Chawsee

Completely. I have passed up relationships with good vanilla men because I knew, deep down, that there was no way that it would work out. I know some spankos who are happily married to vanilla partners, and other spankos who are married to vanillas but remain unfulfilled. I've come to observe that this may hinge, at least in part, on whether or not a spanko needs spanking with their sexual activity. If they do, a vanilla partner isn't going to cut it. If they can enjoy vanilla sex in and of itself, then they may find a vanilla partner adequately fulfilling. I have heard married spanko men say things like, "I love my wife dearly. She's wonderful in every other way, so I just take care of my spanking need on the side." In these cases, it's pretty obvious that the physical intimacy they share isn't a complete letdown. On the opposite end of the spectrum are folks like me. I'm going to share TMI because it makes a point that someone may find helpful in their search for a partner. My ex-husband, who I've mentioned many times, was a vanilla who learned to play along with the spanking thing. He never craved it like I did, though, and a good 50% of the time, he wanted regular vanilla intimacy. He had every right to want that-- he was vanilla, after all --and I went along with it, for him. But I remember thinking, "What would I do if my spouse wanted only vanilla sex? My sexual needs would remain completely unfulfilled." I can confirm that soul-connections do also happen in spanko friendships that are non-romantic. I have indeed experienced it. Romance is not required to feel this special kinship.

@spnkswtch- Thank you for sharing. What you explained here is helpful in teaching more about this dynamic and how it works for the couples who implement it. Much appreciated. 🙏

What affect does the chastity cage have on you mentally? How does it affect your relationship with your wife? I know next to nothing about the practice of forced chastity, but noticed that it was popular on FetLife. Since you have personal experience with it, is this a topic you'd be comfortable educating us on? Anything you're willing to share would be appreciated.

My Enneagram is #2-- Helper. Wasn't surprised to discover that. Where are you guys finding your % ? My screen isn't displaying that. It just says I'm a type Two. I don't remember my Myers-Briggs combination (been too many years). Where can I take this assessment again, without having to give out my email address?

Well said, CoL. I don't always agree with the management practices of this site, but it's not my site. And I've gotten to know you well enough behind the scenes to know that you have a kind heart and good intentions.

The truth spoken! Some folks here apparently don't have to work, or if they do, they aren't doing a very good job for their employer, because they're on SN all day long, 7 days a week. Too much time on their hands could make anyone more inclined to get into trouble.

An entity cannot be all things to all people. That is impossible. So if quality content is what a site stands for, then inclusivity is going to suffer. If inclusivity is what a site values most, then the quality is going to suffer. There is no way around this. SN has a good mix of forums to cover most of a spanko's bases, and inclusivity is what is valued most here. There has never been any mention from the site owners (that I've seen) where quality content was even mentioned. Some see this as SN's fatal shortcoming; to others, it's what makes this site great. There used to be another adult spanking site where spanking discussions were expected to be sincere and intelligent. In fact, nothing less was tolerated. Sadly, that site closed its doors during Covid, which is unfortunate, as it was popular and well-attended. Discussions were stimulating and members shared, learned from one another, and uplifted each other in a way that made it a tight-knit community. But, that site would not have appealed to all spankos. It wasn't as diverse and tolerant as this one is.

Yes. I would be very cautious about spanking for grief or mental health disorders, as there is always the chance of escalating a problem by employing a tactic that isn't a reliable treatment strategy. But in times of overload-stress, the kind we all feel from time to time, spanking often provides a wonderfully effective "reset" for the human brain.

For me, what makes a spanking most memorable isn't which implement I used or how many times I have or haven't spanked this individual before. It's the depth of physical and emotional connection I feel with that person.

My best memory happened recently, this year. And, interestingly, it occurred during that sacred bonding feeling after the spanking, when we were waiting for a table in a restaurant. We were talking lightly back and forth and whispering a bit of spanko verbiage, careful that no one else heard us. Right at that moment I got one of those "stamped in time" moments that are permanently etched in one's memory. It was the realization that no one else in that entire busy restaurant shared what we did.

Agreed! They do nothing but diminish the quality of SN. And these trolls tend to post the same drivel over and over, and OVER. 🙄

Two summers ago, when I was paying a pro-disciplinarian for a bit of training, she recommended a very light leather golf glove for hand-spanking. I do think it would somewhat buffer the "slap" that comes when (live) skin strikes skin. But she explained that she had arthritis, and the glove provided a small amount of cushion to her hand. I've never bought such a glove, but I've kept that suggestion in the back of my mind. Another suggestion she made is toughening one's hand by spanking a soccer ball. This might make it better for some spankers and worse for others, I don't know. Haven't tried that one, either, but there it is.

I actually do not permit full nudity. The only part of a man's body that I need exposed for a spanking is his bottom. Everyone has a different viewpoint when it comes to this question, so answers will vary a lot. But for me, full nudity sexualizes it too much and is not necessary, or appropriate, for the maternal spankings that I give. And, I myself always remain fully dressed, in modest "country" attire. No exceptions.

