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needsdirection

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Everything posted by needsdirection

  1. Lol, yes whatever she wants or feels most comfortable wearing. But if you're asking what my personal preference is: I honestly prefer that she is dressed regularly, which might sound boring. I really like the clothed-female-naked-male CFNM approach to spanking, as I feel it hightlights the predicament I'm in (i.e. Clothes, privacy, and modesty are a privilege for those that behave). Not being able to see her in something revealing strengthens the power dynamic for me. If we're both disrobed in some way, then that would just be more fair. But as any spankee knows, life is not supposed to be fair when you're being punished, lol. Also, the whole leather outfit get up is not my thing. That just makes it feel too much BDSM-ish. With all that being said, again, it's all about what the spanker prefers. If wearing something like that makes her feel more sexy, more comfortable, more powerful, or puts her in a particular headspace, then she should absolutely go for it and it would not be an issue for me.
  2. Just the physical act of being spanked does very little for me without good connection. Connection is huge. Aside from being able to trust the person, which is immensely important, I get the most out of it when the Woman spanking me understands what makes me tick from a psychological perspective and when she knows what buttons to push. It goes both ways, too. I really want to know what makes her tick, as well. It makes the experience so much better if I understand what she likes about spanking, what she likes to see, hear, and experience. I want to know that she is genuinely enjoying herself because that's what makes it the most fun for me. We don't need to be on the same exact page regarding every little aspect we enjoy about spanking, because that can be extremely hard to find, but if we are on the same page with a good handful of things, that makes for a very enjoyable experience.
  3. There is so much trust involved in these types of interactions. Ultimately, you should never be spanked by someone who you don't believe has your best interests in mind. You obviously want to make sure that this person truly cares about your health and well-being and that they won't do anything to injure you. Limits must be respected and they need to be clearly communicated ahead of time. It's definitely important to have a good amount or communication beforehand in order to build up trust. When you decide to finally meet someone in person for the first time, it should always be in a neutral, public place perhaps for a cup of coffee or dinner. You shouldn't plan to be spanked on that first meeting, which should be made clear. You don't want to feel pressured in any way. The first meeting is just an opportunity to get a better feel for that person. You need to rely on your instincts, which will be much better when you meet with someone in person. Once you've properly vetted the person and you feel comfortable going forward with the spanking, you really just have to take the plunge. Of course there will be nerves and fear. It's kind of like jumping off a diving board. You have to jump without really thinking. Just go for it.
  4. Implements: No use of the Cane, switch, razor strap, or single-tail whips. There are many other painful implements aside from these that will more than adequately get your point across with me. Marks: anything that involves breaking the skin, raised welts, blood, or abnormally heavy bruising is off limits. Clothing: Diapers and adult-baby attire are off-limits for me. However, making me wear certain types of clothing for purposes of embarrassing me is fair game. Spanking other areas of the body: I prefer to keep all whacks to the bottom area (sit spots, upper thighs, between the crack, and all fatty parts of the bottom are fair game). I will also tolerate some pain to the genital areas, such as firm squeezing or light/medium flicks. All other parts of the body are off limits. Public play: I will tolerate some public play as long as it wouldn't make a member of the public feel uncomfortable. For instance, I can tolerate shopping for embarrassing things, a threat of a spanking, and maybe even a swat on the butt, at most. But I would not feel comfortable receiving a full blown spanking in the middle of the store in front of everyone. I definitely want to be respectful. Miscellaneous: Blackmail; hateful and/or mean-spirited degradation (such as being called worthless, scum, etc.); and bondage. I'm fine if you want to put me in a leg-lock and pin my arm behind my back, but I don't want to be tied up with rope or anything like that.
  5. OUCH! The crack might hurt just as bad as the sit spot for me. A sharp smack in that area can be jolting. It definitely makes me tense up and lose my breath. It also makes you feel more defeated if you have to willingly assist the spanker by holding your cheeks apart.
  6. I live in Chicago, and even here it can be difficult to find a Woman to spank me. I feel bad for those who aren't living in a big metropolitan area. I agree with what the others above have said regarding the difficulty of finding someone who is also on the same page as you with respect to your specific interests. That's an additional challenge. But it's important to have patience and not give up trying. Eventually you'll find someone. I also agree that I did have a lot more success when Craigslist still had the personals section. I feel like it was easier to reach a larger audience than on a kink-specific website. It's too bad they removed that feature.
  7. Lol, I think the spanker taps the submissiveness into you as opposed to you tapping into it. For me, the embarrassment is the thing that does it (usually way before the spanking even starts). Once those feelings kick in and I'm staring at the ground anticipating what's about to come, I turn into puddy in her hands and the spanker pretty much can mold me in any way she likes. But I understand that this doesn't apply to everyone. I think the answer is very subjective.
  8. I remember our teacher reading the book "Cheaper by the Dozen" out loud in class growing up. There were several mentions of spanking, including the following quote from the book that I found on the internet, which was music to my ears hearing our teacher read it: "Grandma always was threatening to skin someone alive, or draw and quarter him, or scalp him like a red Indian, or spank him till his bottom blistered. Grandma averred she was a great believer in “spare the rod and spoil the child." Her own personal rod was a branch from a lilac bush, which grew in the side lawn. She always kept a twig from this bush on the top of her dresser. “I declare, you're going to catch it now," she would say. “Your mother won't spank you and your father is too busy to spank you, but your grandma is going to spank you till your bottom blisters."
