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HerrBlacktooth

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Everything posted by HerrBlacktooth

  1. Ultimately self discipline is a direct part of self respect, the more actual respect one has for oneself, then the more self disciplined one becomes. This is why personally I find the entire DD thing to be a deeply disturbing concept. Personally speaking when I say that I will do something, then I do whatever that is, it will be completed as it should be completed, in full, exactly when I said I would. Never do I make excuses for myself, indeed, I am 100x's tougher on myself than anyone else. If I am not there, if the task has not been completed as specified; then I am dead. Ergo, I will not let myself down. That is purely for my own edification. It is an unfortunate fact for many people that self respect is something created and built up throughout ones childhood/young adulthood ..... It is created by one's successes and achievements, one's socio economic group, by one's parents, by becoming competent at tasks/skills. Plus for many the praise of other's. People find self respect in slightly differing ways for sure. However one can see that many, many people really do not understand what self respect actually is .... Often people believe that stubborn refusal to comply with anything or anyone, demanding what they have not earnt or admitting they are wrong, even when that is "Cutting off one's own nose to spite one's own face" is taking place, is 100% not self respect; rather, that is a personality weakness. So how does one create self respect and thereby self discipline in later life? It would seem that it is a fairly difficult task. Many views held will have to be ditched; meaning views about the person they hold for themselves, plus their view of society. However, IMO, achievement is still the only way to create self respect and thereby, self discipline. Taking pride in one's own determination and abilities is the key. People move around Maslow's Hierarchy all day every day, but to gain self discipline and thereby self respect and/or vice versa, then one must hit the top of Maslow's pyramidal model on a reasonably regular basis each day. How often do people ask themselves ... "What have I achieved today?" ... "What have I learnt today?" These are IMO important questions, for oneself. Someone here suggests splitting large tasks into bite size pieces; maybe. Maybe that works for some people to at least get something done. Personally speaking, that would not be any route which I would take myself. My personal view is one should use proper Time Management. If we acknowledge that effective time management leads to better results, which leads to growing self discipline and ultimately, true self respect; then time management is surely the way to go. A basic way to look at managing one's time is this ..... Imagine one's tasks are held in a circular pattern above your head, much like aeroplanes circling an aerodrome waiting to land. The planes land on the basis of the fuel loads being carried. Those aeroplanes with the lowest low fuel must land first or they will crash. By the time the first have landed, those with previously medium fuel loads have become the new low fuel loads, so they must land next. The next group initially had high fuel loads but are now at medium fuel and there are new aeroplanes of course constantly joining the stacking system. So in terms of tasks, one must always complete the most urgent first, then those of medium urgency then lastly those which can simply wait at that time ... As time progresses the tasks of course move up the ladder of importance. Personally I use A,B & C ... A = Must be done B= Medium importance C= Not important presently.... to apportion my time to tasks. Not having ones tasks within a system is nowhere near as effective as an ordered approach, indeed it often/usually creates 'fire fighting' and that creates a loss of self respect and therefore self discipline.
  2. There seems to be very real confusion on social media amongst so many people or maybe it is the ghastly homogenisation of society which it creates. It is both endlessly tiresome, self defeating and ultimately restrictive as much academic research is now concluding. One would have thought that clearly, the purpose of my thread is an attempt to help some types of vulnerable people, help themselves ..... People whom in the past I have seen causing themselves both severe personal and fiscal issues. Because they are somehow unable to grasp when they are being used, manipulated and/or ripped off. Is that not valid? {Gallic shrug} ..... Let me be plain, I am not creating threads about things which people are 'not doing' on here, they are doing them because they do them on every adult forum ... Ms 18yr old blond is touting is here on your site, today. There were already people who clearly didn't see the dangers, replying to 'her'. Then we have Paedophilic sexual abuse openly discussed. That is NOT a conversation which should appear on any adult style site: on that situation your guidelines are deeply mistaken ... Because although Mr Y or Ms X may be allegedly 'exploring their abuse' in a way they which do not find 'sexual' .... There are actually two issues with that: 1) People with paedophilic interests and/or ephebophilia, they do find it extremely arousing ... Such content indeed 'feeds' them and it is low level material most fo them use to maintain their interests ..... If people would care to read about the psychology and criminality of these people, then they will see what I mean. 2) This 'light weight non sexual exploration' is a well known method for such people, as in paedophiles and ephebophiles, to network with each other. To make new connections ... Most paedophilic activity is 'in family', as I should hope we all know. Therefore it is not Mr X going onto the Onion Router to post, "I want to groom your daughters and you can groom mine!!" ..... No, what Mr X does instead is post under an assumed name and gender "My name is ***** and my step daddy when I was 9 yr old ......" Well, we can all fill in those blanks. But then Mr X closely watches who answers and how they answer. Or, Mr X gets private messages from people who are interested in 'her story' ... Which then turns into networking between these people. However on this forum it would appear CoL, that you trust when Ms ***** is posting it is about her actual Uncle or actual step father abusing