Naomi

Looking to get some thoughts / hear others' experiences about an issue I've had a couple of times recently in my disciplinary arrangement. As some of you know, I have a discipline arrangement with a guy who is also a long-term friend. I am only spanked for discipline. For the most part I have decided on the things that I want to be accountable for and I feel I need to have consequences for and we've come up with a set of rules for me around that. Importantly for me, I have always been the driver of the types of behaviours, habits etc I am punished for. My ER has been great with that - he's helped me develop the rules and has insisted on a couple of extra things relating to me being honest with him, showing him respect within our arrangement etc. Normally there it is pretty clear where I've messed up / broken my rules and I accept that it's for him to decide whether I need to be punished and how to punish me (within the parameters we have agreed). But a few times a situation has cropped up where I have done something he doesn't like which isn't connected to my rules and he has wanted to spank me for it. One example happened recently where I went as his plus 1 for a wedding of one of his colleagues. He felt that I drank way too much and I behaved in a way that was rude to his colleagues and embarrassing for him. He was really annoyed with me and thought I deserved to be spanked. I had gotten pretty tipsy and I probably was a bit obnoxious but those aren't actually behaviours included in my rules. We ended up having a big argument at the end of the evening when he told me he was going to punish me - he wanted to spank me that night at the hotel we were both staying at. That didn't happen and we agreed to chat again the next day. In the end I apologised the next day, I felt really guilty about it, I hold him I deserved to get punished and he strapped me the following afternoon when we both got back to London. But I found this episode tricky. I think he feels that he is my disciplinarian, he rightly thinks that needs some authority and control for the arrangement to work. I know that he feels that it really undermines that if I can behave badly, have a shitty attitude etc and he can't spank me just because I didn't break one of the rules on the list. I have found these ad hoc issues hard because it feels like things move away from me having the initiative. I know that for this to work he obviously has to be able to make some decisions and I won't always like those. But it is really hard to figure out how we can/should handle things where I may be wrong, I may have behaved badly but that doesn't fall into things I've decided I need accountability for. I guess it's really a choice of having really rigid boundaries and deciding that I can only ever be spanked if what I have done breaks one of my rules or giving him more leeway to make those decisions. I would be really interested to know whether you guys have experienced similar issues / how you handle this in your arrangements where you have particular rules - would be good to hear from ER and EE perspectives as I imagine they may be different. Thanks! Naomi

A bit of a light-hearted one but I was laughing at myself thinking about some of my pre and post spanking rituals, habits etc. I'd be interested to hear yours, here are some of mine! Pre-spanking I always take a shower (I don't really know why because I am never bared with regularly ER) I take off my make-up if I am wearing (that is mostly because it's less messy and dramatic when the tears flow) I tie my hair up I often neatly fold the outfit I wear to be punished and put it on my bed I always put moisturiser on my bottom I try to do some meditation especially if I am feeling very nervous about what is coming When he's coming to my place I tend to put calming music on beforehand Post- spanking I always check out my ass in my long mirror in my bedroom even though it always looks terrible I shower again I make a hot chocolate and usually eat junk food I'll always apply aloe vera gel to my bottom I watch easy, trashy tv - I never feel like working or reading I wear really loose and soft tracksuit trousers for the rest of day/evening