rubyredd
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Everything posted by rubyredd
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Same here. And with images. It is the new layout; I have tried it several ways.
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Married couple just starting to explore
rubyredd replied to CoupleOhio44646's topic in Introductions
Welcome! -
Age of Consent and Site Guidelines.
rubyredd replied to Topspanker's topic in Spanking Safety and Advice
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Well, a 10-minute handspanking isn't likely to draw blood (and may not even leave the tiniest bruise), but it likely won't fix depression either.
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I always want to be spanked and I love being spanked. I have received a few punishment spankings that I did not enjoy at the time, though.
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What is the "just right" amount of time for corner time after a spanking?
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@indisgrace I don't see how that could be enough time for any serious personal reflection to occur. Then again, I would run "corner time" prior to the punishment.
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My two cents worth...lol. I guess the optimal beneficial corner time length is relative to the spankees ability to maintain quaity focus and reflection on the spanking experience either before or after spanking...the spankee tolerance for delayed comforting...and..the spankers feeling of fulfilled purpose in the associated spanking or punishment. For us, that seems to typically be 30 minutes or so. However, there have been extremes of as long as 6 hours...and minmal times of 5 minutes. But...I would say...from my perspective...the corner times I sometimes getmwhich extend much beyond 30 minutesndo not increase its effectiveness and has diminishing returns as the length increases. I get frustrated for lack of full comfort embraces. To me...when corner time extends into,more,prolonged time lengths...the corner time itself becomes more punitive in and of itself as a punishment, rather than an enhancement or capstone of the spanking experience.
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Congratulations! Just let her go with how she feels at the time and let her explore until she begins to exert her Toppiness. I will provide feedback if it is requested by the ER, but I try to be careful about forcing my preferences on a new Top (or comparing them to others, criticizing, etc.). Just let her do whatever she is doing for now. Bottoms tend to "run the show" - so maybe you are guiding things more than you realize. Talk to her about what would help her lead the session.
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I can't tell when someone is likely to be a spankee, but I definitely get spanky vibes from potential spankERs. It would be hard to describe why certain people come across as more Toppy (and likely to spank me) than others, but there seems to be certainly personality types I gravitate toward. More often than not, these men were willing to spank me and were very good at being authoritative. Jr./Sr. High School: My very first swats... at a school dance, I picked the one guy in my class who gave off feelings of dominance and I bratted a bit and tried the classic "what are you gonna do?" line. And I got a couple of really good swats and it was perfection. Still in my Top 10 spanking memories. My first boyfriend - I did not choose this guy for his intellect or sharp wit. I just knew he would spank me. And he did. A lot. Same with boyfriend #2 - he gave off a dominant vibe. Neither ex-boyfriend is a spanko and neither spanked anyone since then... I know because we still talk. College - total spanko wasteland for me. Ended up being one case where my spankdar failed me a bit. I couldn't get any good spanky feelings. But, I did start reading stories online. And I even talked on the phone with another real spanko... a Dave from Massachusetts. Glory Years (my 20s) - Left college and joined the military. And thus began my heyday of spanking. My spankdar was on fire; I could find potential spankers at bars, the gym, at work (every branch of the military + civilians). These were mostly just one-off spankings, but all were good fun. I was also meeting with other spankos more consistently thanks to Internet access. I eventually stopped dating vanillas completely. I married a spanko and we have been together ever since. But, Toppy men give off something - a different vibe, a pheromone, an air of authoritative domimance. They aren't always the men you expect. I would imagine their Toppiness works in conjunction with my spankee vibes, but that is speculation. Sadly, my spankdar does not seem to work to locate Toppy women. And like I said, I can't tell if someone is a spankee either.
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Welcome!
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And it works 97% of the time. 😉
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"What are you going to do... spank me?" "I like to be spanked. Want to try it?" There are a thousand ways to ask - but the best way is to be honest about your needs. When I was dating, I would bring it up within the first few dates. No spanking... no more dates.
