nicoleS39

I grew up Amish and only went to 8th grade. I got spanked quite a bit...specifically paddled. Always over clothing and bending over with hands on knees...or bending over with palms on a desk top or chair seat....always in front of the entire class. My offenses were....talking in class....not finishing or handing in assignments...fighting (twice)....tardiness...getting a 70 or less score on a test or assignment....once for cheating....passing notes in class...being disrespectful. The max of swats in one day permitted was 5...but a note home accompanied every paddling. At home...it was much wore. Twice the number of swats with the paddle from my mother, and then twice that number with the leather strap from my father.

Yeah....I run into this now and then. I recognize that how my husband and I live out our dynamic is definitely not for everybody, and in no way diminishes the way others live out their own dynamics. In fact, I learn and consider and to some extent sometimes explore some of the ways of others. I have even role played some dynamics very much different from mine...to learn...maybe understand...and even "consider" incorporating if it seems desirable to us. I often preference explanations of our particular dynamic with "personally"...or..."for us"...or..."the way we live"....

@rubyredd....Ahh..thank you for the acronym meanings.

Oh...that is interesting. As I said, I recognized a lot of similarities between Pearl and Amish practice. However, I had no idea the Pearls intentionally referenced Amish practice until your post here. I should be fair. Not all Amish communities are the same regarding how vigorously they apply "some" aspects of their lifestyles. For instance, some are more tolerant than others regarding things like sharing community freezers powered by generators....or levels of interactions with the "english"....and some are really "more" joyful than others. The tone the local community elders set is the biggest factor. So...I think not all Amish are as harsh perhaps as others regarding child rearing. I knew a few friends growing up in other communities that did not get spanked that often nor as harshly as most in my community did. I never knew of any deaths caused by Amish disciplinary practices. There were some other pretty ugly things happen now and then that I will not get into. The Amish, like any community, did have their own cruel men too. And...sometimes justice was not served...in my opinion. There are some very wonderful Amish people. Likewise...there are some "not so much." I made the right decision for me to flee, regardless of how hard it was for me to find my way for awhile.

I have mentioned that I was raised Amish. In my family, me and my sister were spanked frequently and hard. Our brothers too, but not nearly as much as my sister and I. It was abuse by any standard referenced today. In our particular Amish community, severe corporal discipline was common in the families and the phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" was taught by those in authority. So...yes...I still probably carry the emotional scars of that. I absolutely hate the idea of spanking children and I am sure, it is because of what I experienced. When I met my husband to be and we started discussing marriage, I told him I could never spank his two children. He had spanked them just 2 or 3 times, but he said after learning of my past he would not do that anymore, so we did not use spanking to teach and discipline our children. The church we have gone to for 16 years has never taught or sanctioned spanking of children...or...wives...for that matter. I recall such issues popping up in small groups now and then...but even then...it was discussion and never took on a more severe or harsh twist like...in my opinion...the Pearls. Of course...yes...my husband does spank me...but...that is a mutually agreed upon relationship between us two adults. However, it is NOT because our church promotes it. He does not spank me be because of our church teaching. He spanks me because we both "need" that in our relationship to one another. I am appalled by some of the samples you all have mentioned. I do believe there are Biblical teachings about loving discipline that is not necessarily physical or spanking...but even that is driven by love for improvement and growth....and not solely for the purpose of "breaking a child's will." I heard the Pearl's mentioned on here a few times, so I researched. They triggered my hurtful past experiences. Although I do not remember them mentioned growing up...but I saw a lot similarities in their teachings on discipling children and how my parents dealt with us. I read in this topic a couple of other acronyms I honestly did not recognize. FLDR....CSA?...IBLP? Can someone enlighten me please?

Totally agree about leather cuffs being a much better choice. My husband has never used the metal cuffs on me. Also...proper fit is very important. Too tight is dangerous...but too loose can cause injury too. Chafing results if the fit is not right. My husband adds some kind of light rubber sheet thing with a cotton lining to his collection of leather cuffs he uses on me.

