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DiscreetSpanko8

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  • Age
    40
  • Location
    Michiana
  • Gender
    Male
  • Experience
    Regular
  • Role
    Spanker

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  1. Welcome to the site! Always nice to see new folks joining. Have fun and be safe!
  2. Absolutely. First of all, medical professionals see a fair amount of kink related soft tissue damage, especially in prehospital settings. If you say kink related and consensual I promise we won't care. If you try for some random story about falling down stairs or getting kicked by a mule or whatever it will certainly engender more suspicion (because that's the sort of thing we're trained to watch for in victims of abuse, particularly when accompanied by signs of anxiety, lack of eye contact etc) though if your doctor is tremendously naive it may not matter I suppose. Any Healthcare professional who deals with issues involving that area (proctology, urology, ob/gyn, or anyone who works in an ER) sees kinky patients most weeks. It really isn't all that rare. Just be honest. We're all so damn busy and exhausted that we have absolutely no energy to judge anyone for anything, even if the inclination was there. And if you have even a sort of decent doc then it won't be. And if you have a lousy doc then the hell with em. Unless it's their first week out of school or something you won't shock them. Good luck.
  3. My "stingy" paddle is made of poplar. The wood is lighter/less dense than most others, approx 3/4 inch thick, and has 3/8 inch holes drilled through in a nice pattern. Typically I find more sting from paddles with holes vs more thud with solid paddles. This one is very stingy but it's also my 3rd in the last couple years because at less than an inch thick for the surface area (18" long x 5" wide) plus the holes which presumably weaken the structure, it's not as sturdy as a good solid walnut/oak/maple paddle. Much stingier though.
  4. And it looks like we're back up! Woohoo! 

    1. rubyredd

      rubyredd

      Is chat working, too? 

