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Status Updates posted by rubyredd

  1. What is the "just right" amount of time for corner time after a spanking? 


    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. BobTheRolePlayer


      I think 5 minutes in the corner is plenty after a spanking. Maybe too long. I find that 2 or 3 minutes in the corner is sufficient for the spankee to get bored. I tend to be very strict with corner time. Meaning that if she moves her feet, even a little, she is going to be punished.

    3. AfterGeometry


      @indisgrace I don't see how that could be enough time for any serious personal reflection to occur.  Then again, I would run "corner time" prior to the punishment.  

    4. nicoleS39


      My two cents worth...lol. I guess the optimal beneficial corner time length is relative to the spankees ability to maintain quaity focus and reflection on the spanking experience either before or after spanking...the spankee tolerance for delayed comforting...and..the spankers feeling of fulfilled purpose in the associated spanking or punishment. For us, that seems to typically be 30 minutes  or so. However, there have been extremes of as long as 6 hours...and minmal times of 5 minutes.  But...I would say...from my perspective...the corner times I sometimes getmwhich extend much beyond 30 minutesndo not increase its effectiveness and has diminishing returns as the length increases. I get frustrated for lack of full comfort embraces. To me...when corner time extends into,more,prolonged time lengths...the corner time itself becomes more punitive in and of itself as a punishment, rather than an enhancement or capstone of the spanking experience. 




  2. What is the role of erotic spanking in your repertoire?

    • What makes it erotic? Does it have to lead to sex to be erotic or does the spanking itself suffice?

    • Is it about headspace? 

    How separate do you keep spanking and sex? 


    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. rubyredd


      @AfterGeometry- I think it is positive. I cannot control how my body reacts when I think about spanking or when I am being spanked. I certainly always have an "erotic response" and I don't see that as being negative. Spanking is my sexual orientation and everything else is secondary.

    3. AfterGeometry


      @rubyredd So given that you're a "Spanko-sexual" first and foremost ...does that imply that you are satisfied/satiated MORE after a spanking session that DOES NOT reach it's cessation with an orgasmic release than you would be after having sex which DID end with a release?    Does spanking normally always produce a better outcome/experience than just sex by itself ever does?  So spanking is like steak and sex is like hamburger , why would you ever eat hamburger again if steak is always the better experience??   Lol. 😝 

    4. rubyredd


      @AfterGeometry - I enjoy sex. But I love spanking. And sometimes a spanking does result in an orgasm - not every time, of course, but when my headspace is right, it happens. I haven't had "just sex" in years; sex doesn't happen without spanking as a precursor. Before I got married, I would meet with other spankos and the main event was spanking and never sex. That never bothered me at all; I still had solo orgasms. Easy peasy.

      PS: As a carnivore, I want both steak and hamburger - I just want steak all the time. And hamburger is more like dessert than the main meal. 

  3. How great is you desire to share your spanking fetish? 

    Several of the posts in the General Discussion forum relate to being open about our spanking needs... t-shirts, door hangers, vanillas who know about our kink - things that out us as spankos.

    I used to be very open about my spankoness - back in my teens and 20s. Mostly out of necessity - how would I get spanked if I didn't ask? I was open with friends, potential dating partners, etc. I am still not shy about my interests - and certainly am not ashamed - but I don't talk about it with most vanillas, I don't put my face in my profile pics, I don't wear shirts advertising my interests. 

    What about you? 


    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. nicoleS39


      I would love to be very open about this...but my desire to protect my husband and daughter from the certain unnecessary but inevitable scrutiny we would be exposed to....overrides my desire to be more open with this strange need I have....

    3. SimplyRed


      Not to be shared outside our trusted group.  Ever. Let the outsiders come in and then its fine.

    4. kiko


      I think being a spankee is who I am but I don't need to walk around with a big "S" on my chest.  Meaning, I won't bring it up over tea or in a group conversation.  However, if someone said, your butt seems pink, why?  I may blush and say to the effect that I was spanked.  Outside of this site, I am more extroverted but no one knows I am a spankee.  Perhaps if I found a safe place to speak about it I may.