her .. That the person posting is an actual female of say 21yr old and that she is depicting something which actually happened .... Being realistic you have no clue if that posting is either truthful or correct, you are simply assuming. It would appear to me CoL that you are a decent, upstanding, truthful and God fearing (most likely) person. Like so many, you assume others are much like yourself with similar outlooks and similar 'common sense' values ... The problem with sense, is that it is most definitely not common Ergo, your forum could easily already be, without your knowledge, a back room meeting place for these people. Now personally I do not find that acceptable because every child that is abused, is another deeply confused and struggling adult whose life has been blighted. People who have issues with childhood abuse, need professional counselling, not to vent openly in public .... It does them no good and create opportunities which no person should want to exist. The adult BDSM/spanking scene is unfortunately not all 'Jolly hockey sticks', fun and games .... It carries some extremely dark issues within it's walls and it hides some truly dangerous people ... Personally I am not a huge fan of naivety in anyone, but my personal code does not enable me to stand by watching people further damage either themselves or others. What you apparently see as negative about my posting, others have already seen as positive and to quote one person from a pm ..... "We need more quality content here. Your writing is excellent and you are already helping people, more than you know." Then to answer a question which someone upset with me had posed, I have also been told in pm .... "You nailed several traits about ******* in your description above, without even having conversed with *******." The reality is that I am not a type of person which yourself and any others are used to. Indeed I accept that I talk in a way which is considered 'difficult to access'. Several clinicians and my wife plus our adult children are all of that opinion. This is because I make make connections in my mind which result in huge jumps in the narrative I give out. These are jumps which I wrongly imagine everyone else is making, so I think they understand what I am talking about. Importantly though in this context .... * Do I mean any one harm? No. * Am I trying to upset, troll and/or insult people? No. Many decades ago I had a mentor whom I worked with closely, he always said "If you want to make a pearl, then you have to have some grit in the shell" .... Am I grit? Probably, in your view CoL Do you want grit? Probably not, few do. Ultimately I am just trying to at minimum make it clear what I am about ..... Obviously if you do not find my posting conducive to your peace of mind and your pm box is full of complaints regarding me ..... Then you had better ban me. It is the obvious and simple answer 🙂 All good fortune to you.
  3. That is 100% correct, professional counselling is a fundamentally important avenue to look into ... However the part which I have italicised, CoL's warning addendum, that is highlighting something which in truth is far harder to achieve than people might imagine. There are many, many people who spank, (males mostly) in this realm for who spanking is simply sexual excitement and/or a power trip . Such people will use any and all excuses to justify spanking anyone they can get their hand on. There is an adage "Give a man a fish and he eats for that day. Teach him to fish and he feeds himself for life' .... The concept of Domestic Discipline and 'spanking as punishment' is actually just the same in reality .... "Spank a person each time they transgress and they will behave that day .... Teach them why they transgressed and their life will change for ever." Now at the bottom line (sic), people who spank because of the excitement/power trip and justify their activity by supposed broken rules etc .... they of course have absolutely no reason to see the person they are spanking, improve their life choices. Indeed it pays that spanker to keep the spankee, misbehaving as it were. In fact the discipline which yourself and anyone requires lays within the individual, it is does not require an external drive or force; in essence @TimidMouseyou have to learn to trust your own judgement and create your own lines in the sand When I met my wife, she was in a mess, for various reasons. She (wisely) wrote a journal which she added to all day and night; if she thought it, she wrote it down .... It read like a food processor running on maximum where the lid had come off and exploded up a wall ... in the melee of her thoughts there was pieces of structure and understanding of her issues, but she simply could not stop her mind long enough to see that. However, about a year after we met she had a ritual burning of all the journals she had written, because she no longer needed that thought process or them. We got to that stage because ..... When we met I could see the vast and extraordinary potential she held as a human being, if she could be stabilised. So I stabilised her by effectively picking her up for the first 3 months, slowing her mind down, setting some verbal rules and then planting her firmly back on her feet ... Next I provided her immoveable support, care and indeed, love. Her opening gambit with me was "You need to punish me, I mess up!" .... My reply was 'No way that is happening. We will be equals, you will be self responsible, whilst any BDSM/spanking is purely for entertainment" After many years my wife not only 'sorted' her mind, she spent a decade + educating herself and these days she has an extremely important career. This has never done anything but increase our BDSM activity, as she has become fully self aware of her own sexuality through this whole process of finding her true self, her education and these days; through her work. Her judgement of matters is the only judgement I listen to. However when I was first told by her "You need to punish me, I mess up!" if I had said "OK!" ... then she would have achieved nothing and would still be working as some admin clerk. Spanking is clearly not a path for adult expansion ... it is a sexualised act. It is unfortunately used to mask many other issues in both spankee and spanker ... There is nothing wrong with liking to be spanked, but my advice is do not hand over yourself to that as a way to 'get better' ... because it will simply hold you in a place without personal growth.