  5. Absolutely what Ruby said, repeated for emphasis. It's all about what you are personally comfortable with, what you feel is safe and in bounds. Communication is key, every time with ever partner. I personally would not use restraints with a new partner, but I rarely use restraints at all. If an ER utilizes them as a common tool then perhaps they consider it a non issue. Couldn't say, but again it's your call. Regarding perspex paddles: I've actually picked up 4 of these recently in different shapes and sizes. I was skeptical at first, being primarily a wood implement fan, but I have to say the good ones are impressive, if pricy. They seem more sting than thud, even the very thick ones, in comparison to walnut or other hardwoods. Configuration matters too, more holes tend to be stingy, solid paddles tend toward thuddier impact, at least in my experience, whatever the material. One thing to watch for, especially with the less expensive versions, sharp edged cutouts for holes, particularly if they're oddly shaped. I had to hand sand down 2 of mine. Play safe, and have fun!
  6. Power exchange can be a wonderful experience, but I will personally never play without a safeword. Even if there isn't a unique one in place, "red" is an automatic immediate halt to whatever is going on, and that is clearly discussed beforehand. Always. It's not just about pain tolerance. What if you find yourself in respiratory distress? What if you have tightness or pain in your chest? What if you reach a point where you're nauseated and vomit and aspirate into your airway? What if you feel lightheaded and can't stop the scene before you lose consciousness? Is your ER going to be closely observing you throughout to make sure that you're safe? A large part of my job centers around assessing people visually for medical issues, whether they're speaking to me or not, and I've done this for a very long time. But there are a ton of issues that can arise that aren't readily visible, however experienced one may be. And regrettably, there's no guarantee someone will be ethical or truly concerned for the safety of their partner. A decent top/dom/er/human being would of course. But people dont wear labels explicitly stating their character. You're an adult, and you can make your own decisions, but from my perspective there is no situation in which the benefit of playing without a safeword outweighs the downside. My opinion, formed over a lot of years. Your call.
  7. I'm sure it varies among spankees but I have to say it never really seems to be an issue these days for me. In years past like 15+ years ago, when I was attending fairly regular parties there were always some spankees who preferred to keep some form of clothing coverage. Which is perfectly reasonable under any circumstances, but particularly when one is playing with multiple and/or new partner(s). I don't go to parties anymore, and I don't play with casual acquaintances, so by the time things have progressed to the physical contact stage my current play partners and I tend to be quite comfortable with each other and modesty isn't an issue. I tend to stick with partners who really, reeeeaaally enjoy spanking though, (sometimes even as much as I do!😉) and whether there's a sexual/sensual component or whether its simply to enjoy the sensation for what it is, or stress relief, or whatever; modesty doesn't seem to enter into it anymore. Obviously ymmv. Final caveat: I would never want a partner to feel mentally or emotionally uncomfortable before during or after a session. So although this hasn't been my experience in recent memory, if a spankee feels more secure remaining partially or fully clothed then they will hopefully communicate that with their partner. Talk, talk, talk it out. Again, my 2 cents.
  8. I read a discussion fairly recently about the ginger issue (inconsistency in terms of "heat", potency based on time picked, etc.) And someone suggested buying powdered ginger and mixing to a paste, stating that it was highly effective and across the board more consistent than fresh ginger. Several others agreed with this. I can't for the life of me remember which site, I'm on pretty much all of them. If it was this one then just chalk it up to me being scatterbrained. Anyway, wondered if anyone here had tried powdered before?
  9. I've been seeing specialized furniture lately, spanking furniture that transforms into different shapes or sort of folds up and becomes an end table or something. It looks like great stuff but it's cost prohibitive for me. Quality workmanship though. And that would be something you could display or shift quickly if needed.
  10. Given a double spanking pretty recently actually. It was to a bottom I've known for a couple years and a friend of hers. The friend was fairly new to the scene, more of an introduction for her, hand only and just enough to leave her pink. She was definitely intrigued by the treatment of my regular though, mostly wood paddle and bath brush for her post warmup. They want to go to a club in Indy and try more doubling up. It was interesting but honestly my preference is more for one on one. I like the connection and it gets complicated if you're trying to split attention between multiple EEs. For me anyway. This worked because one of them had a much lower tolerance than my typical partners. I'm sure having a multi session with my regular partner and someone who had similar needs would leave me frazzled and probably with more soreness than my spankees! Your mileage may vary, Etc.
  11. Welcome to the site! Lots of great people here,have fun and be safe:)
  12. Welcome to the site! Play safe, and have fun. Lots of great folks here, and plenty of helpful resources, especially for those just getting started.
  13. Definitely good to be back! Don't have one to share from when the site was down unfortunately, though not for lack of trying. I was on my way to visit my favorite spankee Sunday, and when I was almost there got a call about an immediate family member being in a bad accident. Had to turn around and get to the hospital asap. They ended up discharging yesterday, so it Definitely could have been worse (sounded a lot worse when I got the panicked phone call) but I did leave us a bit frustrated. Timing is everything. Still, just means when I do make it down we can make up for lost time. Few new toys to try out that look quite... intriguing😈. Something to look forward to, and a little extra anticipation just adds spice.
  14. With regards to the specific issue of the humiliation kink, I have no experience with it firsthand, but from my perspective (simplistic and unprofessional as it may seem) awful things happen to people all the time, every single day, and if a person finds joy or fulfillment in something that doesn't cause actual definitive harm to someone then they can do as they like. Is it possible that a "giver" of humiliation could just be an abusive bully? I suppose so. Is it possible that an ER could just get off on inflicting pain? A lot of people identify as sadists, so it clearly is. But that isnt limited to the kink world, is it? How many people in the vanilla world just want to get their rocks off and don't give a damn about their partner(s) in any way other than as a mobile fleshlight? People are people, and if someone gets pleasure from physical pain then I'd never condemn them for it, so doing so because the pain they prefer is emotional would be a bit disingenuous. Should they seek therapy? Not my call. I probably should. I've been diagnosed with ptsd, and my bad days and night's can get really really bad. But I don't, in the conventional sense, and that's my choice. Everyone gets to make their own choices unless their choices violate the law. And that happens daily, in the lifestyle and out of it. Is the psychologist right? Maybe. But it's not her place to make that call for anyone else. I work in Healthcare and while I can advise my patient with cirrhosis that he should stop drinking every day, I can't take away his booze. I'm rambling at this point I think, 90 plus hours a week of constant terrible insoluble pointless hell will do that, so I'm gonna just wrap this up. Informed consent is the key, and those of us in this lifestyle, in my experience, manage that better than the vanilla world as a whole. Or maybe my sample size is so disparate that I'm just grasping at straws to justify my existence. Educate people. Teach them about consent. Do it when they're young, before they make mistakes that will haunt them, and don't assume your beliefs make you any better than anybody else. People can be wonderful and kind and caring, and terrible, and horrendous, and absolute monsters. People are people. My plan is to try and muddle through, survive as long as I can, and take every bit of pleasure I can find, with the people who share my quirks and desires and with whom I can be comfortable, and vice versa. Life can be brutal and so damn short. Be happy and make others happy. Or don't. Up to you. I am so tired. May revisit this after I feel coherent again.
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