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rubyredd

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Everything posted by rubyredd

  1. You will certainly be missed. Be well.
  2. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. At least she isn't super upset. I am not sure how I would feel if my husband tried out a non-shared kink without discussing it ahead of time. We always talk before trying new things anyway - and that makes us more willing to try new things even if it diverges from what we think we will like.
  3. I handle potential reveals by never having them. Ever. While being open with my doctor would be fine, it is up to me not to expose vanillas to my spankoness. So, if I were marked - in any way that might be concerning to others - I would change in private, limit my activities, even cancel an appointment. Not all doctors are kink-friendly and most would have a duty to report suspected abuse - even if you tell them it is consensual. Marks on the back would likely be more concerning than a pink booty. If your marks are really severe, do everyone a favor and cancel. Talk to your doctor at the rescheduled appointment about the potential for marks - so they aren't surprised. I wouldn't go swimming. I would change in a bathroom stall or, as you did, in a separate area. I wouldn't go to places where people would see my marks. An emergency can't be helped, of course. But no vanilla should ever see the results of my spanking sessions. I do that for them,but I also do that for my privacy and to ensure my husband is never questioned by police. If my husband knows I have a medical appointment - especially gyno - we would not do any spanking in the days leading up to it. Again, gotta plan ahead and be courteous.
  4. I am one such woman. I absolutely do not want to Top. I have tried it a few times and I find it to be draining - mentally and physically. It is just not for me. I don't want to be asked or coerced into Topping. I love being a spanko bottom and find that role to be fulfilling and energizing. I honestly don't think there are few women Tops out there... but I have talked to quite a few over the years and they all have similar complaints about male bottoms being too pushy or wanting things all their way or having a very specific scene in mind and not wanting any deviation from that ideal. Apparently those behaviors are off-putting to some Dommes and Toppesses... Toppes... female Spankers. Whatever. Lol
  5. A professional disciplinarian / pro-Spanker is vastly different than a kink-aware professional (doctor, psychologist, mental healthcare pro), right? Which are we talking about? One you pay to spank you... the other had better not spank you if they want to keep their license to practice. Lol
  6. Is the picture from the Three Little Kittens book? If so, I still have mine with the drawing. It was, I think, my very first visual representation of spanking.
  7. *Posted in the General Discussion Forum, too. Feel free to comment here if you prefer.*

    SN chat often leads to some interesting discussions. One topic that came up recently was "deviancy" - which made me think about how certain terms used within the online spanking community can impact other spankos. Moreso here, in our safe space, than out in the wider vanilla* world. Another post, in the forum this time, briefly discussed the terms "fetish" and "kink."

    The Questions:

    • What does the term spanko mean to you?

    • Does fetish have a positive, negative, or neutral connotation? Please explain.

    • What about kink?

    • Do you consider spanking to be a fetish, kink, your inherent sexuality... something else?

    I try to be cognizant of the words I use here - because SN really is a safe space for many. Not everyone here is comfortable being open about their sexuality or kinks or fetishes. Many of us spent years worrying about what others would think. Worrying we were abnormal. Worrying that something was wrong with us. 

    There are folks who come here - regulars even - who are uncomfortable talking openly about spanking. I have never been that way (just the opposite LOL... probably too open), so it can be difficult for me to understand why they aren't interacting as much. I think it just takes time. I prefer main chat, but they might prefer private. They may never post in the forum or even do more than lurk. That is okay, too, because they are reading and, hopefully, feeling like part of a community. Not alone.

    Some of us are married to or in a relationship with another spanko. Some of us are in a relationship with a supportive vanilla*. Even more are partnered with unsupportive vanillas. Some are single and ready to mingle. There are folks who come here who have given up hope of having a spanking partner in real life - and so they live out their spankoness here. How do the words we use impact other spankos or even our own sense of self?

    *For the purpose of discussion, I use vanilla to refer to any non-spanko - even if they have another fetish or kink.

    Drawing by Louis Malteste.

