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I am a 53 year old woman and brand new to this group. Your post sounds so much like my situation, only it’s 15 years later for me. I also could not make the need go away. I found this site just a few days ago, introduced myself, and got a couple responses. Long story short, I received my first spanking EVER yesterday from someone who lives within 30 miles of me. I would like him to be my disciplinarian now, as he takes control and somehow already knows just what I need. I feel incredibly guilty and would not ever want to ruin my marriage. We both agreed that that can’t happen. I’m not worried about it turning sexual at all, and we both said we’d end these sessions immediately if it seemed to be becoming more. Yes, I feel like shit about going behind my husbands back, but I tried so hard to get him to understand. Now with this new acquaintance, he being the spanker, and me being the one getting the spankings, I feel almost on a high, like I just met a friend who will keep me accountable, yet cares for me in a much deeper way. Yes, my ass hurts a lot today, but I feel so relaxed and happier. Hope that helps.