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KellyRedHair

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About KellyRedHair

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    Member
  • Birthday 12/02/1985

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  • Age
    34
  • Location
    Central Illinois
  • Gender
    Female
  • Experience
    Regular
  • Role
    Spankee

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  1. Yes, still there. If you are searching for spanking topics or forums on Google (in general) and an SN one pops up, clicking on it sends you to a Google prize page you can't get out of without closing the tab! That's the worst part. And I want to use Chrome and Google.
  2. Thank you all for your insight. In a normal case I agree 100%. Once the spanking is over it should be over. (Or corner time that day. If it's a mutual thing to sometimes have a weekend of misery or loss of privileges to each his own.. Normally it's a bit much for me, especially loss of privileges. But that goes way back for me) Unfortunately, in this particular instance I don't have an in-person disciplinarian. This has to be a severe and long-lasting punishment. Problem is, right now I'm living with my parents due to some health issues... Issues that can make giving spankings difficult sometimes because of some occasional dizziness and migraines. I also can't spank when my parents are home. When they aren't is usually morning... When my BP is lowest thus worst dizziness. And even using a delrin rod I fear them hearing during the day... Or walking in. (Especially my dad who doesn't knock). So nighttime is my only chance most of the time and I can only last so long now. I was staying up until 4 for almost a week which is bad for migraines anyway but I also finally collapsed and did nothing but sleep for 4 days straight. Even sleeping through lunch. So about 1 a.m. is now my limit. I have a LOTof lines to write which one would think could be done during the day but I have to spank in between each one. (3 sentences each). So daytime is out. Things are now moving so slowly and the consuming guilt is waning. Even the extra punishment for lying to her about 1 thing thing that has been waiting almost a week is getting harder to make myself WANT to do. But you aren't supposed to want to HAVE to be punished... I mean... You sign up for the lifestyle and want this as a life tool etc. But you aren't supposed to want to be punished either, right? If it could all be given at once BY someone PHYSICALLY it would be so different. I just don't have that opportunity anymore. Which has been fine for 4 years. But this once... I really could have used it. And for certain things I am just starting to consider it again. Problem is finding a female in my area. I'm not gay... Just for personal reasons I'm not comfortable with men anymore. OK. So I guess I should have shared more originally. *sighs* sorry. Again I appreciate all the help. Kelly
  3. Forgot to be notified.. Nothing more for this. Sorry not bumping!
  4. I'm not positive I want to get into this again. I had steady discipline from February 2005 to September 2016 or so. My last person was friend first but when discipline was needed she was all business. Unfortunately after she spent a year in New York near Rochester with her fiance's family she became a little... To the utmost extreme. When she came back married (don't get me started on her jerk of a husband) she had the mentality of a 3 yo except when finishing up college, student teaching, or driving. When she got back and would spend time with me she threw tantrums , insisted on which movies to watch... Ones geared to 3 yr olds... And stopped caring that the food she ate made her really ill. I couldn't stand it so left her... Discipline and friendship and all. I have stopped it all for 3 years. I actually grew proud of not needing to be spanked for everything anymore. I wasn't dependent on it. And I know I don't want to get it for everything like I used to. But I think in some cases it would be good. I'd HAVE to be involved with rule making. Nothing I haven't okayd. I'm not looking for a total loss of control... Beyond that I'm not even sure. You must be close. At this time I can't drive thanks to a vertigo and/or low blood pressure issue I'm having. Hopefully all these specialists I am seeing right now can figure things out. I want to start discussions now though. Finding the right person takes a long time. I am looking for a FEMALE disciplinarian only.
  5. Edit: "LOOKING FOR female disciplinarian"
  6. I'm not positive I want to get into this again. I had steady discipline from February 2005 to September 2016 or so. My last person was friend first but when discipline was needed she was all business. Unfortunately after she spent a year in New York near Rochester with her fiance's family she became a little... To the utmost extreme. When she came back married (don't get me started on her jerk of a husband) she had the mentality of a 3 yo except when finishing up college, student teaching, or driving. When she got back and would spend time with me she threw tantrums , insisted on which movies to watch... Ones geared to 3yos... And stopped caring that the food she ate made her really ill. I couldn't stand it so left her... Discipline and friendship and all. I tried for a year to find a female to just take care of discipline. Why not men? No I'm not gay. I have stopped it alll for 3 years. I actually grew proud of not needing to be spanked for everything anymore. I wasn't dependent on it. And I know I don't want to get it for everything like I used to. But I think in some cases it would be good. I'd HAVE to be involved with rule making. Nothing I haven't okayed. I'm not looking for a total loss of control... Beyond that I'm not even sure. You must be close. At this time I can't drive thanks to a vertigo and/or low blood pressure issue I'm having. Hopefully all these specialists I am seeing right now can figure things out. I want to start discussions now though. Finding the right person takes a long time. I am looking for a FEMALE Disciplinarian only.
