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Everything posted by DiscreetSpanko8

  1. And it looks like we're back up! Woohoo! 

    1. rubyredd


      Is chat working, too? 

  2. Absolutely what Ruby said, repeated for emphasis. It's all about what you are personally comfortable with, what you feel is safe and in bounds. Communication is key, every time with ever partner. I personally would not use restraints with a new partner, but I rarely use restraints at all. If an ER utilizes them as a common tool then perhaps they consider it a non issue. Couldn't say, but again it's your call. Regarding perspex paddles: I've actually picked up 4 of these recently in different shapes and sizes. I was skeptical at first, being primarily a wood implement fan, but I have to say the good ones are impressive, if pricy. They seem more sting than thud, even the very thick ones, in comparison to walnut or other hardwoods. Configuration matters too, more holes tend to be stingy, solid paddles tend toward thuddier impact, at least in my experience, whatever the material. One thing to watch for, especially with the less expensive versions, sharp edged cutouts for holes, particularly if they're oddly shaped. I had to hand sand down 2 of mine. Play safe, and have fun!
  3. Power exchange can be a wonderful experience, but I will personally never play without a safeword. Even if there isn't a unique one in place, "red" is an automatic immediate halt to whatever is going on, and that is clearly discussed beforehand. Always. It's not just about pain tolerance. What if you find yourself in respiratory distress? What if you have tightness or pain in your chest? What if you reach a point where you're nauseated and vomit and aspirate into your airway? What if you feel lightheaded and can't stop the scene before you lose consciousness? Is your ER going to be closely observing you throughout to make sure that you're safe? A large part of my job centers around assessing people visually for medical issues, whether they're speaking to me or not, and I've done this for a very long time. But there are a ton of issues that can arise that aren't readily visible, however experienced one may be. And regrettably, there's no guarantee someone will be ethical or truly concerned for the safety of their partner. A decent top/dom/er/human being would of course. But people dont wear labels explicitly stating their character. You're an adult, and you can make your own decisions, but from my perspective there is no situation in which the benefit of playing without a safeword outweighs the downside. My opinion, formed over a lot of years. Your call.
  4. I'm sure it varies among spankees but I have to say it never really seems to be an issue these days for me. In years past like 15+ years ago, when I was attending fairly regular parties there were always some spankees who preferred to keep some form of clothing coverage. Which is perfectly reasonable under any circumstances, but particularly when one is playing with multiple and/or new partner(s). I don't go to parties anymore, and I don't play with casual acquaintances, so by the time things have progressed to the physical contact stage my current play partners and I tend to be quite comfortable with each other and modesty isn't an issue. I tend to stick with partners who really, reeeeaaally enjoy spanking though, (sometimes even as much as I do!😉) and whether there's a sexual/sensual component or whether its simply to enjoy the sensation for what it is, or stress relief, or whatever; modesty doesn't seem to enter into it anymore. Obviously ymmv. Final caveat: I would never want a partner to feel mentally or emotionally uncomfortable before during or after a session. So although this hasn't been my experience in recent memory, if a spankee feels more secure remaining partially or fully clothed then they will hopefully communicate that with their partner. Talk, talk, talk it out. Again, my 2 cents.
  5. I read a discussion fairly recently about the ginger issue (inconsistency in terms of "heat", potency based on time picked, etc.) And someone suggested buying powdered ginger and mixing to a paste, stating that it was highly effective and across the board more consistent than fresh ginger. Several others agreed with this. I can't for the life of me remember which site, I'm on pretty much all of them. If it was this one then just chalk it up to me being scatterbrained. Anyway, wondered if anyone here had tried powdered before?
  6. I've been seeing specialized furniture lately, spanking furniture that transforms into different shapes or sort of folds up and becomes an end table or something. It looks like great stuff but it's cost prohibitive for me. Quality workmanship though. And that would be something you could display or shift quickly if needed.
  7. Given a double spanking pretty recently actually. It was to a bottom I've known for a couple years and a friend of hers. The friend was fairly new to the scene, more of an introduction for her, hand only and just enough to leave her pink. She was definitely intrigued by the treatment of my regular though, mostly wood paddle and bath brush for her post warmup. They want to go to a club in Indy and try more doubling up. It was interesting but honestly my preference is more for one on one. I like the connection and it gets complicated if you're trying to split attention between multiple EEs. For me anyway. This worked because one of them had a much lower tolerance than my typical partners. I'm sure having a multi session with my regular partner and someone who had similar needs would leave me frazzled and probably with more soreness than my spankees! Your mileage may vary, Etc.
  8. Welcome to the site! Lots of great people here,have fun and be safe:)
