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dutchbrat last won the day on May 19

dutchbrat had the most liked content!

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About dutchbrat

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 12/11/1969

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    Netherlands, Europe
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  1. Over the years the way I experience my spanking/discipline needs have definitely evolved. It started with the fantasies as a young girl, they were innocent ones though at that age very exciting. In time I got my adult experiences and this over the years grew into the awareness of the fact that I want more than "just a spanking", I discovered I want to be in a DD relationship. So from seeing it as a "game" as a young adult, it has over the years grown into a life style, a way of living, an important part of me, it was and still is a beautiful journey of discovery and deepening... I think this process never stops, even though I'm 50 now, I keep growing and learning and I wouldn't want it to be any different. Once you stop growing/learning you get stuck and if there's anything that's not like me at all it is getting stuck and being "satisfied", hehe, boring to me... Not meant as judgement though, just speaking for myself. Nothing against people that like to stay where they are, if they're happy with it, I'm happy for them!
  2. You point out some great things. To me some kind of friendship is first and foremost the basic for diving deeper into the extra addition of spanking/discipline. Without trust and friendship it won't work, not for me at least. We're not robots And yes, just like any other relationship/friendship etc. it means work. In the beginning everything is usually great and you wonder if it can get any better. In time though you also meet the challenges and that's what makes it interesting. Because if you don't run away from them, you both grow on a personal level from it. And this means that the discipline/spanking in our cases also gets better, because you can even give more of yourself. Your post is truly helpful to many Jon, keep it going
  3. I'm not one of them, but they are around. It's not like when you post a message they'll jump on you. The best way to find someone is to participate on the forum and maybe you like to check out the chatroom. So that people get to know you. And maybe (no guarantees!) someone special shows up and you get to know each other. To me finding that someone special would be a great extra. The main reason I'm here is to connect with like minded people and meet new friends that understand our mutual needs. Good luck though
  4. Hi Heffa ;) That's awesome you're learning Dutch. Let me know if I can help! Dutch is a very complicated language, so I recognize you for doing an attempt to learn it, very brave and courageous of you! Good luck and enjoy your bottom ;)
  5. Welcome to the forum! It's a wonderful community and you'll meet many new friends, depending on how active you are here and if you like in the chat as well. I hope you'll find all you're looking for and I wish you a great time here! Anja
  6. welcome to the forum lilbrat. I hope you will find what you're looking for and I'm sure you will love this place. It's a great community of like minded people that are very nice and supportive (the majority is!). Looking forward to getting to know you! Anja
  7. Hi TryingHusband, There are several types of spankers and spankees, for instance I'm into non-erotic spanking, which we call the disciplinary spanking. For me it has nothing to do with arousal of any kind. So yes, it is possible and for spankees like me that think the same that is a common thing. From what you've shared so far I'm pretty sure your wife is not into erotic spanking. Give her your trust, even when it's hard for you. You might join her when she goes to see the spanker(s), would that be a good idea, just as an observant or at least in the same house where she receives her spanking... Maybe if you've done that a few times all jealousy and doubt will be gone. Your wife shouldn't have a problem with that, I know I wouldn't if I were in your situation. And you're welcome. This website is very great, most people here are really helpful and nice, so feel welcome here and share as much as you want/need, we're there for each other!
  8. Hi LikeSpank, Thank you for sharing! Maybe you could really carefully check in general how she thinks about a playful slap on the bottom? Or say you know someone that likes spanking and ask her what she thinks about it? If she is very resistant to it, in a big shock, etc. you know it will be hard to share with her that you have those needs. But you might be surprised... There are also movies etc. where there is some light spanking fun, like in fifty shades of grey movies and books too. Maybe she'd like to watch one of those with you? And then at the end of the movies give her 1 playful slap, winking and asking her: would that be something we could try? I think you should find a way to tell her about it in a way that won't completely shock her and won't make her feel obligated to answer your needs. It of course also depends on whether or not you'd like to do something with your spanking needs and desires. If it is something you love, but you don't feel like acting on it with her or someone else, then you might ask yourself if it's worth sharing. But if you feel you want to do something with it in real life, then you must be creative and find an opening. NOT with the intention to spank her/be spanked by her. Just sharing it and making really clear that if you would consider finding someone else (if she doesn't want it) that it's not anything sexual.
