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Everything posted by rubyredd

  1. My only real experience with distance discipline / accountability was with a person I knew in real life. We had been spanking partners in our 20s and friends since then. My husband is a spanko Top, but we do not have a disciplinary dynamic. I was struggling at the start of the pandemic to stay focused on my goals, so I reached out to my friend for help. We lived several states apart, so it was only distance discipline other than one visit. I have tried finding another accountability partner, but no luck yet. I am not able to separate my emotions from a disciplinary relationship because it can require closeness and trust beyond that of fun spanking. It requires dedication and a willingness to course-correct and make real changes (or meet goals). A deep connection takes time - which means a discipline dynamic needs a solid foundation - which can be hard to find online. On another note - if you ever want to chat or even visit with another spankee, let me know. I am not sure what part of IL you are in, but I have family over there.
  2. I agree - submission is a gift. I hadn't heard the term FinDom / FinDomme until the topic came up in chat this week. I know there are pro spankers out there, of course, but didn't know this was a kink. There seems to be so many women out there who just want to make money (or receive some other form of tribute) from male subs and spankees - I understand that they are filling a need, but it makes me sad for the male bottoms and subs who want to form a strong relationship that doesn't require a cash outlay each time. What is it that you are wrestling with?
  3. I hadn't heard this line before! Thanks for sharing it.
  4. Never a rush... I am just honored you considered doing this.
  5. Costumes are an important part of my spankoness. I don't dress up for every spanking, of course, but I really enjoy vintage clothing styles, period costuming, and spankocentric fantasy outfits (e.g., cheerleader, schoolgirl). 

    What about you? 


    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. nicoleS39


      My husband has a number of "costumes" he has me wear, but for us, none of them are really connected with spanko dynamic....they are more about sex to be quite honest  But...wearing outfits like you guys are talking about that are connected more directly with spanking...this sounds kind of fun to me! 

    3. Spanknutt


      While I appreciate the attraction to costumes for some people (and there is a pic of an ex-partner on my Fetlife page in a schoolgirl outfit), personally, I prefer the girl-next-door look.  I see spanking videos of people dressed up like cops, military personnel, and such and it takes away from the realism for me.  Put a woman in a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt or a sun dress and I'm good to go.

      Having said that, years ago, a play partner and I talked about doing Priest/Nun play, complete with confession and penance. She was even going to make the costumes. That was kinda' hot.

    4. nicoleS39


      lol...he has had me wear a cheerleader outfit quite a bit for when we invite a few couples over to watch a game on tv. But...never been spanked in one.It is just a fun thing...all the women wear them and we do some fun cheerleading during the game. lol..just silly, but we have had fun with that for about 10 years now. To my knowledge, none are spankos...lol...but who "really" knows, right?  In fact, us and two other couples just did that today...but they all went home now...and...lol...I am still in my cheerleader outfit....lol. So..this post is "timely"...lol.

  6. Welcome! Your nickname is adorable.
  7. So glad you decided to share!
  8. I find all spanking to be enjoyable - no matter what the intent or intended outcome. I truly love the physical sensations.
  9. Hey, neighbor! Welcome to the site.
  10. It is certainly possible! I have been using the same nickname since 1999 or 2000. Welcome back to the community. ❤️🍑
  11. I wasn't thinking along those lines either, but after reading some of these responses, my list is longer now. I never equate disciplinary spanking or ancillary punishments with abuse. Discipline is about caring, in my mind anyway.
  12. Such a great question! There are certain things that are hard limits for me in any situation - whether fun or disciplinary. • Hitting my calves / lower legs. • Insults, name-calling, slut-shaming, etc. • Wheelbarrow position. • Any grounding that restricts me exercising outside. • I am sure there are more things I wouldn't want in a DD or disciplinary situation, but I can't think of them right now. Most other punishments or disciplinary tactics are fine. I am okay with line / essay writing, mouthsoaping, corner time, grounding, bedtime, etc.
  13. When you fantasize about spanking (giving or receiving), is the imagined scene consensual or non-consensual. 

    We all agree that in real-life spanking should be consensual, but what about our fantasies? 

    All of my fantasies are non-con. Consent plays no role and most of my fantasies are disciplinary in nature. In real life, though, I love to be spanked and am not in a disciplinary relationship. 

    What about you? 


    1. Show previous comments  11 more
    2. OhRedhead


      Great question. I guess most, if not all, of my fantasies are non-consentual. Mostly DD, disciplinary themes. I sometimes write stories that include other kinds of dynamics, but those are not always related to my actual fantasies.

    3. Spanknutt


      Given that almost all of us have fantasies that are focused on non-consensual, what does that say about us, if anything?  


    4. rubyredd


      @Spanknutt- not sure, but I have loved reading all these responses! 

  14. Welcome! Wish you were closer. I have met with three couples from this site and really enjoyed the experiences. I hope you can find a local partner.
  15. Don't miss the opportunity. I have made a couple of 6-hour drives in the past and regularly drove almost 4 hours to meet with a regular partner. I would always make a weekend of it and do other things. I certainly don't have any regrets.
  16. It is so interesting how our "worst implement" varies so much from one spanko to the next. I love the cane and had the most intense orgasm with a switch. I love all things leather - my beautiful London Tanner straps and the quirt I got for my birthday a few years ago. To be honest, i don't go in for electric cords and whatnot because they aren't very traditional or domestic - and that is my preferred vibe. So maybe those would be worse than a bathbrush.
  17. Funishment is my favorite... all of the intensity of a punishment spanking, but none of the real-world guilt. I don't have a desire to break rules or the law or to fail at my goals just to get spanked. I enjoy erotic, fun, roleplaying / costumes, stress relief, and whatever else. I do sometimes have a desire for real discipline, I am just not sure how it fits in with my life right now. So...funishment fits the bill.
  18. For me, surrender is entering headspace. My husband says my body language changes; I am quiet and relaxed. Surrender during discipline is a bit different - because it is more of a giving up against my will than the delicious surrender to headspace.
  19. I do - but just for the turn-on factor of watching a spanking.
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