rubyredd

Welcome aboard!

🤩

I am not really a prankster brat... my style leans more toward sassiness and banter. BUT, I am following this post to get some ideas.

I am glad you had a partner who was happy to adapt to your comfort level. The unfortunate reality is that there are Tops out there who would insist - leaving the bottom to either give in or leave. I have spanko friends who felt coerced into doing more than they were comfortable with. Adaptability can make for a really positive experience. The very first spanko I met with through an online spanking site was incredibly rigid in his desires. He wanted ONLY a specific position, specific implement, and me to wear specific attire. It was so unfulfilling for me - who was used to a less formatted approach. It wasn't really a negative experience - he was friendly and polite and a decent human being. But he had absolutely no desire for exploration.

The dynamics and roles are pretty important to me. I am a bottom / spankee and my husband is a Top. I like to know if a potential partner is a Top or a switch. I know it shouldn't matter, but it can make a difference. Dynamic can be just as important. In my 20s, I wanted a spanking partner who would be my partner in all aspects of life. I found him. Up to that point, I enjoyed meeting a few dozen spankos and I got spanked a whole lot. It was a grand time. Now, I would still like to meet a female Top (or switch who Tops me) for friendship and maybe even accountability. I also enjoy meeting other spanko couples for fun play. I hope I can meet a few others from SN in the near future - once we get settled in our new place. So, I wouldn't want a play partner who was looking for a long-term / full-time deal. You want what you want. Kudos to you for being honest and putting yourself and your needs out there.

On a personal level, I am trying to get better about understanding the distinctions in chat. Several of my chat buddies are littles, so sometimes I just have to ask questions or get clarification. And I am actively trying not to be so uptight when the same couple of people ask the same question repeatedly about being spanked in school. I have trouble understanding the fixation with one particular scenario rather than wanting to chat about the wider world of spanking. Again... I am trying to be more open to what others share. But, one person I reported was because he wanted to tell me about how he liked looking at the 11 and 12 year olds at his church and then about spanking his kids or grandkids or whichever they were. I was not able to discern whether he was speaking from a point of fantasy or reality. Not that it mattered, because the things he said raised all my red flags So, in general - I just let folks know I am not interested in discussing kids and that, since I wasn't spanked as a kid, I have no spanking stories about childhood to share. I have no issue when it is an adult who regresses or enjoys playing the role of a little. I can't really understand because I don't regress. I did ask a couple of mods and other chatters if it would be appropriate to share some of my early experiences - since they were consensual - but I kind of chickened out on any in-depth sharing. Nearly all of my fantasies are non-consensual, so I get that perspective. But I also don't enjoy someone PMing me to talk about non-con abuse of kids. I don't think that makes me an inherently evil or overly rigid spanko.

The one I get a lot is "it doesn't end until she is crying" or "I always spank to tears." Well, the reality is... I don't cry from spanking. It just doesn't happen. And I am not alone in that. But you cannot tell those folks that... they often think it just requires harder spanking. 🙄

Relationships even vary for the same spanko. I always thought I would be in a DD marriage, but my husband and I have been together for over 15 years and real discipline has never been part of it. I never wanted sex mixed in or any erotic spanking before I met him. * * * There are some generally-accepted rules in spanking and BDSM, though - even if they are not practiced universally. Most spankos preach "Safe, Sane, and Consensual." Most spankos support age play, but not engagement with or discussion of actual minor children (other than personal reflections). Many spankos value consent - even if it is CNC. When I first joined the online scene, folks preached two established ideas for safety: (1) use safewords and (2) don't drink alcohol when playing. I didn't follow either one, but it didn't bother me if others did. I do think spanking should be consensual. I was a minor when I was spanked for the first time - consensually by my boyfriend at my request. So minors playing together is fine, but for the purposes of this website, all members are supposed to be adults. So...adult consensual spanking is really the one-true way. I definitely have my preferences, but sharing those preferences doesn't mean I think others need to live their spankoness the same way. Almost every woman who has been in chat has gotten messages from guys who express the one-true-way to do spanking. Always bare bottom! Always with a hairbrush! "I would never spank over jeans!" Only F/M should be allowed! I will always be outspoken about non-consensual spanking and abuse. And I am always going to report SN members who repeatedly try to talk to me about children in their care. And yes, I will probably always advocate for SSC - even if I have never personally had a safeword or will play with others on a first meeting.

Preach it. Honestly, this mentality bothers me so much... the "one-true-wayers" who insist there is only one right way (their way) to do this whole spanking thing. I don't know why some folks feel there is only one way to do TTWD, but I do chat with more people who are flexible and who enjoy exploration and trying different things. I think the one-true-wayers are just a vocal minority - and their forcefulness is particularly grating.

I have reached my limit of likes for today, so I have to comment... I wish I could be there to sign that paddle! Would love a close-up of some of these implements, too.

Horrified, but fascinated - those are the words I used to describe it in a PM. I was horrified by the reality, but I have had an ongoing fantasy for 20+ years that is based on CDD / wife spanking - a village that has grown and adapted over the years. I think you are right - we use our fantasies to gain some measure of control.

I am so sorry you went through that. No one deserves to be abused. I cannot imagine how hard it is to reconcile that with your spankoness.

I have been following some of the survivors and groups for years, but Gothard's influence on politics and the government is even more widespread than I realized.

Thank you! 🙂 Sometimes it is hard for me to recognize that and to compartmentalize. @nicoleS39- I am so sorry you had to experience that as a child. I have found some of your experiences hard to read in the same way this documentary was hard to watch. As for the acronyms, FLDS is the fundamentalist sect of the LDS church that still practices polygamy. IBLP is the Institute of Basic Life Principles created by Gothard that has infiltrated many Baptist and nondenominational churches. CSA. In this instance, is child sexual abuse.