  4. ... is what they used to say in many an old newspaper in the 'small ads' as they were known. Advertisements posted by dubious 'companies', whose sole purpose was to fleece money from the more gullible members of the public. Giving advice is a mostly fraught experience, as if the recipient understood the advice as it is given, then they wouldn't need the advice. You see the problem, or maybe not. The reason I am posting this is because of something which I saw, which made it come to mind. This is advice for hetero sexual male spankers, usually of a certain age and more usually, lacking shall we say; well honed social abilities. When one sees an advertisement for a person purporting to be a young lady between most usually 18-23 yr old, saying how she is looking for an authority figure in her life to spank her because she is struggling (in some manner) and where you live is not important .... Then do not instantly get all hot under the collar and start posting to 'her' .... Because most certainly it is a lie, it is someone out fleece the people who respond. What those who respond find is that all of sudden after 3 or 4 chats about her needing you to spank her firm bottom ... the 'young girl' (who is most probably a 30yr old male in an African phone operation) is begging for money ... Her rent is due and/or her student loan not appeared, and/or her electric is about to be cut off, plus her PC has blown up and she cannot do her work. Then of course her mother is ill and she needs money for her mothers care ..... How can she think about being spanked at a time like this!!? Those are all indeed genuinely the excuses/reasons one such 'young lady' tried on who went by the name of poetry majorette, on a now long defunct site ... She ripped off at least ten guys (we suspected far more), one of them really quite seriously, before she disappeared in a puff of smoke .... Which is when it all came out. Of course the males involved are too ashamed of their crass stupidity at being suckered in so most stay pretty quiet about it. My advice is therefore .... Send no money .... not now or indeed, ever ...... Really, do not buy into this ridiculous garbage. It is a fact that no, as in NO, slinky, kinky 19yr old bombshell of a girl wants some sleazy old bloke in polyester slacks getting near her panties unless it is lucrative ... In reality with these alleged females you will NEVER meet them, quite obviously, because they do not exist 99.999x's out of 98. Please, such gents, for your own mental health and bank balance .... Do attempt to think with your brains. Give it a try, you might even find it refreshing.
  5. Indeed, people should always access professional help. The human mind can be a strange place at times for every person. All good fortune to you @ ukspanko. Change is always an opportunity; seize it with both hands.
  6. LOL .... Thank you, that is first time I have laughed at anything on this board in a 'funny' way. My personal answer would have to be a very definite no, speaking as a pure Alpha myself. However, why am I laughing? Because this is definitely a 'spanking only' site. It is not a 'There is some bleed (sic) into BDSM' type of site and therefore bringing up CBT (Cock & Ball Torture) on here is something akin to having male strippers at the Women's Institute Sewing Circle. Which is why presently you have had 18 views and no replies. Indeed last week (?) one guy on here was complaining about bare spanked bottom pictures being used as profile/avatar pictures by some .... In reply to which the purported owner of the site, appeared to say that they might be able to ban them if enough people liked the idea .... Err ... Wow. Having only been here a couple of weeks myself, I have no clue if the mods/owner will even leave this post you have made or delete it, Hank. One must say you do seem to have taken the wrong path on the way to FetLife my friend. All good fortune to you. P.S ..... Is that 'crank' as in cranking?
  7. Smiles ... Now I rarely return to any thread but I made a bet with myself and as prophesied .... Here you are. True to type. Unfortunately I do not think that you are anywhere near as wonderful as you like no doubt to imagine. It must be fraught, frenetic and fiscally poor being you; so mostly disappointing. As a European I have to say that I am most certainly not a dude: but it leads me to wonder what are you? A failed skate boarder or just the oldest surfer in town? Nor am I your friend [nor of anyone like you] .... Because you had/have actually made light of the paedophilic abuse of your wife .... You are clearly self obsessed. Really, what is there to like about any of that? To reiterate the only important point here .... Your wife has been sexually abused as a child. That is not a positive thing. There is 100% no 'positive take away' from it. There is only psychological damage. Of course she should not be ashamed, but her classic clinical response in sexualising her abuse requires investigation with a professional. One might have imagined that instead of you being all upset and spitting your little dummy out of the pram ..... That you might have taken that on board. As to people, what they do and how they think, it is a fact that I know a great deal about it as I spent some years being a professional interrogator .... Hence I know people: I not only see/hear what they say, but I analyse how they say it ... People use certain language because of what they are thinking and driven by. Thereby, people's activities and responses are easier to dissect and apportion to past experiences/outlooks, than the average person would like to imagine. Indeed, people in general like to imagine they are 'complex' and 'above average intelligence'. When of course in fact the vast majority of people are 'average' in all ways. What this means is that nearly all people are simple to identify as suffering from the drives recognised by the Dunning Kruger Effect. On top of all that I know these scenes inside out, meaning BDSM & spanking. Not only in a private capacity but from decades owning the commercial supply of adult sexual material and activities .... Ergo, you as a person are extremely simple to read. Unfortunately I've met 'you' in one form or another more times than I really care to remember. Still, trying to be helpful, my fundamental advice here is for your wife to access professional psychological help. But past that, I could care less about you huffing like a child .... Because quite obviously if you thought I was correct, then I would know I was getting something seriously wrong. 😘 Now really, do try to calm down ... This thread and you hold no further interest for me. Toodle pip old bean.
