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As an add-on to other healthy habits, I think spanking has a valuable role to play in general health for many people. As has often been said in this forum, it is not a replacement for other healthy behaviors. In short, I agree with you.

A brat is a brat when she is absolutely the wurst. Sorry, couldn't resist. It seems you have a way of doing things that has upset a couple of people. Either that or they are being too Domish. How does that make you feel? As you have posted here, I assume less than comfortable. If you are, indeed, uncomfortable about this being deemed "bratting" I have to wonder if either one would be a good relationship for you. What do you want out of a spanking relationship? Accountability with real consequences? Funishment? Something else? In any case, the answer is pretty much the same. only do what YOU are comfortable with. So, either you find an accommodation with your spanker - everything should be a negotiation - or you move on.

Some might argue that England never really experienced the Renaissance but were merely dragged along on the coat-tails of other European societies. Others may argue that is an uncharitable view. I know which camp I'm in.

@boy2spank, it would take very little to turn this into something that would do well in the Writing Desk forum.

I know that a few people here have a negative view of SCONY, but I wonder if a SCONY party is an option for you and your wife? New York is not that far from your location. You don't have to play and, although it has been a long time since I was at an event, I remember them being female-friendly. That will give you an idea if your wife will embrace spanking. If she doesn't, but is still willing to let you partake, you have lots of excellent advice above.

@Dichotomy, there is a thread here (fairly recent) that got into whether certain professions have more spankees than others. It was generally accepted, I think, that nurses and schoolteachers frequently lean towards being spankees. They have to be in control all day and, although other professionals must maintain a professional demeanor, it is more expected of nurses and schoolteachers because they are working with, to use the term broadly, vulnerable people. For instance, my wife is a Registered Nurse who spends all day being firm with her patients. Quietly firm and gentle, but firm nonetheless. Being a spankee allows her to switch off from that. I believe, but may be wrong, that is the point @TennesseeTop was making.

My bolding. The advice would fall well short had the OP omitted "Consider." My sense is that this works for a relatively small proportion of people. I think @Bramblewine makes an excellent point about geography and @Spanknutt's observation about parties is where the observant person will get a lot of education for the price of admission. Might a pro work for a couple where one party is a bit hesitant?

I don't think sandals, plimsolls or slippers are intended to torch one's bottom. They're sort of a ritual. Getting slippered (ie, a plimsoll) at school was at the low end of the scale and really used as a warning for the class. So I can see it being fun in role-play. I once used a sneaker on my wife. It left a small bruise and we decided it wasn't for us. It was made for indoor football (or outdoors in the late summer or spring) so there would have been some ridges on it.

Labels are tricky things, but this sentence bothers me. The idea of someone who is not yet your boyfriend wanting you to be more dominant tells me you should proceed carefully with this. Maybe you're just sizing each other up. However, if this is early in the relationship, consider if you being dominant means providing the resources for both of you to live. Like I said, labels are tricky and mean different things to different people. I may be totally misunderstanding. Just felt I had to mention it.

I am primarily ER but occasionally I need a spanking. I am a (thankfully dormant) epileptic. Sometimes my brain feels sort of like the lead up to a convulsion. I say "sort of" because it can take days, rather than the hours when I was actually having convulsions. I rarely ask for a spanking but when I do, and she delivers, the relief I feel is akin to the emptying of the brain after a convulsion, but without the distress. Sometimes we role-play, sometimes we don't. Either way, the result is the same. A nice, calming, neurological reset. I wouldn't say it's essential - I have prescribed medication for that - but it is something nice to have.

I was a visitor to TSP (aka SIN, I think) way back in the last century. It was OK but nothing much was happening for me. I was about to go and never come back. Then, one day, someone slapped my face with a (virtual) trout. The trout-wielder and I have been married for over twenty years. It just happened, out of nowhere. Apparently she was going up the chat-room list and I happened to be near the bottom - rather appropriately, as it turned out! Of course, things have changed in the interim. Life is more hectic and people have become more cautious about sharing stuff online and, well, most people don't talk about TTWD as readily. I imagine that makes it much harder than in the past. There is no easy way. Even if one seemingly gets incredibly lucky, there will always be initial doubts over safety and compatibility. @Bramblewine's post directly above is worth pondering.

Well said. That's it in a nutshell.

A good old-fashioned plimsoll might work, beloved of many a gym teacher in Scotland.

You are doing the right thing. You're coming here, to a community where, overwhelmingly, the regulars are people just like you who have had to figure things out. You are sharing experiences and asking questions everyone who enters this lifestyle ought to be asking. Nobody online can keep you safe, but we can share our experiences to help you make good choices. That is the great strength of this community. I know it's a cliche, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Please don't lose hope.

No safe word? Two thoughts. Firstly, you were naive. Sorry to sound harsh but someone needs to say it. Secondly, if this person has any experience at all, he would have insisted on a safe word. No, you are not "so wrong." Did you make mistakes? Aye, probably. Based on your prior postings here, I daresay you will learn from them. However, this is absolutely not all on you. Please tread carefully and please, please, please find some way of discerning whether his remorse is genuine before letting him anywhere near your bottom again.