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Everything posted by OhRedhead

  1. I am not interested in being spanked by or spanking a woman, even in a completely non-sexual dynamic.
  2. I play for stress-relief. A realm for spankos would be amusing for sure.
  3. I do. There is definitely a distinct mindset invoked by it.
  4. Unless you are getting 'spanko' vibes from her (maybe she has mentioned spankings or made jokes about them?), I would not bring that up, especially as a way to help depression.
  5. If it is a disciplinary spanking, I need time to communicate with my ER, to 'debrief' and to renew connection. Going about my business immediately after a spanking would not work for me at all.
  6. Also, there ARE certainly situations where abuse occurs. Generalization and applying your own ideas/feelings/judgements on others is the problem. Perhaps this psychologist *was* speaking of a specific case of abuse.
  7. This is a countertransference issue on the part of the psychologist. Kink is not abuse or even clinically relevant in any way provided consent is present and that the identified kink has no harmful/negative effect in EITHER person's life. That psychologist is adding her own value judgement, which goes against the principles psychologists adhere to.
  8. No way, especially with a new spanking partner. Protect yourself.
  9. Actually, it is unlikely that any spanking of any duration or intensity will help her depression. Though it can relieve some run-of-the-mill stress for some, relying on spanking to help with depression is unwise. I hope she is getting professional help. I also agree with Ruby that 10 minutes of hand spanking is unlikely to leave marks or bleeding unless there is a pre-existing break in the skin or an underlying blood clotting issue that makes bruising very easy.
  10. I am a female EE and I STRONGLY disagree that it ought to be the 'norm.' There is no norm. Every couple is in a unique relationship that works for them.
  11. Coming from a background in clinical psychology, I would say that you need to know how to fully accept adult responsibility FIRST before you look to external sources. I do understand the feelings you are expressing (I have very similar ones), but you will have healthier relationships, even the kind of relationships you appear to be seeking, if you are a fully-functioning independent adult first. You must be accountable to yourself first.
  12. A very short one this past Monday with a heavy paint stick over a kitchen counter, and another short one yesterday in the shower... But the last real spanking was in later August. It has been a long stressful time, made more stressful I think by lack of that outlet.
  13. I never used to be able to cry, being someone who was tightly self-controlled in most every way. My partner and I broke through that barrier. Once it was broken, tears have been achievable with most disciplinary spankings, provided my mindspace is right and there is enough intensity. Crying serves as an important pressure-release valve for me now.
  14. Disagree that 'the majority of women are submissive by nature.' Generalizations are usually inaccurate and never a good idea.
  15. I couldn't disagree with some of this more, specifically that "most men are submissive," that women are natural disciplinarians, and that there a lot more submissive men than submissive women. To answer the O.P.'s question, spanking has gone from something like a 4 for me in my past, to a 9 or 10 currently. I don't foresee it fading into the background again either.
  16. Be careful if using it for the first time. I blister with its use (sensitive skin) and the sting of it lasts 3-4 days, even with no spanking.
  17. I have had issues with some people who were (or acted) a little crazy once I got to know them better, but I haven't really been trolled as such on a spanking site. I of course have been referred to as "slut," "whore," "slave," and the always-popular "bitch" on Fetlife (via random PMs). I have never had that happen on S.N. I choose carefully what posts I respond to here usually, although sometimes if I am really incensed, I may be less likely to hold back. I almost never post on Fetlife. I think I posted once years ago. I guess have been lucky in terms of trolling.
  18. Also, and I put this out there as food for thought only, ChicagoLady. I could be way off base. People with low self-worth/-esteem trying to heal from past traumas sometimes seek out people to partner with that 'verify' or mirror their self-image, perpetuating and strengthening self-loathing. His loathing was certainly apparent in this post. If he was anything like this in your relationship, he gave you back exactly what you already thought of yourself. It is maladaptive, certainly, but not a conscious process. Being aware of it might help. You deserve much better than this in ANY relationship you wish to enter in the future, no matter your flaws. We all have them. Run from this type of person.
  19. This is a really disturbing way of speaking of someone and frankly says more to be about you than the person you speak of. No matter what she did or didn't do, your rant makes you appear cold and entirely devoid of empathy. Many many many people suffer from low self-esteem. To state that "people like that need to be alone their entire miserable lives"? Wow. I am sorry, ChicagoLady, that he chose this as a place to air whatever issues transpired between you. You have my respect for taking ownership of whatever part you feel responsible for. But this is NOT normal by any stretch. Don't ever settle for a belittler and someone who chooses to blame you entirely for any relationship issues. That is the very last thing you need if you are already trying to heal.
  20. I have a bedtime enforced by my partner after decades of staying up until all hours (from childhood, actually). It has helped me get tons more sleep and not feel so out of sorts in the AM.
  21. Tears eluded me for a long time. I was incredibly well-defended and over-controlled. They are possible with my partner, and I am grateful for that.
  22. I should have noted the same thing. I was not speaking of anyone specifically, as I know nothing of what occurred or with who. Only generally.
  23. It is his favorite, and I think he likes me to see it many times a day as a reminder. It works. Usually. We do have many other implements (wooden paddles, other hairbrushes, a wicked crop, a carpet beater, a cane, a rubber paddle, wooden and silicone spoons, a bath brush...) that he can choose from. The most frequently used are probably the paddle brush, a small holey paddle and the bath brush. I wonder sometimes how Tops/Ds/ERs decide on what to use in any given spanking? Their favorites? Or specific implements for certain circumstances? Or both/neither?
  24. My partner chooses and usually right before the spanking begins. At least one implement is always out where it can be seen (a wooden paddle brush).
  25. The world is full of all kinds of people. Every group and subgroup is going to be a microcosm of larger society. There will be some assholes no matter where you go. YOU choose who to give power to. Be well.
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