      Thank you for bring this to my attention.  I should think about this should the need to respond be posed and I need to answer.

  4. For a pre-spanking lecture or scolding, what position(s) do you prefer? What do you like about that positioning?

    • ER and EE standing

    • ER and EE sitting

    • ER standing / EE sitting

    • ER sitting / EE standing

    • Something else (please describe)

    *Drawing by Roger Benson.


    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. GoCutMeASwitch


      No real preference.  For those times when my ee has done messed up big time they're usually standing middle of the room already naked from the waist down when the lecturing and scolding gets going.  Otherwise, the other variations really don't matter to me personally.  Some ee's over the years found that being in the corner when the lecturing started helped them get into their headspace better before the spanking began.  

    3. rubyredd


      @Tate999- that is my personal favorite way to be lectured.

      @CaliSpanker53- I really liked your explanation of this in chat the other night. @BobTheRolePlayerhas a similar idea, it seems.

      @GoCutMeASwitch- I hadn't really considered the cornertime lecture position, but it is very effective and certainly puts me in the right headspace. Love your name, btw.


    4. redzonedefense_F


      I am always drawn to being in a seated position with the ee standing in front of me.  That way, I can take their hands in mine, look in their eyes and it's natural flow to move to, now that we've reached our understanding, we have some business to take care of.  Let's get you settled over my lap.'  I'm short, so even if I was standing, I couldn't loom over anyone or be intimidating, even if I wanted to.  And, no.  Step ladders and stilts don't help.  Don't ask me how I know.  ;)

  5. Here is another one just for you. 


    1. Chastener


      Thank you, my dear.

  6. • "It is time for a discussion."

    • "We will discuss this later."

    These simple words make me blush - even in text. What about you? Do you prefer another phrase? 

    Bottoms: Do you react to the idea of a "discussion"? Has a Top ever said this type of thing to you?

    Tops: What does it mean when you say it is time to discuss a spankee's attitude or behavior?  How does the discussion go?

    (Adult Consensual Only, Please)


    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. rubyredd


      @AfterGeometry- I am still conflicted on my need for real discipline, but these phrases could be used in funishment and roleplay, too. DUH! 

    3. AfterGeometry


      Methinks someone is trying to have their cake and eat it too. 😛


    4. rubyredd


      @AfterGeometry- I probably am. I want all of the structure with none of the real consequences for my actions. Seems reasonable. 

  7. Summer is coming to an end. Time to pack away our shorty-shorts and get cozy in our flannel jammies. Which do you prefer for a spanking (before the bare, of course)?


    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. RIspanko


      Dropseat jammies would be  nice

    3. Longtimespanking


      Any sort of pajamas works for me, the traditional flannel ones, or the cotton ones.  If I got to pick colors, plaid flannels, and either plain white cotton ones or something in a blue stripe are visually appealing.  

    4. jelena53


      I vote for flannel pajamas,  drop seat are great too.   I am rather cold natured and need a lot of heat. 

  8. Atone - to make amends; to provide or serve as reparation or compensation for something bad or unwelcome

    Atonement is the concept of a person taking action to correct previous wrongdoing on their part, either through direct action to undo the consequences of that act, equivalent action to do good for others, or some other expression of feelings of remorse.

    One of the only times I think I need actual punishment is when I want to atone for some misbehavior that I feel truly bad about. Being punished has a cleansing effect - even without tears. Atonement, to me, isn't about speeding tickets or swear words or breaking arbitrary rules - it has to involve my attitude (being rude or hurtful).

    How does spanking help you atone for misbehavior?


    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. rubyredd


      @AfterGeometry- soooo true!

      @Lineok- guilt-relief certainly helps.

    3. dkh


      I've thought about this recently because Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, was last week. It is specifically about atonement by the Jewish people for sins against God, but the ten days between Rosh Hoshanna and YK are also the traditional time to apologize and make amends to people one has wronged over the year.

      Compared to Christianity, Judaism emphasizes the responsibility of the transgressor to earn forgiveness by acts of atonement. The person who has been transgressed against is required to forgive only after the transgressor has expressed sincere remorse and done the best they can to repair the damage they've caused. An aggrieved "I SAID I'm sorry" is not enough.

