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Posts posted by rubyredd

  1. Yes, spanking can be all things within a single relationship. I have a former partner who I am very similarly aligned to in all aspects of spanking. If we were married or dating, we would likely have a DD arrangement that included erotic, fun & funishment, roleplaying, bondage, etc. 

    I am married to a Top and we have all those components except for DD / real discipline. 

  2. On 7/11/2021 at 12:23 PM, redzonedefense_F said:

    When I was a bottom, I spent my first few encounters just savoring the sensory and mental aspects.   I couldn't believe this idea that had held my fascination for as long as I could remember was actually happening.  I did not truly understand the feeling of true connection, physical and mental safety.  I took chances I shouldn't have.  But, once I met my husband, the intimacy and security of having someone that gets both 'it' and you is intensely powerful.  

    Nicely explained. 

  3. 42 minutes ago, Summer said:

    I’ve never actually thought about role play. Is that weird? I just think about erotic spankings and disciplinary (maintenance and punishment) spankings from my HOH. No role play involved. 🤔 

    Not weird at all. I have been getting spanked for almost 30 years, but full roleplay scenes make up only a small number of my spankings. I never really think of roleplaying as a path toward real discipline (for me) - it is oriented in fun / funishment / erotic. And, as wanttospank explained, it makes a wonderful lead-in or reason for a spanking. 

    Bratting is a form of roleplay for me. I also enjoy full scenes with costumes and the appropriate setting. One of the most detailed RPs was a school paddling scene with a spanko friend... complete with math workbook, chalkboard, student's desk, and teacher's desk. And a paddle, of course. 

    Another time I played a speeding ticket scene with a real police officer. That was exciting. And so authentic. LOL

    So, even though neither scene ended in sex, I would consider both to be fun or erotic in nature. No real punishment or discipline. 

  4. 3 hours ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

    You are so right but I don't believe my husband is the only one who has misbehaved to get a spanking.  How many members here won't bring up spankings to their partners and are spanked occasionally? I believe it is even more prevalent with men asking for a spanking.         Ms.L.

    My husband is a spanko Top. I can ask directly, but I still enjoy instigating. 

    To another point you made about severity... my husband is a sexual sadist and we tend to play quite hard and for long periods. I am a spanko and I always want to be spanked... even after a severe spanking or caning. If we do dozens of paddle swats or a hundred cane strokes... I want more. 

    It is probably different for vanilla-converts if your desire to spank is not inherent. I think about spanking all day, quite literally. I have never had a fantasy that did not include spanking. I don't enjoy vanilla sex. 

  5. 7 hours ago, Summer said:

    Tying the hands seems like a smart move. I don’t know if I’ll be in the habit of reaching back or if I’ll be able to control that impulse. 

    I am the same way, but I have learned to mostly control the impulse (only took 30 years of being spanked LOL). You need to practice that control... otherwise, you might get some SportsCuffs (padded cuffs) to try. 

    • Like 1
  6. 8 hours ago, Topspanker said:

    Sounds to me like a extreme level of bratting. I would take the punishment up a very significant notch, even possibly get a much worse implement, as well as take secondary punishments up a significantly large amount. 

    You are likely right about it being extreme bratting. It isn't the overt kind that can be fun (or annoying if taken too far)... this is the real kind that is rooted in obstinance. Not that I know what that is like. 

  7. @Chawsee- I am so sorry you experienced this level of kink-shaming.  That had to be hurtful and frustrating. 

    @Topspanker- wow and yikes... but at lesdt you found the bright side and a way through it. 

    I grew up in a small town, which like Chawsee indicated can create its own issues with gossip. Yes, I got teased - but very few people truly shamed me for it; though some of the teasing was malicious. 

    I tend to think spankos are best suited to our own kind, but I dated vanillas up until age 24 or 25. I introduced my spanko kink with the first few dates. Because spanking is a need. I am relatively open about my kink, though less so than in my 20s. Just like anything else, your greatest source of shame is in yourself. If you can get past that, you will likely be a lot happier. 

    • Like 1
  8. On 7/1/2021 at 11:09 PM, Megthe said:

    Increase the severity of the punishment.  Add other things to the punishment that can carry over.   Spell out that being late is the cause of the extra. 

    Find effective alternative punishments or supplemental punishments. Keep the spanking brief and make the other punishments unpleasant. Just an EE suggestion. 😊

    • Like 1
  9. I haven't really experienced actual kink-shaming other than from a few vanillas (meaning non-spankos). No biggie.

    I have never gotten a real ewwww when talking about some of my secondary interests (e.g., bondage). The exception is probably my interest in enemas - people either like it or don't. But, no one has ever been rude about it. 

    As for the second point... I haven't had an issue with this. I am obsessed with spanking, so I would bring it up. But, it is never too late.

    So, about being shamed... it happened to me in high school and once in college. Not since. In high school it was horrible and hurtful and in a small town... hard to cope with. In college, I said, "well, fuck you" and walked away.

    • Like 3
  10. I have only met one couple from here so far and plan to meet with another woman this weekend. We are going to have lunch and talk. Any spanking play will come later - if we are comfortable. In the past, I met many potential partners through spanking discussion sites or kinkster dating sites... and only one was a relatively negative experience (not scary or bad - just not good). 

    • Like 1
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