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dutchbrat last won the day on May 19

dutchbrat had the most liked content!

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About dutchbrat

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 12/11/1969

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    Netherlands, Europe
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  1. Yes, my thoughts and prayers are with you all out there... Strange enough the same day this happened in the US it happened in the Netherlands too (a lethal shooting by a cop)... Sending Light & Love to the situation. And to all involved...
  2. Getting aroused is a natural response for many spankees, so he's not purposely doing this or so. And it doesn't mean the spanking(s) you give him are not experienced as punishment as well. The best thing to do here is to ignore his physical signs of sexual arousal, stay calm and administer the punishment, not even mentioning what you observe. No need to, because you both know it's happening. It won't lead to sexual activity (I assume it won't...), so no, no devices needed here. The signs you gotta pay attention to are the signs that his punishment is giving the results needed to make him feel sorry for what he did and/or learned his lesson for the time being...
  3. I wish you good luck finding someone! You're not new here but I think I haven't "met" you yet, so a hi from the Netherlands to you.
  4. Hi there SJE We all search for our purposes in life, there isn't only one, you've got many. Some are big ones, others not so big. It could be from being an angel to a dog (or horse!) to helping the dying... We all come to this Earth plane with our unique qualities and talents, also the things we Love doing, our interests in certain things, etc. makes us unique and are great indicators of the purposes we have. Let you inner wisdom guide you. I know you want the answer right now, but believe me, that won't happen overnight. Work with intentions, an intention is like: "I want to know my purpose, I want to know what makes my heart sing, I want to know what my next step is". Have you been writing in free flow already? This is a great way to dive into inspiration. And this may take a while. But it doesn't matter. The idea is that you start writing, like I told you in the chat: take a pen and paper, start with a phrase like: "I don't know what my purpose is, but I want to know it" Or: "I don't know what my purpose is and I hate it", write about your feelings. Keep writing, even if you have to repeat the phrase "I don't know what my purpose is", 100 times or more, at a certain point other thoughts will pop up, write them down. Even when they seem not logical at all. Don't sweat about it, don't think about it, just write it down. You're not writing an essay, you won't get any grades for it, it's not meant to be an art work and only you will read it (or throw it in the bin). So let yourself go, give yourself permission... Do this once a day every day, best is to do it at the same time, so pick one that works best. Write for 10 min, 15 min, it doesn't matter... But keep on writing... don't stop in between. If nothing comes up you write: "Yikes, nothing comes up, I have no clue what to write about..." See what happens then Meanwhile have compassion with yourself. Love the part(s) in you that see to be off track about your purposes, accept this and love it. Whatever we resist becomes bigger, because it's calling your attention. So don't and don't ignore it either. Tell the part(s) in you that have no clue about your purposes in life that you hear them and want to know what's on their mind. Be gentle with yourself and have patience... Focus on enjoying your life, focus on fun, focus on happiness... that all together is already a purpose. Because when you feel good, others around you will feel good also when they meet you, see you, talk with you, etc. Good luck and big Hugs!
  5. Hi there boy, There is really no general point of view possible here. Everything depends on the type of relationship you have and the agreements you made together as well. This is not about a TPE situation like some couples do have in the bdsm life style, and even then... What's most important if such a situation occurs is communication! The Dominant should not immediately start saying he/she is disappointed or so, but ask the submissive/spankee why they think there is no good reason for punishment. There can be several. One rule is a holy rule and that is that you never ever, no matter what type of relationship withing the D/s scene you've got together, go against someones free will. Even when the roles are very clear. It's obvious there should be a good conversation when this happens, but again: a submissive is not a prisoner, a submissive is only human too, there can be so many reasons for her/him to disagree... As a submissive you also can't force the Dominant to spank you if he/she doesn't agree. It is about human relationships, let's never ever forget that. This is not about slavery, which is a crime by the way...
  6. dutchbrat


