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Adek

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Adek last won the day on August 5

Adek had the most liked content!

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Profile Information

  • Age
    48
  • Location
    Birmingham UK
  • Gender
    Male
  • Experience
    Just Starting
  • Role
    Spankee

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  1. No we’re not. I’m not open to people who persist with the ridiculous notion that racism doesn’t exist. Conversations like this reveal 2 things - enlightened voices from all races seeking to heal our damaged world and small minded defensiveness trying to conceal their part in it.
  2. I’m a straight male who has never experienced homophobia or sexism on this platform so it doesn’t exist! - see how this argument falls apart. There are several women who enjoy TTWD that might take issue with that POV. The problem does exist and it’s only by raising it that it gets addressed which incidentally isn’t just an issue for admin.
  3. I’m a black man who has chosen (until now) not to disclose my race to this community because of an expectation that racism will ensue. Thanks @CaliSpanker53 for putting yourself out there and I share my sympathy for the crap (read racism) that came back at you. It still amazes me that people who have no knowledge of racism can confidently claim that it doesn’t exist. Even the conversation which people were welcome to scroll past has so triggered some that they choose to demonstrate their ignorance to counter the lived experience of others. Having this debate is exhausting especially when considered, conscientious responses are met with baseless speculation and defensiveness. To the OP, thanks for asking this question and opening up a space for debate. Racism for the most part is just ignorance and being able to have this conversation allows us to counter that and learn and be better.
  4. I like the direction this debate is taking and the attention shifting to running the show. I’m enthusiastic about the idea of DD and though we’ve tried without success it’s still on the cards. From personal experience the greater burden on my vanilla partner was always the ownership of accountability. There is an idea of how things should be done but no real accountability for ensuring this happens. This becomes clear when you start to discuss consequences, it highlights all the wishful thinking where we hadn’t communicated our expectations but assumed the other knew what they were.
  5. I agree, not everyone is wired to give or receive a spanking but that’s kind of missing the point of the post. The post is about the burden of accountability. The “tradition” of complaining about the other half implies that plaintiff would be better at running the show. All the while ignoring the real issue - accountability. Running the show isn’t about doing all the work, it’s about making sure that the work gets done, bills paid on time etc, children bathed, house tidied, money earned… It’s a stressful mental burden and the reason why senior managers/execs get paid more than floor staff. Acknowledging the burden of accountability would make this a more harmonious relationship.
  6. Yes, I didn’t check how young so maybe should be cut some slack. Still even at 19 we should be aware of how our behaviour affects others and even for a young person that’s pretty off. Nearly all the responses hit on the fact that it’s non-consensual and coerced but few gave emphasis to how wrong non-consensual coerced sexual acts are. Nothing should happen without consent.
  7. This is so horribly manipulative and selfish I think I would straight up end it with you if I knew this is what you had done. The fact is you are an adult and whatever your fantasy is you don’t get to force it on another. Let’s flip this for a second, say a man wants a sexual service from his partner and then forces her to endure 6 days of mental torture before finally appearing naked in a room and saying “ok it all ends if you do this thing ‘I want and need’ “ ick! I think everyone has been far too nice in framing this as a reasonable proposal. It’s unhinged!
  8. Thanks Chawsee, I’m always so impressed with your contributions and your advice. In fact (if you don’t mind me saying) you’re the SN contributor I’d most like to be spanked by 😅. If you do mind me saying - we’re an ocean apart so you’ll need a bigger paddle 😂
  9. There are many conventions that govern how partners in traditional relations speak of one another. The belittling wife that will complain about the husband at the drop of a hat or the defiant husband who complains about the nagging wife. Personally I think these are lazy, single dimensional caricatures but it remains a dominant theme conversation in same sex groups. The caricatures lend themselves well to spanking e.g. in response you could ask “why don’t you spank him/her?” Which makes me think, why don’t they? - why aren’t disciplinary spankings more common? Spanking is seen as the traditional remedy for the attitudes attributed to their partner: childishness/brattishness etc… So why not spank? Could it be that the plaintiff in this scenario doesn’t want the responsibility. The hot potato is the accountability and neither wants it. I wonder if the first question for a presumptive ER is… would they mind being accountable for the actions of their EE. Whilst it might be the physical aspects that concern us maybe it’s the mental aspects that deserve the most attention.