      I have not been in such a relationship myself, but I would appreciate getting spanked, or other formal punishments, as a practical way for my partner to express their disappointment and restore balance between us when I am selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate.

    4. rubyredd


      @dkh- thank you for sharing all that background - I had no idea. I said I am sorry definitely is not always enough. Perhaps that is why I find the idea of atonement so appealing.

  9. Stress Relief Spankings

    Spankos mention them often, but what does a stress relief spanking look like to you?  How does it differ from other types of spanking? Is it just that the intent is different or is there something else? 

    Work has been increasingly stressful (for a couple of years lol) and my fitness training schedule has been tiring (but also necessary and a sress reliever). Like everyone else, stress compounds - whether it stems from family / friends, personal, work, whatever - until we reach a breaking point or find relief. 


    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Tate999


      no she was made to strip as well she really struggles with taking her clothes off but admits it puts her head into the right space she doesn't get if she keeps them on. 

      The hand spanking lasted for 10 minutes and it was hard. She was spoken to the whole time and her behaviour was discussed, mostly one way I add. 

    3. Lineok


      Scolding during the spanking to help release tension ... stress hopefully goes away as the spanking progresses.....talking to the spankee.....letting them no there being spanked to help reiease the tension and to relax...just leeting the spanking takes it course

    4. rubyredd


      @Lineok- I am wondering if my headspace would be different in that situation... since the goal is neither discipline nor fun really.

  10. Are you counting down the days until party time? 🍑🔥

    1. candyapplered


      @rubyredd ummm are you implying something with that peach and a fire?? :)
    2. rubyredd


      You bet your 🍑 I am. ❤🔥

  11. What is your favorite funishment scenario? 

    How detailed do you want funishment to be? What is included... scolding, corner time, other tactics? Is it usually for a real offense or a totally manufactured reason? 

    Tell me your thoughts on funishment. 

    *Drawing by Paula Meadows.


    1. CaliSpanker53


      @rubyredd I love Funishment Spankings!  They are a really good way to have a fun time with someone and yeah I need everything that would be in a Punishment spanking.  A good set-up or premise is important as well as a wide berth for brat adjacent comments and kidding.  

      Of course the element of Funishment turning to Punishment is always present if the bratting goes a little out of bounds.  😄😄

  12. We all love OTK, of course; but, how about OTF? Over-the-furniture spanking is versatile and exciting to me - with the couch / sofa being my favorite choice of furniture.

    What is your favorite position on a couch? 

    • OTK

    • Laying Down

    • Over the Arm

    • Over the Back

    • Kneeling on the Cushion

    • Kneeling on the Floor

    • Something Else

    Yesterday I was able to use a position that I have rarely experienced: kneeling on the couch cushion, facing the back with arms over it, bottom out. And I loved it. 

    *Image from RLS. 


    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. rubyredd


      @SETN- over the arm is absolutely one of my favorites - or over the back.

    3. Spanknutt


      @rubyred - yes, kneeling with hands on the floor would obviously present an appealing target. However, for longer scenes it would not be realistic. I really do want the EE to be as relaxed as possible and want her to concentrate on the scene. 

    4. rubyredd


      Sorry, yeah, good point. 

  13. Tops / bottoms: What do feel after a spanking?

    Are you content, relaxed, excited, sore, cranky? What are the physical and emotional sensations you want from a spanking session? Do your feelings vary based on the type of spanking (fun vs. punishment, for example).

    Bottoms: Do you experience sub-drop? 

    Tops: Do you experience anything akin to sub-drop but from a Toppy perspective?


    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. nicoleS39


      Infeel many things I am still trying to understand about me.  I guess I feel,so incredibly intimate...so close to him in ways I cannot explain...afterwards. Perhaps relief and a release of my guilt or disappointment in myself. I feel safe..in his string arms, weeping into his chest..feeling his hands stroking my hair or on my stinging bottom. I feel blessed he is in my life and I am his woman.  I also do get wet with desire for him...and am hungrynfor him tomtake me, but know thatvwill happen only when he decides...which...just makes me even wetter and hunger for him more....when he does. Lol...i guess I ferl,like a "delighful mess"...after he spanks me....more so the harder or more intense the punishment  might ge...yes...thats it I think.