    Welcome to SN, I hope you will love it here, I'm sure you will, this is a great community. Looking forward to getting to know you! Anja
  7. Over the years the way I experience my spanking/discipline needs have definitely evolved. It started with the fantasies as a young girl, they were innocent ones though at that age very exciting. In time I got my adult experiences and this over the years grew into the awareness of the fact that I want more than "just a spanking", I discovered I want to be in a DD relationship. So from seeing it as a "game" as a young adult, it has over the years grown into a life style, a way of living, an important part of me, it was and still is a beautiful journey of discovery and deepening... I think this process never stops, even though I'm 50 now, I keep growing and learning and I wouldn't want it to be any different. Once you stop growing/learning you get stuck and if there's anything that's not like me at all it is getting stuck and being "satisfied", hehe, boring to me... Not meant as judgement though, just speaking for myself. Nothing against people that like to stay where they are, if they're happy with it, I'm happy for them!
  8. You point out some great things. To me some kind of friendship is first and foremost the basic for diving deeper into the extra addition of spanking/discipline. Without trust and friendship it won't work, not for me at least. We're not robots And yes, just like any other relationship/friendship etc. it means work. In the beginning everything is usually great and you wonder if it can get any better. In time though you also meet the challenges and that's what makes it interesting. Because if you don't run away from them, you both grow on a personal level from it. And this means that the discipline/spanking in our cases also gets better, because you can even give more of yourself. Your post is truly helpful to many Jon, keep it going
  9. I'm not one of them, but they are around. It's not like when you post a message they'll jump on you. The best way to find someone is to participate on the forum and maybe you like to check out the chatroom. So that people get to know you. And maybe (no guarantees!) someone special shows up and you get to know each other. To me finding that someone special would be a great extra. The main reason I'm here is to connect with like minded people and meet new friends that understand our mutual needs. Good luck though
  10. Hi Heffa ;) That's awesome you're learning Dutch. Let me know if I can help! Dutch is a very complicated language, so I recognize you for doing an attempt to learn it, very brave and courageous of you! Good luck and enjoy your bottom ;)
  11. Welcome to the forum! It's a wonderful community and you'll meet many new friends, depending on how active you are here and if you like in the chat as well. I hope you'll find all you're looking for and I wish you a great time here! Anja
  12. welcome to the forum lilbrat. I hope you will find what you're looking for and I'm sure you will love this place. It's a great community of like minded people that are very nice and supportive (the majority is!). Looking forward to getting to know you! Anja
  13. Hi TryingHusband, There are several types of spankers and spankees, for instance I'm into non-erotic spanking, which we call the disciplinary spanking. For me it has nothing to do with arousal of any kind. So yes, it is possible and for spankees like me that think the same that is a common thing. From what you've shared so far I'm pretty sure your wife is not into erotic spanking. Give her your trust, even when it's hard for you. You might join her when she goes to see the spanker(s), would that be a good idea, just as an observant or at least in the same house where she receives her spanking... Maybe if you've done that a few times all jealousy and doubt will be gone. Your wife shouldn't have a problem with that, I know I wouldn't if I were in your situation. And you're welcome. This website is very great, most people here are really helpful and nice, so feel welcome here and share as much as you want/need, we're there for each other!
  14. Hi LikeSpank, Thank you for sharing! Maybe you could really carefully check in general how she thinks about a playful slap on the bottom? Or say you know someone that likes spanking and ask her what she thinks about it? If she is very resistant to it, in a big shock, etc. you know it will be hard to share with her that you have those needs. But you might be surprised... There are also movies etc. where there is some light spanking fun, like in fifty shades of grey movies and books too. Maybe she'd like to watch one of those with you? And then at the end of the movies give her 1 playful slap, winking and asking her: would that be something we could try? I think you should find a way to tell her about it in a way that won't completely shock her and won't make her feel obligated to answer your needs. It of course also depends on whether or not you'd like to do something with your spanking needs and desires. If it is something you love, but you don't feel like acting on it with her or someone else, then you might ask yourself if it's worth sharing. But if you feel you want to do something with it in real life, then you must be creative and find an opening. NOT with the intention to spank her/be spanked by her. Just sharing it and making really clear that if you would consider finding someone else (if she doesn't want it) that it's not anything sexual.
  15. Hi TryingHusband, First of all I want to acknowledge you for the fact that you were and still are open to the spanking needs of your wife. This doesn't happen very often in relationships that started "vanilla" (the term for couples that have no kinky things in their relationship). I don't know how you "completely blew it", but I am very certain, reading your story, that this was definitely not intentional to do that. Please don't blame yourself too much. Especially beginners make a lot of mistakes, both the spanker and spankee do, this is normal. We don't live in the ideal world, where we get everything instantly, it is a learning process you see. And you should be compassionate about yourself. So should your wife... Of course it can be painful if things go wrong, but I guess she should do a little more effort to understand that you never ever meant to break her trust (assuming that is the situation). Of course I don't say this to blame your wife, but what I think is missing here is compassion. You for yourself, your wife for you and the both of you for the parts you both "played". I don't know how long ago it was that this all happened. I know as a woman that when such a thing happens, it takes time to recover, depending on the severity of the "incident". The best thing you can do for her is respect that and give her time (unless it was like more than a year ago or so). And tell her that you completely understand her pain. She want to go on with her spanking needs and that requires some compassion from your side of the medal so to speak. The person(s) spanking her will never be a replacement of you, never ever. And I read in between the lines that what she, besides her need to be spanked, silently asks you: "Please trust me on this". I think you should try to find a way to get over your jealousy, maybe you could meet the people that she knows and wants to join in spanking fun and talk to him/her/them? Would that help? I also understand it that you have a hard time with this, for sure! But in the end it all comes to trust. She can't trust you right now when it comes to spanking, but these wounds will heal. And who knows: maybe the people she's involved with right now can learn her things which she can tell you about, in time you might start over again and build it up, learn about the right ways to do it and work on trust and safety along the way. Keep on talking to her and step out of the jealous mindset. Tell her you love her more than anything else in the world and you trust her. What would be reasonable is that you 2 keep communicating about her spanking experiences. So show her you're interested, show her you're a safe person and interested person to share it with. Show her respect and trust. If you want her to trust you, you will have to trust her, so take that first step if you feel up to it. Thank you for sharing and trusting us. I hope this helps! Anja
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