  10. Relationships leave us open to risks of hurt and pain. You can’t legislate against that through rules and restrictions this is just a reality of life and humans. I would find it stifling at the start of a relationship to have a demand that I disclose every detail of my life just to provide a potential partner with reassurance. I think it would set alarm bells ringing for me. Nor do I think that different versions of exclusivity are all that uncommon. I’ve stayed friends with exes and have met women who would find this disloyal. I’ve taken group holidays where ex girlfriends and new girlfriends have met and mingled. The trust doesn’t come from acquiring temptation it’s built upon the connection you make and the love you show each other.
  11. Are you in a committed relationship? Even in a committed relationship there are parameters. Placing an obligation on the other party could be controlling as your parameters may differ. You have to communicate what you expect and she gets to communicate what she expects. If you can find common ground great if not it’s either more negotiating or cut your losses. What happens if you have religious differences would you expect the other to comply with your religion? There is no cookie cutter relationship even in this group in relation to spanking any relationship will have its nuances (DD, FLR, CDD, BDSM etc..). If you say you’re being exclusive great be exclusive but it doesn’t grant permission to restrict your partners travel arrangement. If you want that, that’s a different agreement you get to ask she gets to agree or not. Your power is in consenting to the relationship. Buying dinner, paying for shopping, lending money doesn’t add any implied consent to other areas of her life. In most relationships both parties work around to being fully in sync with each other but it takes time. There are common conventions that couples fall into but I’d beware about expecting this to exactly meet what you want. When I met my now wife she spent 6 months overseas on sabbatical. I’d never have denied her this opportunity and just as well as on her return I was offered a overseas opportunity for 5 months. This might have been a deal breaker for many and was tough for us but has been a great foundation for marriage and all that follows. I hope it works out for you dude but I suggest you take it slowly make 1 commitment at a time. It should be more of a series of commitments and less like a pair of handcuffs.
  12. OP has the opportunity to exercise his power by stepping away from the relationship or if staying in the relationship by refusing to spend money on the ER. Both have the potential consequence of severing the relationship but OP should realise that’s the only power he has here. If OP has or does spend money that’s fine but should realise that it doesn’t form any sort of obligation (unless of course it was an agreed purchase). I think there is perhaps poor communication/behaviour by both parties - an implied obligation/commitment has been sought/offered and both are hiding behind the ambiguity of this. She owes you nothing, you owe her nothing, if you want something ask for it. She doesn’t even owe you an explanation of who she is going away with or a commitment that it’s same sex.
  13. I have recently sought and found a professional disciplinarian to assist me with achieving goals. This was with the consent of my wife who is happy with this arrangement. This has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in relation to spanking and in relation to my professional development. My disciplinarian is 100% a spanko and I’ve learned a lot from her in pre and post session talks. I have the highest regard for her she is intelligent, authoritative, authentic and kind. In a very short period of time I feel like she has learned what makes me tick and is applying this knowledge skilfully to make me stick to my promises. In the past I’ve had professional coaches and I’ve found that they are too mealy mouthed when advising or directing me where my disciplinarian will just label laziness as laziness and take me to task for it. If I’ve done as promised I may get a maintenance session if I’ve failed she will give me a beating which will end in my tears. At the end of the session I get a hug, her forgiveness and encouragement to work hard before our next session. There is absolutely no suggestion of sex with me or with any of her clients. She’s part time disciplinarian and also has a vanilla profession. The sessions take place in a domestic setting and her attire is office professional. This is working well for me - of course there is an expense - but it’s completely worth it.
  14. I’d regard an inability to cry such as I had as an inability to release pent up emotion and thus a deficiency. I think this repression makes it difficult for us to just be present when we witness others experience pain and emote. As men we want to fix it or see it end as soon as possible. We don’t see the crying as part of a process that allows us to reach catharsis and eventually closure. One of the thoughts I have when I suppress tears is “what if I start and I can never stop?” It’s fear dressed up as strength. I don’t think we should judge ourselves harshly though because we also carry the burden of being the backstop we have to be able to function (at least so the story goes) or everything falls apart. It’s a heavy weight to carry and for me at least part of what makes being spanked so desirable. I’m not in charge, someone else is guiding, and guarding and mending. This surrender of power is so freeing even if it only lasts for a short time. it’s what I find appealing about an FLR a permanently arrangement whereby a segment of responsibility for holding the world together is handed over. The women who do this are heroes, as huge a burden as is lifted is also shouldered by the woman. With power comes responsibility and I think it’d be bliss to handover some of that burden.
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