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About Drave

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  1. Apologies for digging up an old post if any are required, but it holds great validity considering today's social outcry in America and elsewhere. Personally I have no accounts on any 'social media', indeed this site is as close as I get to being 'social' these days in internet terms or physical life ... The older I get the more anti-people/society I become. Whilst I am not a technophobe and have no issue with progress, I have no 'smart phone' and only a simple cell phone which is chucked in a draw 99% of the time. But then, neither do I talk on a land line either these days. My wife Dr Z does keep up with some other professionals she knows on FB or actually, mostly Twitter ... But she posts very little professionally and basically zero personally. The world has social media but it is not ready for it, no one really knows how to control it .... Meanwhile much academic research is being undertaken into it's effects, as many people are becoming aware of the vast social and political damage it is doing. Social media is creating deep issues because now instead of 'Jim' waxing lyrical down the pub and lying/expanding a story to his two mates.... Now he spews forth his utter ignorance on the internet. But even worse, now 'Tim' wants to appear important, so he makes up even better lies. Then Mary, then Fred, then Lotte and so forth ..... In 10 minutes of frantic posting across the globe,one can easily go from "This immigrant man was a little rude to my mum in the supermarket (he wasn't) to ... 'Some immigrant bastard threw my mum off a moving bus doing 50 kph!!" Which didn't come close to happening. In truth, there was no bus and the poster is an orphan, but what has facts got to do with social media? ... So now there is always a new band wagon to jump on, so they do until the next one comes along or they make time to swallow a Tide pod for breakfast. Take the glorious 'Red' & Green' thumb systems that abound ..... Clicking on either is not an opinion. It is not a valid action, it means nothing if Mr X gains 1 million Red thumbs or 1 million Green. People, the masses; they like watching executions, they like extreme activities as long as someone else is hurt, and they very much like these oft mindless 'band wagons' ... That feeling they get of being a part of something bigger (We'll not get into Human Hive Theory) ...... If one reads 'The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich: A History of Nazi Germany' written by American journalist William L. Shirer, a book which holds mostly facts and some of his personal experiences of the earlier days of the 3rd Reich ..... An entry sees him describing how one night he attended a rally at the Berlin Sportpalast when Hitler was speaking ... Shirer was deeply set against the NSDAP regime and all it was doing ... But even he says that the sheer power of the assembled people, all chanting for Hitler ... made him wish he could feel what they did, believe in that moment what they did. Social media is enabling the very worst facets of human behaviour to shine bright, but it is also confusing people ... If you believe for example that BLM, as I and others have for decades ... Then surely protest if you must, but what really matters is that people vote ... They have to vote .. It is the establishment which defines social direction ... Never the protestor unless full on revolution happens and for that the USA would have to have a military junta take over. Help others to register to vote and then make sure that they vote .... Social media in reality is creating issues, starting bandwagons but providing no answers. People need to stop 'thumbing' up or down .... They need to educate themselves instead.
  2. Truly this is not how I 'work' at all; I never think about such things. Whilst 'musing' is in my English vocabulary, it is not something I am given over to. Before writing this I asked Z what she thought; did she ever muse in this manner? ..... 'Not really' was her reply "Though I very occasionally wonder what would have happened to me had I not met you" ... "Well you did, so, that is null and void" was my reply. BDSM impact aka spanking (+ BDSM en masse) for me is not a fetish nor any form of affectation. It is not sexual because I am Asexual as such (It's complex) ... BDSM is an integral part of the system which I use to control myself. My emotional register is by all accounts in the view of the professionals; functionally zero. So I think very differently to any 'normal' person with emotions. While I do not personally see the religious constructs 'good and bad' as valid descriptors, in the language of the normal people in most cases their 'bad' is my good and vice versa. Z has very few emotions and they are at best fleeting; we are both convinced they are actually learnt behaviours, rather than 'really real'. So what would I have been without this interest in spanking/BDSM? No clue frankly. Not this person for sure. Probably more like my siblings, one is a University professor and the other a (Doctor) of Haematology who then at about 50 yr old became a full on Lutheran priest ..... Whilst I am sure many turn to "The Formal and Material Principles of Lutheran Confessional Theology" as light toilet reading, oddly enough I am not one of them. In truth I do not talk or interact at any level with either of my siblings or my mother ... Because I simply cannot abide any of them. Had I been born 'functionally normal' rather than a über strong replica of my father, then maybe I would have been a Dr, Barrister or professor .... Who knows ... No one on this plane of existence that is for sure. As for relationships, I have only ever had one true friend outside of Z and he was like the brother I didn't have, because he was an ectopic pregnancy ... My friend died in 2012. Many days I think about him as does Z ... He was a great chap. A funny man who would make us laugh and a serious man who could make one think. Prior to meeting Z few females lasted long with me, whilst 99.999% of men I just instantly dislike at a molecular level. However I feel the same regarding 99.998% of women. Interestingly there was pretty much always a line of females waiting to 'be with me', all of them somehow fascinated like moths around the flame ..... LOL .... Whatever their fantasy was as they rode their bean with the mythical Unicorn shampoo bottle in the bath of life.... It was not met by my reality it appeared 😏 Hey ho. In my life there is no 'fat', no waste, nothing extraneous and nothing without specific use ... everything in my life has a purpose and if it fails to continue to meet that purpose - It goes, instantly. This means my life is always superb and almost always peaceful. I like peaceful.