  9. I can relate to what @Wifespanksotksays about her husband. Growing up, there was a lot of peer pressure from my male friends. According to them, males are supposed to be tough, assertive, strong, in charge, etc. My friends would often make fun of each other for doing anything that was perceived as weak or feminine. It was a sign of weakness or vulnerability if you cried or talked about your feelings. Showing your emotions was considered "girly." Of course I don't agree with these concepts now, but I can't deny that this type of peer pressure has had an effect on me. For those of us who were brought up this way, I think it can be extremely beneficial to experience the vulnerability of a spanking at the hands of a Woman who we can trust to let our guard down in front of. I firmly believe this has great therapeutic and cathartic benefits.
  10. Ugh, far too many to list. So many conflicting emotions and thoughts racing through my head before a punishment spanking. I'd probably need a couple hours to dedicate a proper reply to this post.
  11. I've had someone threaten me with it but I haven't experienced it yet. I can only imagine the embarrassment, though. That part of the behind is just one of the most intimate areas for me. It's embarrassing that someone can see it during a spanking, let alone touch it. I'm blushing right now, lol. That would be extremely humbling, to say the least.
  12. Lois, the Mom from Malcom in the Middle (Jane Kaczmarek), or Beverly, the Mom from the Goldbergs (Wendi McLendon-Covey).
  13. I also was spanked this way once and it was definitely one of the most embarrassing positions for me. It's bad enough that the disciplinarian can see everything down there during a regular spanking. But in the legs-up position, the fact that she could see my face at the same time made it so much worse. I always have a hard time looking the disciplinarian in the eye at any point before, during, or after the spanking. I usually spend most of the time just staring at the ground. When I was put in this position, I had no idea where to focus my attention. I just tried my best not to make eye contact, which was damn near impossible. I just wanted to hide my face in shame.
  14. I'm kind of the same way, so perhaps my advice might help. I'm normally dominant in my everyday life and I hate not being in control. Also, as a man, there are certain societal pressures that make me feel as though I'm "supposed" to be dominant or in control. It's something that has been ingrained in me by my peers growing up. I feel like these types of things cause me to be totally embarrassed about being spanked or being submissive. Here I am, this guy who feels all this outside pressure to be in charge, to act macho, to not appear weak or vulnerable, etc... And wow, how the tables have turned when I find myself draped across a Woman's knee with my pants down being spanked like a child. Complete 180. The idea of having this being done to me is very taboo for me and so outside of my normal everyday comfort zone. But in my opinion, this embarrasment and shame I feel is, paradoxically, the very thing that fuels the desires to be spanked, albeit in somewhat of a convoluted way. It feels so wrong and that's part of what makes it exciting for me. Being spanked is just like a guilty pleasure or a song that you hate so much, but you can't stop singing it in your head. It doesn't necessarily have to make logical sense as to why it arouses you. It just does. You like it. So accept that and just have fun and embrace it, as others have said. You can be discreet about it if you want. It's not like you have to tell the whole world that you want a spanking lol.
  15. I agree with @OhRedhead. From a disciplinary perspective, while an instant intensity spanking can be extremely scary and very painful/undesirable, I can definitely be taken to that same place after a good warmup is given.
  16. One of my biggest fears! I'm shy about shopping for underwear in public, so I'd just die. But, I generally don't like the thought of making innocent members of the public, who haven't consented, to be part of any sort of a spanking play/game. I'd be too worried about making someone feel uncomfortable. When doing public play that involves embarrassment, I think it's best to do things that are a bit more innocent in nature. Perhaps being threatened with a spanking, or a few playful taps on the butt might be the furthest I'd like things to be taken. However, I must admit, I have fantasized about what it would be like to be taken to a dressing room for other people to hear a few smacks being delivered. I'd probably cry from the embarrassment alone, lol.
  17. I usually love the idea of the spanker prolonging the anticipation with various pre-spanking rituals, and drawing it out as long as possible beforehand, but the scenario you described is quite fun to think about, as well. That type of swift correction would be very effective in keeping me on my toes and watching my behavior in the future. I feel like I'd be walking on eggshells even more. Much less chance of trying to talk/charm your way out of one of those punishments, lol. And I can't imagine the embarrassment of a witness present. I'd be mortified if a woman merely threatened to give me a spanking and someone else heard it.
  18. It definitely depends on your limits and what you're looking for, which can be difficult to figure out if you don't have much experience. That's why it's important to be spanked by someone you trust who won't take things too far and who knows how to read your body language well, as people react to pain differently. For some, such as masochists, the pain can be pleasureable. For others, like me, the pain feels very undesireable. But, similar to what @Bramblewinesaid, there are enjoyable byproducts of that pain that can be exciting. Nevertheless, try giving yourself a few sharp smacks with a hairbrush on the bare and you'll get a good idea of what it might feel like. For me, if I deliver the smack hard enough, it makes me almost lose my breath. Now imagine what it's like to have someone else delivering about 30 of those sharp smacks successively in a row. That should at least give you a decent idea. In my opinion, it doesn't hurt any less because it's on the bum and it might even hurt a bit more there than other parts of the body.
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