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Am123

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Everything posted by Am123

  1. I don't have a "radar" to detect other spankos, but I do seem to be able to spot other kinky people quite easily. I've been sus on a few people before but have never really broached the subject. I think there are some signs to look for, how they react to the word, how they look at hairbrushes/spoons etc. But they're really subtle and probably quite hard to spot unless you know the person really well.
  2. As many have said, putting on a name and face pic on a spanking site carries an inherent risk that you will be outed. Which in a lot of situations simply can't happen. I actually do use a face pic on this site and on others do show my real name. Although I accept that I don't have as much to lose from being outed as some people do. One thing I will say, though, is that the risk of actually being outed on a site like this is quite small. "Spanking" is not a term that people are likely to readily Google unless they're also one of us. Chances are, anyone who sees my profile on this site will also be a spanko, in which case I actually do want them to know about it ๐Ÿ˜…. With regards to the name thing, Jillian doesn't actually say that you need to use your real name whilst humanising yourself. What she actually says is to use a name that people can identify you by. A number of people I've met before actually do this and it has the same effect. You don't have to use your real name and face, you could use a human like alias and an anime picture and that would be just as beneficial. There are definitely risks to showing more of yourself in spanking communities. But the more of yourself you show, the more likely you are to find a spanking partner. And it's about balancing that with the risk of being outed.
  3. Last weekend. I went to meet some friends and decided to send one of them a very long and senseless message while we were in the pub. I paid for my sins the following day ๐Ÿ˜….
  4. Hey! There's a couple of videos which may help explain things a lot better than I can. Maybe watch both of these together with your husband and see if this helps him understand. Hope this helps you both out
  5. https://thelondontanners.com/shop/the-pocket-set-2-mini-strap-combined-with-a-mini-tawse/ I got these two! ๐Ÿ˜Š I'm the same here, except I'm pretty cool with tawses. Though I do still need to learn how to use them. Basically, anything domestic is my kinda jam (I include OTK hairbrush paddles in here because they really have that same feel to them)
  6. Ooooh, very nice. I've got the pocket strap and tawse from them arriving on Tuesday ๐Ÿ˜Š
  7. I haven't had the chance to use this yet. But I bought a 3/4 inch thick Ash OTK Paddle from little red spanking which packs a great sting. For a specifically punishment focused scene, I reckon this is really gonna get the job done ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜ˆ
  8. A different take on this, but I think this may be more that he's into the humiliation of being punished for being aroused. Rather than trying to make the spanking non sexual, focus your scolding on the shame of him being aroused whilst being spanked. This isn't really my thing, so I can't really help more than this, good luck to you both!
  9. For me, spanking is always sexual, regardless of if its for fun or discipline. It largely occupies the same space in my brain that sex does for vanilla people. I'm not sexually attracted to men so I don't want to play with them. I think one of the reasons you may see less women looking for men on sites like this is that they tend to get bombarded by creepy guys with very serious boundary issues which maybe scares people off a little?
  10. Just my two cents on the subject. I watched the video and, I have to say, the intensity of her spanks without any real warmup did make me very uncomfortable (I've been in a similar situation as a bottom, and I didn't let someone spank me again for almost a year after it, and not with implements for two). I wouldn't say I'd NEVER give a spanking like that, but imo there should always be quite a significant warm up before you spank like that instead of just banging away like a maniac. That said, it's very important to remember that we can't judge something like this from a spanking video alone, we don't know what's been negotiated behind the scenes. We don't know what this person's limits are, we don't know what their relationship is like and we don't know how often the couple have played together. The fact of the matter is, if both parties have consented to it, and a safe word is in place then this is absolutely fine with me. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a sadist or a masochist so long as both you and the person you're spanking have agreed that this is the level of intensity that you want to go to, and that it can always be stopped if needed.
  11. Just my two cents on the subject. I watched the video and, I have to say, the intensity of her spanks without any real warmup did make me very uncomfortable (I've been in a similar situation as a bottom, and I didn't let someone spank me again for almost a year after it, and not with implements for two). I wouldn't say I'd NEVER give a spanking like that, but imo there should always be quite a significant warm up before you spank like that instead of just banging away like a maniac. That said, it's very important to remember that we can't judge something like this from a spanking video alone, we don't know what's been negotiated behind the scenes. We don't know what this person's limits are, we don't know what their relationship is like and we don't know how often the couple have played together. The fact of the matter is, if both parties have consented to it, and a safe word is in place then this is absolutely fine with me. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a sadist or a masochist so long as both you and the person you're spanking have agreed that this is the level of intensity that you want to go to, and that it can always be stopped if needed.
  12. Just my two cents on the subject. I watched the video and, I have to say, the intensity of her spanks without any real warmup did make me very uncomfortable (I've been in a similar situation as a bottom, and I didn't let someone spank me again for almost a year after it, and not with implements for two). I wouldn't say I'd NEVER give a spanking like that, but imo there should always be quite a significant warm up before you spank like that instead of just banging away like a maniac. That said, it's very important to remember that we can't judge something like this from a spanking video alone, we don't know what's been negotiated behind the scenes. We don't know what this person's limits are, we don't know what their relationship is like and we don't know how often the couple have played together. The fact of the matter is, if both parties have consented to it, and a safe word is in place then this is absolutely fine with me. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a sadist or a masochist so long as both you and the person you're spanking have agreed that this is the level of intensity that you want to go to, and that it can always be stopped if needed.