  8. "Always open to positive feedback" But what if you do not find the feedback/advice positive? You stop listening because you do not agree? This is said because after reading that above you seem to be a person who rushes about, wants adoration and seeks easy answers which you like. Obviously communication is key in anything; but if people have no idea what they are talking about then that can be less useful than it appears. It would be my reading of the situation that your wife craves attention and so do you, you both want to be validated by others. That is not a negative statement, simply a factual reality. It is why the swinging, it is why your wife has positive memories of paedophilic sexual abuse. She it would appear took the attention as positive because she craved attention in her dystopic childhood. Adult spanking is about a million different things from an infinite gathering of people's innate feelings, emotional responses and personal needs. 'Need for punishment' is one tiny possible drive, a link to coital sex is a larger section of the spanking community but by no means a given. After my own 40+ years in the BDSM and spanking scenes as an Alpha, I have never once linked sex to those activities as I cannot abide coitus or 'sex' in general. @ Megthe makes a valid point, which is that communication should be taking place before and after. However 'aftercare' the modern internet addiction is personal choice, certainly not a 'must'. In truth finding coital partners is easy when compared to finding spanking partners that work together in any way long term. This is because it is such a diverse subject with so many possible alternatives and nuances for the individual. So let us briefly return to your wife's paedophilic abuse. That is not the underlying drive she has. Indeed I somehow doubt she has ever explored why she turned what happened into a positive memory ... One has to suspect it was about her childhood and a need for acceptance, but that needs to be sorted out in her mind. There is little doubt to my mind that the drives she has into swinging etc is directly linked to that experience and other unpleasant experiences she had a child. Because I doubt that happened in isolation. It is a well known clinical psychological theory that prepubescent children turn sexual abuse into sexual responses as a coping mechanism ... Rather than swinging or spanking, maybe your wife would benefit from professional counselling. By your post it seems you are the driving force, in your mind, in your marriage. Why you are seemingly stunned that your wife knows what 'squirting' is an example of all that. To create a workable, ongoing, sensible spanking relationship then you need to both be of equal importance and value. Of course with your prior history and outlook it will take you nano seconds before you start scanning for other 'play partners', swinging in spanking terms. My advice, if you want any, is to first calm down. Change the way you communicate to include actual listening not just waiting to talk and then you might get a better relationship out of it, rather than the one which simply suits yourself. The relationships which work in this realm are few and far between, that is a fact. After several decades together my wife and I still explore the subject by communication and sometimes new activity ... so the likelihood of you finding all your answers in 5 minutes is somewhat more than unlikely. One can only wish good fortune to your wife ... and your yourself.
  9. In truth I have not answered your poll, because my wife and I are not a spankee or spanker .... Rather I am in terms of our BDSM impact/spanking relationship the Alpha and my wife is the submissive. As people in everyday life we are isolationists and both have strong Alpha personalities. We are staunchly reclusive and non-tactile by our innate nature. Yet we will happily give presentations in front of people, train people, act as presenters and present speeches etc to large crowds. We therefore are not introverted in terms of being shy ... we simply choose not to mingle with others people as much as possible. We are not social beings.