I know many folks here are not comfortable with the idea of using restraints during spankings. I can see how it may not be appropriate or right for some...or even many. Certainly...nobody should be genuinely "forced" to be restrained. However...with us, my husband will not hesitate to restrain me if he deems it best...for a variety of reasons. I think one is just plain practicality...as in your case. Sometimes positions used in spankings cannot be easily sustained....so there is a less effective spanking than may be desired... or...possibly a safety concern if the. spankee looses a safe position and the spanker consequently accidentally strikes an unintended and more injury prone area. I think for some, the use of restraints adds to the feel of submission or dominance. I know it does for us. My husband certainly does not restrain me for all my spankings, but he always constrains me for ones more severe in intensity. He has been doing that since early in our marriage. Our particular reasons are...first...safety...as I am not very good at holding myself in position when the pain and sting is intense. I know some see this as bad training of me, or poor self discipline...but...after lots of trial we have found....i will ALWAYS move or kick or ot her wise make it impossible and unsafe to severely spank me...unless I am firmly restrained. Its just the way I am. And...threats of more punishment if I "move" or try to cover myself with my hand or whatever...well....I "still" do it anyway, and if he enforced that type of rule...my goodness, my spanking would be endless...lol. I think ya know what I mean...lol But...I guess for me...I admit I like the "feel" of being at his total mercy...and me not really being in control at all. And...therevis a certain "humbling" aspect to being restrained that adds to the punitive effectiveness of my spankings. Sometimes I am left restrained after an intense spanking to cry it out before he releases me...or...to "wonder" as he may move around the room where I cannot see...."is he done?"....or....just pausing..."is there more?". And...with me...I "do" sincerely hope it is over...but...there are definitely times that it continues on...even worse....so....there is a certain "helplessness" and uncertainty that we both feel is "needed" in my more severe spankings....and for us...such cannot be achieved with the use of restraints sometime. Oh...sorry...I am not spanked in the diaper position...at least not yet...so have no idea how my husband might do that...but I am sure your dear wife is very creative and will find a way that is effective but not injurious for you. I gues s I am thinking on your bed in disler position, ankles cuffed to the headboard behind your head, probably wrists too? I dunno....

I know many folks here are not comfortable with the idea of using restraints during spankings. I can see how it may not be appropriate or right for some...or even many. Certainly...nobody should be genuinely "forced" to be restrained. However...with us, my husband will not hesitate to restrain me if he deems it best...for a variety of reasons. I think one is just plain practicality...as in your case. Sometimes positions used in spankings cannot be easily sustained....so there is a less effective spanking than may be desired... or...possibly a safety concern if the. spankee looses a safe position and the spanker consequently accidentally strikes an unintended and more injury prone area. I think for some, the use of restraints adds to the feel of submission or dominance. I know it does for us. My husband certainly does not restrain me for all my spankings, but he always constrains me for ones more severe in intensity. He has been doing that since early in our marriage. Our particular reasons are...first...safety...as I am not very good at holding myself in position when the pain and sting is intense. I know some see this as bad training of me, or poor self discipline...but...after lots of trial we have found....i will ALWAYS move or kick or ot her wise make it impossible and unsafe to severely spank me...unless I am firmly restrained. Its just the way I am. And...threats of more punishment if I "move" or try to cover myself with my hand or whatever...well....I "still" do it anyway, and if he enforced that type of rule...my goodness, my spanking would be endless...lol. I think ya know what I mean...lol But...I guess for me...I admit I like the "feel" of being at his total mercy...and me not really being in control at all. And...therevis a certain "humbling" aspect to being restrained that adds to the punitive effectiveness of my spankings. Sometimes I am left restrained after an intense spanking to cry it out before he releases me...or...to "wonder" as he may move around the room where I cannot see...."is he done?"....or....just pausing..."is there more?". And...with me...I "do" sincerely hope it is over...but...there are definitely times that it continues on...even worse....so....there is a certain "helplessness" and uncertainty that we both feel is "needed" in my more severe spankings....and for us...such cannot be achieved with the use of restraints sometime.

Thank you once again for your work to keep this forum available to us...much appreciated.

Glad you are finding a regular review protocol beneficial for both of you!

Yes....as soon as I read the phrase "consensual non-consensual" and thought about that combination of those, I thought..."that's me!"...or I should say...that's my husband and me....in real life. I "consent" that he can discipline and train me anyway he wants...because I trust him and we know well what each of us needs. I do have a "pause" signal, but not a stop signal. Wow...it is amazing what I am learning here. Now...my "fantasies" are definitely "not" consensual and can be very harsh and even dark. Many of my fantasies are not acceptable in real life... nor would I want them to really happen to anybody in real life.

lol...same here. Oh well....I learn alot many places...and certainly here...because I have alot to learn....lol.

Sorry Drooaygah. I did not mean to offend. I was just trying to keep the discussion going places involving minors that some might find uncomfortable. Please know I bare you no ill will concerning your fantasies...or....anything really...lol.