Yet, I still need someone that can not only tell me no, but mean it, then stick with it, and be able to sternly deliver the consequences should I not act within those established rules. In this dynamic, yes, a very personal relationship can be established between an ER and an EE, but I don’t think it’s unlike a therapist/client or even best of friends. Often we share our deepest thoughts, secrets, fears, etc with someone other than our SO. Is that emotional cheating because it’s your best friend or because that person happens to spank you for it? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think neither. if my SO was uncomfortable with my need, then I’m the type of person who would want to explore why and try to ease any worries or concerns. Perhaps they associate spanking as purely sexual. Perhaps there’s a fear of it going too far and they don’t want you hurt. Perhaps it’s a trust issue. There are so many reasons and getting to the bottom of them can help communicate a resolution so that the spanking can happen but without fear of a straying SO. Spanking has so many incredible layers. I truly love spanking in a sexual context. Love it. However, I have had genuine disciplinary spankings and there’s not a single thing I enjoy about them other than the final release of guilt, anger, remorse,etc. and these spankings have zero sex involved (at least in my experience). They hurt, are a deterrent, and I dread them (as I feel I should). Talk to your SO. Honesty goes a lot farther in this situation than many of us ever give credit for because so many of us have been made to believe we’re weird, strange, wrong, etc and so our first inclination may be to hide it. Explain how you feel and truly listen to how they feel as well. I’m of the mindset that the more we talk about spanking, the better 🤷🏼‍♀️
  7. personally, I prefer this one…
  8. I see your point @Imperium about not wanting to be controlled on how you do things. From an EE perspective who needs a discipline dynamic, I don’t outline parameters as an attempt to control the situation, but rather because I know me well enough, what I respond to, what I don’t, etc. If my goal is to change behavior, then lecturing, spanking, etc can be huge motivators while humiliating or degrading me completely removes me from the moment and only makes me feel worse about myself. Once “we” (general, not specific) have communicated our thoughts, if they align, great. If not, that’s fine too. But once those parameters are established, I expect to have zero control or say in whatever or however he chooses to discipline me. I’m not a “sub” and I do think there’s a distinct difference between choosing to submit to an ultimate authority in a disciplinarian vs being total submissive and expecting to do whatever, whenever, and however he pleases just because it pleases him. No judgement there whatsoever! It’s just not me and so I choose to lay out my hardlines and beyond that, it’s up to him to decide how to handle me.
  9. Oooh how I wish more spankERs thought and believed as you. Or if they’re out there, I’m sure not finding them! I truly appreciate the fact that you have worked to hone your skill as well as recognizing the amount of risk absorbed by an EE.
  10. 😂 well I find some comfort that a spanker didn’t know what it was either
  11. Hot sauce is often a good alternative to a mouth soaping if language and sass is an issue. It is not an entirely pleasant experience to feel the sting in the mouth as he or she is stinging your bottom.
  12. Hello and welcome 😊 no, you aren’t alone in what you seek, but yes it’s a lot more difficult to find than other forms/dynamics of this thing we do. Unfortunately you’re going to get a whole lot of people who pretend to be what you’re looking for, only to twist it as you get to know each other, along with those who will inundate you with requests, but at least they’re upfront about it. Yes, it’s incredibly discouraging especially when you think you’re making progress with someone, but hang in there. It’s what I’m trying to do anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️ good luck. I genuinely hope you find what you are seeking.
  13. Youch!! Thanks for showing me what they are!
  14. Newbie here 🤚 (sorta) ummm, what’s a spurtle? A friend who has zero idea of my need recently gave me a cutting board with my last name on it, but it soooo looks like it would make one hell of a paddle. I keep it on the counter of my kitchen, which probably doesn’t help my unfulfilled need much 😂 but damn if I don’t walk past it and get that butterfly feeling in my stomach! I would like to get an old strap. Not that I’m a fan of the strap because I think the belt itself is much more powerful in its all senses inclusion, but I loved watching old movies where they’d get the strap and “take a walk to the woodshed” and so I’d like to have one, just cuz.
  15. Aaah ok, my apologies as I clearly misunderstood. Thank you for clarifying! The physical precautions (I believe we’ve discussed this on another post) are the easier part. It’s the emotional precautions that are more difficult to put into place or practice. What’s even more difficult is the constant waiting 😂 maybe it’s just the inherent brat in me that wants what I want when I want it (well sometimes until I actually get 🤣), but it truly is a real and genuine frustration to know exactly what you need and not be able to get it…at least not so easily when I have the bar set higher on what I will and won’t accept.
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