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wide_eyed

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About wide_eyed

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 02/11/1972

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  • Age
    48
  • Location
    Carolina
  • Gender
    Male
  • Experience
    Just Starting
  • Role
    Both

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  1. Singapore seems a very likely candidate. I would also hazard a guess that the campaign against corporal punishment is having less success south of the U.S. border. But I don't know if it was as common there to start with as it was with WASP (and not just WASP) households in the U.S. and Canada fifty or so years ago.
  2. Words like submissive and dominant are best used and understood with a light touch, which is another way of saying keeping the context in which they are used in mind and not thinking they are some label that necessarily gets at the very essence of a person's personality. Is being spanked submissive? It's certainly the submissive role in that interaction. But being in a submissive role doesn't mean that the person is submissive with respect to their overall character. Submissive role and submissive behavior and submissive character aren't all going to line up perfectly all the time.
  3. Some years ago I read a claim by a dominant woman that when she was single and in a social setting she would let a sandal dangle off her foot and then she would check to see which men's eyes were drawn to her foot. Is this a way to filter for submissive (not just spanking fetishists) men? And if it does work, why? Maybe she's right and most men with some submissive inclinations would look. I'm pretty sure I would. She'd surely get her share of false positives as well. Or maybe foot fetishists as a rule trend submissive? This is about as likely a case of a domestic discipline relat
  4. Yeah man, totally. I don't think I'd describe my feeling about it as guilty though, more like a little embarrassed, a little sad, and definitely annoyed. Embarrassed because it goes against cultural norms. And that does matter, not a lot but I'd be lying if I said it was completely irrelevant. Being attractive is of course an advantage. Sad because as I've both read and written I wonder how healthy it would be to actually indulge in the kind of relationship dynamic I desire. It just kind of sucks to think that what I want in a loving relationship might go counter to my own psychological h
  5. Ending a spanking at the start of tears seems premature. The miscreant has only just begun to make a spectacle of themselves. Let the spanker show what they can do, there's a message they need to deliver. This isn't (just) my prurient desires, I agree that the emotional release is what it's all about for a lot of us and that doesn't mean stopping when it's just getting started.
  6. That's awesome. This incident in your life merits retelling in a thoroughly detailed and documented fashion, starting with the roommate's first expression of irritation and continuing through the final administration of discipline. Failing that, please consider answering a couple of brief questions. Was this your first spanking? How do you and your roommate feel about each other now? Did anyone else find out?
  7. Well said. I've never been active as a spankee. My fetish, which sounds similar in these ways to yours, revolves around being disciplined by a loving, dominant partner who imposes structure and holds me accountable. Aside from the difficulty of finding a partner that fits the bill, a tall order to put it mildly, one of the major causes of hesitation on my part has been what you've written. After all just because I want something, even long for it, doesn't make it healthy. Not making a judgment that it's a bad choice to pursue such a relationship either, but it certainly looks complicated here
  8. Interesting question. Perhaps it depends on how close of a relationship one needs to have with a spanking partner. I don't do checks on religion or political ideology when I get my car repaired or hire a contractor. Likewise I accept that good art can be created by people with worldviews very different from my own and so it doesn't matter much to me what views the creator may hold. That said, I'm going to be at least a little less inclined to give money to a living artist who had made it known they have a belief system I find repulsive. And spanking is different. This isn't someone repair
  9. Interesting. That's pretty much how I thought it was supposed to work. Maybe the stalwart DD people who have hierarchical relationships do less of this. Well then they take it too seriously for my tastes. Playing with the emotions that arise in the day to day life of couples is for me the big draw of such a relationship. But I've also always looked at it with intimacy being the primary benefit and correction or actual behavior modification secondary. This isn't a rejection of severity just a favoring of emotional catharsis. And I see that teasing and rubbing it in and all the other expressions
  10. How important? On a scale of 1 to 10, it's critical, fundamental if you will. More important than any physical technique. The video was good, especially Jillian Keenan underlining the importance of making the bottoms say the word. I also like the use of the phrase 'moral authority' and 'taking the high ground'. That describes what is for me a vital part of the dynamic. For those who are doing this for realsies, I have to wonder if one partner having a monopoly on moral authority is really workable. Maybe it isn't. But hey, if it is, it sure helps make for great scolding. Also the sco
  11. A Happy New Year to you both, and that goes for the rest of you as well.
  12. Yes, the WifeSpanks couple. I think there might be another video of theirs somewhere on XHamster, but I'm not sure. Great clip though. She has the body language down and an attitude of casual authority. Best of all is her swing, so relaxed. She isn't going to be rushed. Spankings that are very hard and delivered very fast especially if they're also over quickly can come across as though the spanker is eager to be done with their partner, but just wants to deliver a lot of pain first. That isn't for me. I like a spanker who is looking to take their time, one who's more interested in using
  13. The funny thing is I'm not either. Like not at all. I've always disliked it in pretty much context I can think of. Even when it's a bunch of friends gathered together who are whiling away the time making fun of each other, I find these rarely witty, poorly disguised bits of hostility to be pretty tedious stuff. Or they make me cringe on behalf of both parties. And for a long time, and I do mean a long time, this frequently included component of a spanking scene, the spanker's smug smirk, really troubled me. That expression of satisfaction at delivering someone else's comeuppance was a real str
  14. Maybe. I do think you're unfairly characterizing it though as "made up" and "unnatural". If they're really doing it 24/7 then it isn't so much a role as in a scene but choosing to emphasize an aspect of their character. And if they're succeeding at it then they must have found a way and space for more of themselves to emerge than just the parts we imagine present in a confrontation that includes a spanking. And there certainly are people online who claim to be is such relationships where they are both happy and healthy. On the other hand I also know that some people have been accused of l
  15. Yeah. I think for a good number of us the words 'discipline' and 'punish' are ones we strongly relate to, but it isn't the whole story. They obscure that no matter how 'good' or 'well behaved' we may be we're still looking for a certain dynamic. On a surface level it's about having a partner who wants things her way and disciplines when they aren't, but the larger part by far is a partner who wants to regularly assert and express their authority. And that the regular expression of authority (scolding, spanking) is her having things her way. And being seen as someone who benefits from that sort
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