Chawsee

My vanilla former husband became a switch. While he never liked being spanked, he went along with it and came to really enjoy spanking me. But it took time for him to learn to use enough gusto because he had a good heart and was always concerned about hurting me. I remember the first spanking he ever gave me. Afterwards, he felt so bad that he sat on the bed apologizing. If your spouse does this, see it for what it is-- a sign of love and caring. If you can avoid a heavy approach and make a playful, light-hearted game out of it, being patient with whatever you get from your partner, the intensity will naturally build as his/her confidence builds.

Welcome Rosy! We're glad to have you join us. Happy exploring!

I have deep respect for my spankee's feelings about things and wouldn't punish him unless he agreed with me that it was fair. I know that I am sometimes wrong, and forcing my will because I happen to be the one in power is a sure way to make mistakes that I will regret and that my spankee would likely resent. So it's important to me that we're on the same page. That said, I opt for spankees who are honest and trustworthy with me. I wouldn't waste my time with one who was into bratting. But every disciplinarian/spankee dynamic is unique and this is merely my viewpoint, so, for what it's worth...

Hi Ammon. The local guy... We spent today, again, down in Polson, running errands together there for a change of scenery, and stopping for lunch beside Flathead Lake. Initially he handled my spanking fetish news well, but I think it freaked him out as he pondered it, because he pulled away from me a bit. But as soon as we were together again today, all was back to normal and he expressed sincere interest, once again, in a relationship. I appreciate his good qualities-- I truly do-- but because he's vanilla, and because I bond by going "deep and honest" with someone-- and this element is missing with him-- I cannot allow romance. But he is proving himself a solid friend.

Hi Long. I spotted your post and just wanted to welcome you to SN. I think it's nice that you're clear on what you want, especially at such a young age. And I commend you for seeking a "gentle but dominant" partner. Spankers don't need to be domineering or cruel to be effective. Hold out for a good-hearted guy. Best of luck to you.

I've alternated between wooden paddles and leather straps. When topping, I prefer a paddle. When bottoming, I prefer the sensation of leather-- though what is perfectly effective, and my all-time favorite, is a man's hand.

Yes! Spanking, if done meaningfully, involves a relationship. There may be nothing sexual about it, yet a tremendous amount of vulnerability and trust and caring are exchanged between two people. So I agree with you, John, about having some kind of relationship before diving into spanking each other. And as one of my other SN friends said to me this afternoon, every spanko is different, and while you may share spanking in common, there are lots of variations to the fetish and lots of different aspects to personalities. Good points from both of you. So being in alignment is paramount if spanker and spankee are both going to get their needs met. That is why there is such merit in reaching high and holding out for the right partnership. P.S. Hope she walloped you good!

Growing up, I did fantasize about spanking boys, but I fantasized even more about being spanked by a strong, kind-but-firm father-figure. When newly married to my former-husband and embarking upon adult spanking together, I started out as a bottom. Only later, after we'd been doing it awhile, did I work my way into switching. Now I top exclusively. But if I someday find myself in a committed relationship with the right guy (my standards are admittedly tough), I would happily take my place over his knee. So I guess, to answer your question, Skibum, my experience has grown and expanded, but my "wiring" is the same.

Hmmm.... I've got a REAL good image of what that spanking should look like!

Okay, talk to me... When it's punishment time, do you prefer a simple, straight-forward lecture and spanking? Or is it more effective with added side-dishes like corner-time, sentence/essay writing, time-out in the bedroom, grounding, etc.? In other words, if you were to describe the perfect punishment session, how simple or complex would it be?

You have a kind heart, Gravano.

I have to agree. I have no intention to be unkind, but this is just not what we're about.

Hey Oracle! We've already conversed a little in posts. Now it's time to officially welcome you. Welcome! It's great, too, to see Canadians here...

Howdy, Woodworker! We're glad to have you "aboard" once again. Wow, 70 hrs/wk! It's understandable why your career requires most of your time. So just how many hours a day would you say you think about spanking?? Hehe-- sorry, couldn't resist...

Sounds like the perfect spanking! Okay, it's official-- this approach has just been added to my "must experience" list.