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What is the role of erotic spanking in your repertoire?
• What makes it erotic? Does it have to lead to sex to be erotic or does the spanking itself suffice?
• Is it about headspace?
How separate do you keep spanking and sex?
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@AfterGeometry- I think it is positive. I cannot control how my body reacts when I think about spanking or when I am being spanked. I certainly always have an "erotic response" and I don't see that as being negative. Spanking is my sexual orientation and everything else is secondary.
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@rubyredd So given that you're a "Spanko-sexual" first and foremost ...does that imply that you are satisfied/satiated MORE after a spanking session that DOES NOT reach it's cessation with an orgasmic release than you would be after having sex which DID end with a release? Does spanking normally always produce a better outcome/experience than just sex by itself ever does? So spanking is like steak and sex is like hamburger , why would you ever eat hamburger again if steak is always the better experience?? Lol. 😝
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@AfterGeometry - I enjoy sex. But I love spanking. And sometimes a spanking does result in an orgasm - not every time, of course, but when my headspace is right, it happens. I haven't had "just sex" in years; sex doesn't happen without spanking as a precursor. Before I got married, I would meet with other spankos and the main event was spanking and never sex. That never bothered me at all; I still had solo orgasms. Easy peasy.
PS: As a carnivore, I want both steak and hamburger - I just want steak all the time. And hamburger is more like dessert than the main meal.
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Advice on implements / types of pain?
rubyredd replied to rtwoodp's topic in General Spanking Discussion
I always thought people "felt" implements in the same way, but that really isn't the case. I love leather straps, canes, switches - others think those are all terrible. But I would rather get switched than get spanked with a bathbrush. I will say - heavier wooden implements usually leave me with deeper bruising. Some implements sting, but rarely bruise me - wooden spoons, switches, canes, smaller leather straps or belts. -
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I worked with a disciplinary partner who was not my husband. But my husband didn't report misbehaviors - that was just between me and my disciplinarian.
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I worked with a disciplinary partner who was not my husband. But my husband didn't report misbehaviors - that was just between me and my disciplinarian.
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I am not submissive; even as a spankee, I am not very subby. I am certainly not a submissive person at work (leadership role) or other aspects of my daily life. I will play the role of a submissive during BDSM play, though. I get spanked - a lot - but my husband and I are partners first and foremost. In all other aspects of life, I am a dominant leader type.
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In Praise fo Women of a Certain Age
rubyredd replied to CaliSpanker53's topic in General Spanking Discussion
*As always, please ignore my typos. - bringing - POV to -
In Praise fo Women of a Certain Age
rubyredd replied to CaliSpanker53's topic in General Spanking Discussion
I don't understand this self-assessment. You are always a fun participant in chat. You are learning about yourself - just as we all are. You aren't bring a diminished POVto discussion, you are bringing in your perspectives. That is all anyone can do. -
Technique is very important to me when it comes to the cane. A careless caner is never good. Sometimes my husband likes to do the perfect six to start - just to see the pretty lines. But we all know six is never enough.
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How great is you desire to share your spanking fetish?
Several of the posts in the General Discussion forum relate to being open about our spanking needs... t-shirts, door hangers, vanillas who know about our kink - things that out us as spankos.
I used to be very open about my spankoness - back in my teens and 20s. Mostly out of necessity - how would I get spanked if I didn't ask? I was open with friends, potential dating partners, etc. I am still not shy about my interests - and certainly am not ashamed - but I don't talk about it with most vanillas, I don't put my face in my profile pics, I don't wear shirts advertising my interests.
What about you?
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I think being a spankee is who I am but I don't need to walk around with a big "S" on my chest. Meaning, I won't bring it up over tea or in a group conversation. However, if someone said, your butt seems pink, why? I may blush and say to the effect that I was spanked. Outside of this site, I am more extroverted but no one knows I am a spankee. Perhaps if I found a safe place to speak about it I may.
Thank you for bring this to my attention. I should think about this should the need to respond be posed and I need to answer.
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