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Everything posted by quietmandd22

  1. For myself and my ex, we found DD after we had been married a while. We had power struggles and neither of us were really satisfied. I was raised with "happy wife, happy life" mentality and so when we found DD there were already some problem areas that we changed very quickly. She desired to keep as much freedom as she could but she was coming from a place where she was trying to manage everything and it was killing her. She still handled the bookkeeping but I had to approve anything over the normal weekly budget. We made the budget together so we both knew why we could only spend x amount on this or that. She handled all the meal planing and purchasing as well as planing all the doctors, dentist etc. I handled all the stuff with taxes, mortgage, house and car maintenance. She did most of the research on taking care of the kids as well as planing family vacations. She planned most of the clothing purchases and outfits for us and the kids but there were a couple times I chose specific clothing or disallowed certain styles for her or the kids for modesty reasons but it was rare. We both disciplined the kids as needed. There was only once where I expressed concern over a person she was friends with. Otherwise she went out with the girls from her work or church and I didn't interfere. DD didn't really change our sex life. I was in charge of date night (sometimes I went over budget but she never complained 😁) We both worked so there were sometimes when each of us had to take on the others responsibilities but that's just normal life. A lot of stuff we agreed on together after discussion but I was the one who would hold her accountable if she didn't follow our rules. We would still argue about stuff but I had "veto" authority. If I felt like we had talked about it enough I would use the phrase "I think you need to submit to me on this" and that was her cue to let it go or to accept discipline. I made a point of talking to her one day after any discipline or a big argument to check in and ask if she had peace about our interactions or was she bitter about it. That was the part that was hard for me hear sometimes but I learned how to better speak to her heart in difficult situations and I think it gave her the confidence that she still had control over how she was treated. There were a few times she expressed disappointment in me when she felt like I wasn't trying hard enough or I hadn't followed through on something we agreed on. The disappointment in her eyes was enough to change my behavior. I think subs don't realize the power they have over their HOH/Dom if they express their gentle disappointment rather than anger or rage.
  2. Welcome, happy hunting! Be safe!
  3. That is interesting! If you really want to find out I can post a link of some software for your phone that will let you track a wifi signal. Then you could get a rough idea where it's coming from. At least narrow down your options to 2 or 4 units instead of the whole complex. Ohh I love a good mystery!
  4. I also get the impression that when I was growing up: morality or "being a good person" was more about how you behaved and less about what causes you support. If there is no sacrifice then its not really something you believe regardless of what you say. Now it seems like its enough to praise or shame people for what they say when their actions clearly show they believe something else.
  5. This is beautiful. I'm happy/sad for you. 🙂
  6. Rita have you found a wormhole connecting Westchester and Florida? Young lady on this forum we obey the laws of general relativity!
  7. I always thought Mr. Darcy was a spanko, you can see it in his eyes 😁
  8. Welcome, Yuliko how are things in the Ukraine?
  9. Thank you for sharing. Indeed it is a risky thing we do. I'm sorry for the struggle you had to go through. It is a sobering reminder.
  10. I talked to a woman who used more-or-less that exact phrase. Yes I think it can relieve stress for some people - though maybe not the way you think it will. How we imagine we will feel when spanked can differ from real life experiences. This isn't anybodies fault, it's just important to have realistic expectations.
  11. Very nice. I wish I was this prolific.
  12. I think the short answer is ritual. I know in our modern world we tend to throw out all things that don't have immediate practical benefit as superstitious nonsense but rituals help us punctuate our existence. I think there are primal parts of our brain that switch on and off when we repeat a set of actions. Brushing your teeth and changing into pajamas helps your body "know" its time to slow down for sleep. You and your girlfriend could look at it like the changing of the guard so to speak. There are naturally a lot of rituals for spankos already but you can collect/invent ones that are meaningful to you both. You don't have to make an elaborate ceremony but some small gestures like changing into a certain outfit, kneeling, arranging the pillows or other furniture in a way that signifies "someone is getting a spanking", you could come up with a small set of phrases like a call and response you say to each other. Take your time. Turn off the TV. Your mind will wander away at first but the more you do it the more your brain will more easily adjust. Setting a specific day of the week might be good. Sharing rituals has been a powerful way for people to connect for thousands of years.
  13. I think you need to go to edit profile and enable status updates. A little check box above profile information. Once you save it a new box pops up under "activity". I know that was a little vague but hopefully you can take it from there. BTW Welcome!
  14. This sounds sweet. I would figure all that exertion would wake you up more. You learn something new everyday! Think of how much money we could save on sleep aids.
  15. Sure, How are things in Italy? I've always wanted to go, but I haven't made it across the Atlantic yet. I have some Italian ancestors and I love the food.
  16. Welcome back and hope you find what you're looking for! Why are you nervous?
  17. I know your question is about how to handle your own submissiveness or lack thereof but I'm going to come at this from a different angle. I think when a person allows themself to be vulnerable/submissive they expose their spouses true nature. Its a test. When you make yourself small and someone else gets to be big, what do they do with their power? Do they use their power for their own personal comfort or do their decisions benefit the one who sacrificed a part of themselves to give that power. Are you good at being submissive? Maybe, maybe not but there's no prize for "most submissive wife". Your prize is knowing that you gave your spouse the opportunity to be selfish and they chose to be selfless. They passed the test. It's not a question in your mind, you know their character because they acted it out. An when they fail, how do you choose to treat someone who acted selfishly and hurt you. That's a test of your character. You get the idea
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