  3. Safe words ..... People need to be very careful of these essentially internet hyped misnomers ..... Safe words are inherently dangerous because they are seen as a supposed cure all for safety ... They are not a panacea for safety - Not true at all. * Safe words are a mechanism entirely dependent upon usage. The submissive party will rarely, if ever, use the word for a plethora of reasons. Ranging from pride, to not wanting to let the dominant party 'down' and not doubt hundreds of thousands of other ideas ... Then they may not know the state of their backside as it has become 'numbed out' from repeated strokes, much like getting a 'dead arm' from a punch in school .... So they cannot really feel anything any more ... Or maybe they have dropped deep into sub space. That can be along helped by the release of endorphins but is essentially purely mental, therefore some submissives can very quickly be unable to say their own name. My wife is one such person. * People, i.e inexperienced subs and Doms, they want to assume this safety, where none exists. Guided by the entirely misguided recommendation of 'safe words' * Inexperienced dominants 'work to' the safe word ... I have genuinely seen people post too many times, "Safe words are a must, as the sub will tall you when to stop .... so you can just thrash away until then!!" - Enough said, surely. * It is not a perfect world and even if a safe word is used ... It has to be listened to and that is very much, not always the case. Many people become aroused in some manner and whilst 'RED!" sounded perfectly fine before the interaction; But now the Dom is 'cooking with gas' and not keen to stop instantly, the excitement outweighs everything. Myself I have 40+ actual physical active years in spanking/BDSM Impact, that is at least weekly but very often daily ..... Never once have I used a safe word because they are not safe. Rather I watch what is actually happening with the sub, their body language, the noises they make, the state of their skin, the amount they are sweating, how they are breathing and so forth. As for this lady, well, one can only counsel extreme caution on her part. There is a few 'ifs ..... ' Firstly if the post is even true. Nothing personal at all, but it seems all a bit 'excited' and odd, like some sub male is having a public fantasy .... which happens a very great deal. Then, if mamasrelase is to be believed (again, nothing personal) then your sub husband is in full control, in stead you are now a tool for his fantasy and that needs to stop. If you are supposed to be in control, then be in control. He is not actually scared btw, he is quietly blowing his mind with excitement. Next, if you are going to 'spank' him and you are wholly inexperienced, then 100% DO NOT use any form of instrument such as a wooden paddle, wooden ruler, cane, length of flex etc etc ... Your hand only, no gloves .... That should hurt you so much that his backside receives no actual lasting damage. Do not get drawn into his fantasy. Do not use 'spanking tools' It is a very unfortunate 100% true fact of internet, that many, many people post advice which is based purely upon what they themselves have only read on the internet previously ... They have very little real physical experience if any. Again, nothing personal to anyone but 'Safe words' are one prime example of this well meaning but ill informed plague. In truth I am far from convinced of your probity mamasrelease, but if you are for real then I repeat: * You decide what happens not him * If inexperienced, then only use your hand .... NOT a possibly damaging wooden paddle or any other 'tool'. Good luck, good fortune and 'Measure twice, cut once'.
  4. It has been my experience that in the average non-pay spanking party I'd estimate about 20% of subs actively 'brat' and maybe 50% of 'Tops/Doms' accept it; but then they'd accept pretty much anything as long as they get to spank someone. Pithy but true. Certainly if one is running such an event, it wise to point out before the start to everyone present, that 'bratting' can make some people extremely angry. So if they as subs are inclined to brat then make fully sure that the person they intend to be bratty with, accepts such behaviour. Never allow 'brats' to simply run wild and so annoy the hell out of at least 50% of the 'tops' but also 80% of the other subs. Respectful subs dislike brats more than just about anyone else. Personally I loathe bratting along with any and all role play: I find it all to be utterly ghastly.
