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Everything posted by rubyredd

  1. Both. Sometimes I know and sometimes it is a surprise.
  2. It depends. In the past, I would look for both short-term and long-term partners. If I wasn't looking for something serious at that time, I would choose a like-minded spanker who did not have to fit other criteria.
  3. Funnily enough, I ran 6.5 miles tonight and thought about spanking for most of them. 🔥
  4. I know you asked for an ER's perspective, but I am an EE who was in the position of having my partner end the relationship for his personal reasons. Yes, I felt abandoned, but more than that I was sad that our friendship ended with it. Of course I was hurt - as anyone is when a relationship ends. But, it was absolutely the right decision for both of us and I am glad now he knew himself well enough to end it. It just takes time - especially if you have known each other for almost 20 years and were truly close friends. Tops / Spankers - no matter if it is a disciplinary relationship - are
  5. Everything @StrictGentsaid. Sending positive thoughts your way. But, you are human. We all screw up.
  6. Throughout the day. No triggers, I just think about it all the time.
  7. I am not a self-spanker, but I am fine with mouthsoaping. I wouldn't want it all the time, but it is a helpful add-on for both discipline and funishment.
  8. Please rank the following implements (1 = least favorite to 5 = most fave):

    • Belt

    • Strap

    • Leather Paddle or Riding Bat

    • Tawse or Quirt

    • Riding Crop or Flogger

    *Thanks @Azz_Tamerfor the fun idea.


    1. DiscreetSpanko8


      Since there's no edit button, a correction to my post. I meant to type that a strap ~lacks~ the psychological component of a belt in my experience. Not packs. 

    2. Azz_Tamer


      First off, I love the picture. An absolute favorite position I love to use.

      Now on to the ratings:

      5* The belt...while a strap is similar a belt being taken off, or slapped against your hand or doubled in half & "cracked" give it a psychological edge few implements have. As far as leather it's easily the best implement.

      4*  Leather paddle ...I agree a hand is essentially better or harder but the right leather paddle can give a beautiful even coloring of a backside. They also give a satisfying crack which adds to the proceedings.

      3* I'd have to go with the crop especially if using a set of them with different intensity tips. More sensual & erotic they can be used all over as great foreplay.

      2* Tawse or quirt ...perfer the quirt (if it is what I am thinking) as a small short whip...just fun

      1* Strap. The one I have has a wooden handle on it ...called a "prison strap". It's fairly harsh & not too useful for a session of any length ...more a novelty item to try IMHO  

    3. Azz_Tamer


      Oh thanks for the mention ...I am sure many people have many ideas of what might be a good topic for discussion or items to rank

    4. Show next comments  15 more
  9. I would love to say readin the experiences of others is helpful - or that blogs were informational - but, honestly... they are a mixed bag. Most of what you get is just opinion or the particular experience of one spanko. We are all different, despite having our fetish in common. What works for you and you wife is all that really matters. Do you enjoy what you are doing? What do you want to explore with her? What do you want to try? Spanking is not rocket science (and I don't mean that in a snarky way) - you just have to figure out what you like and need. What do your fantasies tell you?
  10. I tend to just act natural in the moment. Defiance is natural for me - but so is accepting my fate. No two spankings are the same, so I just try to do what feels right at the time.
  11. I would say that any arbitrary rules - to increase the chance of a spanking - is antithetical to DD and leans toward funishment (which is fine, too... but not helpful to real DD).
  12. Same here. It is a need (and also a want) for me. Not just discipline, but all forms of spanking.
  13. I don't think so... not in public anyway.
  14. I can't speak for your situation personally, so try to take this just as it pertains to my experiences. I will always give someone a second chance - usually more - because I care about others and I want to believe the best in people. I can't really think of a time when that has worked out in my favor. I don't mean giving someone a second chance after a bad first impression... I mean being hurt by someone and allowing them the opportunity to hurt me again. I have done this so many times. I wish I were not so forgiving of the people I care about - because those feelings are not always reci
  15. While chatting with another spanko about his situation - having a vanilla partner and being restricted in his ability to meet with other spankos - he said that I couldn't understand. That it was impossible for me. That it was all easier for me because I am so open and confident. At 42, you are damn right I am confident in my spankoness. I am comfortable with myself. I love my kink.

