Bramblewine

The Writing Desk: https://www.spankingneeds.com/board/index.php?/forum/199-writing-desk/

Fun fantasy. Is it something you want to try in reality, too? Since you've already written such a detailed scene, if you have a play partner who's willing to set up an "office" and be the "unknown man," it should be easy enough to enact. Just show them this post. Seems to me this would be a classic case of consensual non-consent: you really consent (of course you do, this whole scene came from you!), but you want to pretend you don't. As long as you and the spanker have this pre-negotiated, it should be fine.

Sure. If I'm very busy, it ebbs. My mind is elsewhere. It flows when I have the time and mental space to be thinking much about sexy things. Even in the "sexy things" realm, how strongly I desire spanking can vary, but it never goes away entirely. It's always, at the very least, my main self arousing fantasy.

If you really think you'll safeword three swats in, you're not ready for a spanking. To be safe, you need to know the difference between "this doesn't feel safe at all, something's really wrong" and "this hurts, but it's not safeword territory." You and your spanker need MUCH more communication and clarity before you start a real spanking.

Just saw this gem in the Care and Feeding parenting column at Slate (in keeping with this forum's rules, I promise!) Letter #4 at this link asks the columnist what her stance on spanking is. She responds:

I've certainly had orgasms while being spanked. With the one partner who spanked me, I reliably had them during sex, usually multiple times, and I had them at least half the time during spankings, which often led to sex and more orgasms.

But who's going to give the spankings to the mask naysayers? Getting within spanking distance of them would be hazardous....

Honestly, if I were asked that, I would think of my vanilla dealbreakers. And it isn't a good first date question, especially if it's about sexual dealbreakers. A first date isn't when we're getting to anything sexual, or even necessarily thinking about it. Sure, the possibility exists that if it goes farther, we will end up doing that, but to me, having that conversation on the first date is too soon. Unless it's an outright spoken agreement not to go there on the first date. I need to spend some time getting to know each other first, and I'm not necessarily going to feel I've gotten to know him enough within x number of dates. How long it takes is fluid and nuanced. That early in a relationship, I'm looking as much for friendship as I am for romance. That also means there can be an out if the romance part doesn't click: we can be platonic friends. Same thing if the guy were really completely vanilla. Now, if we were otherwise sexually compatible, it might be time to look at if/how we could make that work... the point is, I would be looking for a whole lot that isn't spanking, and I would think of that first. That said, my greatest compatibility would be with someone who fits that whole lot that isn't spanking I'm looking for and is into giving spankings too and is into giving them for more or less the same reasons that I'm into receiving them. Not to mention, asking about deal breakers raises a negative. In the first few dates at least, the focus should be on the positive--why you want to date this person--not on why you wouldn't. If there are any real deal breakers, those tend to emerge in the getting to know each other process.

I wonder if they offer winery tours. Could be a good place to take a date if you're in the area, and see how your date reacts....

And that's kind and chivalrous, isn't it? Doing something for your partner that brings her pleasure. Enjoying giving that to her.

I'm not sure if I'd call it a fetish, actually. Some people use those words interchangeably. Someone, somewhere, I forget where, defined it as a fetish if it takes the place of sex and a kink if it goes along with sex. By that definition, it would be a kink for me. But, I just used those words interchangeably myself, so there you have it. What gives me pleasure is the spanking itself. It turns me on, big time. With my ex, I usually orgasmed from it, and then the activity that followed was extra sexy when I was doing it with a sore, spanked bottom. The thought of it also turns me on, in fantasy. The big part of my fantasies is the fantasy of actually being spanked, not so much what leads to it.

@Harrow I'm glad you found it useful! Some of the things you're saying remind me a little of some of the things said in this video and its sequel. In particular, what her partner says he likes and doesn't like in spanking (he mentions it being caring), although both of them are apparently discipline oriented and not really into the erotic version. If you haven't watched Jillian Keenan's You Tube channel yet, all those videos are very educational. In particular, the ones where she brings in other spankos give a lot of perspective.

And to add, I don't really feel a need for protection as part of my fetish, but some people do. It sounds like the most compatible partner for you would want to feel protected and cared for, and would get that out of spanking. To my mind, if I had a male spanker who fulfilled my fantasies, I wouldn't think he was being unkind. I would say I wouldn't think he was being unchivalrous either, but chivalry isn't such a draw for me. I want men to be nice to me, of course, especially in a romantic context, but I don't feel a need for adhering to traditional roles. It sounds like you have a more traditional mindset than I do, and it sounds like that shapes your kink.

Some people do want discipline in role play, and really want the spanker to take charge. If that's not what works for you, then you shouldn't participate in that kind of role play, and make it clear to any potential partners up front that you won't. There's a great topic here about different types of spanko and different kinds of spanking experiences. It sounds like you're all about the spanking fetish experience, not the punishment fetish experience. Which I also am, but I've never done any role play. I'm almost as new to it, irl, as you are. The only spankings I've ever had, as an adult, were part of sexual play in an otherwise vanilla relationship. They were full on spankings, not just a few swats during sex, but they almost always led to sex and they were always erotic. We weren't playing any roles, just ourselves. If I were doing role play, the real goal for me, I think, would be excitement and pleasure, even if it didn't involve sex. I would want the spanker to take just enough charge to carry out the spanking, but not not overpower me in any other way. I think I'd find it exciting to have them tell me what they were going to do, and to have them step up the spanking if I did something we'd agreed would make them step it up. But it wouldn't really be disciplinary. Maybe pretend discipline, but that's different.

I feel you're talking about me here. I gave an evasive answer to the location question because I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share in the moment that I joined this site, and I haven't gotten around to writing an about me because I'm still not sure how much I want to share, and I'm not actively looking for anything but discussion right now. My intention is to (assuming we can edit our profiles) change my location to where I really am if/when I decide to actually look for a potential partner(s). And while I'm not here for sex, I'm not discipline oriented either. Does that mean I'm one of those people wrecking the site, as you seem to feel? (On topic for the thread title, I've proudly identified as a weirdo since grade school, so this is really just another layer of it.)