    3. DifferentialP


      I tend to be energized. It is an escape from day to day life and it is even better when I can see someone really enjoyed the spanking they got. 

    4. Spanknutt


      After I do a Topping scene, I am energized - kind of like my team just won the Super Bowl and it lasts for a couple of days. 

      On the rare occasions that I bottom, I usually do it out of curiosity and as a challenge, and afterward I feel a sense of accomplishment. It also makes me feel closer to my partner for having participated with me in that way.

  14. So... when can we expect your next story? 

    1. spankguy777


      It’s posted :)

  15. Can I Get a Witness? 

    I know I have asked a few questions about spanking with multiple partners (two bottoms, one Top; two Tops and one bottom). But what about a spanking mixer or party situation? Yesterday, my husband and I hosted a get-together with a local spanking couple I met through SN chat. It was an absolutely wonderful time - full of spanking, trying implements, discussion, and laughter. 

    What did I learn? 

    • I really enjoy being spanked (caned, strapped, paddled) in front of other spankos. I like the sensations, the conversation going on around me as I wait, bare-bottomed for the next swat or stroke. I find the exposure to be thriling. 

    • I enjoy watching someone else get spanked, but I am an empathetic spankee and I spent a lot of time biting my lip and hoping it didn't hurt too much.

    I would love to hear about your (adult consensual) witnessed, group, or party spanking experiences. If you haven't tried a group or witnessed session, would you? What would be your ideal experience?


    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. rubyredd


      @FtWorthOTK55- I hope the party was tons of fun!

      @StrictGent- how have you been? 

      @CaliSpanker53- there was definitely a different energy in the room. 

      @DanW- I hope you do get to experience that fantasy. I like the idea of getting spanked alongside another spankee, so I hope to do more of that.

      @Longtimespanking- sounds like a fun experience for you! I don't think I would want to be totally naked at a party, but might be okay with it in a small gathering of friends.

    3. jelena53


      I am a little envious of you rubyred.   While married my husband and once had something similar planned- I was going to be very exposed and spanked in front of another couple.  But it didn't happen.   I had a lot of mixed emotions  about being exposed but I was willing (partly because I wanted to see my friend exposed and spanked like me.)  But it didn't happen.  My then husband and I was very disappointed. 

    4. FtWorthOTK55


      @rubyredd  The party was fun but I did not get a chance to play that much.  I have a bad back and it really hurt this weekend.  I did manage to have a scene with one new lady and enjoyed seeing friends I have not been around for almost 2 years.  This was a new hotel for us but it turned out to be very nice.  

  16. I do not get alerts when people comment on my status updates, so I didn't see any of your awesome comments until now. Thank you so much for all of the interesting responses. 

  17. Maintenance Spanking

    This type of spanking is one that is often discussed, but something I have rarely experienced in reality. I did try it as part of a disciplinary relationship, but it just felt "off" to me.

    What does maintenance spanking mean to you?  How does it fit in your spanko repertoire? Share the (adult consensual) details with me please.

    Maintenance seems supremely unfair, but I know others find it enriching. What are your thoughts? 


    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. rubyredd


      @FtWorthOTK55- a maintenance spanking seems unfair to me in a way other spankings do not. A just-because spanking (because one or the other or both) just wants it... great! But a disciplinary spanking when I am behaving and trying to meet goals - unfair! 

      @Azz_Tamer- so, what would a maintenance session be like if you could design the perfect one (for you, as a Top). What do you think would be most effective? 

    3. Azz_Tamer


      As I did state but will emphasize here every maintenance spanking I ever ever given is typically the idea of the spankee. They generally want regular spankings & if I am in some mentor type role they feel they need that to succeed.

