Hydie

I really do need help. Any advice is so much appreciated. I have been badly tormented and continue to be because of my spanking desires. Back then I thought I was a freak never understood what was wrong with me but still each time I watched videos or thought of it I hated myself so bad. Pain, self-hate, guilt, and shame kept piling up. I suffered a lot anxiety, depression, low-self esteem you name it. Now since I knew that it is normal and that it has a sexual undertone the guilt even got more intense Problem is I am Christian and I love my faith. My faith is not something I am willing to give up to satisfy a desire no matter how important or strong this desire is. But problem is this desire is strong and no matter how much I try to make it fade away even if for a certain time period it surfaces up again. Before I used to watch spanking/hand or feet bastinado videos and masturbate when I do. However, recently I was also able to get in touch with someone who I was able to have sessions with. Those sessions are professional formal non-sexual in nature during which I remain fully clothed and he doesn't even use his hand just implements. But still I feel deep guilt about doing so. Even though it's called "discipline sessions" I know that it is satisfying a sexual desire or at least has a sexual undertone for me and/or him and that is what is making it so hard for me to not feel guilt about it. But still I can't give it up even if I want to. The war of emotions inside my brain is literally killing me alive. I really can't continue living like this. I know that if it is without boundaries of a marriage for example it is not that bad but until then is what I am doing considered sinful? Any Christians in here who were able to find harmony between their religion and satisfying this desire before being in a formal relationship? Any tips or advice about what I can do to feel better about this?

The way you worded this is exactly how I feel about it! Some people told me it will never go away that it is just easier to accept it than fight it. Problem is it's presence in my life is causing more emotional pain and harm than fighting it but it just doesn't go away no matter how much I try. It is like a life long agony that I am forced to live with my whole life and I am not sure how it will end.

In my situation for example, I grew up and still live in a pretty strict Middle Eastern religious and cultural community where stuff like that were never talked about and anything sexual in nature before marriage is frowned upon. I grew up thinking something was wrong with me and never understood what it was. As I grew up feelings of guilt, shame, and self-hate grew within. Even when I eventually recently discovered that this is normal and there are other people out there like me the guilt and shame I have built up over the years were more overwhelming. Add to that as some have pointed out the fact of how hard and rare it is to find a partner to have this need met with and you will find a combination of negative mentally unhealthy emotions literally destroying me bit by bit.

What do you do so that if the thoughts or desires return you turn them away? Also how were you able to figure out the underlying reasons of why it manifested in first place?

I have had this weird desire to be spanked for as far as I can remember but have never known why or how did it originate in first place. I tried a lot to remember anything but I couldn't figure out the reasoning behind it. Anyone else like that? What could possible be the reason behind it? Is it possibly a childhood memory that I don't remember that triggered it all? or is it like something you are born with? I even though about trying hypnotherapy? Has anyone thought about that or tried it before?

Just wondering has anyone ever tried rejecting thoughts related to having a spanking desire? And what methods did you use? was it successful or not?

I have always wondered why do I feel like I crave this sense of wanting to be spanked recently this thought came to mind could it be a form of self-harm? I have been always dealing with anxiety depression lack of self-confidence and self-worth issues. There is always so much pain inside. Could this possibly be a way to bring this pain up to the surface? I never want to reach to a point to really harm myself though but always feel like I deserve it because I have self-hate issues as well. Has anyone ever thought of something similar?

But it does have a sexual undertone for adults right? For me when I think about it I don't think of or feel like I am interested in anything sexual but then it kind of makes me feel as if I am tuned on? why do I have like an orgasm when I watch videos? I remember I used to do this as far as I can remember. how did a young girl who doesn't know anything about sexual stuff do that? then it kind of became something that I would always do when I watch videos like a habit that I didn't understand the meaning of until recently I knew that this is called an orgasm and it is sexual in nature but I don't think of anything sexual but why does my body translate it this way since I was a kid? When I watch videos I usually like those that are purely disciplinary and real in nature. I am so confused. I had a professional disciplinary session once and I wasn't turned on by it and I didn't enjoy how painful it was but why do I still feel the need for another session if I didn't like it? Is it the guilt or something else? I have so many unanswered questions that I wish I could find an answer for

I have always thought something was wrong with me as well and was terrified someone would know about it. The first time I ever spoke about it was January this year. It is still a struggle trying to convince myself that this can be normal especially with everything else around me saying the opposite. I’m glad I found this website as well it makes me feel that I’m not alone in this

I only read about it in a website. it didn't specify anything. I don't know if it is true or not. If you google spanking therapy and wellness center you will see it

I have heard about how some wellness centers provide spanking therapy for stress relief. Has anyone heard of or tried this before?

I am a 24 yo female looking for a female disciplinarian. Nothing sexual just a 100% professional formal discipline session.

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I have always had this weird fantasy about spanking as far as I can remember. I was raised in a pretty strict culture and as a Christian so I always hated myself for it and felt like I wasn’t pure or worthy enough because of what I do. I would watch spanking videos and feel aroused to the point of getting an orgasm and then feel disgusted with myself. I always thought something was wrong with me I never understood why or when did it start. I tried a lot to stop without any success. Now I found someone to make me experience this fantasy. He is a male professional disciplinarian and it would be strictly professional discipline session in which I will try to target a negative behavior to correct it. I love God so much the thought of doing something that would make me sin is killing me. My counselor told that this is part of me and that I should accept it. I’m trying to do that but it is just so hard. Any tips? Would acting on my fantasy make me even a worst sinner? I’m glad I found this website. I feel like I’m not in this alone.

I have always had this weird fantasy about spanking as far as I can remember. I was raised in a pretty strict culture and as a Christian so I always hated myself for it and felt like I wasn’t pure or worthy enough because of what I do. I would watch spanking videos and feel aroused to the point of getting an orgasm and then feel disgusted with myself. I always thought something was wrong with me I never understood why or when did it start. I tried a lot to stop without any success. Now I found someone to make me experience this fantasy. He is a male professional disciplinarian and it would be strictly professional discipline session in which I will try to target a negative behavior to correct it. I love God so much the thought of doing something that would make me sin is killing me. My counselor told that this is part of me and that I should accept it. I’m trying to do that but it is just so hard. Any tips? Would acting on my fantasy make me even a worst sinner? I’m glad I found this website. I feel like I’m not in this alone.