  13. Depends on how you define "works" and I imagine that this is different for many people. I've said this on a couple of threads before, but I don't think spanking on it's own does very much as a deterrent. Especially since most of us are kinda into that ๐Ÿ˜‰. But where it DOES work, is as part of an accountability system that's set up between the EE and an ER who have the utmost trust and respect for one another. So when that person says they're unhappy with your behaviour, you're going to listen whether they spank you or not. The spanking then serves as the "punishment" to close off the issue and leaves you with a clean slate. It could also just be flat and simple stress release, spanking is AWESOME, and floods us with all kinds of endorphins. Or the erotic value that it does provide for many (if not all) of us. I think the main reason it works is due to clear and honest communication of exactly what we're hoping to get out of it. And working together to ensure that those needs are met. If we do that then, nine times out of then, a spanking relationship/dynamic is going to work out very well for us :)
  14. Shadow Lane is based in the US, has been renamed shadow lodge and is running in Vegas this September as far as I know, but not all that good for the UK. In terms of UK events, we don't really have that many larger national events that they do over in the states. A good way is to get yourself onto fetlife and look at some events in your local kink scene, maybe join some spanking groups, get to know some people in the spanking scene and see if any events are going on that way.
  15. As much as I'm into the idea of making a punishment more serious to "fit the offence". I find the whole "relieve yourself first to make it less sexual" thing a massive waste of time. Spanking is inherently sexual and you can't really do anything to change that. Even if they don't enjoy it in the moment, then they will be turned on by it the next time they feel aroused. I'd also be concerned that it would take the EE out of the headspace that they need to be in for the session to have its desired effect. Of course, it's totally valid if it's something you want to to. But or me, I find it better if the focus of discipline is on therapy and release rather than making it a punishment that you don't want to repeat. So I'm more on the using your scolding to make it an experience not to be forgotten.
  16. I share images quite a bit with people I completely trust. If I'm taking pictures of someone I've spanked, it's usually for them and they're free to share it themselves if they want to. I don't really keep pictures of someone else's spanked butt, just my own ๐Ÿ˜Š
  17. The kind of natural embarrassment that comes with a spanking is a huge deal for me, as both the ER and the EE. The embarrassment of a grown adult standing in the corner/having their pants pulled down and being spanked over the knee? Yum ๐Ÿ˜‹. With the exception of sending someont to bed/being sent to bed afterwards, which again is yum, anything beyond that natural embarrassment crosses into humiliation for me, and becomes something I'm much less into.
  18. I know a few people who've used cane-iac in the past. The general consensus is that their wood quality isn't great (one person had several of their implements break during their first use) but they're pretty good for non wood products.
  19. You should NEVER, under any circumstances, spank someone without consent. This is pretty much the most important aspect of TTWD. Even though a DD relationship has almost a "standing consent" to use punishments as we see fit, if the EE ever uses the words "I don't consent" or any form of safe word then the session doesn't happen. Period. If someone is going to abuse this then I personally would refuse to have any kind of session or dynamic with them after one incident of it.
  20. Really sorry to hear how it ended and what you went through. Otherwise it sounds like it was a great relationship, thanks for sharing ๐Ÿ˜Š
  21. So, I'm not really sold on the idea of a punishment spanking being a deterrent of any kind. I see it as more of a therapeutic release of guilt when we do something we shouldn't than a way to modify behaviour. That said, I do believe being bare adds to the experience you're going for due to the embarrassment factor and the vulnerability of it. It helps get into the required headspace and so on. Bare bottom is my preference in both sides for a couple of reasons, although I'd also happily spank just over underwear but I'd never go over clothes for two reasons. The first, and most important, is safety. If I'm spanking someone with any degree of force and/or using implements, then I need to be able to see the effect that its having on the bottom, when it's over clothes I can't see this and could be causing very severe bruising without being aware. The second, less important reason, is that I don't really get anything out of spanking over clothes. Like @BritSpank says, part of it is around fulfilling my own needs along with the needs of the EE.
  22. Am123

    Covid 19

    Will be getting mine as soon as I'm called. 3 vulnerable family members caught it after getting the vaccine and were only very mildly ill where it would have otherwise been life threatening.
  23. I've heard some good and bad experiences of this. The fear is that your therapist would see being a spanko as a mental issue and fixate on that instead of solving the issues at hand. That said, I imagine for a lot of them, it'll be unlikely to surprise them. There is also a directory for kink aware professionals which will allow you to find one that's kink accepting before going to see them.
  24. It should probably be a mix of the two, I'd say. You don't want to spend the entire session scolding them, otherwise you'll just run out of things to say and odds are they won't hear most of it anyway. So I'd say check in every so often to remind them why they're being spanked, ask questions or check that they're still here with you.
  25. I feel this! A few people have got them and they would definitely recommend them
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