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Everything posted by rubyredd

  1. For around nine months I was in a disciplinary arrangement with a long-time friend. We were spanking friends in our early 20s and regular friends, too. When that relationship ended abruptly, I felt an overwhelming sense of loss - almost akin to abandonment. Tops (ERs) are under a certain amount of pressure in that position - because within the agreement they have obligations to their partners - fairness, honesty, consistency, and so on. One of the things that I needed most was constancy - which, I think, can be difficult for many Tops to maintain long-term. 

    CONSTANCY - to be dependable; enduring.

    What happens when a spanking partner is not dependable or is inconsistent? When s/he "disappears" or doesn't reach out or doesn't consistently enforce rules? Have you ever been "ghosted" by a spanking partner? This question really applies to both Tops and bottoms. 

    I have chatted with several EEs who felt that sense of abandonment. And have seen a few posts about it, as well. It isn't always a final ending, but long periods of silence or limited contact - that can be damaging, too. Thoughts? Can a person be a "good Top" if they are not truly dependable? 


    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. a-mw-spanker1


      No, not at all. I have no problem with mentees seeking out others, , because the way I see it, it’s all about the experiences. My mentee left me for another Dom, but I left our relationship open if she decides I’m what she wants and needs. If not, oh well. I’m still here. 

    3. DifferentialP


      As a recreational spanker I just try to treat any spanking friends like other friends. I have walked away from overly needy ot toxic people in general when I thought we were friends. When I did just stop contact with someit is was almost always due to abusive political communication. If someone is abusive in a relationship walking away is okay. But just ignoring friends is not okay. 

    4. jelena53


      Getting back to the original question regarding:  CONSTANCY - to be dependable; enduring.

      I always liked what Dr Dorothy Spencer said about constancy.   She said: " after a definite list of CAUSES has been established - don't be lax in administering the discipline!....That is what I mean about not being lax When a cause has been violated - when either party NEEDS the discipline - see to it that they get it. Don't be lenient or lax - for their sake! It is the only way you can truly help them."

      I am proud of my ex husband for being true to this idea.  



  2. Maybe some sort of spanko version of Twister... with the colors associate with an implement and the section of the spinner as a position?
  3. I would consider it my workout of the day. No effort shall be wasted.
  4. I have been so overwhelmed with work that I haven't been able to come up with any good questions this week. 

    Does spanking really work for motivation? How would you use spanking and discipline to motivate?

    One poster asked about personal trainers... which is an interesting concept. But, would it really work?


    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. rubyredd


      @SpudStateSpankyI don't even get notifications when people respond to my status updates - so I am surprised you would get them. I am not sad you "unfollowed" me if that is the case. I am curious as to whether you can change your notification settings; I haven't tried, so I don't know. I will say, your comment is the first truly rude one I have received, so there is that. Kudos on being the first person to post something unnecessarily hurtful to my profile. If you felt negatively toward my participation and encouragement of discussion and learning about others (through the medium that best helps me learn and grow as a spanko), then why not send me a PM? I do not want to post every little thing in the discussion forums. I like posting my trivialities as a status update. You are free to post as you see fit and to post status updates of your own. *Pro Tip: when you only saw my updates in the list over a multi-day period it was because no one else chose to post one and not because I was posting a dozen times a day. Anyway, feel free not to respond in the future.

    3. Herstingingpalm


      Since we have been married I have financially supported us and I work and my wife stays home. I told my wife that she has the option to work or not. So my wife is HoH and make all the rules . One rule is that I work hard at my sales job and bring home checks with good sales results. My wife made it quite clear that she expects good commissions and if not then she believes in motivational spankings. I must admit I do get lazy at times and the spankings has literally lite a fire in my pants and results has been larger checks. The spankings can be quite severe at times so I really try to reach goals set by my wife .

    4. SpudStateSpanky



      I posted a very nice apology here last night.  I am puzzled at why you deleted it???

  5. So, when I first started getting spanked - by my boyfriend in high school - I didn't know about safewords or the varieties of consent or any of it. I was born a spanko and I just knew that I wanted to be spanked. So I asked... and I instigated. And we dated for almost two years and he spanked me constantly. It was never a full scene; it was almost always OTK over my clothes. I didn't even know the acronym back then. And after first broaching the subject, I don't know that I ever said the word "spanking" to him again. Same with HS boyfriend #2 - the only one to make me cry. Safewords
  6. This would not work for me because I am one of those spankees that cannot seem to cry. It isn't that I don't want to, I just don't (or haven't in the last 25 years of spanking). I don't think crying is a great gauge for that reason, but also because some spankos cry quickly or nearly every time.
  7. How much sass is too much? Where do you stand on bratting?

    I prefer bratting in its milder forms - clever sass, silliness, teasing or "acting up" just to get spanked. Bratting, to me, is all in good fun. It is part of my spankoness, but easily controlled and not something I share with every spanking partner.

    There is a noticeable difference between bratting and real attitude (for me). Bratting is intentional / purposeful - I am trying to get spanked. Yes, I could just ask, but where is the fun in that? 

    Some Tops don't like bratting at all; other Tops like it in small doses. There are certainly Tops who really enjoy it.

    What about EEs? Even brats have different levels of tolerance for other bratty behavior. I have a hard time playing with other brats or littles-who-brat in chat for extended silliness. That isn't really my style of bratty behavior, but it can be fun in short bursts.