  5. It would be fair to say that getting agreement to the question "Is spanking sexual" is a hoary old question which has no definitive answer that any two people will ever fully agree on. So I learnt to keep my own counsel on that decades ago. Floggers? No thank you, dddon't like them one little bit. Might as well throw fresh croissants at someone's back ..... Personally I loathe 'sensual' anything, as I am completely non-tactile and cannot abide coitus unless absolutely necessary. Indeed my wife and I have not performed coital sex for at least a decade ... Neither of us are fans. My wife also strongly dislikes 'sensual', it makes her skin crawl ..... she genuinely feels repulsed and queasy.
  6. People wish to spank and be spanked for a vast myriad of reasons; but most every one of those reasons is in essence mentally driven, not physical. Myself I am pure Alpha, a born Alpha and as such only act in that manner. Personally I have never had a dirth of people to interact with. But many male 'Tops' have issues with moralistic outlooks regarding the striking of women, the application of violence, the possible sexuality of such interactions and so forth; None of which I personally consider important. But for the submissives they have not only all those moral, social, sexual and sometimes even religious issues. It is they who are in the position of having to trust someone to a far greater degree than the 'Top', Dom, Master or whatever it is the Alpha calls themselves. Most subs I have come across have tried self spanking; out of fascination, out of needing some release. Plus out of sheer practicality, because meeting people, for most people, is actually fraught with difficulties. In my personal view, just as driving a car on a gaming sim is not driving a car, self spanking is per se not spanking ... It is incomparable, it is simply a different thing.
  7. The OP seems to struggle understanding what words such as 'fetish' and 'paraphilia' actually mean ...Though one has to suspect he reads the Bible a great deal. We are all the product of Nature & Nurture. How an experience effects one person, can be entirely different to another as we all know. Some people get PTSD, yet the person standing next to them experiencing the self same thing, doesn't. Z & I have always been open with our children. We have always empowered them in their lives asap and indeed both effectively left home by age 16 yr old to pursue their own education interests and become independent. Our daughter was/is aware that her mother, my wife, was/is my submissive (slave actually) ...... Though I have never discussed it with her, I know via my wife that our daughter's wife is her Domme. My wife and daughter have never discussed any detail, that would be weird, but they know the headlines. Genetic? Who knows in reality. But my question would have to be ... What does it actually matter? We all do what we do; why we do it is really not important at all that I can see.
  8. Drave


    Personally I do not understand the habit of one line answers that proliferate across the internet .... If you are going to say something, then much like with mathematics examinations; the worthwhile marks are in the working out, not the answer. So this is with regard to myself and my wife Dr Z (an actual Dr). We come as a unit. We're a 100% monogamous couple, though we have used other people quite often within scenes to achieve something we wished to achieve. Personally I am a born 100% Alpha and my wife an Alpha submissive; ergo she is only submissive to myself and that is within a scene. Outside of that we are egalitarian, symbiotic and Gestalt. We would not have it any other way. Our residential status was 'mostly moving', but due to COVID we are now presently settled in über rural Eastern Europe. We have lived and worked on five of the seven continents ... Not Antarctica (too damned cold) and we'd never set foot in N America let alone reside there. By the time I was 18yr old I had my first full on submissive girl friend and have had a sub ever since, if I wanted one and had time. Since my late 20's I've been blissfully married to my Dr wife who is also my submissive (in scene) for the past 30 years. My business interests/portfolio have included adult sexual entertainment businesses in many guises. That all started by my providing security services to an adult shop at age 18 yr old (big for my age, advanced for my years 😏) .... By age 22yr old I'd gained my first licence and sex shop ... then it all escalated from there. Seeing as I am self aware, then I am aware that some or most people find me to be 'pompous' and over bearing. Indeed in the past some have even found me genuinely frightening on the internet. Well, firstly I am who I am and I'm not going to hide it to please other people's sensibilities of who they are, or whom they are not as the case maybe. It is also worth saying I am clinically defined as having no recognisable emotional register (no I am not Autistic, I am 100% socially functional) so I talk in logic, fact and am extremely directly. As for people being afraid, as they do not owe me money, have not upset my wife or hurt my dog .... Then they have no issue to be concerned about. For my wife and I 'spanking' is the impact part of BDSM. We are aware that this is a 'spanking' forum and that many spanking people find BDSM 'challenging' and often unpleasant. Hence I/we will not be talking about it unless directly asked and that will be replied to in a private message. To alleviate any possible confusion amongst monitoring law enforcement or other members here ....... My wife and I find child abuse to be highly offensive ...... Striking a child is wholly unacceptable no matter what b*llsh*t people want to wrap it up in, including religious mumbo jumbo. That is apart from child abuse by striking, being illegal in many countries. We have two children, both are presently completing their respective PhD's, both already lecturing and advising establishment figures ... Never once were either hit. Neither are we interested in what happened to someone when they were a child. They are now an adult so need deal with it themselves or with their counsellor in private ... Please, keep it to yourselves.
