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About Ipsedixitist

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  1. You are writing again. This is a very good thing. So is the story
  2. Hi there, A few thoughts come to mind, which I hope are helpful: First, you have said you crave spankings, which suggests a need that is beyond specific contexts or circumstances, but you have also said that you want him to be dominant and for you to be disciplined when you misbehave. Some might see those two positions as a little contradictory. I don’t, but I do think you need to be clear about what it is that motivates you to want to be spanked. If you aren’t clear about what you want and need, either in general or at a particular moment , then maybe your partner isn’t going to be either. Second, and related, I think you and he might not see spanking in the same light. For him it should be more of an experience than just meeting your needs. He needs to get something from it too, If that is the case, then you might want to consider, from what you know of him, making your demands for spankings at times more like seductions or roleplays or similar, rather than focusing it primariy on you and your needs. After all, by now he would already be well aware of what you would be looking for. Third, and related to the second point, I think seeing him as having changed and then resenting that you are being put in a position of having to change yourself might be a too extreme way of looking at it, particularly as being spanked is something that clearly is essential to you. His views may have developed for whatever reason but, unless he has been spanking you under sufferance for twelve years, in which case both he and you have been operating under false pretences, then there is still something there. It just might need to be approached in a different way. Finally, by all means punish yourself in whatever way is going to help you get more grounded but please don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Being a brat is one thing, but surreptitiously meeting someone to get spanked without your partner’s knowledge is going to become problematic sooner or later, and messing up your graduate school in an effort to get spanked is going a long way past what you need to do to get the resolution you seek.
  3. "We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring, Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time." T S Eliot, Little Gidding
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