  7. It's always been appointments unless the spanker is with me during a visit (them to me or other way around... In these cases they wete [or were acting as] friends.) Otherwise sometimes it was days... Sometimes as long as 6 months. (That person lived verrrrry far away. Sw him once or twice a year sadly) Would always profit more from immediate punishment though
  8. They are here but nowhere near as bad! My complaint with this site is the advertised links on Google for different portions that lead to crap sites you can't back out of. You have to close out of that tab and start over. Grrrr
  9. Ok... So say you were given an extended punishment for something serious that took place over at least 2 weeks. Spanking, lines, corner over a long time is used. It's consensual, etc. You feel awful at the time it starts to the point you don't think even this will get rid of the guilt. But as time goes on in the punishment the guilt eases until you don't want it to keep going. You feel you've learned your lesson. This isn't a D/s relationship. Normally not even T/b but in certain extreme circumstances like this discipline begets friendship. You aren't used to extended punishments. In fact this is your longest ever. Should you be allowed out of your punishment at this point or should you be forced to see it through regardless? Just curious.
  10. Awww! Sounds wonderful! Yes, a Top can definitely bruise you in such a sweet way... I've really only had one and I had to part with them... Turned into such a drastic little while gone for a year I couldn't stand it. It dominated (no pun intended) every fiber of their being. We were friends first so we always did other things more... and tantrums would ruin board games, movies became their choice and all for LITTLE kids... I couldn't deal with a 3yo in an adult body. But lost a great friend and disciplinarian. I only had to deal with a bedtime once and fought it... We were 6 hours away so most punishments for it were selfies and I admit to skimping a lot on those. When the rules were my idea I complied to the letter of the law when a punishment was decided on. When it was theirs... Even if I needed it (and I was frequently running late for work) if I had no say I fought! Or lied... Tjey only knew what I told. Guilt built up slowly with that. Late 3 or 4 times fairly close together and id admit it... Or at least to 1 of them! That was really the only time I ever had a rule imposed I didn't want. They would have done more had I given them full control but I refused. There were two things made clear that would be done or enforced if so I seriously didn't agree with... Not something for punishment or even spanking in general, either. I didn't feel safe at all with one. So that control was withheld.
  11. Did any of you bottoms out there ever ASK to be spanked by your parents, babysitter, grandma... While a minor... And not for direct misbehavior to boot? Warning: long post! I somehow learned what a spanking WAS when I was about 3. My parents were completely anti-spanking. Well, when I bugged her about it my mom said if they had a bad enough child who was ALWAYS getting into trouble or one who did something truly awful they would. Whether that was true or not I'll never know. (It's a very uncomfortable thing for us when it [spanking] is brought up now. But that's a story for another day with no basis on the thread). She DID tell me she slapped my once when I was 3 for being extremely smart with her. I have no recall of THAT. However she almost did it another time when I was 9, same reason. My godmother stopped her mid swing. She was in menopause at the time but didn't realize it. I caught the brunt of it. But if there were those 2 times my guess is they WOULD have spanked. I was always curious what one would feel like. I knew it would hurt, but there are lots of kinds of pain... Foolish me, until I started reading stories online at age 11 (on my mom's computer in the kitchen no less.. Abd never once got caught with 1 exception... In college! But that's another story) I thought implements were simply more painful than hands because they wouldn't wear out. A hand, paddle, belt or cane all had to feel the same. It was the same kind of punishment after all. I became even more curious when I found out different! Starting at age 3 I started asking my parents to spank me. It was all curiosity then. I even considered getting into the China hutch and purposely breaking something (doing "something bad enough") but I didn't have the heart to destroy something dear to my mom. At age 7 for sure, maybe before, all discipline in my house stopped. They'd threaten to take something away but would give in. And slowly my behavior started to slip. I never misbehaved AT SCHOOL but once for talking in hall in 3rd grade. You got 2 "checks" in a week before parents were contacted. (For minor misbehavior) so they never knew. But outside of school my grades were slipping slowly starting 7th grade. I used to get straight A's. I got my first Cs in 7th and more b's than a's. Of course my health was deteriorating at this point and my teachers weren't as lenient as in 6th when I was diagnosed with severe migraines. But I could have studied LOT more even so. I just wasn't used to studying. It had always come naturally. But only once did they get upset about grades and still no punishment. I was failing 2 classes (I'd been hospitalized 3 weeks and home another 3 before going back. I didn't do any make up work in those 2 classes. Yet a very loud lecture which only succeeded in pissing me off was all I got. Next year same thing happened only this time I failed to take an exam in an enriched English course. I could have been made to drop down to basic, fail the semester, and if so, our already paid-for, long vacation to Hawaii forfeited as I took summer school. They were stern but not even grounded. Heck, that Saturday (just 2 days later!) I was allowed to go to a movie with my bestie and come back and play air hockey downstairs for hours as long as she helped me study for that make-up exam for an hour. The exam was Monday. I think I technically failed it. I asked if I did well enough to pass the course (needed a D+ or c-... Can't remember.) She never gave the exam back after grading and waited a LONG time before hesitantly saying yes. That was the wake up that occasionally maybe I needed to be punished and somehow I knew for me spanking was the answer. But it was loose. Later in the year I finally couldn't take it any longer... I needed a spanking. Just 1! To get my frustrations about it out. I was too nervous to mention that exam. I feared everything I did wrong would then get me spanked! Let me know more first... Then maybe I could ask for the discipline. So I sat mom down and told her how much I thought about it (tons... I would space out without initiating the thoughts all the time especially at school. Sometimes whole classes would go by and all I remembered was sitting down, getting up to leave, and being lost in pretend spankings I couldn't control. The who's, why's, how's, where's...) How just one spanking might make it all stop. She agreed to go get a ping pong paddle and do it right that afternoon. But then sbe "left for a drink of water" and came back crying. She'd still do it, but would I first see an old friend and counselor of hers first. I shrugged. Id get it either way. Big mistake. Spanking me even consensually even once would be introducing abuse into the situation. She referred me to a psychiatrist. My mom asked HER if she should. The exact same answer word for word was given. Years later I started looking for someone not family. Other than a child predator who started out as just an online disciplinarian but was soon making moves to do more (thank god it ended ok) Eventually in college my spankee life actually began second semester (2005) until about 4 years ago. But the need is still there... Even for one offense every so often. Don't have anyone to act on it except in online directed self punishments from a dear friend in Australia or just me taking things into my own hands. But it's oh-so-rare. But it's okay. I'm just adapting, glad to know there is even a LITTLE relief to fall back on in extreme moments like now. Heh. So... If you're still reading this novella... Have you ever asked for one when you didn't have to? How? Why?