  9. Drave


    for: StevenSampson In this life we all have our own interests and foibles. Myself I do not like simplistic answers because life is not simplistic .... as I am sure we are all aware. Myself I read a great deal, always have, all of it non-fiction. As such I have a great interest in propaganda and as such know a great deal about the NSDAP regime of Germany and it's use of propaganda against it's own people. Then speaking as someone who has been involved in conflicts, by choice, I also find that is an interesting subject. My wife is a Dr of Psychology, our daughter will soon be a Dr of Sociology and our son is both an ex-combat soldier and about to become a Dr of Mathematical Physics. Our son's work is presently with regard to turning human emotional responses into mathematical algorithms. Obviously this is for the rapidly burgeoning robotic minds, which will learn exponentially as our own do. This is called AGi - Artificial General Intelligence. What has any of this to do with your question? It is a fundamental reality of life that people are who they are, that their minds how they were born ... Yes people also gain 'learnt behaviours' from childhood and young adulthood mostly but those are pretty much fixed outlooks as well by full adulthood. Certainly one can apply pressure via propaganda, via mind alerting activities such as torture or 'brain washing', or religious/political indoctrination or simply via pure fear ... That means you can make people act in a way required by you ..... It is however a fact (outside of popular fiction/media) that when that pressure is lifted, those people will return to their natural state in a very short space of time. For example In 1937 c.98% of German people voted for Hitler to become der Führer, the unassailable Dictator of Germany. Yet by 1950 90% of the civil service were the exact same people as in 1944 doing the same work and the German police consisted of about 80% ex-SS and the notorious 'Kettenhund' military police ..... No longer overt National Socialists, now once again just ordinary Germans. It appears that you want to be spanked ... Also, that your wife does not want to spank you ... Not because she loves you or any such fanciful thoughts ... But because it is not who she is. Yes you can apply pressure, yes you can force her through emotional blackmail ... But it is not her and never will be. Indeed, you CANNOT explain to her why you want it because she is not wired in that way. When my son fought in Afghanistan, he discharged his weapon/weapons at the opposing forces. When I was involved in conflicts, I did the same. Both my son and I chose to be there. My father was a WW2 Combat Major, both my grandfather's high ranking officers and we can trace our family military history back many generations. All chose to be there. However the WW2 American Brigadier General 'SLAM' Marshall in his writings Men Against Fire regarding America’s World War II conscript soldiers said that .... Generally men are taught to be 'non-aggressive' from birth and this is why in a squad of ten men that on average only three of those men ever discharged their weapons in battle .... No matter what they never, ever fired their weapon on the enemy. Some people were very upset by this claim .... However when Vietnam returned the same result, it seemed that 'SLAM' was correct. Establishing nicely that you can conscript people into activities, but they do not really take an active role for the most part. You use the word objections, it is unreasonable and based entirely upon your own selfishness and desires, without thought for your wife... What you want is actually immaterial, it is not what that person does and they never will. The choices for people like yourself are always the same .... * Play away with some other female. No, your wife will not understand. Why or how could she? * Have the courage of your convictions and leave. * Put it away and be happy for your life as it stands. They are the choices. That is all there is.
  10. Drave


    Although I have only just joined this site, I do have 4 decades + of adult experience of BDSM and impact as a born Alpha personality. My wife is a Dr of Psychology & Criminology whose consultancy advises governments world wide, as well as her being my BDSM slave of 30+ years. Plus I have also owned adult sexual entertainment businesses such as shops, clubs, bars, video production etc etc etc for the past 40 years and that has included adult internet sites. Ergo, my experience of the entire spanking/BDSM/Fetish scene and it's inhabitants is both wide and detailed. As such I have to state here that people freely posting about child abuse on this site and having avatars showing child abuse, is highly offensive and frankly shocking to me. Personally I am deeply confused that the site owner would allow such talk and imagery as it's legality is also highly questionable. Sites such as this die regularly from lack of effective moderation and control of elements on them who do not seem to understand either the law or common decency. Beating children has no place in any society in 2020. It is repulsive.