    1479703540_LouisMaltesteDollyMortonSpankingIllustrations_4.thumb.jpg.dfd0c6a545346f017852e056109c96c4.jpg

  8. SN chat often leads to some interesting discussions. One topic that came up recently was "deviancy" - which made me think about how certain terms used within the online spanking community can impact other spankos. Moreso here, in our safe space, than out in the wider vanilla* world. Another post, in the forum this time, briefly discussed the terms "fetish" and "kink." The Questions: • What does the term spanko mean to you? • Does fetish have a positive, negative, or neutral connotation? Please explain. • What about kink? • Do you consider spanking to be a fetish, kink, your inherent sexuality... something else? I try to be cognizant of the words I use here - because SN really is a safe space for many. Not everyone here is comfortable being open about their sexuality or kinks or fetishes. Many of us spent years worrying about what others would think. Worrying we were abnormal. Worrying that something was wrong with us. There are folks who come here - regulars even - who are uncomfortable talking openly about spanking. I have never been that way (just the opposite LOL... probably too open), so it can be difficult for me to understand why they aren't interacting as much. I think it just takes time. I prefer main chat, but they might prefer private. They may never post in the forum or even do more than lurk. That is okay, too, because they are reading and, hopefully, feeling like part of a community. Not alone. Some of us are married to or in a relationship with another spanko. Some of us are in a relationship with a supportive vanilla*. Even more are partnered with unsupportive vanillas. Some are single and ready to mingle. There are folks who come here who have given up hope of having a spanking partner in real life - and so they live out their spankoness here. How do the words we use impact other spankos or even our own sense of self? *For the purpose of discussion, I use vanilla to refer to any non-spanko - even if they have another fetish or kink.
  9. This right here. Severity is personal and specific. And sometimes dependent on the instance.
  10. I am very glad I didn't follow the link. But, you are right... especially not a spanko teen.
  11. Consensual adult spanking pretty much covers it for me. Our desire for spanking is caried, but we should all be operating in the realm of consent (and we should all be adults). Sidenote: Until I came to SN, I hadn't encountered the idea that spanking was not a fetish. As in...chatting with hundreds of spankos over the years and not a single person claimed it was not a fetish.
  12. While I get the concept, I find maintenance spankings to be just an excuse to spank. And I don't need an excuse to be spanked... because I am a spanko. I would rather we try funishment or some other type of non-punitive spanking rather than a corrective spanking when it isn't needed. If I am meeting goals and "behaving," then a disciplinary spanking is not only unnecessary, but would have a negative impact on our disciplinary relationship.
  13. I have had a few awkward meet-ups over the years. Nothing scary or awful, but definitely super awkward.
  14. Since so many weight issues are accompanied by disordered eating and/or eating disorders, I would recommend using extreme caution here. Just as spanking is not a cure for depression or a replacement for counseling, it is not a replacement for a dietician or bariatrician. Rather than tying spankings or punitive measures directly to weight loss, why not focus on accountability for one's actions? Focus on the process rather than a goal weight. Tops: Please make sure your spankee is working with a dietician or physician if the weight issues are extreme. Disordered eating is a serious issue. Please use caution. ❤️
  15. I don't need aftercare and there are times I really don't want to be touched or rubbed or soothed after a spanking. In those times, aftercare comes in the form of a quiet, dark room and being by myself. A long session can leave me over-stimulated and "touched out." If I am being spanked by someome other than my husband, I don't want a lot of rubbing or anything beyond a quick hug and a good conversation... maybe a cup of coffee. I prefer to return to normal quite quickly. Our needs as spankees differ. Some need that closure and comfort, but others don't. We all like different things and my version of aftercare is often looked down on because it isn't as traditional as other forms.
  16. I am a spanko bottom married to a spanko Top - and we did a wedding night caning because it was the quietest option for a hotel room.
  17. The Martinet

    My husband got to open one birthday present a little early - the martinet I ordered from The London Tanners. I was excited to finally get to experience it. It is surprisingly thuddy if used firmly, but can also be used safely on my back and thighs in a way that produces more sting. It did not leave any deep bruises, so that is a bonus. 

    This is my third implement from TLT and the quality is excellent. 

    received_5599615346815770.thumb.jpeg.acd1afe98da7a1029e7fa70dc606e16a.jpeg

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. rubyredd

      rubyredd

      @dre4mgirland @Spanknutt- it is so lovely and different from all of our other implements. 

      @nicoleS39- that would be sad for a gift to be misconstrued. My husband took it for what it is... a gift that brings us joy and togetherness as a couple. 

    3. Spanknutt

      Spanknutt

      I have always called "Topping from the bottom" communication.  But I know there are others who view it differently.

    4. Lineok

      Lineok

      Joy and togetherness is wonderul..keep enjoying eachother

  18. Most of our spanking sessions are 30-90 minutes long - depending on what we have planned. I have had spankings last just a few minutes, too.
  19. Welcome (back) to the site!
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