  10. My wife and I have been together for a very long time. When we first met, for a variety of reasons my wife had issues. Many of them created by her mother, her upbringing situation and a short, messy, failed marriage at a young age. As such to get her back on her feet and on track in life, whilst achieving all that she obviously could, we embarked down a pathway of exploration of her issues together. Punishment? No. Discipline? No. What did I choose to use my control of her for was to achieve an egalitarian, symbiotic relationship ... where she could explore herself and be her true self, in all ways. This worked by me identifying to myself an issue which she needed to deal with to move herself forward .... Much like in an interrogation, one never asks a question which you do not already know the answer to. Ergo, I would be well aware of why she was doing what she was doing. However I would set her an essay to write. This was so she could discover it for herself, not by myself telling her. People learn best by experiential activities, not being 'told'. Therefore she would write the essay. This would not only make her dissect, examine and repeatedly think through her issue, but also of course create a starting dialogue point between us, allowing the subject to be thoroughly explored over days or sometimes weeks. The major work done by my wife, on herself, took around 5 years. In that time she straightened her life and herself out. Came to understand her drives, needs and wants in life and in BDSM terms. Let me say then, that this process works very well indeed. It however relies upon the Alpha being entirely interested in the submissive as a whole person and their well being in all ways ... Plus an clear understanding/outlook that spanking and/or BDSM scene activity, simply does not require excuses or moralising. Rather it needs to be seen as entertainment requiring no more justification than standard coitus .... Otherwise the often deep seated issues of the submissive, will unfortunately be buried under some form of dominating role play.
  11. Is it peculiar that it is mostly the Trump supporter type who are the anti-Covid faction in the USA, whilst in the UK it seems to be the Brexit voter type. Maybe one should not draw any conclusion from that, it is anecdotal obviously. Who can say. Though one can say that 'common sense' is blatantly not common, Which is the problem with people claiming 'sense' ... Sense, common or otherwise, actually comes about with education and notably worthwhile experiences of the world. My family is one entirely of professional/academic people; We all stay inside, we all avoid people entirely, we work from home, we order our food and other shopping on-line. Everything is cleaned down before entering the house. We take no chances. For those who claim they can wander about and it is all perfectly safe; well, how interesting: Seeing as the medical profession still do not really understand much of COVID 19, what it does and why. Indeed it has been the unchecked spread as soon as people lax their vigilance, which has led to the more virulent mutation which is now accelerating infection rates world wide. In logical terms this virus is becoming more of an issue, not less. As the virus begins to spread more easily it puts paid to the old wives tale that viruses mutate only to increase spread rate not become more deadly to their host organisms; is just that; an old wives tale which is simply not true. If one takes Ebolavirus for example, the world's most deadly known naturally occurring virus as example. When that virus was first documented in the mid 1970's it's figures read 2 or 3 day incubation, 30% death rate. That was 1976. It is believed now in the 21st century to have it's 'natural reservoir' in fruit bats who live with it as A-symptomatic carriers. Outbreaks are now believed to be triggered by the consumption of 'Bush meat' however, Ebolavirus is now also found in domestic animals such as dogs. Since it was first identified in 1976, there have been c.30 recorded outbreaks, with the last being in 2020. There are now three definite strains: Bundibugyo, Zaire and Sudan. Due to the nature of the countries which have outbreaks the information can be scant/confused ... However it would appear that with the original Ebola strain in it's mutations has no only become more deadly where death rates (strain dependent) are now 50% to 75% of those infected, but the incubation rate is up to 21 days and seemingly still slowly increasing. Some years ago now I stood in a slum are of a city with an Ebola outbreak still taking place ... Some young guys about 20 yr old assured me Ebola was a hoax, a made up disease that government created to get more western aid. Even though people were dropping like flies. It is strange how the same types of people act in the manner same in all countries. One sees the various conspiracy theories bandied about regarding COVID 19 and it is simply risible what is being said .... and unbelievably - believed. In January 2020 my family and I started to isolate ourselves because it was obvious that this new derivative of SARS, meaning SARS-CoV-2 aka COVID 19 was different, as it has proven to be. This virus could easily kill many, many millions as it mutates and spreads. It could decimate the world population .... So pretty please, my family and I would rather not die of someone else's sheer ignorance. Therefore: Cover your face - Wash your hands - Stay away from people. Not just 2 mtrs ... STAY ENTIRELY AWAY from people unless you have absolutely no choice.
  12. My wife will orgasm [if told/allowed to] during caning, whipping, spanking and from serious BDSM activities. Control of another is all in their mind, pain is all in their mind and orgasms are all in their mind ... Ergo, if the person perceives their predicament to be sexually exciting ... then they can cum either involuntarily or in BDSM, often by command. But then my wife will cum if I send her a txt telling her to. That is a fact not a joke nor internet exaggeration. If one gets the control balance right then the person is able to function completely normally. My wife is a high end professional/academic, but her sub side exists happily next to that. Over the decades she has learnt to move from one to the other with ease, in seconds.