  11. When people are upset they find it easy to blame other people, I suppose it is a natural defence mechanism in many .... The reality is that in any adult relationship be they good or bad, both people are responsible. He did and said things which hurt you. Do you imagine things which you did and said did not hurt him? He said this and that ... but you were there listening to it. The door was not nailed shut was it? For yourself entirely, it would be far healthier to just accept that you were simply not suited to each other ... and move on. Do not talk to him, do not interact with him ... simply forget he exists and get on with your own life. Next time , be upfront about who you are and what you want, do not compromise and you will be far happier.
  12. My wife is a born Alpha submissive, ergo, submissive only during scene activities with myself. Whilst Z (pronounced Zee, like sea) had been variously spanked and done some BDSM before we met, it was always at her behest and under her control. Being aware of the extreme depth of her own submissive tendencies, Z went through various boyfriend's and a husband ..... but she never 'let it out' until we met. The first day we did a scene, it was impact .... Z dropped into sub space so deeply that it took me literally two days to get her back down to earth ... Most certainly that was taken into account on all future occasions. Personally I am a born Alpha and nothing else would ever enter or cross my mind. My wife and I do not see the roles of Alpha + submissive as interchangeable; but that is our personal view and what we do.
  13. For: NewBeginnings As others have said, it's difficult to answer in many ways. The reality of life is that we are of course all apparently different. If one digs a little however, that is not so much the case with the vast majority. Indeed, the nuances of what people require is often not that different, but how they want it all presented is often quite different. It appears that the internet has made things 'easier', but I personally do not believe that. What it seems to have done is expanded the amount of faux people to an almost infinitesimal level. It has been my own observation of relationships which work well, that the following is the key: One must find the person who reflects oneself as closely as possible. In practical terms this means, similar origins, socio-economic group, IQ and educational achievements. Then as importantly; similar views on family, friends, money, socialising and if it is a feature in someone's life; religious belief .... After all that, only then be concerned about 'sex'; be it vanilla, spanking, BDSM, Fetish, Poly or who knows what else. The first step then is really know who you are, precisely know what you want .... and then find your match. It is certainly not easy, internet or not. Good fortune plays a huge part it would seem, Plus recognising the opportunity as presented can be difficult with life's baggage attached. Better alone though, than miserable with someone. On a more personal note: when my wife and I got together one of the first things she said to me re: spanking/BDSM was "I must be punished!" To which I replied "You have no hope of that" As I explained to her I wanted an equal life partner, not a weight to be carried. Being 'punished' is a removal of self responsibility, it is an excuse to fail further. Punishment says "You messed up, now you have been punished, so it is all forgotten" ... No, absolutely not in my world .... Failure needs to be examined, understood and then rectified in future activities. So she had to build her own self responsibility, know what to do next for herself ... Any spanking/BDSM in our relationship, which forms both a central tenet of our innate personalities plus our entire 'sex life' both then and now, is purely for entertainment purposes. It is not 'play'. Not a game. It is entertainment of a serious nature. For no other reason than entertainment. However general life always come first; careers come first, business comes first.. If someone wants to be with you NewBeginnings, in a role which mostly or always holds you stagnant in your own existence, then that does not make you an equal partner in all ways ... So I'd suggest you wonder why that is, way before digging a hole for yourself with them.
  14. Whilst I a new here, I have 40+ constant years in spanking/BDSM. In that time I had various sub females and then met my wife 30+ years ago. She is a career professional and also my submissive. We are egalitarian and Gestalt. As someone else has said here, when I started out there was no easy access via the internet, there was no internet. Though to be frank, I am wholly unconvinced how much good the internet has really done for spanking/BDSM/Fetish or indeed, vanilla people. When I was 18 yr old my first real sub was a girl a couple of years older. She was a lesbian ... No joke. However, as we lived in an über rural area her 'coming out' in those days was not a wise option and as I am Asexual; it worked perfectly well for a year or so until we both moved away. It is not only people with non-vanilla interests who find it hard to get a partner, it seems to be a part of this whole modern social/relationship malaise .... It appears that people are constantly told they cannot do anything or achieve things, they must not do this or say that ... Seeing as social media assails most people's senses all day every day, they do actually seem to believe it all. The best advice I can give is decide precisely what you really want out of life and then do not compromise. Tell people upfront exactly who you are, what you are about and what you expect ... Then they can choose to stay or leave. It saves everyone a whole load of wasted time and false hopes. It has been my entire personal experience, that the more intelligent and outwardly self confident the female presents, then the more likely that they will be a submissive of some type in a sexual manner. All good fortune to you ..... Personally I have always found luck to be the residue of hard work. The harder one works at something, then the 'luckier' one seemingly becomes.
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