  12. I have one. It hurts. But for me mostly if someone else does it. I struggle with the balance of it. Pluuus... I kinda want something that takes me beyond my limits.. Hell beyond what I've experienced before. I kinda want this to be something awfully special just for this one deed.
  13. Okay. Friend suggested this for self spanking for something serious. But even she doesn't know what it feels like lol! Just thought it would be easy to use. But before even considering investing in one on a disability budget (with rent and other mandatory expenses monthly... Over half of what I get to live on, not including groceries which food stamps barely touch) I need to know what one feels like. Thanks in advance! Kelly
  14. Hi. So it's a long story and my migraine has gotten pretty bad so I'm going to try and do a very short version so I might get some answers more quickly. Feel free to ask questions. I'll answer anything but 1 thing: what I did wrong. I've recently repeatedly done something awful. It's becoming almost habit but the intention behind it, especially at first... Well... It's an almost dangerous habit. No... Not cutting etc. Life's not in danger, I promise. But it's quite serious regardless both because it's not healthy and it's hurting my family in the process (they just don't realize it). I have no disciplinarian anymore. Haven't in 4+ years. I'd say that the last 3 I've been ok with that and adjusted to no spanking period. I need a woman for a safety thing and there are none to be had any closer than 3 hours from where I live. So with my psychologist I learned to "change." But a spanko shall always be a spanko. This began and I realized I needed help, even if I had to go back to self spanking which I don't even remember the last time I did it. Anyway... I need one really bad self spanking for what I've already done and need to continue each time I would do it again. It needs to be the worst I can possibly give myself. There is one problem. My arms are extremely weak. My health has been abysmal for the last 4 1/2 month to the point of having to stay with my parents all that time... 7 ER visits... 2 hospitalizations (almost 3)... More needed but stayed home because it's chronic and one of these times they'll refuse to help again. (I never ask for nor get actual pain meds, just to be clear). I have some times when I can function... Ergo when looking for help or when I CAN self spank. I would never push myself beyond my limits. But I still need severe punishment asap. The one thing that has hurt the worst in all my years as a spankee was a smallish, fairly thin wooden paddle with lots of small unbeveled holes applied with reserve by my favorite disciplinarian. (Like a 2nd dad to me, but so damn strong!) He would use a senior-level lexan cane all the way from 3/4 up my bottom to top 1/3 of my thighs full force and it wasn't as bad as that paddle. I asked for it myself... I WANTED blisters at the time. Details not necessary but I had done something really stupid and dangerous considering a position I was in with some really bad people. That paddle was the worst thing ever at swat number one. (And he only gave me like a total of 5 blood blisters as he refused to spank on top of them. They were gone by morning). I need something very light because of my weakness... I've found one made of bamboo and 9 extra holes can safely be added. My friend... The only person in the world who knows what I did and I pray it remains so... Suggested a leather paddle with studs, thinking it might be easier to wield. Three questions there... 1: What does such a thing feel like? I've never had a leather paddle before let alone the studded kind. 2: Are the studs dangerous? 3: Do you think that the leather paddle would be easier to wield by someone in my condition than a lightweight paddle? (Here's the link to the paddle I have in mind) If you have any other suggestions feel free to speak up! I just need it to be the harshest thing I can give myself... Something I would never use otherwise. https://www.etsy.com/listing/846236884/bamboo-spanking-paddle-with-holes-bdsm?campaign_label=convo_notifications&utm_source=transactional&utm_campaign=convo_notifications_010170_10683759063_0_0&utm_medium=email&utm_content=&email_sent=1601834706&euid=5sr6vWKKm9oRRR1XP4k3MUZALR71&eaid=14976800538&x_eaid=155c5dc2ff Please respond... I truly do need to attack this and the sooner the better. Thank you so much in advance.
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