  13. People of course hold their breath because it is an innate response to danger. A sub conscious response we gained as we evolved and started wandering about the savannah some 400 or 300,000 years ago. When we were not the top predator ... In essence if it [the danger] doesn't pass, then explosive running can take place on that breath. It is an incontrovertible fact that pain is indeed all in the mind. By ceasing to breath one tenses the body muscles, increasing lactose acid build up in the muscles. The mix of rigid muscles and lactose acid increases the pain levels the mind receives from the nerve tips. Whilst I have never been spanked nor been the recipient of BDSM [and never will be] ..... I have in various activities suffered damage, some of which was/is quite significant and I have had to work through that situation. Personally I have always instructed my submissives to breath in deeply before a stroke and then exhale deeply upon the stroke landing. Never fight pain, allow it free passage to flow through your body. Accept it, welcome it, align your mind to it. Imagine in the case of spanking that the pain is flowing up from your backside out of the top of your head as you exhale .... There is certainly no need for 'screaming', that occurs only when a person has lost control of their emotional responses. In a more advanced form of pain control, there is a useful torture resistance technique. It is one of the easiest to achieve and works extremely well .... Namely, recite an easily remembered nursery rhyme in one's own mind time and again; on loop. This works because the mind can only assimilate one conscious mind activity at a time and pain is a conscious response. This is why people pass out from extreme pain; it is a coping mechanism for the body. Therefore concentration on looping the rhyme will render the pain ineffective. Obviously there is a point, usually 'sharp' pain, where the response of the nerve endings in the mind stops someone reciting the rhyme ... But for any standard spanking/caning, it is a technique which should help greatly if applied correctly.
  14. Not being unpleasant but I really wonder about people at times. A Sjambok or Litupa is made from either the heavy hide leather from a Rhinoceros or Hippopotamus or these days can often be fashioned from pvc/plastic strips ... You find them in Africa. They're very popular in S Africa with 'private security' people, who are basically mercenaries these days. These whips are designed to deeply mess people up ... they are not a playful instrument. @ammon has made an extremely sensible post ... I suggest people read it, digest it and then heed it. Whilst 'Staff' is mentioned it is quite possible that with these and any untanned African leather products that one will meet the wonder of Anthrax ... Indeed there are documented cases of western people using African skin covered drums and dying of Anthrax. So people, for all those who like to imagine they are appearing in some 'super bad' spanking film .... Please, get a serious grip of yourselves before someone gets seriously damaged or ill or worse.
  15. There used to ab adage regarding the internet forum which popular in the early days, which went: 'On the internet men are men ... and so are 70% of the women' It was certainly a truism then. Has that changed? Quite probably, not a great deal. One can only counsel extreme caution on this type of forum, FB and similar. Because the reality is that people have no clue who they are talking to.
  16. That is 100% correct ..... that goes for all basic impact 'implements' such as canes, crops, paddles and brushes. Hairbrushes are usually light and sting, they are form over function. An old style clothes brush is much heavier and so offers increased effectiveness. Wooden hairbrush shape paddles can also be more effective. My advice would be to get your wife to practice flicking her wrist when delivering any paddle, brush or cane type implement. It is the mix of the sudden stop of the arm slightly before the contact is made with the buttocks and then the wrist flick action, which creates real power in a stroke. Any position which stretches the buttocks taught will cause the recipient increased discomfort.
  17. The musical tastes my wife and I are extremely eclectic ..... We use Amazon Unlimited Music .... So tonight one of the playlists (of about 100 tracks) which we created played these four songs after each other: Then ...... Then ..... Then ....
  18. Myself I have a pretty extensive collection of instruments after so long in the game; some I have bought, some I have been given by people. Indeed I was once even gifted a top quality prison strap by a dominatrix who had been given it by a client, but it was too heavy and long (48") for her to use .... In truth I never used it before I asked the victim if they had dentures; didn't want them stuck in the wall opposite 👀😁 The reality is that you get exactly what you pay for, I have yet to see cheap goods perform as well as expensive ones. Just a fact. All 'sex shop' type sites/places sell cheap tat for too much money. Myself I have several items from these guys: http://www.quality-control.co.uk/products/paddles/blackpaddles Absolutely 'nose bleed' expensive; but when you use one then you know why it costs that. Top quality leather, beautifully made and a real pleasure to handle.
  19. 'Humiliation' is so utterly subjective and IMO one of the most difficult aspects of an interaction or scene [where humiliation is required] that there is. The reality is that humiliation is something people do to themselves. That what people find to be humiliating varies widely. It is based upon an almost infinite set of thoughts and responses which cover everything from the persons upbringing, socio economic background and then onto the persons personal level of emotional response. In the early days of our relationship my wife was hugely driven to be humiliated .... So we go to a small Fetish club with maybe 150 people in it and I tell her to strip naked apart from her high heels ... she does. She then whilst naked rides an exercise bikes that inserts something into her as she peddles. It squeaks as she peddles and so most people look at her. Effect? Nothing, she could care less ... After many attempts it really transpired that she was actually humiliated by wanting to be submissive at all; what she does or has done to her has little to no effect on her. It is her own desires she struggles with. That is still happening with her, to some extent One sees a great many posts around the internet on spanking and fetish/BDSM forums about how someone was so humiliated by something or other ... Frankly I think most of them are just made up, they are exciting fantasies being shared for the obvious reason.