    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Gator


      I'm not a big fan of it. I prefer direct communication "I want/need a spanking." However, I did have a notable experience once of being bratted during a munch. The brat in question would not calm down until I took her outside and gave her a few quick spanks. My wife was at this event too. Its in the category of "spanko experiences I have had that sound like fiction but aren't" :D

    3. FtWorthOTK55


      It use to be something I enjoyed at parties.  More of a flirtatious act as long as the line is drawn in the right place.  One of the rules of spanking parties is, "Bratting a Top is consent to be spanked."  But doing or saying the same things over and over does not continue to be funny and to continue doing it is no longer flirtatious.  

    4. alyssandra


      I agree, as an EE, over the top bratting can become annoying.  I prefer to just be myself!

  8. This topic is certainly an important one - and one I need to think about before responding in depth. Thanks for starting it in the forums, too. I hope it will remain civil!
  9. I normally stay away from more serious topics, but let's talk about consent - which can take several forms in the realm of spanking. Whether consent is implied* or implicit, it has to be freely given. It is one of the foundations of adult spanking - safe, sane, and consensual (SSC). 

    Consent is one of the main differences between my fantasies and my reality. But, even in my fantasies, my character seems to enjoy being spanked on some level. 

    Do your fantasies involve non-consensual spanking? How does that differ from your reality? Do you promote a SSC spanko lifestyle?

    *I use the term "implied consent," but there is also CNC (consensual non-consent) - which still involves consent. 


    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. Rand E

      Rand E

      This is a very touchy subject.  I feel like Child-of-Light should create a distinct topic area on SN especially for discussions of consent.  However, the problem is that it is like the 3rd rail of spanking discussion.  Even simple discussion of safe-words seem to set everybody off.        

    3. rubyredd


      @Rand E- it can be a sensitive topic, for sure. But if we are respectful, then it won't devolve (and any insulting comments will be removed). So far the comments have all been fine. 

    4. Rand E

      Rand E

      Now that you raised this topic, I just posted a new thread in the Spanking Safety section.  This topic is a BIG BIG deal.  I really want to stir the pot and get some input and insight from everybody.  We have all sort of new folks joining the forum, and they will be looking for guidance from the experienced folks on how to handle their spanking relationships.  I hope we can put some dialogue together that will be helpful to folks working on their new spanko relationships.


  10. I don't really like having music or background noise during a spanking. I find it distracting and it makes it hard to get into headspace.
  11. Counting swats - yes or no?

    What do you prefer?

    Tops: What purpose does counting serve? 

    Bottoms: Is counting a distraction?


    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. Chastener


      For hand spankings, no.  Counting swats or strokes in disciplinary spankings?  Absolutely yes.  I am sure I'm repeating views which I've expressed many times here, but counting increases the emotional reaction of the spankee, which is more important than the physical sting.  "One, Sir.  thank you, Sir."  And sometimes, adding "I know this is for my own good."  A wonderful sound.

    3. Herstingingpalm


      Yes when I am receiving a spanking from wife with the pine or lexan paddle long paddles ,I must count. These are Punishment paddlings and I must count and say thank you Mommy after each swat. I must always address my wife as mommy when she is administering discipline. Counting the strokes is humilating I wouldn't say it is a distraction. However making a mistake counting will result in my wife starting over. She never tells me how many swats I am going to receive. My wife has used this approach in making me count going back to the days we were dating.

    4. rubyredd


      So, I don't think I answered my own question. I don't like counting except during very specific scenes (school-esque paddling roleplay, for example) and in very specific ways. I am fine with saying the number - but a "thank you, sir, may I have another" is just beyond me. It feels too contrived for discipline or even funishment. 

      Weirdly, I don't really like to talk that much during a spanking. Unlike all the other times of day. 

  12. Let's replace "spanking" with "sex" - sex between two consenting partners is great. Sex without consent is... rape.
  13. Welcome! My preference is for mostly fun (including "funishment") with a side of discipline and a dash of erotic.
  14. As @Bramblewineand @F/m_Spanking_onlyalready said - other posters discussed minors and the whole premise is about spanking non-consenting parties (with the bonus of the added insult to millenials). In the realm of fantasy, that type of judicial system is popular, of course. But, in my fantasies, I am the star of the show - so to speak - and an adult. In actuality, I find the idea of this type of justice system to be abhorrent. Spanking, to me, must involve consent and I prefer mine with a side of caring. We have all probably seen grown adults in public who deserve a good spanking.
  15. I had a very positive experience. They took turns, which was helpful.
  16. Do you ever just need an attitude adjustment? 

    Please tell me about an attitude adjustmemt you have given or received (or both). As always, adult only. Thanks! 


    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. JoJo513


      But I don’t want my attitude adjusted! 😩😜

    3. rubyredd


      @AbleHanded- I happen to love coffee and attitude adjustments. And fully support truth in advertising. 

      @Rand E- that is a good point.

      @JoJo513- just grin and bear (and bare) it. 😏

    4. Herstingingpalm


      I have had many attitude adjustments lessons from my wife. My wife gives me chores or a errand to do and I hesitate doing it or say something she doesn't like. On Saturdays my wife expect me to clean the apartment and she expects me to do it without complaining and do it enthusiastically. Not doing so will result in a attitude adjustment across my wife knee. This is something I don't need having to do work with a sore bottom and a maintenance spanking to look forward to on Sundays. Attitude adjustment spankings from my wife consist of a hand spanking and a date with her leather belt laying across the pillow. My attitude is adjusted after this Punishment.

  17. If the husband wants it and the wife wants to do it... then sure. Otherwise, absolutely not. I certainly wouldn't want to spank my partner - not for eroticism and not for discipline. But, for people who enjoy it... great!
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