Bramblewine

Even for a spanko, this would be way too much to jump into all at once. When a spanker spanks a new spankee for the first time, or even the first few times, they don't know for sure where the spankee's limits are. If the spankee has little or no previous experience with being spanked, they don't know for sure where their own limits are either. This letter is asking the partner to read the spankee's mind and just magically know when more spanking is needed and when it's not safe to continue. No one is a mind reader. No spanking dynamic gets to the point where the spanker can read the spankee that well without some trial and error, and good communication, first. After the trial and error and the work to establish the dynamic is put in, it may get to a point where the spanker does just know what the spankee needs, because they've learned through experience how to read the spankee. But no way will they know that in the beginning.

Seems to me that the differentiation of "Christian" into different denominations happens where Christianity is the dominant religion and multiple Christian denominations coexist. For Jews and Muslims, most of the time it's simplest to just say they're Jewish or Muslim, because chances are their listener doesn't know much if anything about the different sectors of Judaism and Islam. All they need to convey is what general type of non-Christian they are. In a solidly Jewish community, it may make a big difference whether you're Reform or Conservative or Orthodox, and if Orthodox, which kind. Modern Orthodox? Hasid? Which branch of Hasid? Those distinctions would be lost on most people outside of Jewish communities, but within them, they matter. Similarly, Muslims who live in predominantly Muslim countries would be more likely to identify themselves as Sunni or Shi'ite, because there, the distinction matters. It's as relevant as being Protestant or Catholic or Eastern Orthodox is in a predominantly Christian country. If most of the people around them are not Muslim, the distinction is largely irrelevant and lost on the listener. The subset of Protestants who identify as "Christian" and say they became a Christian when they accepted Christ, are working with a particular definition of Christian. Christianity is a wide umbrella, and many under it don't see it in exactly the same way.

The same article also says 60% of both men and women say they've tried BDSM with a partner. Yet self identified kinksters are definitely a minority. I think you hit the nail on the head with "spanking is sex or spanking is practiced outside of sex." The poll that article is about seems to have only asked about what people do during sex. It doesn't cover doing those things outside of sex or as a replacement for sex.

Nice to meet you! There are a few of us Bay Area folks around here.

I'm a 5'4" woman. Shorter men are extremely rare. I've only met two or three men in my adult life who were shorter than me, and I know one of them to be a transman. I don't really have a choice but to go with taller men. But I got my height from my dad. Everyone on his side of the family is short; everyone on my mom's side, including her, is tall. As the product of a marriage between a tall woman and a short man, I never absorbed the assumption that the male partner must always be taller than the female. If I were tall, I'd have no problem dating or playing with shorter men.

Ghosting is such a jerk move, though. Not a caring thing to do at all.

Do you mean block the feature across the board, or block certain individuals from sending you pics? By block the feature across the board, I mean there would be some preference we could each check that would either allow or disallow people messaging us to include pictures. If we allowed it, anyone and everyone could, if we disallowed it, no one could. By block certain individuals from sending you pics, I mean the feature would have a fine tuning option. Let only individuals you list send you pics, for example. So if I'm certain that you're not going to message me a picture of anything I don't want to see, I can put you on my safe list, and you can send me a cute picture of your pet if you want to, but that new guy who's messaging people randomly and sending creepy pics can't get those creepy pics through to me. That way, I don't have to deal with Mr. Creep's pictures in the first place, I'm not just limited to reporting him and blocking him after the fact.

You're male. Us women live in a different world, regarding that. Yes, we can delete and block, but if someone sends an unsolicited dick pic, that's sexual harassment. Just deleting and blocking isn't response enough.

So that's why no one sends dick pics. If the fix went through, there would be a whole other problem to deal with. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to include a picture in a private message, but does the risk outweigh the benefit?

Realistically, you might have to travel to find an in person spanking community. I am in a city that has a kink community, but even here there were, from what I hear, no spanking specific groups until recently. I've talked to several spankos who say they've been to BDSM munches, either because that was the closest thing they could find at the time or because they also have other kinks. If you're comfortable enough with going to a munch, it's probably worth your while to go to the Fetlife one at least once. If you find it not your thing, you don't have to go back, but there may be other spankos who are also there because it's the closest thing they can find. Go, tell everyone you talk to that you're strictly a spanko, and see if anyone says, "Me too." If anyone does, you'll have a spanko friend. They may or may not become your play partner, but at least you'll know another spanko. Also valuable. If you can find a third spanko, then you'll be a group. From there, maybe you can grow your group. In a way, you're already in a spanking community: you're on this site and you're participating in discussions. Everyone here is getting to know you some through that.

I love getting my bottom good and red. Bruising, I don't care about seeing, but as a new spankee, I'm realistically likely to bruise some at any satisfactory level of play, either right then or coming on after. I'm finding that I like the sensation bruises give me for the first day or so, but after that it starts to annoy me. Perhaps because after that, it starts to itch and prickle along with the lingering ache. Not very comfortable.

I feel the same way about all of that. And I've found that so far, one or two coffee date kinds of meetings and conversations has been enough for me to consider someone enough of a friend that I'm willing to play with them. Talk to them at length, and there's a connection. If both of you are spankos open to new play partners and one of you is a top and the other is a bottom, play is usually the logical next step. It also helps that I met both of these people through the spanking community, where we had mutual friends. There's a safety net there. People in a spanking community have to maintain a reputation as a safe play partner, or they don't get invited back. Their references can be checked. Unlike someone who's just lurking online and so thoroughly closeted in the real world that they won't even acknowledge that they're a spanko to anyone but a spanking partner, if they can even find a spanking partner.

Unfortunately, as you've found, someone saying they're a professional doesn't mean they know what they're doing. It just means they're taking money for it. As for emotional entanglements, it depends on the individual, of course, but I've now played with two people (I only recently entered the scene, so to speak), and I'm no more emotionally entangled with either of them than I am with any friend. If you feel you can't have spanking without a romantic relationship, that would be different, but if you're fine with having spanking friends, they can be just that: friends. I do think playing together brings us closer than if all we did was hang out and talk and do ordinary kinds of activities, but it's not the same as romantic entanglement.

Ah, got it. That does sound like a real failure. It would be if a play partner did it. Even worse from someone claiming to be a professional.

Normally, how much do you bruise from a spanking and how long do the bruises last? It sounds like you've been spanked enough by now to know. I would think the logical solution would be to confine the spanking to where your swimsuit will cover it, and wear a suit with a skirted bottom or boy shorts, which will cover at least the very tops of your thighs plus everything else spankable. But if the only one you own has a high cut bottom, that may not be an option.