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LexP

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About LexP

  • Rank
    Member

Profile Information

  • Age
    23
  • Location
    NY
  • Gender
    Female
  • Experience
    Novice
  • Role
    Spankee

Recent Profile Visitors

1009 profile views
  1. Funny because that’s what you told me last time! It’s the same guy if you can remember! Thank you 😊
  2. Actually! I should mention that I am catholic! I went to confession about this a couple of years ago. I went in there to confess some sins and then needed some advise because I was curious about what he would say when I told him about how I go see a man that spanks me about once a month for discipline. He looked at me dead in the face, tearing up, and told me that I’m self mutilating and how that is a sin. He told me to cut contact from anybody who led me down that path. He thought that by my seeking discipline is actually leading me astray from God, and I needed to stop. I was in shock and I actually listened, but after a couple of years of wondering I don’t think that’s exactly true. I don’t view this as self mutilating, because it helps me. I still wrestle with what he said to me and feel confused but who knows if he’s right. Unfortunately I don’t practice anymore although I want to again I used to love mass... anyways my experience doesn’t reflect the church as a whole because even in catholic schools corporal punishment was a thing. I felt like I was getting the same, but turns out he didn’t see it that way. ofc there’s a negative connotation between priests and alter boys within the church that I’d rather not discuss because thinking about that makes me ill.
  3. Hey no need for that now. I don’t actually hate him I still love him despite everything. I just needed some clarification from outside perspectives.
  4. I was in a 3 year vanilla relationship. He made it clear he wasn’t into spanking AT ALL. It was obvious that he was out of his element. He thought so negatively about it and judged me at every turn, portraying signs of discomfort. He would only spank me to either : a)strike me hard enough in hopes that the pain would deter me from ever wanting it b) sabotage my meetups by only spanking me right before I would plan to meet up with someone to do it He never understood me and became very jealous, even though I tried my best to explain why I chased this and it wasn’t like that. I didn’t know why I was the way I was I just knew I was. There was no use in talking so I had to keep my thoughts to myself even though I knew I wasn’t happy. I knew what he was doing and I was never okay with how things transpired. I eventually had to stop and pretend that this wasn’t a burning desire. Ofc negative emotions followed, but all I ever wanted was to feel cared for. We broke up recently and to come to found out he’s been trying to get himself involved in having a ER lifestyle........ He says he wants to win me back and that’s the motive. He said he would be interested in seeing other people first and eventually he’ll come to me to give me the perfect session once he’s experienced. Yeah what a “Prince Charming”. We got into an argument and I told him that I will never want to ever seek anything from him. He replied saying he’ll still be there in case I would, but will be pursuing it with other females. My heart felt like it shattered. Why did he give me so much emotional pain for years, making me feel ashamed and now he’s just up and willing to try it out without me. And to also enjoy it after knowing what this means to me. He couldn’t be there for me then, but being separated now brought out his inner spanko? I don’t understand why he’s willing to care about someone else to the point of wanting to make arrangements but could never care for me in the same way in the entire time we were intimately together? Thoughts? Is he just doing this out of spite? Does he really just live to torment me. He knows how important this is to me, especially now that he’s exploring. I sacrificed getting what I wanted for him. It absolutely breaks my heart, and I don’t feel like I’m good enough. Should I take back what I said and allow myself to let him do what he wants and also discipline me on the side now that he’s infatuated? I always wanted this from him anyways! I am equal parts devastated and confused. 😔
  5. I want meaning out of it. It makes me sad when nobody cares for me while doing it. (Also I emailed back)
  6. LexP

    Hello!

    Lol love your narration. I can see why you feel the way you do now! You never explored into it, it makes sense. I kept it a secret, and felt ashamed of myself in secret for a long time all because I felt like there was something wrong with me. I am not too surprised this urge has grown, I mean you tried to block out the interest, and you are left feeling like you need it. This is what happened to me, after being stuck in a relationship that lacked what I wanted I just craved it so much more. I guess I would ask how long have you been married to her for, because that might explain whether or not you are bored and needing stimulus. I was in a relationship where I wanted him to be interested in it, but he never was, and when he did it was for sexual purposes. Not the same! I felt agitated and resentful. Have you talked with your wife about this side of you? Does she know you are branching out trying to fill this void that she can't give? Is there an open dialogue between you to or has there ever been? Feel free to DM me. I'm fascinated with your post because it sounds eerily familiar to what I went through not that long ago. I am now a lot more comfortable and consider myself apart of this community. That took time, and I only felt better once I started talking to like minded people. You will find them here! Stop beating yourself up, you are who you are. In my experience I have been like this since, well forever and I'm not gonna change anytime soon. This is is facet of who I am, and there is no reason to feel bad about it. Don't feel like you are weird, you aren't.
  7. ummmm hi!! 

    1. stormmason

      stormmason

      How did I not see this????? 

       

      PM meeeee

    2. stormmason

      stormmason

      So much has changed since our last talk good lord! 

    3. LexP

      LexP

      I initially thought you were ignoring me! Lmao as soon I saw your profile I had to comment! I see your in in a different state now! Would love to message more, catch up if you are willing!?

  8. @disciplineguy12 Oklahoma if school reopens!
  9. Hello! I just posted myself, and saw how you are on this journey like I am with trying to figure things out! I mean for me I always thought and fantasied about it, up until I decided I was gonna go out and find someone to really do it. For me the experience did match, but I felt way more humiliated lol. Since then I have had a little bit of experience but not much. I’m now in a place where I am uncertain if I want the same thing out of spanking that I used to. I was in a relationship where it was pretty vanilla, and after awhile I tried to suppress my desires simply because my bf at the time wasn’t interested. It made me depressed and resentful, because it’s true it’s something that I don’t think we could just live without. So needless to say we aren’t together anymore but years have passed and I feel like I want to experiment. Anyways I just wanted to comment to let you know that you aren’t alone and I’m right here if you ever want to speak more!
  10. Hello all! I am originally from Syracuse, NY and I will be here until the end of summer. I am hoping that there is someone here who would be interested in helping me figure out what I want. I’ve been interested in spanking for as long as I can remember, though in these last couple of years my perception over it has changed slightly. I still want to be mentored and disciplined in way, but now maybe I want more. 🤷‍♀️ I don’t know, I would like to browse more on the site and talk with people here to figure out what it is that I really need to hopefully bring some clarity on where I fit inside this community and be happy about it. Okay, thank you! 😅
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