My singular requirement is that a male spankee be wearing underwear that are men's. So if a fellow prefers to wear women's panties, I'm not the spanking partner for him. Beyond that, it really doesn't matter what his underwear look like. (I expect them to be clean, but that should go without saying.) I have come to appreciate undies that are black, gray, or some color other than white, though color and style really don't make that much difference to me. So if he prefers tidy whities, that's fine.

For me, I am drawn to honestly and vulnerability. I just have this thing about honesty, and most people aren't honest enough, IMHO. So when I meet someone who shoots really straight, who is vulnerable enough to share his tender side, there is potential for a strong connection. And, some individuals simply "click" with each other more than do others. Having things in common outside of spanking expands what two people can talk about, and being on the same wavelength when it comes to viewpoints and core values, always helps. Sharing similar lifestyles and interests enhances this connection even more. I'm not into pickup lines or bragging. Instead of trying to impress, I'd rather someone just talk to me straight from his soul.

It has been years since I took the Myers-Briggs. At the time I was manager of the horse & livestock department of a ranch supply store. Our boss had everyone take this test. After all, it is used by 88% of Fortune 500 companies in 115 countries. So when working with a group that must remain harmonious, it's helpful to know how each member receives energy, takes in information, comes to conclusions, and approaches others. This is a stimulating topic for discussion (kudos, Summer! ). Yet short of taking that long test all over again, I come up short on remembering what my MBTI combination is. I just know that I'm an "outgoing" introvert (who everyone thinks is an extrovert), who needs a lot of alone-time to recharge. And, I tend to depend heavily on my intuition. Sometimes I reach out to one of my friends who is more facts-oriented, someone who is more into thinking than feeling, to help balance out this side of myself. These friends are strongest where I'm weakest. I do believe, though, that my keen intuition helps me "read" my spankees. During sessions, I feel so tuned in to them that it's almost uncanny at times.

Sorry, Rick, for hijacking your thread. Yet this is an important topic that needs to be discussed. Had I been able to foretell how much the conversation would continue to grow, I would have started a new thread about it. But look at the bright side-- you shared a post and it became a hot topic! We connect with people for different reasons, and I think I maybe understand where you're coming from in wanting those deeper talks with someone who is genuine and who shoots straight. Some of us just need to go "deep." And, perhaps it's something we crave more as the years go by.

This, too, is helpful to know. You are appreciated for reaching out to members privately to let them know when they appear to be bot-targets.

Ooh, this is good to know! Thank you for sharing. Never considered that these bots may be "following" members first.

Great question, Nicole. I didn't know, either, until chatting with one of our staff. Afterwards I looked it up to better understand what exactly they are. A bot is an internet robot. There are beneficial bots designed to perform repetitive tasks that would be tedious for humans. But these malicious bots are a form of malware. On SN, they appear as new member profiles, sometimes with tantalizing photos to lure in unsuspecting victims. But these "members" aren't going to follow through with any promises they make. They aren't even real people. Bots may be programed to log keystrokes, gather passwords, obtain financial information, scam people out of money, etc. I'm glad you asked this question, and I should have thought to explain it in my earlier post. Many bots are hard to identify, evident by the number of "followers" these fake profiles often have. People desperate for a spanking want to trust anyone who promises to meet this need for them. Authentic members will invest time and energy contributing to the forum. If a member merely posts "advertisements," beware.

You go, Girl! Might just do that...

I learned, in a PM from one of our moderators, that the "seeking sub boy to train" posts do indeed appear to be bot-generated. There is another new "member" here that I suspect is a fake. I won't mention the handle name, but I'm keeping an eye on that one. Bots do not contribute anything useful to the community. They are looking to hook victims, so be weary of anything that sounds "cruel and severe" or just selfish in nature. Also, consider it a red flag when you see posts with excessively poor grammar, improper punctuation, or incomplete sentences. And don't be swayed by sexy profile pictures! As we learned here recently in a thread about artificial intelligence, very realistic photos can be generated from scratch! Or, they may be stolen from the web.

Thank you for sharing this, ScarlettBottom. You expressed your ideas intelligently and with emotional poise. This made it easy to respect what you had to say and learn from you.

Well, as you can see from a couple of recent threads here, people's viewpoints ARE important to them. That's just human nature. And I think, when they don't feel heard, they yell louder. While there are misguided individuals on both sides of the spectrum, most folks aren't innately bad. If we could all gather together, in a group face-to-face, we'd likely find common ground and even discover that we liked one another. But yes, political topics can bring out the worst in any and all of us, myself included. What I admire about my friend isn't his lack of conviction. It's his lack of attachment to whether or not internet strangers, or even his friends, agree with him. And, he's just more inclined, in general, to demonstrate self-control and keep his opinions to himself.

@nicoleS39- Your husband's sensible approach to this brought a smile to my face, and a couple of chuckles... This is a good topic, and one that I've been contemplating for a while now. Any "vacations" I do are road trips, but I've been giving thought to flying to Europe for an extended stay to see some countries I've always wanted to visit, and to spend time in my father's native Norway. As a minimalist and light packer who will be living out of a single carry-on backpack, I've been giving thought to being able to pack one wooden paddle and one leather implement in my pack, just in case. 😉 Now, as to TSA regulations...??