  20. That is 100% correct. The reality is that it is all entirely personal taste and a persons perception. It is what one as an individual feels. That also depends on the day, the recipients mind set at the time, the heat level of the room and so forth. It can also depend on the person who is handing it out, as subs often respond differently to different people. This however also gives a clear vision regarding those who say "Oh I like to be (spanked/caned/whipped or whatever) with the instrument I am going to use so I know what I am handing out!" ... That is not a reality, is it. How can one person ever know what another person feels? It is impossible. Rather, IMO, people who try to sell that sort of idea are simply proffering yet another excuse for switches (mostly always males) who like to call themselves Doms or Masters, when in fact they are switches. If there is nothing wrong with being a male switch as so many say, which I 100% agree with BTW .... Then why do so many males try so hard to hide it?
  21. @ NeedDiscipline1 + anyone else it might help Having just recently joined this site and with the lifestyle which my wife and I now live, we no longer meet any 3rd party people from anywhere. However, in the past and on various other sites, we have met many people. We also used to run parties for some sites and their people, back in the earlier days of the internet. So I would say meeting people on these is entirely possible. But as a caveat to that I would counsel extreme caution when meeting internet people ... Because you have no idea who they are in reality or if they have some other agenda. In our day of meeting people we used VPN, untraceable mobile phone #'s for contact, hire cars, hotels (which they booked or we paid cash), my wife wore a proper quality wig much of the time, we used false names etc etc. We never met anyone twice and definitely no pictures or video allowed. Over the top? No. My wife is a high status career professional and cannot afford any sort of scandal either then or now. No one has ever said "Oh I know you!" and that is how it will stay. Have I heard all sorts of horror stories over the last 20+ years of the internet? Would this cover from people posting open internet access shared lewd facial pictures on spanking & porn sites plus videos ..... Or actual blackmail, to serious stalking, to death threats, to one charming 'Mr Discreet' turning up at the work place of a lady's husband because he wanted her for himself ... oh and the guy who was arrested for ABH after he caned a female who suddenly decided she had been forced .... Yes I have seen all those plus other things so dire I will not even repeat them on this site. So my advice is ... be careful and think with your brain not your other parts. But that is of course, personal choice.
  22. Back in the day I used to run various spanking parties, both professional pay parties and some not for profit, non-commercial, 'private parties'. Parties have to have general 'house rules' and 'bratting' was always a major concern. Some dominant types like brats. Whilst some are sent instantly nasty by them. Most brats act in a reasonable, sensible manner .... but of course some, a small minority, they do not. When running larger weekend (Friday - Sunday) house parties where there could be 30 or 40 people all told, then we used to hand out a small coloured badges ...they would signify Dom, sub, switch. One would signify wearing a certain badge meant 'One may brat this person but be reasonable' .. No 'brat badge' meant that one could not. Mostly this worked, as mostly people stuck to the rules. Occasionally I had to warn a brat to 'Tone it down' or once even removed a brat from the party altogether; but mostly it went OK. The reality of bratting and the people who accept it, is that each 'relationship' is created entirely on its own merits and the chemistry which exists between those people. Personally I find bratting entirely loathsome. It seems to me that 'bratting' is again about role play and 'permission'. For example why do people dress up as Head teachers and adult skoolgirls/boys? Because that creates an automatic, unspoken power balance, There are these imaginary pre-existing lines of preordained activity supposedly existing. Head teachers (in some deep distant past) physically punished their wards. Bratting is exactly the same, Ms Brat or Mr Brat is 'cheeky' to the supposed dominant party and so therefore must expect retribution. Some people like that and that's fine. Personally I need no excuse.
