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Everything posted by brittygirl

  1. Financial restriction is very common in DD, and is mentioned in most of the blogs out there in some way, and I knew right away I’d never submit to that and it crossed a line for me. Taking away a debit/credit card and only allowing the EE to have cash was a pretty common theme I saw. It gives me the ick. I make my own money, and even when I didn’t and was a SAHM that felt to me like it a form of control I wasn’t comfortable with.
  2. I wouldn’t accept anything that restricts me financially (such as taking away debit card or freezing account, etc), but I also have hard limits at whipping, which I just don’t enjoy at all, or name calling that’s insulting (bad girl is fine, stupid whore is not). Not in DD or anything close to that but those would be my limits.
  3. I responded to the interpretation that chawsee made and her question. If you’re coercing submission, it is the same as coercing anything—not SSC. I made it clear that if you’re working within the confines of boundaries and roleplay and in your agreement as partners? It’s all good fun and a very hot scenario to play out. If you’re genuinely forcing someone to something they don’t want, that’s dangerous and abusive. There’s a difference between what you just wrote and what I responded to within chawsee’s question.
  4. To me, that is coercion, not submission. Forcing submission is probably a fun fantasy or fun roleplay to play out (hey, I love to pretend I don’t want to submit to a spanking!) but if it’s genuinely being forced, it is no longer SSC, it is now missing the most important element to a spanking relationship. If it’s all play? Then live your best life!
  5. I have a lot of thoughts about this and I’m sure some of this is aimed at me since I brought up earlier that we’ve had an influx of trolls both in chat and on the main forums as of late, and I think the first thing I have to get out of the way is that real, honest spankos who are here to connect with other real, honest spankos are allowed 10000% to be annoyed by trolls who come on the site and degrade or put into a bad light TTWD. I have also, for a long as I can remember and recall, looked at spanking stories, spanking sites, and read spanking blogs in secret on the internet wondering if I was a freak because I never in my real life could imagine anyone else finding this appealing. But I also have a high BS meter and I feel fiercely protective of my fellow non-bs’ing spankos. I’m sure no one who is a frequenter of the chatroom has not noticed that some of the most active members from as long as I’ve been here have started to drop off and not come in as much or have taken to not talking in main at all and I know for some of them the reason why. It’s tiring. It’s tedious. And it really does drive away those whom come here for discussion and honesty and camaraderie when the same few trolls spend their time dominating the chats and the forums with their outlandish stories or consistent “I been bad”’s. I’ve mentioned before that I was an active member of the old ADDS chatroom for yeaaaaars before I found and joined SpankingNeeds and it very actively, in real time, died before my and many of the real spankos who frequented it’s eyes because of being taken over by trolls who made it impossible to chat or form any real discussions. Perhaps it’s a trigger for me, or perhaps I’m just at a point in life where I’m way too old and tired for putting up with BS that makes safe spaces like these unenjoyable, or maybe I just realllly don’t want to see the chat and forums turn into what happened with ADDS, but I see not a thing wrong with trying to protect the integrity of the site and it’s members who just genuinely want to chat and make connections. Obviously, this isn’t aimed towards “littles” or “brats” who identify in their kinks as such, but more for the “I punched a cop, what will you do to me?” Or “Im 24 and live at home and my parents spank me naked” crowd who really do bring down the quality of the site. I know if I’d stumbled here ten years ago and the top five topics in main were all badly written trolling posts, I’d certainly feel like this isn’t the place for me.
  6. Vanilla has always been a BDSM term to mean someone who’s not into kink. Here, I’d assume people use it to mean non-spankos but it can be hard to remember that when you’ve used it so long to just refer to non-kinky folx (and kinks cover a loooooot beyond spanking). My husband is “vanilla” here because he’s not a spanko, but he’s into other kinks which in my mind means he’s not vanilla, but va bene. For the spanko room, I just take it to mean not a spanko!
  7. Where in the world do you think people think spanking isn’t sexual? Most of us do believe it is. There’s a whole section dedicated to it, in fact. Spanking is my sexuality and is incredibly sexual to me.
  8. I wish people would stop pretending that spanking is the norm in the south. That’s fantasy trope in this day and age and outs a lot of y’all.
  9. This sounds like it really crossed the line, imo. Hoping this is a fantasy story. I was cringing reading it. Don’t you have kids at home? Spankings shouldn’t leave cuts that take weeks to heal 😕
  10. I’m short— 5’3 and my husband is just about 6’0. I dated a few guys who were really short and a few that were very tall, neither bothered me as long as we were compatible other ways. I think Tom Holland is about the cutest guy in Hollywood and he’s on the shorter side for a guy.
  11. Ours are 100% funishment and erotic. My husband isn’t a spanko and doesn’t see any benefit to discipline spankings since I enjoy being spanked (and he’s pretty right about that). He says they’re more satisfying to him when he feels like I’m being a brat or have an attitude, but he still doesn’t discipline. That’s just a fantasy for me, which is why funishments work the best.
