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F/m_Spanking_only last won the day on September 6

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About F/m_Spanking_only

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  1. Thank you so very much, Ammon. Your words are a definite encouragement. I believe I will just stick with professional disciplinarians. The one exception would be if I ever get to visit Chawsee from this board. ๐Ÿ˜Š But for the most part, I am going to stick with professional disciplinarians. There is no drama with them. There has been a lot of drama recently with my now former spanker. Iโ€™m so outdone with her. Her actions as of late have been inexcusable. At the same time, I am concerned, seeing as how this just isnโ€™t like her. Sheโ€™s acting weird. Sheโ€™s not herself and I wish I knew why. But, it doesnโ€™t look like Iโ€™ll ever know. You hit the nail right on the head when you said that this should be a lesson to everyone. Getting too close to a spanker can have very negative consequences. There is a high risk of getting hurt. Whereas with professionals, there isnโ€™t really a risk. This will be a struggle for awhile. Iโ€™ll definitely need a break from engaging in spanking for a bit.
  2. I'm currently in a severe bout of depression,. triggered by a bad fight that I had with my spanker. I'm going to see my doctor about adjusting my meds. My physical and mental health are suffering. We always think about being physically able to engage in spanking, but we should never forget the mental health aspect. Always be in a good mental state before engaging in it. Always. Therefore, I won't be engaging in spanking until my mental and physical health are better. And even then, who knows....I may never do it again ๐Ÿ˜ž
  3. Lord!! Tell me that these videos are role play and not really family members spanking one another! Why on Earth would anyone actually WANT to engage in this activity with actual family members?? I mean, we don't date our family members, so why would we engage in spanking with them? It's a consensual adult activity that is between two adults who are NOT related! Why do people have to make this lifestyle so creepy?
  4. This is NOT, I repeat NOT something that you do with family. No exceptions, ever, under any circumstances. Some people actually want to do this with blood relatives. And that just boggles my mind. It's not right. It's not natural. Please...do NOT do this. She is your mother, not a spanking partner. Please find someone else with which to do this. Someone who is NOT related to you. Ask yourself this. Would you date a family member? Hopefully that answer is NO. Well...same answer for whether or not to get involved in spanking with your mom
  5. Thank you Amethyst_Moon. I have hit rock bottom and I have quite a road ahead of me. I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I've been wondering if I should have ever gotten into spanking to begin with. And I LOVE spanking more than I can ever put into words, and yet, for the very first time, I find myself questioning my involvement in it. That's really saying something. There are different ways to look at it. One the one hand, is spanking really the issue? Or am I just so upset with my spanker right now that I'm not thinking clearly? I don't think things will ever be the same again where her and I are concerned. Even if we somehow work through this (which I highly doubt) then spanking sessions won't ever be the same. At least not with her. I can just hear the utter hatred and disgust in her voice. And honestly, it's a voice that I do NOT recognize. This isn't her. So, now that adds a whole new set of worries. Is something happening to her? Has something bad happened? We aren't in a good place right now, so talking isn't happening anytime soon. And it may be more of an if we talk than a when. I am sinking. Feeling more and more lost with each passing day. I want to drink and numb what I'm feeling. If someone offered me heavy drugs right now, it would be extremely difficult to turn it down. But that's not the answer. I just want out of this pain ๐Ÿ˜ญ
  6. Given recent experiences, if I hear the word now, it evokes a great deal of sadness
  7. You are correct, Ammon. Is spanking supposed to cause such heartache and depression? I mean, part of the reason I do it/did it was because I saw it as therapy. Maybe not all therapy is good. Maybe not all therapy is intended to help. I've never felt so emotionally crushed by spanking. I would have never in a million years thought that I'd be at a point of seriously considering ending this activity. But...here I am. Time has a way of changing things, I suppose. A lot is running through my head at the moment. My spanker hates me now. And being the brunt of someone's hatred hurts way worse than the most painful spanking imaginable ๐Ÿ˜ญ Especially when it's someone who you love ๐Ÿ˜ญ
  8. I have had some wonderful times where I have arranged spanking games to where no matter what, I get spanked. ๐Ÿ˜Š
  9. Yes, the health aspect. I forgot to mention that. Make sure that you are in good physical health before engaging in it. That's a must
  10. Skibum54, you are right. Something deeper is happening. Maybe it already was and this event has brought it to the surface. I was already on meds for depression. But they may have stopped working. Something is definitely coming undone within me. My spanker told me a few moments ago that she hadn't 100 percent made up her mind yet as for where we stand but as of right now, it didn't look too good. I knee jerk reacted and snapped back at her. So...it's pretty well game over I believe. I may be getting out of spanking altogether after this
  11. You are never too old. No such thing. The thing to remember about spanking is, like anything else, it can be amazing, or it can lead to depression. So don't worry about your age. But do go into it with your eyes wide open.
  12. I really like a scenario where a blonde who was made fun of by guys (for being a stereotypical blonde) spanks the guys who made fun of her. And then she gets some sweet revenge, laughing at their red bottoms as they stand in the corner
  13. Last night got really bad. I called the suicide hotline. The person I talked to was so good. I didn't go into specifics. I referred to spanking as an "activity". They advised that I not only get into therapy (for my depression) but also take a break from my activity, as it seemed to be detrimental to me right now. At first I was like "woah...let's not get too drastic here". But...they were right. It's time for me to take a break from spanking. Actually engaging in it, that is. It has sadly, taken a dark turn. I'll still come here and discuss it. I love this forum. But as for engaging in it, that is going to be placed on hold, at least for now. I have been into spanking for over 24 years now, more than half of my life. I remember being a young 22 year old walking into an adult bookstore in the pre internet age, on a fateful Sunday afternoon and discovering it. In 2 and a half decades, I've never felt as bad as I do now with regards to spanking. And I've even had some bad experiences with it in the past. I remember one that was particularly bad, and it almost made me not engage in it anymore. But, I bounced back. 2-3 weeks later, I was back at it like nothing had ever happened. But this time feels different. This time, it has hit me extremely hard and my physical and emotional health have suffered. I've got to stop the bleeding. I'm in a state of emergency.
  14. Iโ€™m not a good person, therefore praise is something I do not ever deserve
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