      There are 2 probable reasons for that:

      1. Getting a regular spanking of some regular timing (let's say a week or two maybe) helps keep them regulated & better behaved per their request. Rather then feel they've messed up (assuming the spanking has helped with their behavior or goal) they can keep on the desired path ...or it is "maintained"

      2. They enjoy getting spanked & don't want to totally misbehave in order to get what they want. But even though enjoying it to some degree, it can still be effective. But it also has a different tone to it ...no real scolding or lecturing ...maybe more a discussion during. Each spanking relationship is different ...depends on what works for both involved.

      Also if someone just wants a spanking on the lighter side etc they could definitely just ask & it could be just for fun or even a reward. I'd say a  maintenance spanking would be firmer then that but of course lighter then a punishment/disciplinary spanking. My assumption & reality is most spankees want to be pushed some during a spanking to near or at their limit (in my experience) & taking the scolding & emotional dread of remorse for messing up out of it is what makes it different from punishment   


    4. Rand E

      Rand E

      Sorry.  I don't get maintenance spanking.  My wife and I do recreational spanking and that's sufficient to keep us in practice, so to speak.  But actual discipline requires a good reason.  Otherwise, it makes no sense.    

  18. I know I have asked about OTK before, but it does seem to be a universal favorite for spankos everywhere. How would you describe your perfect OTK spanking experience? 

    • Are you a Top or bottom (ER or EE)?

    • Details, please... mode of dress, implements (if any), etc. 

    • What makes this description your ideal? 

    • If OTK is not your fave, what position do you like best?


    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Chastener


      True story, relevant to your cartoon:  I DID have a woman rather grouchily say to me, as I prepared her for spanking, that "You really like this, don't you?"  I replied --as I would now-- "What I really like is the knowledge that I have the authority to discipline you and more, that YOU know I have the authority to discipline you."  Enough said.

    3. CaliSpanker53


      Are you a Top or bottom (ER or EE)? 90/10 Top/bottom

      • Details, please... mode of dress, implements (if any), etc. I love nice long luxurious sensual progression OTK spankings.  Working down from fully clothed to bare bottom, with plenty of time devoted to spanking over each layer of clothing (although I absolutely swoon at a pantied covered bottom and have given plenty of spankings where they never come down.  Implements range from my pillow soft  hands to every implement imaginable especially my favorite  buttery soft supple belt. And music plays a HUGE role in myy play.  

      • What makes this description your ideal? I like spending time with my partner.  Pushing and pulling the energy exchange that makes it all worthwhile.  I adore watching and learning how my partner's body reacts and all of this takes time.  Music is key because I tend to be more rhythmic in my style and music also provides different places to take a spanking.

      • If OTK is not your fave, what position do you like best? OTK...simply said for me...connection and having the most delicious parts of a my partner laid out for me to explore/ paint and enjoy.  The ability to maintain some form of contact is also very important for me.  

    4. boy_otk


      I'm a 100% spankee. I've always loved imagining OTK spankings. I'd preferably be wearing a t-shirt and pants, and eventually ending up  bare bottom  over her lap. I feel being nude is unnecessary for a domestic spanking. I would prefer the lady to be wearing an every day attire, whatever is comfortable for her...just not the leather type dominatrix stuff. I prefer her clothing to be maternal. 

      I'd prefer a firm maternal hand and some other implements like a wooden spoon, or hairbrushes. I'm not fond of big paddles..they are too much for me.

      It is ideal because the physical intimacy offered by OTK could transfer into emotional intimacy even amidst a painful spanking session. I like imagining being held firmly over her lap with her hands around my hips as I get my comeuppance. 

  19. Hope you have been doing well.

  20. Pre-spanking Cornertime...

    Tops: Do you put your naughty partner in the corner before the spanking? Do you have a specific position or ritual you like to use? How long does it last, mode of dress... give me the details. What do Tops even do while we are standing there in nervous anticipation?

    Bottoms: How do you feel about cornertime before a spanking? Do you have preferences for how it goes? Does it help with your headspace?


    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. dmirk


      My tendency is to do corner time (when I use it) between spankings or, if you prefer, in the middle of a spanking. 

      I think corner time is most effective in punishment spankings. 

    3. Topspanker


      Definitely a punishment ritual. How long she spends standing there depends on how annoyed by her actions that I am.

      could be 5 minutes or all friggin day. Clothing arrangements vary as well. If before than she’s usually standing there with nothing on from waste down. After well, same thing.