  12. You don’t sound like a horrible partner at all! The need and desire to be spanked in a spanko is very strong, and it’s very disheartening when you can have the need fulfilled. I think you have to come to terms that your fiancé isn’t a spanko and he’s probably never going to want to spank you for not cleaning the house. I think this is a BIG fantasy component for us spankos, but the truth is, it’s really not going to happen in reality. I know you mentioned that you want non-sexual spankings too, but most likely your fiancé isn’t on that page. We have sex after every spanking I get because that’s what makes spanking me appealing to my husband. He’s not a spanko so he doesn’t derive pleasure from it in any other way but sexually. Would it be possible to sit down with your partner and set one day a week or every other week or once per month where you can get a spanking without having to ask, without any other pretenses, just one night that it happens consistently? Weekends are usually when I get spanked, and although we don’t have a “schedule” that’s just what happens naturally because those are the days we are both home and usually have time and aren’t tired. the videos that the poster above linked are exactly the ones I’d watch and show my partner. My husband has seen all three of those, actually. You could also see if your fiancé is open to watching a spanking video of the kind of spanking you’d like on spankingtube or another platform. Men can be pretty visual so I feel these are helpful to them.
  13. I got the most durable and intense (and personalized) spanking spoon from sassychckn on Etsy!
  14. I have all of the advice for this! I’ll try not to ramble, but this could’ve been me 8 years ago writing this when I got engaged to my husband lol. so first off, I’m a spanko who is married to a non-spanko and we’ve been together for almost a decade. I first brought up my need for spanking to him when we were engaged, but I didn’t bring it up to him honestly, which is where my first piece of advice comes from. Listen, DD is my BIGGEST fantasy. I have read all the trashy DD books on kindle, I used to follow ALL of the blogs closely, I convinced myself that spanking to me was not at all sexual and was just a need and I NEEDED to be taken in hand. I now understand and realize that a) almost all of this is fantasy. Most of those bloggers are people spinning fiction as being real life, and that realization began to dawn when there was a big scandal in the DD blogging community about a very popular blogger who was exposed by a mutual friend who’d stumbled onto her blog. You can’t compare your life to these stories and these people because no one is perfect and MOST are not living a life they claim to be living. You can only live what is going to be authentic to you and your future husband. b ) there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that spanking is a sexual turn on, and if it is what will make your fiancé be willing to indulge you, let it. Spanking IS a turn on for me, even though I tried to convince myself for years that isn’t. My husband isn’t a spanko but he is very turned on by spanking me and we generally have amazing sex following a session. I highly recommend that you look into funishments and presenting that to your fiance. It is a really good way to compromise your needs, as well as exploring the side that some spankos wont ever admit to themselves—you’re allowed to find spanking sexual. c) look into Jillian Keenan and send some of her videos to your fiancé to better explain how this all works. I do not agree with all of her takes, but there are a few very good videos she has where she explains how this need works. She is very educated and successful and I think it was sort of a comfort for my husband to see that like I’m not insane or alone in this crazy community. d) come to the realization that you do not NEED to be spanked to be motivated. You’re an adult who is capable of adult tasks and adult living. Spanking can be a bonus and it can be a great motivator for me as far as increasing my happiness and therefore my willingness to go above and beyond, but it’s not a catalyst for being an adult. Spanking is also NOT the end all, be all. At the end of the day, I would be with my husband even if he didn’t want to spank me because we have an entire life together that is very healthy and happy and stable. He has amazing traits that far outweigh him not being a spanko. and lastly, communication is a must. We saw a sex positive therapist for awhile to help my husband understand my needs and help me understand my needs as well. You do not have to do that, obviously, but it does help if you keep communication open and honest with your fiancé instead of “beating around the bush,” so to say. Come up with compromise. Ask him what HE would like to get out of indulging you with spanking. If it’s sex? Try it. If it’s something else? Give it a shot. You cannot convert a non-spanko into a spanko, but there are absolutely ways you can make your life happier and come to an understanding. After all these years of navigating and negotiating, I’ve come to many realizations about myself. My spanking relationship with my husband is far from perfect and it will never live up to my fantasy of what I’d love to have, but it’s MUCH better than it was and I am a lot happier now. you’re welcome to pm me if you ever need to vent or get advice!
  15. For spanking me? Jensen Ackles or Alexander Skaarsgard. To spank? Anna Kendrick or Mila Kunis
  16. I’m pretty sure you’re misremembering this episode. The one on wife spanking with the wooden spoon was horrible and the guy is in jail for assaulting his wife in front of their children. She never agreed to spanking in their marriage and he used it on her as an intimidation tactic. He also abused their children and he saw NOTHING wrong at all with any of his actions. I’m also for SSC spanking in relationships, that was not a good example af all. Unless Dr Phil had two episodes about spanking.
  17. Totally agree with that. I find most people who have consistent problems with any of those listed above are looking for a reason to be punished or they’re toxic/immature. I know this all rose to popularity with some DD bloggers who are no longer in publication, but I tend to believe a lot of their lives were fantasy based.
  18. I personally love it. I think everyone is different! It hurts more, but in a more intimate way. I’m a big fan haha
  19. This is just a vent mostly, no need to tell me this is the internet and it’s just how it goes, etc, but does anyone else ever get tired of the fakes and the stories? Being real with someone, sharing your experiences, your lows and highs, only to be met with obvious fantasy scenarios? Being a spanko can be lonely, desperately lonely, and it always sucks to feel like you’re making a connection with someone or you’re putting yourself out there, and then you get met with fantasy and bullshit. I wish people felt like they could be real and didn’t have to lie to get their kicks on here. Navigating a spanking relationship is so hard as it is!
  20. Brought from chat: For all the spankees here, what is your level of submission like? Are you a natural submissive? Are you a play submissive (only in scenes or the bedroom), or are you neither and just like the idea of it? How did you come to figure out your submission or lack thereof?
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