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rubyredd last won the day on October 2

rubyredd had the most liked content!

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  1. For around nine months I was in a disciplinary arrangement with a long-time friend. We were spanking friends in our early 20s and regular friends, too. When that relationship ended abruptly, I felt an overwhelming sense of loss - almost akin to abandonment. Tops (ERs) are under a certain amount of pressure in that position - because within the agreement they have obligations to their partners - fairness, honesty, consistency, and so on. One of the things that I needed most was constancy - which, I think, can be difficult for many Tops to maintain long-term. 

    CONSTANCY - to be dependable; enduring.

    What happens when a spanking partner is not dependable or is inconsistent? When s/he "disappears" or doesn't reach out or doesn't consistently enforce rules? Have you ever been "ghosted" by a spanking partner? This question really applies to both Tops and bottoms. 

    I have chatted with several EEs who felt that sense of abandonment. And have seen a few posts about it, as well. It isn't always a final ending, but long periods of silence or limited contact - that can be damaging, too. Thoughts? Can a person be a "good Top" if they are not truly dependable? 


    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. jelena53


      Getting back to the original question regarding:  CONSTANCY - to be dependable; enduring.

      I always liked what Dr Dorothy Spencer said about constancy.   She said: " after a definite list of CAUSES has been established - don't be lax in administering the discipline!....That is what I mean about not being lax When a cause has been violated - when either party NEEDS the discipline - see to it that they get it. Don't be lenient or lax - for their sake! It is the only way you can truly help them."

      I am proud of my ex husband for being true to this idea.  



    3. Jaded


      I have always been a strong believer in consistency.  In these relationships trust and consistency are key.  Partners do have to realize though, that sometimes life happens, and the top or bottom may need to focus more time on other things.  ( Sick family members for example).  We all need to practice self care and take time for ourselves, or we can’t help anyone else.  If a partner can’t handle that after a long proven record of consistency, they need to go elsewhere.  I’d assume consistency is easier when spanking partners are living together, as they don’t have conflicting schedules and other people’s schedules to work around. 

    4. rubyredd


      I know in my heart all of you Tops are right - and really, he did need a break and a chance to explore and do the things that make him happy. At the time, it was hurtful and it is still difficult because we were such close friends. But, chatting with folks here has helped me so much! 

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