OhRedhead

Am I not an expert on this? Compared to you, at least. 😉

I have no preference in terms of vulnerability, but since my toes often are cold, I do like socks sometimes.

I think this sentence really stood out to me: "To me, pain is confirmation I am getting what I richly deserve." And what do you feel you richly deserve? Punishment for even small things? Do you feel that you are a bad person? Do you have such guilt (perhaps for your past) that you have negative emotional states without severe punishment? Does wanting to keep going even after your husband stops because it is severe enough relate to that guilt? Just some things to think about.

As if. Definitely an urban legend.

I would definitely avoid impact play while you are on an anti-coagulation regimen. If you engage in it right after drug therapy ends, stay away from heavy, thuddy implements at the very least.

I have found that a bath brush CAN result in some pretty intense and long-lasting after-effects. Care is needed to avoid large hematomas and even bone bruises.

I have not found Lexan to be more painful. But that is only my personal experience.

I prefer wood, not plastic, and I agree with others that a bath brush can be VERY effective.

If you have a solid relationship and are otherwise dedicated, perhaps compromise would be effective. What does he like? How does he get in the mood? It seems like you have told him what you need. Ask him what he needs. Maybe you get a once-weekly (or whatever you two decide) spanking with all the types of foreplay you enjoy. Maybe another day in the week he gets what he wants. Just an idea.

In a disciplinary context, calm, controlled scolding keeps me in the right frame of mind - focused on the spanking and reason for it. A silent spanking would be less effective for me, as would outright anger/yelling from my partner.

Spanking will not fix the underlying mechanisms driving ADHD. I know this from personal as well as professional experience. Perhaps they provide you extra structure, which can be helpful, but they would never take the place of therapies we know are efficacious. I wish you luck in finding what works best for you.

I almost always subscribe to the idea that finding out (and communicating) is better than wondering endlessly, second guessing yourself (and him), and waiting for him to act. Closure is pretty important for peace of mind. There is nothing wrong with sending him a last (or maybe not last) message. Assuming that you can tell what is going on with him is a mistake. So ask and let him tell you. Don't assume either that he will not tell you the truth. If he does not respond to your last message, you will have your answer. If he does respond, communicate clearly without being pushy. You have then given him a fair chance, even if the final result is that it is unlikely to work between you.

It was three hours long, with a different implement for each of 4 or 5 rooms (and some others thrown in, too). I had asked to test my limits, and it sure did. It took some time to heal.

I second this recommendation.

I was not directing my comment towards him. I just wanted to share my opinion that generalizing oral sex as submissive and/or degrading in any way does not seem useful. Can it be seen that way if a couple wishes it? Sure. I think the most valuable advice given in this thread is the O.P. finding a way to reciprocate her willingness to give him what he has been longing for - whether chores, or dinner, or sexual acts.