  9. Welcome to the site! Play safe, and have fun. Lots of great folks here, and plenty of helpful resources, especially for those just getting started.
  10. Definitely good to be back! Don't have one to share from when the site was down unfortunately, though not for lack of trying. I was on my way to visit my favorite spankee Sunday, and when I was almost there got a call about an immediate family member being in a bad accident. Had to turn around and get to the hospital asap. They ended up discharging yesterday, so it Definitely could have been worse (sounded a lot worse when I got the panicked phone call) but I did leave us a bit frustrated. Timing is everything. Still, just means when I do make it down we can make up for lost time. Few new toys to try out that look quite... intriguing😈. Something to look forward to, and a little extra anticipation just adds spice.
  11. With regards to the specific issue of the humiliation kink, I have no experience with it firsthand, but from my perspective (simplistic and unprofessional as it may seem) awful things happen to people all the time, every single day, and if a person finds joy or fulfillment in something that doesn't cause actual definitive harm to someone then they can do as they like. Is it possible that a "giver" of humiliation could just be an abusive bully? I suppose so. Is it possible that an ER could just get off on inflicting pain? A lot of people identify as sadists, so it clearly is. But that isnt limited to the kink world, is it? How many people in the vanilla world just want to get their rocks off and don't give a damn about their partner(s) in any way other than as a mobile fleshlight? People are people, and if someone gets pleasure from physical pain then I'd never condemn them for it, so doing so because the pain they prefer is emotional would be a bit disingenuous. Should they seek therapy? Not my call. I probably should. I've been diagnosed with ptsd, and my bad days and night's can get really really bad. But I don't, in the conventional sense, and that's my choice. Everyone gets to make their own choices unless their choices violate the law. And that happens daily, in the lifestyle and out of it. Is the psychologist right? Maybe. But it's not her place to make that call for anyone else. I work in Healthcare and while I can advise my patient with cirrhosis that he should stop drinking every day, I can't take away his booze. I'm rambling at this point I think, 90 plus hours a week of constant terrible insoluble pointless hell will do that, so I'm gonna just wrap this up. Informed consent is the key, and those of us in this lifestyle, in my experience, manage that better than the vanilla world as a whole. Or maybe my sample size is so disparate that I'm just grasping at straws to justify my existence. Educate people. Teach them about consent. Do it when they're young, before they make mistakes that will haunt them, and don't assume your beliefs make you any better than anybody else. People can be wonderful and kind and caring, and terrible, and horrendous, and absolute monsters. People are people. My plan is to try and muddle through, survive as long as I can, and take every bit of pleasure I can find, with the people who share my quirks and desires and with whom I can be comfortable, and vice versa. Life can be brutal and so damn short. Be happy and make others happy. Or don't. Up to you. I am so tired. May revisit this after I feel coherent again.
  12. @Topspanker's suggestion is spot on. As someone who approaches things from almost precisely the opposite perspective couldn't agree more. If you can find the right video, and it should be possible to find something close given the tens of thousands of choices on spanking tube alone, it could at least provide a baseline for him to build from (assuming he's able to adapt to meet your needs). Unlike Top, I have a difficult time maintaining the stern and serious attitude of a true disciplinarian, since I do this purely for fun, so to really provide the "full experience" I have to get into character, just as I would any role in a stage play. Your boyfriend may have some success with that (assuming he's not the disciplinarian type), particularly if he can see how someone else does it first, or a few someone's. There's certainly no shortage of discipline focused spanking videos out there. Best of luck to you both!
  13. Definitely an interesting topic, though I doubt we'll come to any consensus as regarding a "typical" spankee. I can't even come close to reconciling that one from my own personal experience so... It's such a mix, I've had partners that were submissive in terms of spanking and definitely not in the rest of their life, absolutely including their sexuality. I've had partners who were like me, in that they didn't really display any particular Dom or sub traits at all, and just really loved spankings. I've partnered with switches who were both and neither. In my experience, admittedly not as a real "dom" type, there's very little correlation between spankee/spanker/spanko/Dom/sub/switch etc. People are just people. Endlessly variable, endlessly fascinating. I realize this isn't helpful. Sorry bout that. Interested to hear what the rest of you think though!
  14. I keep a bag with me in the car, traditional hiking pack, big enough to manage anything up to 3 feet long, and I rarely use implements larger than that. I also have a nice cedar chest at home for overflow/less commonly used implements and toys. Don't bother locking bag or chest, though my car/house are always locked if I'm not I'm them. I used to keep everything in one place but, frankly I had fewer toys then, and I like having a well stocked toybag in the car, for more spontaneous situations.
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