  9. Hi TryingHusband, First of all I want to acknowledge you for the fact that you were and still are open to the spanking needs of your wife. This doesn't happen very often in relationships that started "vanilla" (the term for couples that have no kinky things in their relationship). I don't know how you "completely blew it", but I am very certain, reading your story, that this was definitely not intentional to do that. Please don't blame yourself too much. Especially beginners make a lot of mistakes, both the spanker and spankee do, this is normal. We don't live in the ideal world, where we get everything instantly, it is a learning process you see. And you should be compassionate about yourself. So should your wife... Of course it can be painful if things go wrong, but I guess she should do a little more effort to understand that you never ever meant to break her trust (assuming that is the situation). Of course I don't say this to blame your wife, but what I think is missing here is compassion. You for yourself, your wife for you and the both of you for the parts you both "played". I don't know how long ago it was that this all happened. I know as a woman that when such a thing happens, it takes time to recover, depending on the severity of the "incident". The best thing you can do for her is respect that and give her time (unless it was like more than a year ago or so). And tell her that you completely understand her pain. She want to go on with her spanking needs and that requires some compassion from your side of the medal so to speak. The person(s) spanking her will never be a replacement of you, never ever. And I read in between the lines that what she, besides her need to be spanked, silently asks you: "Please trust me on this". I think you should try to find a way to get over your jealousy, maybe you could meet the people that she knows and wants to join in spanking fun and talk to him/her/them? Would that help? I also understand it that you have a hard time with this, for sure! But in the end it all comes to trust. She can't trust you right now when it comes to spanking, but these wounds will heal. And who knows: maybe the people she's involved with right now can learn her things which she can tell you about, in time you might start over again and build it up, learn about the right ways to do it and work on trust and safety along the way. Keep on talking to her and step out of the jealous mindset. Tell her you love her more than anything else in the world and you trust her. What would be reasonable is that you 2 keep communicating about her spanking experiences. So show her you're interested, show her you're a safe person and interested person to share it with. Show her respect and trust. If you want her to trust you, you will have to trust her, so take that first step if you feel up to it. Thank you for sharing and trusting us. I hope this helps! Anja
  10. Hi Steven, I think it's personal depending on the level of pain you can handle. I've been spanked with the switch in the past, but I don't think it's the most painful implement. Again: this will be different for every single spankee. It's a long time ago and I don't really recall it, only that the spanker and I thought it was interesting to try it out. That was at a spanking party and someone had a switch, so we borrowed it. It was painful, but I know implements that hurt much more. We used it only once, it was just trying it and we both came to the conclusion that it was not our favorite.
  11. I chat in both spaces, public and private. Private things are for pm and other more general fun and serious business is great for the public chat. So far I have great experiences in the chatroom and I got a few very nice people I go private with, which I enjoy as well. Of course there are many weirdos that come uninvited in your private and starting the wildest ideas and extreme fantasies, but hey, there is a great quality we all own and it's called "ignore".
  12. While many of us are stuck at home....what are you doing? (Not spanking related!!) I'm self employed so I do what I always do: I work, write, design new ideas, etc. Plenty of things to do! What are you deep cleaning? Like I usually do, no differences here, I'm not looking for extra activity What are you cooking/eating? (Bonus points for the recipe!!) I eat healthy so I cook a lot of vegetables and vegetarian food (not 100% vegetarian, but like 90%), no recipes here, I cook from the heart, soul food! What are you watching/binge watching? Nothing, I don't watch a lot of TV and binge watching is not my thing... I like to watch episodes of CSI though, especially CSI Miami and that's here on Saturdays (4 episodes), so maybe I do "binge" that haha! What are you doing for exercise? I have 2 dogs, so I walk a lot outside, at least 5 kilometers per day and often more than that, love it! What are you doing for entertainment? I love a few games I play, Paradise Island 2 and Taonga, nice and relaxing I also like to read and write, so I do that a lot. What are you having trouble finding at the stores? Toilet paper, still a bit tough at times... yikes... But in general most of the things I usually buy are available (probably because not many people here eat organic, I do, and there is an abundance of it!) What or who are you missing? I really miss the fact I can't sit outside at my favorite coffee shop enjoying a cappuccino and talking to strangers and meeting others I do know... I also miss the swimming pool, swimming is something I need for my health... But further I'm okay, not really "missing" anything and what I mentioned will be back some day, so I guess it's not the end of the world!
  13. I still have Facebook, but not actively using it anymore, only messenger every now and then to say hi to a few very dear friends that live in other countries. And I use it for a few games I play so I can save the progress Twitter I also have, but not using it either, not been there for years, so not even sure if my account is still online there When FB started many years back it was enjoyable and I met awesome people I still am connected with, but it has all changed. And the privacy thing is also a big issue there. I can't imagine myself being on social media every day like so many. That would be a nightmare instead of the other way around, like many people think a life without social media isn't possible... It is... it's called real life
  14. I totally get you on this one, but I also think it's personal. To me, like I guess it's to you as well, spanking/discipline is part of my life style (in the ideal situation in the happy situation of having a D/er partner). So no games and no scenes at all, it's serious and I don't have to act and/or play anything. But I know there are also many people to who it can be a role play game they do par time, so to those it's not so much of a life style, but indeed a play, not like children, no shakespeare either, but I know many that don't want to call it a way of living, it's just something they every now and then enjoy doing. Nothing wrong with that. And in the bdsm scene you see this even more often. It doesn't feel natural to me when people talk about "the game" or whatever term they give it, but hey, it's their thing, not mine. We all have different ways of calling it, what really counts is that we enjoy it!
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