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About tearyaftercare

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    Boston, MA
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  1. Rubber strap. Not recommended unless playing with experienced spankee with high pain tolerance.
  2. Hello, I'm local, married and planning to stay that way, so offering discrete spanking only. I was very active as a switch prior to being married over 10 yrs ago. I'm intellectually curious, physically fit and conventionally attractive. Since then, I have been in a vanilla marriage with a woman I love who is unfortunately just not wired this way. I will not leave her even for a spanko, so this is a "spanking only" offer for ladies who are comfortable with the circumstances. I am exclusively a spanker now because discretion means I cannot be marked in the way that playing at the intensity I like would definitely result in. I take discretion as well as social distancing very seriously, so would be up for gradually getting to know each other first over private email before meeting in person.
  3. also, number of swats, position, implement etc are great and all, but I wonder if anyone has tips on getting into the right headspace for self-spanking? whenever I've tried it I find the biggest issue is that I subconsciously lay off or change the angle just a bit if it's really getting to the "unbearable" phase, and then my endorphins kick in pretty fast and I'm in control again/can't really feel the pain after. Hard for me to "lose control" when I'm the one holding the stick. Has anyone ever been able to actually spank themselves to tears and if so are you willing to share any tips on how you do it?
  4. Seems like a common topic, any interest in doing as a broad forum discussion? To the extent that certain things are universal for "how to" info
  5. I think it is possible to consent to doing something that one is not into and that this is normal in a relationship: none of us are 100% the same and one partner will always enjoy some activity more than the other partner who might do certain things because they want to please their partner, and give-and-take seems healthy and normal in any relationship including platonic friendships and professional relationships as long as it is a two way street. That said, as a spanking fetishist with a wife who is not into it but would also let me spank her mainly to please me, my experience is that it takes the fun out of it to the point where I don't bother trying and prefer the vanilla stuff that she likes instead when it comes to my wife. It is nothing like the experience of spanking a girl who craves it and would be very disappointed if I didn't spank her to tears, and I have to admit I miss that.
  6. Fetlife even though it is online and even if most of the other stuff isn't your cup of tea. It is the largest kink community in one place and I think many of the bdsm folks are primarily into or at the very least quite into spanking. I also get the impression the BDSM people are overall a bit less ashamed about their sexuality including spanking fetish and that can be refreshing.
  7. I was fascinated with spanking before I was into girls: literally since I was around 5 years old whenever it occasionally came up in a cartoon or story. When the internet came out I naturally searched for spanking before I searched for porn, and actually flipped through pictures and movies on spanking sites before I began to masturbate and did not even put the two together until after that.
  8. As soon as sex comes up. And be explicit. My wife was "into" spanking when we dated, but had a very different idea of what a spanking was. She thought it meant getting her butt slapped a few times during intimacy. When I gave her what I thought was a very slow newbie warmup, she thought it was exciting wild kinky sex with a new guy. We both made some mistaken assumptions, me that I could convert her and her that I was talking dirty and not being serious when I told her all the things I wanted to do to her early in our relationship. If I had to do it again I would have been much more explicit early in the relationship; more fair to everyone involved.
  9. Hi all, I'm a 37M spanker in Boston happily married to a vanilla spouse for over a decade. Prior to getting married I played very actively in my private life. It's been over ten years since I've given a cathartic spanking to a girl who craved it. I love my wife and plan to stay married, but she just is not wired that way, so I'm looking for secret pen pals on this site to converse about our mutual interest if any women are interested--especially anyone in a similar situation who is looking for a discrete and a satisfying spanking connection but is not available for a broader relationship.
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