    4. Azz_Tamer


      I like to have someone waiting in a corner if I am spanking them at their place. I typically call when I am 5 to 10 min away & let them simmer with the usual butterflies. They better be in the corner when I get their with the door unlocked for me ...or else.

      I also like to admire my handiwork after a spanking and some time in a corner or bent over something or kneeling on something allows some leisurely viewing time. I might do a bit more lecturing during that time & often "freshen up" a spanking after the corner time is done.

  21. What is the hardest thing about being a spanko? 

    Is it meeting people with similar interests? Self-doubt? Vanilla relationships?

    What about within the spanking community - what challenges do you face?

    *Artwork by Hardcastle.


    1. Show previous comments  13 more
    2. nicoleS39


      I think the hardest thing is needing to hide it from others who would never understand....and the fear of being found out. 

    3. wanttospank


      I will agree finding others you can trust. Way too many people want to get involved in spanking and make arrangements, but get cold feet and bail out. I think for so many is is only a fantasy, that they would like to make real, but cannot make the commitment.


    4. Spanknutt


      @nicole39 - what makes you think they would never understand? I have been surprised by the reactions from others I have shared with over the years.

  22. As I continue to move away from true discipline, I find myself questioning the efficacy of discipline and punishment. 

    What are your thoughts regarding adult, consensual discipline - can it really work to deter certain behaviors or change specific attitudes? 


    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. alyssandra


      From my view, it depends on the goals / objectives between the two consenting adults.  I feel spanking can change my behavior but it has to be done in a specific and caring manner. 

    3. Naughtysparky


      Well my two cents that don’t mean anything. One if you are a bottom and love to be spanked then I don’t think it’s true punishment just heavy funishment play. Two I wish it used for true discipline but for me I would be grinning ear to ear on the inside while on the outside I would doing the spanking bottom foreplay like please no don’t spank me and no not the paddle 😱

    4. nicoleS39


      Oh...for me....spanking and submission has most definitely changed my behavior.... but it is actually the way Husband Sir has usedbitbas a tool to save me from myself. Yes....it must be done right and with strength and consistency and...love.

  23. Extra swats, starting over, smacking the hand...

    Do you have a favorite spanking-related threat - and have you ever had to follow through with the additional consequences?

    If I am threatened with extra swats, I will probably end up getting them - since I can be a little stubborn or get carried away in times of distress. What are some effective ways to handle bad behavior or rule-breaking during a spanking?


    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. DanPatrick


      Hands coming back to block means the back of the thighs are fair game for spanks.

    3. Mulege77


      I don't know if it qualifies as a threat, or is more of a rule: Any time an ee hides an implement, they will be spanked with it, when it is discovered.

    4. AfterGeometry


      I don't know, but I'm all for their business attire.  😋

  24. What does the spanking urge feel like for you? 

    Tops - Does your hand tingle? What heightens your desire to give a spanking? Are there certain behaviors that make your palm get warm and tingly? 

    Bottoms - Do you ever get a "ghost spanking" effect... tingles or a warming sensation like you just got a swat?  Do you ever try to instigate a spanking just because you want one? Or, do you prefer to ask for a spanking directly? 


    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. CaliSpanker53


      If I'm talking to someone and the tone of our conversation is witty and sarcastic I get the urge.  Or I see a particularly intriguing Lady out and about, it can be a smile or just a cool attitude my mind races towards  thoughts of what it might be to spank them.   When those urges hit they simply make me smile at the possibilities even if they can't be realized in those instants.

    3. KentuckyGuy


      Pictures like this one heighten my urge to spank.  Stories often can too.

    4. redzonedefense_F


      Agreed.  Images, videos and stories all help to fuel the fire.  But, when I hear someone speak of desire, curiosity or behavior where a spanking is warranted,  no need to twist my arm.  Then again,  a view of a deserving backside (and I have yet to encounter one that was not!), clothed or otherwise, is like the tractor beam on the Death Star.  ;)


  25. Happy Birthday! 🎁🎈

    1. Zhal


      Thank you.

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