  23. After my decades in the BDSM and spanking scenes I would have to say that there is always seemingly this one direction of advice ... Submissive be careful, submissive you are in control and so forth. Well, I concur entirely with the sentiment. The submissive of any and all genders, be they new or experienced must be careful of whom they interact with, where they interact and how they interact. However this is the same message that dominant parties should also heed .... Whilst people of any persuasion all hope to have smooth, happy interactions with well balanced people; that is not always the case. The internet has enabled a slew of people who would never have been a part of the BDSM or spanking scenes pre 1995 ... Then it was entirely real life. Now we have these forums, sites etc, which are awash with people who have no experience of BDSM or spanking but also it appears damned little experience of life in general. Many, many people like to give the false impression they are far more experienced, worldly wise and indeed 'wild' than in fact they are. They also like to omit their marital status and many other points which would be of interest. Therefore, be you of any gender. Be you dominant, submissive, switch or undecided .... Do be very careful of what you do. The submissive does not want to be abused, whilst the dominant does not want to put themselves in a position where their own legal safety can be put into jeopardy. Try not to let the excitement of the situation, remove any common sense that one might possess. It is also worth remembering that in fact; Sense is not common.,
  24. Whilst I am not an 'ER' but an Owner, the same question arrives. What does the sub call one in a scene. Now personally I absolutely refuse to be called 'Sir' or 'Master' at any time .... because that is way too simple for the sub. They quite often have been calling people Sir etc etc automatically for a very long time. So I will say "You must call me Michael' or any other male name or a city name such as 'Barcelona' or anything else that crosses my mind ... Because imo what one is called is entirely immaterial, however making them use a name which is not automatic for them, something which requires thought each time has a very useful effect. The more they have to think, then the less they drop into sub space. You can also make the sub recite a multiplication table for example ... make them actively think. In truth sub space is a pain (sic) to the dominant, because when they are 'out of it' on endorphins it becomes harder and harder to adjudge where they are at physically ... This does not really matter so much in spanking as at worst you'll get some bruises. But if one is into impact, then it matters a great deal. Endorphins will cover their pain, cover their levels of emotional response. This is why the next day some subs, especially new ones, get 'sub regret' .. What they thought was a great idea when they were in effect 'as high as a kite' does not seem such a great idea "in the cold light of day." Sub space is also why supposed 'Safe words' in impact scenes, are dangerous ... A sub that has joined the space monkeys on endorphins will never use a safe word, all their pain is now pleasure ... So the dominant party must be fully responsible for what is happening ... Not waiting for a safe word that will never appear. P.S ....... Regarding this and indeed all my posts ... these are the result of my experience and experiences, garnered from many years and many people. If you want an argument then please, talk amongst yourselves; I simply will not take part. 🙂
  25. @Shy2020 Please understand I am trying to help you and other people like you. Myself I have been handing out BDSM impact/spanking for 4+decades and I have been constantly active over that time. Meaning, usually weekly at minimum. My wife, a career professional, has been my BDSM slave for much of that time. Ergo, I have a great deal of experience. A little of which I am attempting to pass on to yourself and anyone else it can help. The first thing that struck me (sic) with your comments was that apparently this was your first spanking experience, yet you have bruising. That seems a tad excessive for a first time experience, to me. That smacks (sic) of a Dom being over excited and doing what he wants; not someone dealing with your requirements. These interactions should always be a balance of both people's needs. When people partake of these activities then the submissive party will, if they are truly submissive, often gain a form of euphoria. This euphoric feeling is the release of endorphins in the brain and it is commonly called 'Sub space'. It is a place where the individual feels deeply happy and stress free. However when those endorphins leave the system, then 'sub drop' can happen. Which is where often depressive feelings and or latent anger can come about. These days people on the internet talk a great deal about 'After care' .... Which seems to generally mean the submissive being 'cosseted' directly after the interaction by the dominant party ... some mixture of comfort and care. This is fine for those who like it but it is truly not a necessary thing. Many submissives have no time for aftercare, including my wife. However, it is important to talk to the other party involved even if you are in the most tacit of relationships. Because you both need to understand how the interaction worked for the other. These relationships only grow on trust and shared information. It appears that you are looking for a direction in your life, you wish to 'get better'. Personally I have the feeling that your complex emotional state, which existed way before any spanking started, is deeply concerning the person who spanked you. Indeed they do not want a loose cannon in their life as subs can often appear in the early stages of relationships. That can be a relationship like I have or mean a relationship where some person spanks you every 6 weeks. Maybe the person who spanked you is concerned their wife will find out; which is a very common issue in this scene. Show me 10 Doms who are supposedly single and I'll show you on average at least 9.8 of them who are actually married and - lie. Further there is always an angle which concerns me deeply with all this supposed/alleged 'punishment spanking', 'Discipline spanking' and the like .... You are an adult @Shy2020 ( I trust) .... Therefore if you have emotional/behavioural issues (which will be a creation of your childhood), then those issues need to be sorted out via professional counselling and you coming to understand why you have those issues ... Whilst being spanked may cause a momentary release of endorphins, it does not cure anything nor answer any questions. At best it masks issues and indeed allows an escapism from facing reality. Please, and I say to any new submissive; realise that there are a great many so called 'Doms' who are actually just desperate to spank anyone and that is all they want from it. They pretend they are highly experienced and they are not. They pretend to help until the spanking then they run away. These people will indeed say and do anything to make their personal dream happen. If you @Shy2020 want any advice, then my advice is to be extremely careful of what you are doing and with whom. That is what imo spanking should be, entertainment for both parties, not used as a justification tool .... Because actual problems and issues will never be cured or sorted out by anyone being struck by anyone else.
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