    But, you know when it wasn't easy? When I was 13 and 14 and 15. It wasn't easy when I was 18 or 19 or 20. It was so hard to be that weird, kinky girl that everyone in my small town seemed to know about. That boys talked about because gossip travels so quickly. Boys thought I was "fast" or "easy" - despite being a virgin - because they heard that I was kinky or they thought that what I liked was dirty or freaky or pervy.

    But, I was getting spanked by the two steady boyfriends I had throughout high school. And that was really what mattered. It hurt to be talked about and teased, but it would have hurt more to hide who I was. To squash down my spanko side. To be ashamed and afraid.

    College was the worst. A small, private school with just as much gossip. Just as much puritanical fear of kink. I went about 15 months without spanking (which might seem like nothing to many people, but was destructive to me). I drank more. I experimented with drugs. I lost my virginity to a *gasp* vanilla. I asked guys to spank me, but... nothing. Not having an outlet was destroying me. But, during that time I discovered spanking stories online. And I even had a phone call or two with a spanko named Dave from Massachusetts. He sent me a couple of Blue Moon books. I still have one somewhere.

    After I dropped out of college, I enlisted; I was finally able to explore more. I immersed myself in the world of online spanking through Spanking Memories (SIN) and wrote stories there. I met other spankos. I got spanked as often as possible. I made dear friends. And then I started a blog. Nothing deep or serious - just a place to express the joy I found in spanking.

    Because I do. Spanking is part of me. It is joyous. Yes, it hurts. Of course it hurts. But, living without spanking hurt even more.

    I made the decision in my 20s to only date other spankos. It was the best decision for me because I am ill-suited to the vanilla world. For the last 20 years of hanging out in the spankoverse, I have chatted with dozens of men and women who are in vanilla relationships. Some make it work by squashing down their spankoness. Some meet with other spankos on the side (in secret or in the open). Some are happy. More are not. And that matters to me. It matters that you are hurting or that you feel ashamed or misunderstood or like you cannot be yourself.

    And the reason it matters is because I was there once, too. I was depressed. I was hurting. I was lonely. I don't come here and pretend that being a spanko is easy, but this is a safe place to be who I am and I am glad I have this type of outlet again.

    I will always advocate that you be true to yourself and that you accept this part of who you are. It isn't likely to go away, so it is better to nurture it through exploration. And in the meantime, please do not assume that it was always easy for me to be the happy little spanko I am today.


    1. Longtimespanking


      Thank you very much for writing this.  There are obviously huge numbers of others who have gone through similar situations while we were younger, or are in that situation currently and old enough to seek outlets for their desires, and unable to find people to even talk to discreetly, let alone receive the spankings they so crave.  I've seen many times that entering college makes people more willing to try to find responsible sources to fulfill their needs.  

    2. Am123


      I feel this so much! 

      I was in a long term relationship with a vanilla girl in my early 20s, realised my spankoness about 6 months in. Tried to keep it suppressed for two years with little success. 

      I tried to date vanilla after it ended but nothing ever went anywhere. So about a year ago I made the same decision that you did to only date other spankos. I'm not sexually compatible with vanillas nor really interested in traditional sex at all. 

    3. Topspanker


      It’s actually pretty accurate. I actually got into the Spanko kink when I was 15. It literally just kinda landed on my lap. 
      As your starting out it’s really difficult and god forbid someone finds out. 

      The more you do it and interact with people the more the “taboo,” goes away.

      Some people do tend to not want to be around when they do find out, kink shaming etc but meh.
      Let haters hate, state I live in they do, but there daughters don’t seem to mind 😆

    4. Show next comments  15 more
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